<p>I think some of us are picking up from you a vibe that you think anxiety should not happen to people who are strong. I am not judging this and understand where you are coming from, but it is misguided. Anxiety is a physical response, and can happen to anyone.</p>
<p>In fact, I personally feel that this may be more likely to happen to someone who is “strong” or “tough.” It is possible that your daughter needs to learn to be LESS strong, and show human weakness, to avoid things building up. Showing parental admiration of vulnerability and sensitivity can help, and so can lowering your expectations of what she is going to do when she is home. Getting a full-time job or exercising (or resuming hunting!) while recuperating is certainly a “tough” thing to do, but maybe show her some admiration for being smart enough to rest and not jump into the next thing until she is ready.</p>
<p>The displacement of anxiety onto stomach growling is what I really noticed in the beginning of this thread. It would be one thing if she told you she was anxious because of leaving home, or because a big test was coming up, or even because she doesn’t like socializing in groups. These would at least be connected to a realistic object.</p>
<p>The focus on stomach growling says, to me anyway, that she somehow cannot examine or express the real cause of her anxiety. It had a more obsessive compulsive feel to it. It is just not that reasonable as a reason to go home.</p>
<p>Sorry for the dime-store psychology here…</p>
<p>One of my kids has a lot of health problems and grew up, as one person said, a “warrior.” When she was a child, I would go in every day and tell her it’s okay to cry, she didn’t have to be strong. I told her that being too strong kept her gates closed, and that she needed to open the gates. She told me that now, at 22, she still intentionally cries every evening at some point. She is still tough but she tries not to be too tough.</p>
<p>It’s very hard for some people, and they tend to be people we admire.</p>
<p>I am truly happy and relieved for you and your daughter. What a testament to her self-awareness and your respect for her as a person, that you could come to decide this. I do know from our own experience, though, it takes some grieving time to adjust the view ahead. That’s okay. It doesn’t mean it’s the wrong choice. College will be there, and she will get more from the experience if she is truly well. You will feel better having her safe and cared for and her needs addressed. As LasMa said, it’s the definition of a good parent. </p>
<p>Best of luck on the road ahead, and during the inevitable detours and whatnot. In a society that always wants a plan, it can be hard to live with the notion that the plan is always flexible and uncertain. When people ask what’s up, be prepared with an honest answer. Ours was “He withdrew from school for now. He’s got some evaulations and issues to address, and then we’ll know more”. I was adamant that we not make up some other answer, because he hasn’t done anything wrong (nor has your daughter) and I wanted him to know WE weren’t ashamed or embarassed. I am proud of him for the hard work he’s put in. You are, I know, proud of your daughter, too.</p>
<p>I wish the OP and her daughter the best as the family moves through this process. It is such a shock, but I will repeat that you are so lucky that she knew to ask for help. Trust her as the process goes forward. I was in the camp of being very much against drug treatment for anxiety. My daughter r was a minor and her therapist finally said to me that she would not work with my daughter unless my daughter saw a doctor and went on meds. That is what we did. DD was in therapy for more than a year and one meds for two. She still has struggles on occasion, but has been off meds for two years and she learned methods to help her cope. I think I am going to send a note thanking her doctor right now.</p>
<p>Would you consider a full neuropsychology, executive functioning and emotional assessment. This may give some objective causes in an efficient manner. I would recommend having it done by an experienced neuropsychologist that will perform all of the tests by him/her self.</p>
<p>I would make the gastro stuff a secondary priority.</p>
<p>Parent who just went thru the same thing last spring. GI exams, adrenal tests, anti depressants. Psych Therapy. My daughter is a people pleaser who has yet to learn to set limits and to say “NO”. She is on a mild steroid. </p>
<p>We eventually learned. That the biggest stresser was not academic. But it was social. A lesbian co-ed got into my daughter’s head and has confidence her that she is a lesbian. My daughter who has never had any lesbian tendencies or thoughts has decided she is a lesbian. </p>
<p>In short bring her home and figure it out. </p>
<p>I know these threads are followed by addmission counselors. It would helpful hear from them and get their insight. Thank God you have a daughter who is not afraid to ask for help</p>
<p>I think there has been so much advice here. And really this is easy. Your daughter is sick, bring her home to be properly diagnosed and treated and wehn she is well, she can continue on to her life. She will have a knowledge base in place, and tools in her box to always pull out in the future thanks to you. Anxieties.com is one of the best websites for helping you/her sort out what is going on, and types of treatments. Good for you mom.</p>
<p>I have more than a nodding acquaintance with anxiety and I don’t think that it is that odd that her anxiety was triggered by her stomach noises. It may be a form of social anxiety. Even very outgoing people can suffer from various forms of that. Or she may have experienced a panic attack during a time when her stomach was making a lot of noise and she started to associate the two.</p>
<p>I’m glad you at least know the next steps. You will get all sorts of advice and directions from the professionals, and none of it will go as quickly as you, as a mother, will want it to go. So, relax, if you can, and take a deep breath, and take it a day at a time. Eventually, you and your daughter and family and the docs will figure out some plausible course of action.</p>
<p>Make sure you take care of yourself in all of this, as well.</p>
<p>I wish your daughter a full and rapid recovery, but I fear you are getting way ahead of things and over planning your daughter’s life–and it is HER life after all. Your approach suggests to me that perhaps you have been overly involved in your daughter’s everyday life and ultimate “success” for some time, that this could be one source of her anxiety, and that she would benefit by your stepping back one giant step. The first order of business is a diagnosis and appropriate therapy. Once your daughter is on the road to recovery, she, not you, should determine when and how exercise, nutrition and a job fit into her life. I know you have a tremendous desire to rush in and fix your daughter–every mother feels that way when anything goes wrong with an offspring’s life–but she’s an adult and needs to be the driver of her own destiny. Get her access to medical help and then let her be. A leave of absence should include a lot of downtime to reflect and heal–there’s no good reason to jampack her day with activities and tasks.</p>
<p>I agree with the posters who say that your plan for an exercise and nutrition regimen may be too ambitious. You’re concerned and motivated to help her, which is wonderful, and I think you’ve both made a good decision for her to come home. Medical appointments to gauge her physical and mental health are vital. However, the other things can wait. She might want some time to de-stress and figure out what she needs from here. Provide her with good, healthy food, but don’t get her on any “regimen” right away, unless it is something that is medically indicated like a medication or a special diet to deal with the stomach issues.</p>
<p>Just want to add that the impulse to plan is completely understandable for a good parent who is worried that her daughter’s life is falling apart.</p>
<p>Many of us have experienced similar situations and understand the impulse completely.</p>
<p>But over time, we have also learned that it is good for things to evolve, within the control of the child as much as possible (though with occasional nudges or ideas).</p>
<p>In a year, you may look back and see this as having been an opportunity for growth. In fact,
your daughter will be a better, more empathetic nurse after all this. </p>
<p>I would let her come home and try again later. There is no point in having her live with her life under these conditions while she finishes this degree. Maybe she just needs a semester off. But she sounds so miserable!</p>
<p>Try having her stop gluten–not so hard to do. Avoid bread and pasta, check labels. Rice is okay, soy sauce is not. Any fruit is fine, plain meat is fine, ketchup is fine. Also, eating unfamiliar foods or the cafeteria food may be upsetting her stomach.</p>
<p>Just a thought, in case it is not related to stress.</p>
<p>I can second the suggestion about the gluten, although it takes a real commitment. It wasn’t until I read “The Gluten free Girl” (yes, cheesy title, but a good read) that everything clicked. I always thought I had a case of IBS that my worrying was causing. It was the gluten!!! When I sent my own DD to college years later, I stressed the importance of balancing her sleeping, eating, and exercise. Imbalance may not cause the anxiety, but it certainly escalates it.</p>
I am going through this RIGHT now. I am a senior in college and the stomach problems are out of control. I constantly skip class because of the embarrassment/uncomfortableness. I see a therapist and it mildly helped. I am also against medication.
How has your daughter been since? Has she gotten better?
@lg16610 the OP hasn’t posted since 2012. Why don’t you start your own thread. Usually people end up posting answers to the OP who has long been gone so I will close this.