Daughter Hates Her Matches And Safeties

<p>Glad to know I am not the only one going through this. We also live in Maryland and I think there is a very competitive theme running through the schools more so than in MA where we recently moved from. Just a suggestion, since we looked at quite a few of those schools as well as many others. What about Tufts? Great reputation, nice location, good size, might be a bit of a reach but not as much as Brown. Also Lehigh comes to mind, very good reputation. It is funny what you said about Villanova and BC, my daughter had the same reaction however when she thought it through she reconsidered. Her gc has been helpful with the reality checks. I do think Wake Forest is a great option.</p>

<p>I just found your list. Sorry scratch that. I going with Wake Forest.</p>

<p>citylights, we don't know the OP's D's profile to determine what is a reach, match, safety. However, since she says that Brown, Northwestern, Georgetown, and William and Mary are reaches, Tufts would also be a reach given its selectivity. </p>

<p>As you have probably read, the OP's D has ruled out Lehigh and same with Wake Forest. I think the mom was hoping she'd add Wake Forest but no can do at this juncture.</p>

<p>Thanks to the OP for posting her original question, and to everyone who has so generously offered their suggestions. I have one of those daughters, graduating in 2010, who I am anticipating will have a difficult time choosing safeties and matches. I'm not asking for help now - we have a little time and are giving the matter a lot of thought - but I may be back in the future to ask for help.</p>

<p>I realize that I jumped the gun but I have since gone back and read the entire thread. Whew!!!!
sooziet, your input was great. In the beginning it just sounded very familiar however after reading it in its entirety I realize it morphed into a very different post. Definately not enough info. I think I got carried away with the typical teenage girl stuff in the beginning.<br>
OP Good Luck!</p>

<p>I am totally swamped for time, and i can see that you guys have been thinking hard about these issues. Wow! I am impressed, I really am!! I don't think I'm going to be able to keep up with this thread and reply to everything, but I do thank you all for hanging in there with me.</p>

<p>Here's what I'm going to do for the time being (a time horizon of about a week). It is something that is difficult for any parent to do. It usually works with teens if you have a solid relationship with them, but it takes tremendous amounts of self discipline:</p>

<p>I am going to Shut Up.</p>

<p>I am going to let this dynamic marinate a bit. Give D a chance to come to the conclusion herself that another school or three might make sense. Let her see what the counselors say.</p>

<p>I feel like we are fast approaching the tug-o-war phase of a parent/child disagreement. I think silence might be just the ticket to move us forward. Or not.</p>

<p>Kind of like when you are cross-examining a witness and you have to have the awareness and self-control not to ask that one question too many. It's not easy!!</p>

<p>If a short break helps soften her resolve, I will breeze back in. With a bunch of index cards with attributes on them. 'Cause that's a really good idea, Pizzagirl!!</p>

<p>I'll let you know if the situation changes! Thanks again!!</p>

<p>This thread reminds me of the Energizer Bunny as it just keeps going and going and....</p>

<p>P.S. Has anyone got around to recommending Antioch College yet?</p>

<p>cindy-I think the best way to see if your D's approach will work for her, is to visit COC. If she likes it, you can drop the issue being reasonably sure she will have at least one choice come April that makes her happy. If she doesn't like it, she will probably see the need to add more match/safety schools. For a picky kid, I think it's really important to know, not assume based on friend's opinions, that they can be happy at their safety schools. COC is a nice school, but it has a lot of characteristics that are common to many schools she rejected. A visit will help you all sleep better during the wait. There are too many schools out there to choose one you're not happy about from the start. Good luck.</p>

<p>Isn't Antioch closed now?</p>

<p>Yes! Lord knows we all want to beat some sense into that girl!:)</p>

<p>I think Cindy's last posting sounded very wise. I think the reason this thread has been so popular is that so many of us can relate to Cindy's issues with her daughter. Let's hope that silence is golden and Cindy's D will show a bit more sense after the holidays. Time outs are almost always good ideas--especially when they're for the parents!</p>

<p>I believe one of the Antioch campuses closed, but cant recall if the whols system closed. Can someone ck? I have procrastinated enough today!</p>

<p>J, I have not YET begun to procrastinate. :D :D :D</p>

<p>
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Yes! Lord knows we all want to beat some sense into that girl!

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<p>I have silently said "thank you" more than once while reading this thread that my now soph S took ownership of the application process, his HS had an unbelievable college counseling department that asked the parents to "back off" and that he applied to schools such that he had choices at the end of the process.</p>

<p>I still keep in touch with the HS college counseling personale and constantly praise them for a job well done.</p>

<p>I have said a similar silent thank-you that my freshman son and his friends did not actively compare college lists, in some cases until they began to hear from schools. They were respectful of each other's individual interests, not overly swayed by prestige, and driven by what they wanted, not what they thought they should want. It's hard for kids (parents, too) to stay out of the one-upmanship of the admissions process and avoid being influenced, distracted, or hurt by others' opinions. Some HS counselors actually recommend that students keep their lists to themselves. That's good advice.</p>

<p>geezermom, Yes, in the OP's daughter's case, it appears that there is a lot of chat among her peers about colleges and that her selection is partly based on heresay and what she knows from chatting and from reputation and what colleges will sound acceptable to herself or others. I am very thankful that this did not go on in our community and my kids were not really talking about colleges with their classmates until spring of senior year when people were talking about where they were going after graduation. It was nice this way. My kids' college lists barely overlapped any of their local friends' lists.</p>

<p>Cindy, I just had a thought. Has your D actually toured the University of MD campus or sat in on classes there, yet? It's not uncommon for students to put off touring their own state school, feeling that it makes sense to apply regardless and that there is always time to see it later. In this case, a visit now might help to convince her that she would be perfectly happy at MD or that she needs to find more match schools.</p>

<p>
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Yes, in the OP's daughter's case, it appears that there is a lot of chat among her peers about colleges and that her selection is partly based on heresay and what she knows from chatting and from reputation and what colleges will sound acceptable to herself or others.

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</p>

<p>Yes, however, she's also gotten a significant amount of advice from the two guidance counselors. Both of them have made suggestions, and it sounds as if the OP's D has not been unreceptive to what they have to say. Bucknell, for example, was at the suggestion of her counselor, I believe. Her GC also believes she will get into MD.</p>

<p>What about Furman? Many students who apply to Wake and Duke also apply to Furman. </p>

<p>Just FYI...Davidson should not be viewed as a safety or match school for this student.</p>

<p>I agree that U of Delaware is a good choice too. What about College of New Jersey? </p>

<p>For matches, I concur with Connecticut College, and Quinnipiac. </p>

<p>Hofstra, SUNY Binghamton (not an easy school for OOS, but worth a try), Mary Washington University, U of Richmond.</p>

<p>There are a lot of choices...</p>

<p>Yes, Antioch College is closed. I was trying to be humorous in the sense of what else is there to recommend.</p>

<p>Oh one more thought. I know several kids who are at University of Tampa. They all visited U of Miami and HATED it for some reason, but LOVED Tampa...maybe that one is worth looking at.</p>