<p>I have my eye on this girl who's in the same situation i'm in. i think she still cares about her exbf and so i'd hate to be the "other guy." if I were the exbf, i'd probably be ***<em>ing pi</em>sed. that's kinda why i don't wanna have sex with her just yet even just for fun. i think only the ex at this point deserves the right to be sensual with her and see her in her moment of ecstasy, especially if they are serious about each other. i guess this is pretty common in college, with many freshman students having left behind previous relationships?</p>
<p>^^^ that bit about exbf makes no sense. I think you're crazy. You shouldn't think about girls in your freshman year, you have weird ideas.</p>
<p>
[quote]
You shouldn't think about girls in your freshman year
[/quote]
What? .</p>
<p>^^^ My response is only to i'm<em>not</em>a_girl because of what he said about some random girl and her exbf seeing her in moment of ecstasy...</p>
<p>For a typical freshman, it is fine to go after the opposite sex, it makes college life meaningful.</p>
<p>A Senior (4th year) dating a Freshman (1st year)</p>
<p>Discuss.</p>
<p>If grade's are all you care how about this. Dating can make u more relaxed, more happy, you would not feel the stres so much. Besides the great things that come up within a relationship your grades actualy might improve, provided u know how to spend u'r time. And i am a freshman.</p>
<p>
[quote]
"Well sir, my GPA wasn't too great, but I formed long lasting relationships with 3 different girlfriends throughout college that will be with me for the rest of my life...or until they change their AIM name."</p>
<p>"Sir, I'm proud to say that I graduated with a 3.5/3.9 overall/major GPA."</p>
<p>Which of these two people would you like to be come job interview day?
[/quote]
</p>
<p>This is something that interests me about the people on the site. I'm not singling out Vail in particular, either. A lot of people on this site honestly believe that GPA is this all-important number when job time or grad school app time comes.</p>
<p>It really really really isn't.</p>
<p>Employers don't care about GPA past a certain extent. The person with a 3.3 is not necessarily precluded from getting any jobs that the person with a 3.7 applies for. Employers don't want people who can get good scores on proctored exams. They want people who can perform well in real-life. Only a very small number of employers even have GPA cutoffs, and even they can be cajoled to look past a poor GPA.</p>
<p>Still, it is very possible (and easy, mind you) to lose sight of the fact that your GPA will not necessarily determine your future in any way if you don't all it to do so. Even when it comes to grad school admissions, a poor GPA can be mitigated with the right circumstances. </p>
<p>Not dating because you want to focus on academics is fine and dandy, but look at some of the absolutely wildly successful people on this site. A large number of them did not stop themselves from dating just because they wanted to get a 4.0. Heck, I didn't. Nor did most of them really suffer. One of our posters is at Harvard for grad school. I'm at UCSD for grad school. It's not like we totally screwed up because we chose to date. If anything, we both agree that having a supportive significant other really helped motivate us to succeed.</p>
<p>Guys, in 20, 10, or even 5 years, you will forget your grades. You'll remember, however, the people and experiences. Don't let grades get in the way of learning. And yes, social interaction is part of the learning. But also, don't let a fear of a lowered GPA get in the way of taking that tough but interesting course. </p>
<p>In other words, take it from someone with a few more years under his belt: STOP WORRYING.</p>
<p>I'm pro-dating as a freshman. I'm a female freshman and have had two boyfriends, (#1 from early Dec.-early Feb, #2 from mid Feb-until about a week ago) and I really am a better person because of those relationships, even though they didn't last. </p>
<p>I am also someone who deems GPA to be VERY important, probably because I had a lot of academic ups and downs in high school, graduated with only a 3.1, and I know I can do better. Having that low of a GPA cut of a lot of opportunities for me, and I don't want that to happen again. Fotunately, I like the school I am at, but if I had done more in HS I would have had more options.</p>
<p>Many say high school is where you truly figure out who you are and what you want in life, but I disagree. Everything we did in high school, from classes to ECs to social functions, they were all formulated and more or less the same in every school. The first two years were about transitioning from being a kid to being a more independent young adult and finding out where your basic interests and stregnths are. The second two years were about figuring out where you want those strengths to take you as you move away from the safety net of always having someone (parents, siblings, k-12 best friends) right behind you to catch you before you fall. Not that you don't have those people when you go to college, but you won't be able to constantly go to them and have them tell you what the right choice is. You make that judgement on you own...and yeah, you're going to make mistakes. </p>
<p>Being so wrapped up in a significant other that you forget about any and all importance of GPA, family, other friends, and being a free-standing invidual would be one of those mistakes. However, going 4 years without having someone to hold your hand or kiss you for the sake of a perfect GPA is a mistake as well. No matter how great your college friends are, you'll long for the companionship of that special someone. You'll know you have found that somone when you find that they value grades and success as much as you do and you can always talk about how great the major that you are both in is, even when other friends think you're nuts. It'll be that guy or girl who you can not wait to share your individual interests with(cooking, skiing, story-writing, ect) because you know they will think it's awesome to find a new interest to have with such an amazing person. </p>
<p>IMHO, the best thing you'll get from a boyfriend or girlfriend, whether they are 'the one' or not, is that you'll learn more about you. As confused as you'll be at times, you'll learn about who you really are(annoying habits, funny quirks), what kind of relationship you want, and what generally makes you happy and unhappy. College is probably the best place to figure out the answers to those mysteries, and the earlier in college you begin the search for those answers, the better your whole college experience will be. Not to mention, that you'll find 'the one' faster, letting you pursue other passions and goals(family, dream job, ect) in your mid 20s and onward.</p>
<p>So, I totally encourage dating as a freshman, and I practice what I preach. The only thing I'm trying to change is trying to force each new guy into being 'the one' in my mind. It's just hard because there are so many around me(my ENGAGED roomie included) who seem to have already found their perfect someone and I just don't want to be missing out on the experience of knowing that the soulmate search is over. But, I know that in order to find that someone, I have to get out there, date more guys, find the right one. But I am not doing it at the expensive of my GPA. I had a 3.6 first semester and am doing just as well this semester. I have found that my perfect guy will know studying is important to me, but he'll also be an English major, so we'll study together :). </p>
<p>Date, date, date!!!</p>
<p>Life is about taking risks. Do whatever feels right and don't look back.</p>
<p>
[quote]
Do whatever feels right and don't look back.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>I don't believe in hedonism.</p>
<p>
[quote]
However, going 4 years without having someone to hold your hand or kiss you for the sake of a perfect GPA is a mistake as well. No matter how great your college friends are, you'll long for the companionship of that special someone.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Ack, why is it so hard to spell 'quote' right the first time! :-@</p>
<p>Anyway, I would have to disagree with that. Not everybody is dependent on a boyfriend/girlfriend in order to feel self-worth, if that's how you feel, then fine, but don't assume that everybody is the same way. I've never had a 'special someone' (in the sense that you use it) in my entire life and I feel no longing to go out and find that person, nor do I care for all of the crud that would happen to me should the relationship not work out. The benefits definitely don't outweigh the risks (darn I miss Firefox's spell check...).</p>
<p>
[quote]
Employers don't care about GPA past a certain extent.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>This may be true, but they also shouldn't care about how many girl/boyfriends you've had either. Although, some people have said that even though its not exactly legal, some employers will ask things in interview like "what would your significant other say about you?", in effect, asking if you're in a relationship. It's a little off topic, but they proposed that the reason these employers ask these questions is because married/dating men are easier (so they say) to push around than single men. Should a single person be dissatisifed with being treated like crud by their boss, they are more likely to have the resources and the energy to pursue some sort of action towards the situation. Unlike the married man with thousands of credit card debt and a house at the end of cul-de-sac that's not worth a lot anymore, the single man could probably quit their job a lot easier and move on to bigger and better things. The reasonings the people at these boards (the boards are gone now, sadly) were pretty sound, so I thought. But I digress.</p>
<p>
[quote]
Guys, in 20, 10, or even 5 years, you will forget your grades. You'll remember, however, the people and experiences. Don't let grades get in the way of learning. And yes, social interaction is part of the learning.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>I agree with that, except for the forgetting grades in 5 years part. See, I'll quote myself from another post of mine:</p>
<p>
[quote]
BP-TheGuy88, have you thought about the fact that not everybody has to get into a romantic relationship while at college? I recommending getting friends (of either gender) that you can trust and rely on, bringing "romance" into a relationship only turns it unstable and adds a lot of extra, unnecessary stress, hence all the "breaking up" that goes on around anywhere.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>I was actually restating something else that I said in an somewhat older post (I think that I phrased it better then as well). I'm the person that advocates college friendships over college relationships, especially in one's freshman year (which is what this topic was originally about).</p>
<p>As a college freshman in a serious relationship (that started when I got to college), here are my 2 cents:</p>
<p>In terms of grades, I wouldn’t worry, as long as you have time management skills. In fact, I find that it is my friends, and not my boyfriend, who are more likely to distract me from studying. When it’s just me and my boyfriend in a room and we’ve decided it is study time, I get things done. It’s when I’m out in the hall or in a study room and I have friends around talking that I put down my books to chat! </p>
<p>In terms of being afraid of not having any close friends if you guys break up…well, that’s a more personal thing. Do you think you’ll be able to make close friends even when you have a boyfriend? It’s certainly possible. I have a huge number of friendly acquaintances, a fair sized main group of friends, and a couple close friends (as many as I’ve ever had, I don't open up to people easily)…and that’s not to mention the society I joined! My boyfriend and I do spend a lot of time together and many of our friends overlap…if we have a bad breakup in the future, that might affect some of my other relationships, but I’m confident I’ll still have awesome people to support me.</p>
<p>My Freshmen year relationship has been wonderful so far. Will it stay that way? Who knows. Maybe something will happen that will make me regret it, but I seriously doubt it…even if things end horribly, I’m glad to have at least had the experience of being in love. And I CERTAINLY won’t regret it because of grades, since I’m thrilled with my GPA thus far.</p>
<p>My point is: do what feels right for you. I’d suggest that you make forming friendships your primary focus when you meet people, but if you happen to find someone you really like romantically, don’t categorically shun the idea of a relationship!</p>
<p>
[quote]
This may be true, but they also shouldn't care about how many girl/boyfriends you've had either. Although, some people have said that even though its not exactly legal, some employers will ask things in interview like "what would your significant other say about you?", in effect, asking if you're in a relationship. It's a little off topic, but they proposed that the reason these employers ask these questions is because married/dating men are easier (so they say) to push around than single men. Should a single person be dissatisifed with being treated like crud by their boss, they are more likely to have the resources and the energy to pursue some sort of action towards the situation. Unlike the married man with thousands of credit card debt and a house at the end of cul-de-sac that's not worth a lot anymore, the single man could probably quit their job a lot easier and move on to bigger and better things. The reasonings the people at these boards (the boards are gone now, sadly) were pretty sound, so I thought. But I digress.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>I don't think you understand... life is not all about getting a job. A high-paid employee with nothing in his life besides his work or a middle class employee with a spouse and family... I'd rather be the second. But to each his own, I guess. And if dating or getting married makes me a pushover, I guess I'm destined to become a pushover.</p>
<p>Also, who says that the reason they ask that question is because married men are pushovers? I might think it is because married men are more stable/dependable, for example. Or just to see if the candidate can handle personal questions in a professional way.</p>
<p>When I said 'special someone', I simply meant anyone that you date for some kind of extended period of time and that person is more than just a one time, random, hookup.</p>
<p>itla, i totally agree man, it's about the experience not all about grades and money. its so bourgeois to be obsessed with material rewards. laughing and loving doesn't cost a thing, and that's what you're going to remember.
it's college, make some love, share it, meet people, be a wayfarer and a bohemian. we have lots of time later to sell our souls.</p>
<p>i'm a girl... but i guess i kind of implied otherwise in my post, haha. </p>
<p>but yeah, when i think about my "happiest moments" or whatever, it's pretty much always time with friends, boyfriends, family, etc... not "that day i got 150 on a test that was only out of 100 points"... and this is coming from someone with a 4.0 unweighted GPA... it's not like I don't work hard on my studies.</p>
<p>all about balance.</p>
<p>for anyone that thinks grades and jobs are more important than relationships...watch the movie "The family Man"</p>
<p>Not getting into graduate school will definently cause you some relationship problems in the future. How dumb does it really sound to sacrifice even .1 of your gpa for a girl. Something as fickle and abundant as a girl. </p>
<p>You only have one gpa to work with, you have millions of girls to work with.</p>
<p>That is one of the dumbest things ever. McDonalds is full of college dropouts who got to "attached" to their college partner and ended up having a baby. I wouldn't have a girlfriend in college unless I felt some strong feelings that I have never ever felt before about this person, and I felt that I couldnt live without them. Other than that gpa is important. We can all agree that relationships take time, and relationships can take you on emotional rollercoasters, college and life in general is already hard enough without having to deal with an extra problem, especially in one of your most difficult times in your life, and that time can be put towards more productive things such as extracurrics, studying, just hanging with friends, etc. Besides when you graduate and get that lucrative job, youll have enough money to buy all the women you want.</p>
<p>Wow, Kenshinsan..</p>
<p>That was complete sarcasm I'm hoping, right?</p>
<p>"Something as fickle and abundant as a girl."</p>
<p>"Besides when you graduate and get that lucrative job, youll have enough money to buy all the women you want."</p>
<p>Hmm. =/</p>
<p>You would reallly let a relationship fail or the opportunity for a relationship slip away for .1 of a point in GPA or some equally low number that surely will not make a difference (with the possible exception of dean's list criteria or GPA for graduating with greek honors) EVER???!!! :o My God that is just sad. I feel so sorry for you because you think that way. </p>
<p>You say you want to minimize relationship drama. I have some advice for you: don't buy women. You think there's no commitment, no strings. That's right until the cops knock on your Manhattan apartment door saying "Bubbles" disappeared two days ago and you were the last person she was, eh...with. Yeah, that sounds like a drama-free good time.</p>
<p>Besides, do you really, truly want to be that guy who is a total workaholic and is totally consumed with making money? I mean, let's think for a second: Suppose you get your total dream job. You are making over $100,000/year. You drive a Jag, you live in a gated neighborhood in the northeast or outside of LA. You've got it all, except a family. You're going to go home to an empty mansion every night. You'll spend holidays in retirement homes, fighting with any siblings you might have about how to deal with your parents as they age. If you are an only child it will be an internal conflict. And finally, when yoy die, your tombstone will read: "RIP Kenshinsan. He worked hard." Let's not forget all that money you raked in and doubled in the stock market, the same money that you can't take with you to the afterlife and you have no children to inherit it. </p>
<p>I hope you remember, when you're reflecting on your life from the afterlife, that this all happened because you thought dating and relationships in college were a waste of time.</p>