<p>Just add more affordable schools to the list.</p>
<p>Why antagonize her at this point?</p>
<p>See where she gets in, and then you can make a decision.</p>
<p>And research and identify prestigious schools that are at least somewhat affordable.</p>
<p>The university I’m going to has very low tuition and is a commute away from home.
But here is the thing: they want me to apply to the ives, to try my hardest to know that they have a bright kid; I feel the acceptance alone is the prestige.</p>
<p>But here are some of the facts that they laid down that are completely convincing:
The college is about $8000 a year total expenses and I’ll get out with no debt.
No room/board, no roommates to deal with, good food.
Much less competition and being able to differentiate from others at college.
AP credit generously finishes over half the GE
Professors are just as good, class size averages under 20 and you get to know the professor–My teachers even claim that they are less famous professors but they know how to teach better (one’s spouse went to grad school) More practical for a job over theoretical, I understand why someone would want to know both.
There are internships locally and many get the job after graduating–my mom talked to a former top company manager who says he doesn’t even look at the school they attended.
–Even one of the highest paid state workers–over 300k went to there…</p>
<p>People always wonder–can’t I go to a ‘better’ school? Well I know I’m the smart one because I’m the one who is saving money.</p>
<p>tangentline: Go for it. You ARE the smart one. And you will do well in life.</p>
<p>I think your child needs to understand just how much you are willing to pay, but not necessarily by year. We gave my son a total dollar amount, and told him to consider the likelihood of getting out early, for example. (AP credit policies differ, and some schools limit the amount of credits freshmen can bring in). I did tell him I simply could not pay $240K for ANY school, and I wasn’t sure I was willing to co-sign for that much debt. I do not think it’s a good idea to allow an18 year old to decide to take on that much debt. My son was somewhat infected by the prestige bug, but when we literally wrote the number down and showed him how much he would owe for some schools compared to others, he caught on pretty quickly. He wound up applying to a shorter list of schools and picked one that offered generous merit based aid.</p>
<p>As long as she would be happy attending her safety, I would let let her craft the list. If finances are a consideration, you might want to limit the number of applications you are willing to pay for. This might help her craft a more vetted list. Also, many kids make initial lists and the drop and add schools. </p>
<p>The important thing for you to continue to emphasize is what your family financial limits are. She needs to understand that her final choice will need to fit int your finances.</p>
<p>To put it another way, as they say on “Say Yes to the Dress” . . . never put a bride in a dress that’s out of her price range. It can only lead to heartache, and after falling in love with that dress none of her realistic choices will elicit that “feeling”.</p>
<p>We have been telling our kids since about birth how we will contribute to college. DD was having trouble grasping that concept so just the other day I made a spread sheet and called it “reality check”. I put in the schools on her list, total cost of attendance, how much merit aid was automatic (if any), how much money she has personally, which is basically nothing, how much we are willing to put toward college costs and her net costs. Part of it with DD is that she is a recruited athlete who hasn’t wanted to put a lot of effort into her sport so we were showing her the difference in cost with or without scholarships, same would work for merit aid.</p>
<p>I also showed her how much in student loans she would have to take, what the monthly payment would be on those, minimum, and how much her dream car costs:D. She is also thinking of going to medical school and I showed her how much she will have there and how much THAT monthly payment will be. That really hit home. </p>
<p>That was a good visual for her and she has been much more reasonable the past couple days about costs, etc.</p>
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<p>I couldn’t disagree more. Indeed, if my kid is making ANY college decisions based on “saving face with peers”, then he / she isn’t demonstrating readiness for college. Our college decisions were OURS - as a family – and weren’t really the concern of my kids’ peers, beyond the generic “good luck to you” type of thing.</p>
<p>I agree that in general college decisions, including the application decisions, are family’s and not anyone else’s. However, I do understand that it’s really hard not to succumb to the pressure. It probably depends on the school, but at my daughter’s, there is a lot of ‘****ing contest’ going on. Sadly, many parents participate as well, even though they should know better.</p>
<p>To put it another way, as they say on “Say Yes to the Dress” . . . never put a bride in a dress that’s out of her price range. It can only lead to heartache, and after falling in love with that dress none of her realistic choices will elicit that “feeling”.</p>
<p>Yes, it is dangerous to have a child get her heart set on an unaffordable school, especially one that has that prestige cachet and perception that going there will be sooooo much better than anywhere else. </p>
<p>On the other hand, it’s hard to tell a child that she can’t apply to ANY of those top schools because that will be a source of arguments for years to come. </p>
<p>Your family needs a “sit down” with parents and child where there can be some reaching of common ground. I’m not sure if letting her apply to as many top schools as she wants is the answer along with 2-3 financial safeties. The could end up being a large waste of money…Apps, sending scores, sending CSS all add up…and all those apps/essays take a LOT of time…so a lot of time wasted.</p>
<p>If this were my kid, I would …</p>
<p>give a set budget that I would spend</p>
<p>tell her that I will not borrow or cosign ANY loans</p>
<p>Include a couple of Parent Picks that the student must apply to. </p>
<p>Limit the amount that you will spend on the app process…including sending scores, CSS, and the cost of financial safeties/parent picks. If you estimate about $100 per school, that should give you an idea of what to budget. . </p>
<p>That she must apply to 3 financial safeties that she likes, will get accepted to, and are affordable because we can pay for them and/or she will get enough ASSURED merit to make them affordable.</p>
<p>I don’t like having just one (or even just two) financial safeties when finances are an issue. For one thing, between the time of apps and the time of acceptances, a desirable safety may become undesirable. Or there could be a sad surprise that the student is rejected (yield issues) or doesn’t get the scholarship that was thought to be “in the bag.”</p>
<p>There are privates that offer very generous Merit packages to top kids. One of them is Case Western.<br>
My most concern though would not be even financial side. If a kid decides to attend strictly for the name sake then it could be very negative experience that could curtail whole “going to college” experience. They must love the place, they must feel “at home”, or they will not be as successful there as as could have been at place that match them better. Serious kids research extansively, they visit multiple times, stay overnight, talk to current student in general, to the ones in their major, visit with the sport team, seat thru several information sessions…etc. They want to have a great experience and be successful there, school name might not quarantee that at all.</p>
<p>Tell her if she wants to go to an expensive college she will have to pay at least half on her own. Once she sees numbers and realizes that you won’t take care of it all, she will be more reasonable.</p>
<p>*we did offer her what we thought were the reasonable options (meaning, schools where she is likely to get merit). She is rejecting them saying that they are ‘bad’ schools. *</p>
<p>Her eyes aren’t really open yet. To D1, “bad” schools were the ones she thought her less academic friends would apply to, their reaches or “matches.” This is where we had to step in and validate various options for her, casually drop info about opps in her major, the quality of her would-be peers there, activities she liked, etc. We didn’t overemphasize, well this one offers $x or that one has great merit. That was meaningless to her. Or, push too hard on any colleges. She had to feel some control. So we did our research and we then offered her a picture based on what *she *thought she wanted. Some sort of psychology. (But, genuine.) We tried to seem laid back, though privately we were concerned.</p>
<p>We found ways to show her what these other schools had that she didn’t realize. Looking from the inside out, rather than the outside in.</p>
<p>Post 49 - but those parents who participate are losers. What’s so hard about ignoring their opinions? It’s like worrying that by not participating in a beauty contest, you’ll upset a toddlers-and-tiaras mom. Who cares?</p>
<p>If costs of attending a college are a concern, why in the world would you pay the application fees for schools your child has NO intention of attending? Talk about wasting money…</p>
<p>^^^</p>
<p>While agree that it’s a total waste of money if a student were to apply to 6-10+ schools that you’re rather certain will be unaffordable after using NPCs, etc. However, a parent could still justify allowing their child to apply to a couple, even if doing so is a waste of a couple hundred bucks.</p>
<p>It may be worth wasting a couple hundred dollars, so that…</p>
<p>1) the student will see whether she got a good FA pkg or not. If the kid never applies, she’ll always wonder if she might have gotten some great pkg and forever blame her parents for not letting her apply.</p>
<p>2) the student may end up getting some surprisingly good FA…and then the school would be affordable. </p>
<p>However, I would limit applying to schools that I was nearly certain weren’t affordable to maybe 2 schools…The $200 waste would be worth it to me.</p>
<p>^ Imo, the risk is that one of those would offer a “good” package and still be beyond the parent’s true affordability. Not a “perfect” package. Then you get into the emotional contest, but it’s [fill in the blank.] Even the strongest of us would have a hard time with that, start adding up the parent loan possibilities. </p>
<p>The application decisions need strong backbone, when the kid is overcome by the prestige factor. And, imo, that includes parents knowing their child’s strengths and what helps them flourish. The starry-eyed kid can’t do this alone.</p>
<p>Didn’t have a chance to read the whole thread but as a student who just went through the process, I can say it’s really stressing to see people talking about what colleges they want to attend or will apply or sometimes students just like to dream they will get into a prestigious school. For me, I knew my parents wouldn’t be able to contribute a lot so I applied to about 20 scholarships and including FA, it was actually cheaper for me to go to a top school rather than my state school. I think sometimes it’s difficult for us to understand that the school we go will not determine our success /: …Just my $0.02</p>
<p>What I would do depends on the financial situation. We were in a position where there was no way, no how we would ever qualify for any type of need based aid. So it didn’t matter if the school was extremely generous, met full need, etc. - we weren’t getting anything unless it was merit based. If you’re in that situation, it’s easy. If the cost of the school exceeds the amount you can/are willing to pay, then you are throwing away the application fee UNLESS your D can get merit aid there. Since a lot of the prestigious schools don’t even offer merit aid, that makes it really easy - I would just refuse to pay the application and related fees for those schools. If, on the other hand, you might qualify for need based aid, then I don’t see the harm in applying to a number of reaches, as long as there’s a true safety that your D would be happy to attend. I might even insist on two true safeties so that if nothing else works out, your D has a choice to make at the end of the day. Just make sure your D understands that by applying to a bunch of reaches/financial reaches, she may be precluding a good match where she can get merit aid. There are usually a lot of good schools in between the safety and the reaches and sometimes kids don’t apply to them because their magical thinking has them convinced that they’ll never really have to attend that safety.</p>
<p>My D was the opposite - there wasn’t a single reach on her list, much to the consternation of her GC, who told her she had too many safeties. In my mind, there’s no such thing, but she attended a high school that sounds similar to yours, where the kids applied to many many prestigious colleges and it was a contest of sorts. My D applied to 3 safeties and 2 matches and chose one of the safeties, and she’s now very excited to attend there in the fall.</p>
<p>I think you guys need to be a little sympathetic to the OP’s kids. I know in my area, there are a lot of academically oriented kids who dread the thought of having to attend one of the local U’s where the “stoner and slacker kids” end up. That doesn’t mean that the U has nothing to offer more academically ambitious kids; or that it doesn’t have great faculty, or that it doesn’t have some very strong programs. But it is hard to convince your kid that they’ll be able to make a new college life for themselves if in their minds they end up stuck with the kids they’ve avoided for the last four years.</p>
<p>OP- there may be merit in having your kid get in touch with people from outside your area. So many of these perceptions are regional. There are schools in my state which are considered “for losers” but given the number of high stat out of state kids who attend every year, surely there are kids in California or Illinois who haven’t gotten the memo.</p>
<p>Do you have cousins, family friends, other connections outside your region? Getting some outside perspective may help her keep an open mind about the schools she’s dreading getting stuck attending.</p>
<p>I am a big believer in letting your kids pursue a dream or two, but I also know over a dozen kids who had a very bad summer after senior year of HS after getting accepted to a dream school and ending up at the financial safety. Eventually most get over it (well, except for the parents!) but having your kid put heart and soul into an application to get admitted to a school you can’t afford- well, that’s a risky strategy IMHO.</p>
<p>Hugs. It gets better. A year from now you’ll be complaining that Walmart is sold out of XL mattress pads and your D has too much junk to fit into a Honda Civic!!!</p>