My sil screwed up, had a baby with her car mechanic boyfriend, dropped out of U of Chicago. 25+ years later her son is a grad student at MIT, fine young man. She never did go back to college, but after leaving the boyfriend she has been self supporting and recently bought a house. These stories can have happy endings.
Well, my goodness, we don’t know that OP’s D is pregnant! Tho, if she is…well, just another issue to deal with, but it’s not the end of the world. Is there a single one of us who doesn’t know a single mother friend who made it just fine in life (and even better than “just fine”)? I’d rather my single D got pregnant than fell prey to rape or drug addiction, tbh.
I kind of like what @OldFashioned1 has posted on this thread despite all the Holier-Than-Thou attitudes found here on CC. You can wish the best for whomever you want but that is about as worthless as it gets. Oldfashioned1 is dishing out some old fashioned honesty. Life is about the choices and decisions people make. If someone screws up royally it isn’t okay. They shouldn’t be given a pat on the back. It’s like I used to tell my kids, “if you get into a car and drive around and drink and kill 3 people, there is no way to say sorry and fix it. Don’t do it. No matter what. No matter what your friends say or want.” The same thing in football when they played do not tackle with your helmet. I can’t fix it if you end up in a wheelchair. Don’t do it. Learn how to tackle right or don’t play. I’m not saying we should shoot people when they make mistakes but I am saying we need more people to stop pretending everything is okay when people do stupid things. It ain’t okay. There will be consequences. You better teach that lesson up front or don’t whine after the fact when things don’t go well.
I myself did something similar and my parents took a LONG time to forgive me. And yet, I eventually returned to school (elsewhere) and became a productive adult. Then my son did something similar…he’s not returned to school but is doing well despite that. I was SO angry too…had to get a handle on that as best I could, and I also understood, having been through it. My mother was very supportive of me as a mom during that time, with just a dash of “this is karma” 
I hope you and your D can get to the bottom of the problem(s), the headaches, the BF, the disability…whatever of those, or combo of those t may be, and move forward.
It’s hard to put the anger aside and try to deal, I know. Good luck OP.
@GoNotes85, I don’t think anybody has advised going gently with the D if this was all the result of excessive partying. I think the best advice has been to determine the cause before doling out the tough love. It could be something happened to the D that caused this…after all, D was presumably a great student up until one sudden horrific semester.
Getting bad grades is somehow comparable to killing people?
Well, in fairness, it’s a little more than bad grades…it’s the loss of three years of a full ride, which could exceed $150,000 depending on the college. That’s a big hit…not quite like killing people, but bigger than a breadbox.
@GoNoles85 @1or2Musicians The daughter just lost a full ride (?) worth $100k to 200k, failed a semester of courses, and is shacking up with a boy – the OP doesn’t know (?). Pregnancy or drugs might very well be next. You guys think the OP should risk $25k-60k in cash next year because you believe in the daughter? Ha, based on what – good marks in some high school courses two years ago?
But some students give up free rides to be full pay elsewhere, and so it is hard to see that losing a free ride is the catastrophic error described somewhere above.
We don’t really know the full ride is totally lost - IMO it’s odd for un-SAP to kick in after only one bad semester, most give two, though it may take an appeal. And if the medical withdrawal is appropriate, that may make a difference too. OP hasn’t explored the options with the school yet, she’s still processing her disappointment and anger. This can take a little time…I know from experience.
Well, since I posted that my son will be required to pay for a couple of CC classes himself before I will pay more tuition, I’m not sure why you think I said OP should spend thousands of dollars.
It is certainly possible that the D is partying too much or abusing substances of some kind. Or shacking up. But nobody on this forum knows what is really going on. The parents need to figure that out first. Once they do that, they can begin to figure out next steps.
“Shacking up with a boy” isn’t necessarily the death knell to being a good student.
A stable relationship in college can actually enhance studies if both parties are motivated, hardworking students. Takes away the distraction, the consumption of time, and the dangers of open dating.
My analogy was pretty clear.
Flunking out of school, popping out kids when too young to take care of them, daddy running off, etc., etc., are all problems that, in many cases, could be prevented with some tough love on the front end. Too many parents don’t understand that. My wife’s sister’s daughter, all of 18, popped out a child with a kid about her age. He hasn’t even graduated high school and, the last I heard, dropped out. He doesn’t have a job. He claims he has learning disabilities and a bad back and that is why he can’t work. They live with my wife’s sister (both of them).
What a lovely future they have. An 18 year old helpless lazy deadbeat daddy and an 18 year old mommy who can’t get more than 30 hours per week at work and is dependent on others to watch her child or else she’d be in the hole financially each month and isn’t even grateful for the help she gets. Lovely. Just lovely.
You know who I feel sorry for?
The baby.
I don’t say anything but I do remember, clearly, when my kids and my wife’s sister’s kids were growing up and I was supposedly a tough parent blah blah blah and I would say “well, we will see what happens later.” And now we can see what happened later. My oldest son is about to enter grad school and he isn’t even 22 yet. He had to listen to me warn him and teach him and he surely wanted me to shut up half the time but … he sure as heck gets it now. He’ll graduate from grad school debt free and responsible and by the time he brings kids into this world he will be able to support them. Period. No excuses.
@OldFashioned1 You appear to have very traditional values, which I can respect. However, no one is telling the OP to pay out large sums of money to finance another year at the school. People are advocating her to work and pay for school herself.
Some things are still not clear.
A. What was the OP willing to pay if the kid did not get a full ride? How much is the college without the scholarship?
B. Would the OP’s reaction be different if the kid lost the scholarship but was not failing (all grades C or higher)?
I can see some parents having a different reaction to the kid losing a scholarship because she earned a 3.4 but needed a 3.5 to keep the scholarship, versus getting D and F grades, whether or not there was a scholarship to lose. In the former case, some may be willing to continue funding college, though at a lower cost one if the scholarship loss makes that one too expensive. In the latter case, the willingness to continue funding is likely to be lower.
Some people in this thread could sprain an ankle from jumping to conclusions.
I’m not a puritan. Shacking up is one thing. Failing college + losing scholarship + shacking up is a whole other ball game. Teases out horrible judgement and likely a worthless boyfriend and potential narcotic use.
Her major isn’t even hard, either. Which gives me even more pause.
You didn’t read any of my posts. I did not suggest the OP keep writing checks for the D who flunked out and even complimented your honest, tough love. Don’t lump me in with the “everything is fine” or “don’t worry things can still turn out warm and fuzzy” crowd. I get a kick out of the sunshine pumpers, believe me.
I didn’t know people still said “shacking up.” Brings back memories – although those memories don’t have anything to do with drugs. Why would being in a romantic relationship increase the risk of drug use? I don’t get it.
^ Shacking up is the gateway to drugs!