I’m back in school since Fall 2015.
I’m single, no children and 38 years old.
I was wondering what people thought about a 38 year old dating 20-something college students?
Making friends has not been a problem and some of the girls seem interested in dating. But so far, I have held back, because I’m not sure how it would be perceived.
What are your thoughts about that?
Yea it be a little weird but who cares. If you like the girl and she likes you back I don’t see why you shouldn’t date her. But if the question is if people would give you weird looks or think it’s weird the answer is yes. The real question should be is if you like the girl enough to not care. Up to you from there. Good luck
If my 20 year old daughter told me she was dating a 38 year old college student, I’d ask her what the hell was wrong with her.
I’m 46 years old (a married mom of 2 teenage girls) and currently on-campus full time with 20 year olds. The idea of dating one is gross. They’re kids. They are not your generation. You are old enough to be one of their parents.
Fish in your own pool.
I would have had to had a child when I was 17 or 18 to be old enough to be one of their parents. That’s kind of stretching it. Most people my age didn’t have children until their own 20s. And today, delaying marriage and children until the late 20s, early 30s, and even later is becoming more common.
There are many cross-generational marriages, so that doesn’t seem like a valid argument either.
How are college students “kids” when they are old enough to join the military, the police forces, drink alcohol, buy tobacco, work as a porn actor/tress, rent their own apartment, marry who they choose, and have children of their own? Doesn’t sound like a “kid” to me. Just saying.
The fact is that you are a lot older than the people you are considering dating. You are as old as many of the faculty members. Maybe you could try to meet some grad students?
Yes, the age gap is obvious. Explain why it is a problem, please.
Here’s an interesting question. At what exact age is “too old” and what exact age is “almost too old, but okay” and why did you pick those ages?
I’m beginning to become fascinated with how society chooses these ages and why. I’d enjoy hearing your views.
You asked my opinion. You got it.
Let’s not try and be all “interesting question” intellectual about it-you’re a nearly middle-aged adult trying to get into a 20 year old possibly socially naive girl’s pants (why do I know beyond a doubt you’re a guy?!?) and looking for someone to tell you it’s ok.
Not this mom.
One popular rule is half your age plus seven is an acceptable age to date. For you that’d be 26.
What I’m trying to do is find a marriage partner. The prerequisite to that is dating. There happens to be a majority of unmarried women at college. By that criteria, it’s as valid a place to look for a wife as any other.
If you’re worried about guys trying to get into a girls pants, you probably know that a majority of 20-year-old male college students are trying to do that. If its your intention to protect a socially naive woman from dating a guy who might not have her best interests at heart – the whole school is full of such young men. You can’t protect them from the world forever. Some guys will treat women poorly and use them for sex.
If I were to decide not to date college students, that reality about other male students would not change. It also doesn’t change the fact that the college girls are often the same these days, attempting to have serial sex partners as much as the men. I’m not saying that’s “okay”, I’m saying that’s the reality today.
And yet, you’re saying I cannot consider dating an unmarried college student just because of my age, and not because of any other quality I have.
I’m asking you to defend your opinion with reasoned points instead of saying, “You’re just too old.” Because there’s no universal cultural standard on what is “too old”. Even in a Western country like the U.S., there will be different opinions. So if you’d would please elaborate, what age does “too old” happen, and why that point, and not the age just before it?
Bodangles said: “One popular rule is half your age plus seven is an acceptable age to date. For you that’d be 26.”
Okay. That’s an interesting rule. Why is that a popular rule?
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Age_disparity_in_sexual_relationships
There’s a section on it there. I’m not sure if people actually follow it or just quote it, but going much younger than that is going to be viewed as creepy by some people.
That’s an interesting link, thanks.
What you’re learning here, hopefully, is that many people–especially adults–think that a 38-year-old guy wanting to date 20-year-olds is creepy. There’s no law against it (although don’t forget that, if this is in the United States, consumption of alcohol is typically unlawful for those under 21), but there will be strong social stigma. You will be viewed as a sleazy predator by many people. As I suggested above, you could probably date graduate students without so much opprobrium, even if they are in their twenties. But if you pursue undergraduates, it’s creepy.
It’s disingenuous of you to suggest that you are as unsophisticated as a 20 year old guy chasing after a girl. If you can’t see the difference, that’s a problem.
Thing is, I’m not chasing after them. There are some that want to date me. I have not yet decided how to respond to that.
The “creepy” feeling is something that you yourself feel. It doesn’t necessarily mean that the relationship is truly creepy. There’s a lot of things that people feel “creepy” about: couples that have unique sexual practices, gay couples, interracial couples, etc. We’ve learned to be tolerant about those relationships, regardless of our own feelings about them. I’m sure that there are a lot of people that think, “Gay relationships are weird/creepy, but far be it from me to tell them they can’t be in a relationship.” I’m not sure that people feeling “creepy” about two adults in an age-gapped relationship is any different.
“Creepy” is also a shaming word, like “slut” or “manwhore”. It is a word meant to impose your own moral value on someone else (or in some cases, not to impose morality, but to control someone else’s behavior – to get them to do, or not do, something). Without an actual victim of an actual crime, all you have left is moralism and trying to impose your moral views on others. Hence, “creepy,” “slut,” etc.
Thank you for sharing your opinions, I will think about this a lot more. The truth is that there is only one woman (I think she’s about 21 or 22) that I’m interested in because she shows a lot of qualities that I think are good qualities. And for some reason, she seems interested in me. I don’t know if I’ll ask her out or not. I’ll think about it.
Another thing is to consider the example of Celine Dion (47), and her husband Rene Angelil (73). They had 3 children together, and by all accounts they had a mutually loving and respectful relationship. They had an age gap of 26 years. They began their relationship when she was 19 years old. Some people here would say that was creepy. But there’s no question that it was a healthy relationship by all accounts.
Ew ew ew.
My
Renee found Celine when she was 12. Thank you for proving my point. And with this, I’m out. My squick-o-meter is maxed.
Ages 73 and 47 just barely meets my rule of thumb for anyone 20 or older, which is more stringent than the one mentioned upthread: half the older person’s age, round up if necessary, then add 9. For 73, that gives a minimum of 46.
But that’s all silliness. More to the point of the thread, I don’t get why a 38-year-old needs to be looking at 20-year-olds, since the number of non-traditional-age college students is higher now thn it ever has been. I’d think there are enough 30-something students around to make that a possible thing—there’s quite possibly even a support organization on campus for comparatively older students, in fact, if you’re all that hopeful about meeting someone.
Most undergrads are 18-21. Unless the woman you’re interested in is also an untraditional student, took a gap year, or is graduating in 3 months, she’s more likely 19 or 20.
My father always advised against dating men who made a habit of dating women half their age. He felt there had to be a reason why they couldn’t get a date with a woman closer to their own age.
Donald Trump is 24 years older than his wife Melania.
And Woody Allen is 35 years older than his wife Soon-Yi.
So there’s just a couple examples of (/sarcasm on) non-creepy yet wholesome relationships that everybody thinks is just fine (/sarcasm off)
Go for the grad students or even faculty…but dating undergrads is like bringing a van with kittens and candy to a playground. Just my $0.02