<p>do not put pressure on her to “tough” it out or tell her to be strong. it is not her fault or a sign of weakness or some sort of punishment. she must be seen by a specialist right away. there is no shame in having mental health issues or seeking treatment. the most important thing you can do as a parent is to see to it she is seen by an M.D. with a psychiatric board certification. do not try and blame her anxiety on anything she or you have done. just work in a supportive manner to resolve the underlying issue.</p>
<p>I completely agree with those who urge you to take this seriously. This is not about vitamins or sticking it out. At least as far as you describe, this sounds like a very serious mental health issue that absolutely needs to be addressed asap–it’s great that you’re posting it here on CC but try to take a step back as much as possible and understand that the very fact that your D is reacting this way is a HUGE sign that something serious is at stake. There are any number of mental health problems that could be happening and it is imperative that you don’t minimize or dismiss what could be something very serious. Imagine if your D were calling you telling you she couldn’t breathe properly and sometimes her heart stopped–would you diagnose the problem from your home 500 miles away and tell her to keep going to class, or would you urge her to go to a doctor asap? </p>
<p>The worst case scenario as far as school is concerned is that she takes a medical leave of absence while fixing this problem. In the big scheme of things, lots of students do this and it would only mean a slight delay in schooling (if the problem is fixed). The worse case scenario as far as her own health is concerned is far far worse. </p>
<p>I speak from experience–my own son had severe mental health issues in college that I at first ignored and minimized. Don’t make my mistake.</p>
<p>I don’t like meds either. I often had side affects that kicked in before the ameliorative affects did. However, sometimes you really need them!</p>
<p>I found that by taking them with food instead of a glass of water, except when contraindicated, and by using milk thistle for liver support( medication is processed in the liver), I was able to get much more out of properly prescribed prescriptions.</p>
<p>I’m on the same page as compmom. Go to your D. Check into a motel. You need boots on the ground here.</p>
<p>It’s only 500 miles. You can be there in a day even if you drive. This is important.</p>
<p>I was in your shoes about two years ago. My son never had issues before going off to college, either. Eagle Scout, outstanding distance runner, excellent student, etc. He started struggling towards the end of his first semester at college, 2,000 miles away (although my parents were nearby and supported him GREATLY - he even lived with them for awhile). </p>
<p>After he filled out an online mental health questionnaire, the school told my mom she needed to bring him in IMMEDIATELY. We got him a good doctor and he managed to finish the year there. At the beginning of his sophomore year, we got TONS of support in place for him, but his anxiety was so great he was a danger to himself. We brought him home and he took a semester off, SLEEPING A LOT (and that’s OK!). He enrolled in our local small university this past spring and did well. He just started fall classes - he is studying to become an actuary. He will probably need medication and therapy for a long time. We have been through all the stages of grief - it’s been hard to accept that he is mentally ill and will not be able to achieve everything he had planned. BUT he is getting help and looks as if he will be able to function in a good-paying career.</p>
<p>He did have lots and lots of medical tests that ruled out physical problems.</p>
<p>I’m going to quote compmom’s advice for emphasis. It is even better than what I would have suggested:</p>
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<p>I understand being opposed to medication. And I understand that CBT can be highly effective, but she might drop out before she gets results. In this particular instance, I would urge you to consider some Xanax (or other similar anti-anxiety meds) for a week or so to be taken before class. Here is the reason why I suggest this. Each time she goes to class and has another anxiety attack, it reinforces the entire dynamic and worsens the situation. If she takes a Xanax and finds herself able to sit through a class without falling apart, she now has a new experience and the trigger-response of “class always triggers a panic attack” starts to get broken. I would suggest a consultation with a campus psychiatrist. He/she might prescribe something like Xanax or Klonopin for short-term use. A psychiatrist might also suggest an SSRI, but those take a few weeks to kick in (or longer). Additionally, counseling with a good CBT therapist sounds warranted. The other advantage of short-term use of something like Xanax is that knowing there is something that will provide immediate relief can in and of itself bring down the anxiety level.</p>
<p>It is still early in the semester? A medical withdrawal or leave might do less financial and academic damage, if taken ASAP. If she tries to “tough it out” and ends up with bad grades, it could cost everybody more in the long run.</p>
<p>It seems, from what you said, OP, that there’s no reason to doubt the severity of what she’s describing. It doesn’t sound like she would be crying wolf.</p>
<p>^^ You are reccomending not just that she take medication, but a SPECIFIC medication? I know you mean well, but I find that hard to ignore. </p>
<p>My concern is that if you approach this as a crisis, you will get a solution to the crisis, rather than a well thought out and long term solution.</p>
<p>The decision about whether to leave school might be urgent, but I have no expertise in that area.</p>
<p>I hope Bolete returns and lets us know how the daughter is doing.
I agree Xanax or other short acting med may be very helpful.
Sometimes patients need medication temporarily to give other therapies a chance to work.
Her dr may suggest behavior modification, or other things that can relieve anxiety like exercise, meditation, tai chi…</p>
<p>I agree with the above recommendations, with getting supports in place ASAP, and taking medical leave. After she is stable she can decide what she wants, whether it is transferring or going back.
I also agree that for someone who intends to go into medicine, being uncomfortable with medication to the point that over the counter pain relief is only taken after surgery, for a short time, may affect her ability to support patients.
That may be the anxiety/OCD talking however.
If this seemed to be a milder case, I would agree with reminding to eat, with taking vitamins( B vitamins especially can support the nervous system), with good sleep habits, staying hydrated,etc.</p>
<p>But, she says " it is out of control", and she wants to come home.</p>
<p>I’m worried that mom/dad may be more concerned with her goal of graduate school, and in staying enrolled at this “dream college /top-notch school”, and aren’t able to see that by the time a child asks for help, they needed it “last week”.</p>
<p>Most of what I would say has already been said, but I wanted to address a few things.
For the record, I am an adult, diagnosed with OCD, anxiety, and depression at 16. </p>
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</p>
<p>This is not a very good analogy. If a person needs insulin, it’s plain and simple: you take it, or you get very sick and possibly die. </p>
<p>It’s not so simple with psychiatric drugs. For one, they are not a cure. They can help, but they won’t have the same immediate dramatic effect as insulin therapy. </p>
<p>There are also many, many different psychiatric drugs out there, and it can take time to find the right pill or combination of pills. </p>
<p>Finally, and most importantly–it can be very difficult to get off of these pills. Xanax, for example, is a benzodiazepine, and it can be habit forming. I have been on Klonopin, a relative of Xanax, for many years. I am addicted to it. My doctor knows this but agrees it’s a necessary evil, as my OCD is severe. Your daughter’s doctor (if s/he’s not a mindless pill pusher) will help you and your daughter decide if she needs to start meds right away or if therapy alone might work. </p>
<p>Either way, pill or no pill, she likely needs counseling to deal with the anxiety. Pills can take the edge off but won’t help her deal with what is making her anxious. Find a therapist who specializes in cognitive-behavioral or mindfulness training. Good luck to both of you. The earlier you deal with this, the better the chances she can have a less-anxious life.</p>
<p>And there could be more involved than “anxiety.” There was in my son’s case.</p>
<p>Echoing a lot of what’s been posted. </p>
<p>You should be able to get a medical leave. Go to your girl or bring her home. She needs you right now.</p>
<p>You have to listen to her. I had a panic attack recently, and I’m telling you, it’s probably not something that she’s going to “just tough out” - and if she feels like that is the expectation, it might make things worse.</p>
<p>She needs to be treated like this is something real (because it is) and that you’re on her side 100%.</p>
<p>She needs professional help.</p>
<p>Feet on the ground. I do not see this as a situation that you can be very helpful with from a distance, and it does seem that without some additional prodding, school is not responding as if this were a crisis. From your description, I think it IS a crisis.</p>
<p>Just want to add to the thoughtful discussion…if your DD is evaluated, etc., at least suggest she take the minimal number of courses to remain in dorm, on health insurance, on FA (if that is a consideration).</p>
<p>I’m not encouraging her to stay in school, but if she does, reduce the stress.</p>
<p>@ gettinin
I stand by my analogy. Insulin is not a cure for diabetes, either. But it keeps you alive.</p>
<p>I’m not saying meds are absolutely necessary in this case–only a doctor can help determine that–I was just concerned with what seemed a prejudice against drugs. I have absolutely seen anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds work. I’ve taken anti-depressants before during a clinical depression, and yeah, I didn’t love everything about being on meds. However, I’m really glad I’m still alive; I never attempted suicide, but I was heading into a very dark and painful place. I have since lost a friend to depression. </p>
<p>I know a lovely young woman with bi-polar disease. She has to keep adjusting her meds; sometimes I’m sure it’s a horrible pain for her. But bi-polar, untreated? Who knows what would have happened. She’s doing great now, in a long-term, stable relationship and just graduated from college.</p>
<p>There’s no way to know based what OP’s daughter has, but it sounds like panic/anxiety disorder. Whatever she’s suffering from, treatment can help and ignoring it can hurt.</p>
<p>And sometimes meds are the way to keep these things in check, and help you work towards regaining full health. For some, long-term becomes necessary. And yes, many drugs have the possibility of addiction. Sometimes the situation calls for drugs, sometimes it doesn’t. I was just advocating an open mind.</p>
<p>Hi Bolete,</p>
<p>I hope we hear from you soon. </p>
<p>Sometimes life forces us to take a “time-out” from the original plan. Go to your D; you will not regret it. Take it from there.</p>
<p>“We were surprised when she called the first day at college and said she had abnormal worries. Since then, she calls in tears every day saying she can’t handle sitting in class and has to get up and leave half way through. My daughter cried very rarely before college, in fact, I only saw her cry 2x in high school. She says the anxiety started when she became embarrassed about loud stomach noises during class. The embarrassment grew and turned into fear and then full blown anxiety.”</p>
<p>Girls tend to be very emotional and self-conscious about these things. What she needs to realize is that she cares 500X for than anyone around her cares - AND it’s likely that much less people around her actually hear her rumblings than she thinks does (she probably thinks its the whole class, when in reality it is probably only the people on either side of her). </p>
<p>My stomach rumblings were terrible in highschool - mainly during a certain time/class period. For me, the more I worry about my stomach rumbling the more it does (!). She just can’t let it bother her - no one else cares even if they could pinpoint any noise to her digestive system. Learn to laugh/smile about it with her friends nearby. </p>
<p>I’d also cut out dairy products and try to isolate what is causing the rumblings. Cutting out breakfast may help also if her classes are in the morning. And trying to go to the bathroom before class could help as well.</p>
<p>^^ With all due respect, the problem isn’t the stomach-rumbling. The problem is the extreme anxiety reaction to the stomach-rumbling. There is something going on here beyond mild social embarassment. </p>
<p>As for “not letting it bother her” and “learning to laugh” about it, I learned something when I was very young because I was frequently the recipient of such well-meaning but misguided advice: To tell someone that they shouldn’t feel the way they feel is disrespectful, invalidating, and ultimately futile. It’s worse than useless, because the recipient feels there must be something wrong with them that they can’t just shrug it off like everyone is telling them to.</p>
<p>OP, lots of terrific advice on this thread. Go to your D, get her a medical leave, raise some holy heck to get her seen by a therapist ASAP, and allow her whatever time she needs to address this. A leave means that school will still be there waiting for her once she is better.</p>
<p>And a big hug for you.</p>
<p>confuse people, because they do not understand them. </p>
<p>I had issues just like what your daughter is going and had no guidance. It can lead to self-medication through drugs and alcohol. Fortunately, I didn’t go that route and struggle but still I have to struggle with it much of my life with it.</p>
<p>However, when I saw one of my children have this same problem was so severe that it was causing fainting spells, the pediatrician recommended biofeedback. </p>
<p>Anxiety is a natural life-saving instinct that can go awry for various reason, (too much caffeine, genetics, stress), but once you understand it you can overcome it. Biofeedback taught my daughter to drop her shoulders (because tensing up your shoulders is an unconscious response analogous to the way dogs shows stress by raising their heckles), as well as to slow down the heart raise and respiration. This is probably what meditation is doing, but takes longer to master than when you’re hooked up to a machine that can show you the peaks and valleys of intense responses.</p>
<p>Long story short, it took on two or three biofeedback sessions to master a physical down-pacing that overcomes the anxiety responses. I so wish I had known about this when I was young.</p>
<p>"^^ With all due respect, the problem isn’t the stomach-rumbling. The problem is the extreme anxiety reaction to the stomach-rumbling. There is something going on here beyond mild social embarassment. "</p>
<p>hmm, possibly. I am saying that the OP’s daughter’s anxiety & large social embarassment can in fact be caused by the stomach rumbling. Young people often are not very confident in themselves & don’t behave rationally. </p>
<p>You all can be right and there could be some deep seated issues that need to be addressed pronto. However, making the OP, a mother who is already prone to worry, beleive that something much worse is going on may not be the best move.</p>
<p>However, I agree, she should definitely look at all possibilities - just don’t jump to any conclusions (the problem may be very minor - stomach rumbling usually is) - that can cause the problem, both emotionally & monetary & psyiologically, to escalate for this student and her mother.</p>