My daughter is going through the admissions process at a boarding school within driving distance. She is being recruited by the hockey coach which started this process. She is currently in 9th grade and would begin in the fall as a 10th grader. We just went for tour and interviews, completed financial aid forms. We are just waiting on the recommendations from school. I think this would be a fabulous opportunity for her. She has a 4.2 GPA, is very independent, has been away to overnight hockey camps, etc. She wants to play Div. I hockey in college, and WE were sought out. We don’t have the school’s decision yet so it’s hard to make a final decision when you don’t have to. My daughter loved the school, and the opportunities available to her. She, however, is extremely reluctant to leave her friends. We would never force her to go if she didn’t want to. We have no doubt she would make easily make new friends, etc. I just have a feeling that she will turn this offer down…based on her friends. How do we overcome that?
Perhaps the school could put her in touch with another girl from hockey team to answer questions, etc. and she will start making connections. Even through this board you may be able to find someone for her to connect with if you are comfortable posting which school it is. And, if she is serious about playing D1 hockey, she needs to seriously consider going to prep school. Have her look at a few D1 school rosters and she will see what schools the girls came from. That may change her mind. Good luck.
Thank you. That’s a good idea. I will reach out to the coach. She does know someone that is going next year that we might be able to connect with. Again, good idea. The school is Cushing Academy. She seems to lean towards her public high school and then perhaps a post-graduate year. I would rather see her at the boarding school now.
Could she go as a day student? That way she will still get a chance to see her friends on the weekend.
Your daughter has to own this decision. It’s interesting to me that this seems to have come out of left-field–she didn’t go through the normal prep-school cycle where she had a lot of time to let different schools, teams, and options marinate. I think that’s part of the challenge here.
I definitely agree with @dutch2274 if the goal is to get her to THIS prep school, THIS fall–get her as comfortable as possible with peers and potential teammates in the community. But I would consider taking a half-step back and ask yourselves whether it wouldn’t make sense to perhaps do a broader search (nothing against this school, but it’s just one school), and think also about the PG year, which is very common for athletes in general and hockey in particular. If the option to repeat 10th grade is on the table (which may be preferable to a PG year), that’s still a pretty big incoming class of students.
You’re right - she has to own this decision. This did come out of left field completely. We understood the importance of the prep schools and college level sports but didn’t look at the opportunity before due to financial reasons. But we have been presented with a unique opportunity, and I don’t think it would be available at another school.
In the end, it is her decision and we could always try again next year…or PG. I just don’t want her to regret the decision based on staying with friends… that is the only thing holding her back.
Day school is not an option as it’s too far.
It might help her to think about everything that’s involved – the quality of the education, the hockey opportunity, personal growth, friends AND what the options are. If this is unlikely to be an offer that will be replicated, in terms of aid, etc., she needs to think about everything that’s good about it rather than focusing on this one (albeit important) element. (I recall a friend’s daughter who had a similar dilemma, although the sport was field hockey, and her father made her look at their local school’s report card and college matriculations – she got to BS on her own from that point!)
Helping her connect beforehand with other girls there might help her see that she’ll get to make new friends. I’d also emphasize that she’s not losing her existing friends; DS still hangs out with his local friends when he’s home, and although they didn’t have school in common, what originally united them remains. And he made terrific friends in his four years, so in the end, he just has a larger circle of friends.
Honestly, I wouldn’t be banking on the PG option for later. She may just want to go to college (like all her friends) and you don’t know if the $ will be there. It sounds like a great opportunity. I think @sarrip’s DD is going to Cushing in the fall although I’m not positive…
We have discussed at length ALL the benefits of attending CA, and she gets that. She loved the tour, campus, the academic options, the rink, coach, dorms, all of it. I know it’s hard for her to say for sure right now while we are still awaiting to get the financial aid worked out.
And I’m not banking on the PG either for exactly the reasons you said. I know it’s possible for her to stay in public school and still play DI hockey in college. We know people who have done exactly that. It may take a lot more work on our end to get her noticed, but she’s on a club hockey team now that has great connections as well.
I think connecting with other girls going/already there may be a good idea, in addition to us helping her see that she won’t lose friends. They can Skype during week, visit on weekends, she has longer school breaks. She is not saying no, so I have my fingers crossed it will work out. I know deep down she knows that this is a great opportunity and she will love it.
She has had such a passion for hockey for so many years and has always wanted to play in college. this last year has been rough. She missed most of her hockey season due to injury and seems to have taken a step back. I would hate to see her give that up.
Possibly have her speak to other students who attend the school on their experiences of leaving friends in hometown. Both our girls would tell you that they have maintained ridiculously close relationships with their friends back home and added tons of new friends as well. It took a little time for them to find the balance - but they both did.
My daughter had similar worries regarding friends and also a bf at home. I told her that she should go and commit to staying at least through hockey season. She could always come back home and she knew what to expect there, but she would never know what she might be missing if she didn’t at least give BS a try. She did waver a good bit about staying her 1st year but by Feb she was in love with her new school, and she did keep her friends at home as well. They skype, text, and see each other over bs’s extra long breaks. She will be going to many graduation events at her old school later this month - and she is out for summer break a full month before they are!
Another plus for hockey players - no ridiculous ice times or time wasted commuting to the rink! Teammates usually eat together too and friendships are formed quickly because kids are together 24/7 and skating 6 days a week.