<p>I would not be so concerned if the D seemed to be mature enough to handle things on her own. But one who has never done even a small chore and demands to have her way or else… is not someone I would consider mature.
As for students getting into trouble because of their roommates, the news here has more to do with people getting mugged close to campus–some students, as early as 6PM, some even profs. My S had one weekly section that ran from 9 to 11pm; he held his own section at 7:30pm.</p>
<p>I think your daughter is manipulating you. Remember you are the ultimate decision maker since you are the one with the bucks. Don’t give in. She needs to socialize with pther people and she is not “too cool” to be with others in dorm. Remember you are setting the pace. What’s next? Are tyou going to buy her an appartment overseas when she is studying abroad?</p>
<p>My neighbors let their kid have an appt. Freshman year (not sure why, could have been housing issues). He’s home now because he couldn’t handle school+appt.; he’s now attending CC.</p>
<p>Tell her to attend CC. That’s my advice.</p>
<p>Well students can get mugged whether they are in apartments or the dorms. At my son’s school, there’s an unlighted bridge between the dorms and the campus and there have been many muggings of students on the bridge. The university has requested better lighting on the bridge from the city. Students can take the shuttles but most don’t as the walk is only half-a-mile.</p>
<p>^That’s true if the dorms are not on campus . It’s much less likely if the dorm is on an actual campus. We don’t know the kind of campus the colleges to which the OP’s D has been admitted have. At any rate, I think the other issues are much more likely to be a day-to-day concern than either being mugged or having a druggie roommate (one can ask for a transfer).</p>
<p>I’m smiling as my H is planning a long trip with his freshman year roommate (they graduated in the late 60s). They took some classes together and helped each other; H, an international like myself, was invited to his roommate’s parents home and we have kept in touch not only with the roommate but with his parents as well. S, too, has made lifelong friends with his freshman roommates, all of whom have spent some time with us.</p>
<p>There are some dorms on the campus too and there have been muggings in the back outside the building in the past. There was an armed home invasion with two people killed about two blocks from the dorms last November. Stuff happens in economically depressed areas.</p>
<p>So, what do you suggest, BCeagle? You can get mugged on campus, you can get mugged off-campus, you presumably can get mugged close to home (mine, at least, judging from news reports, and I can assure you that it is not in an “iffy” neighborhood). Does that mean no one should step outside their own home?</p>
<p>You did let your freshman live in an apartment. Does that mean the apartment was located in a safer area than the campus?</p>
<p>My girlfriend’s daughter is coming home at the end of the semester…says she “hates” her college and has “no friends.” She was a freshman who “opted out of the dorm” and was in an apartment because she threw a tantrum to her parents and they got her an apartment. In general I would not recommend an apartment for a freshman. As others have stated many colleges mandate freshman live in the dorms. Third, if I were in your shoes I would allow my freshman to have a single, but if there was an “up-charge” I would make them pay the difference in cost from a summer job regardless of the kiddo’s scholarship argument. I have another friend her did this with her roommate adverse argumentative daughter. Lastly, my kids love the suite-style dorms…agree you should investigate her college choices and the availability of suite style dorms. And finally if my kid tried to emotionally blackmail me I, too, would probably call the bluff and tell them they are certainly welcome to live at home and commute.</p>
<br>
<br>
<p>His apartment is across the street from a police station and at a busy intersection with many shops. Despite that, there was a shooting one block away from the police station with three people wounded. The last mugging across the street from the police station was two years ago. I recommend that he not go out late at night alone. His last class finishes at 9:00 PM and it’s a very short walk back to his apartment. He’s a big guy and people don’t bother him in general. He lives in a building with a lot of graduate students and they come in late from either their courses or from doing research in the labs across the street on the other side.</p>
<p>Some of the muggings near the bridge were of small groups of coeds so even walking in small groups isn’t always enough to deter muggings.</p>
<p>If you’re really worried, ask your police chief for a permit.</p>
<p>My son started asking for an apartment in his junior year and we refused. Then in his senior year at Swarthmore, he justified it by saying it would cost less than staying in campus. And yes, he was right: the apartment cost something like $500 per person (it was run-down, but was ok with him and it was close to the campus) and they pooled together to stay there. So yes, it was cheaper. But by senior year, he was able to do laundry, cook and take care of himself. So we let him. We were absolutely adamantly against it until he could prove that he could take care of himself.</p>
<p>I would never permit a freshman to live in an apartment. However, I think it’s perfectly reasonable for you and your daughter to explore all the possibilities for getting a single on campus. Now is the time to start reading college housing websites and making calls. At my kids’ school, there are some dorms where a double can be used as a single, but of course it’s nearly twice the price.</p>
<p>If single housing was such a priority it should have been part of the college search all along. There are schools that offer singles for freshman and that’s where she should have applied. If it doesn’t work out this year, she could take a gap year and re-apply next year to schools offering singles.</p>
<p>Your daughter is just throwing a tantrum. There’s no way she’s going to just not go to college, apartment or no. In fact, she sounds like she could really benefit from having a roommate, it will help her improve her consideration of people other than herself (and teach her to do laundry). Also, she will really make few friends if she’s living in an apartment. As a first year a lot of the real socialization happens in unorganized, spontaneous hanging out in the dorms. </p>
<p>Plus if she lives in an apartment, who will pay for her groceries? Who will make sure she pays her bills? Who will clean it and wash the dishes and take out the trash? How will she get to the grocery store and to campus (apartments right on or by campus will be the most expensive, probably out of the price range you’re looking for)? Will she have a car? Who will pay for the car insurance and gas?</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>You’re the parent. Absent a medical issue, which doesn’t appear to be the case, you’re perfectly entitled to the expectation that she’ll be just like all the other freshmen and go off to live in a dorm. You don’t even “owe” her a single, for that matter (though that’s up to you, of course, if you want to go to bat for that).</p>
<p>It does not seem that the OP’s D wants to share an apartment. I could be wrong, though.
Grow a spine and Just Say No.</p>
<p>BCEagle: We’ve had concerns, too, about S’s living arrangement. His building happens to be very secure and, though not across a police station, it is in a very well patrolled area. He also does not do much walking, preferring to bicycle, use public transport, or rent a car (for when he goes grocery shopping). It is not always easy to get an apartment close to a police station or in a well-patrolled area. Many years ago, when some friends were living in an area of Boston full of students, they fell prey to robbers who cased buildings that were known to have lots of student renters. They just waited until the students went to class to pounce.</p>
<p>As for evening classes: in college, he had a film class with a weekly film showing that began at 9pm. And that’s not counting the ECs in which S participated in college.</p>
<p>D1’s sophomore roommate was an only child from a wealthy family. She had to have a roommate because the sorority house didn’t have any singles. She picked D1 because she thought D1 was the least objectionable out of 40 other girls. D1 was told by the sorority to take one for the team. </p>
<p>This girl couldn’t have anything out of order, anything on the counter tops had to be in exactly the same place, otherwise she would move it. It included D1’s stuff on her dresser and desk. D1 would come back to the room with all her stuff put away and she couldn’t find them half of the time. This girl also only wore black and grey, whereas D1 was very colorful. D1 finally had a talk with her roommate about it is not ok to touch her stuff, and D1 also tried to make her bed and put her things away before she went to class.</p>
<p>After one year, the roommate actually left the room a few times without making her bed, and D1 became a lot neater. The roommate added few bright colors to her wardrobe and I noticed D1 had few more grey items. They went to Sydney together, had a great time. They are sharing an apartment together now and plan on doing it senior year also. This is a girl that thought she could never live with anyone.</p>
<p>College is a good time to move out of one’s comfort zone.</p>
<p>OP,</p>
<p>I knew someone in grad school who did not know how to use an ATM machine. Do you want your kid to end up being 24, 25, 26, etc. without this skill, or any of the others other posters have mentioned?</p>
<p>Off-campus housing is pretty hard. We got him a place first semester that didn’t work out - fortunately it was a tenant at will and we broke the lease after a month. I was trying to get the place that he was in now - there were eight new apartments next to campus, completely up to code but they didn’t want to rent to undergraduates as there were businesses on the first floor and they didn’t want any tenant issues. We had a meeting with the property manager and convinced them to rent to us. The other seven units sat empty for the next semester. They got a single person and four grad students to full two more apartments the next semester. One or two of the apartments are empty right now. The one across the hall had noisy parties and left trash on the balcony and I guess their lease wasn’t renewed.</p>
<p>His first apartment was in a basement and there was only one exit and that really bothered me. It was all concrete so he didn’t have a second way out in the event of a fire or flood. The building was in a flood plane and had been flooded in the last two years. There were also a few insects. There was a police officer on the first floor though and his police buddies came over frequently. It was also a bit far from campus.</p>
<p>There are lots of universities in urban settings and there are risks in urban settings. Everything is a relative set of compromises.</p>
<p>“she sounds like she could really benefit from having a roommate, it will help her improve her consideration of people other than herself”</p>
<p>Perfect truth, but Lord, I don’t want to be that roommate! :)</p>
<p>BCEagle: If you had had a choice, would you have preferred for your freshman son to live on campus or in an apartment? I gather that there just was not enough on campus housing?</p>
<p>I remember from my grad school days that many apartments that we could afford were far from luxurious! “Dumps” would have been closer to the truth; inconvenient, too.</p>
<p>I love my parents!
They were firm with me, and I think you need to toughen up, parent!</p>