^Unless she gets married…
I was talking to someone earlier and they mentioned that in some states there are actually laws that can force divorced parents to pay for their child’s college education. Even if it’s not in the divorce decree!!! I did some reading and HOLY COW, I see that it’s true. How in the world is that even Constitutional?
Each state has its own Constitution.
I didn’t think any constitution a state may have overrides the U.S. Constitution. In this case the 14th Amendment to the United Sates Constitution. Apparently they do I guess. It’s inconceivable to force divorced parents to pay for a child’s college education while not requiring married parents to do the same. Not every child of a divorce is “disadvantaged”.
@maintainin you would need to see what your obligations would be under the law given that you both live in separate states. I’m guessing that OH has no jurisdiction in SD.
And then just as an FYI, it actually is the case that married parents typically both pay for a child’s college education de facto. Those are parental assets and not distinguished by parent as far as FAFSA or the college is concerned. Sure each parent’s income is reported but that’s just to find out what the total income level of the household is. And assets are totally considered jointly, even trusts.
It doesn’t apply to me thankfully. I don’t know how all this jurisdictional stuff works but we were originally divorced in KY. She has lived in OH all of her life since the divorce and I’ve been in SD since 2002. None of those states have this ridiculous law on the books as far as I can tell. There is nothing in the divorce decree that mentions anybody paying for college.
My point is, and this has been argued successfully in some states and not successfully in others, is that it violates the 14th Amendment(equal protection) to FORCE divorced parents to pay for their child’s college education while not forcing parents who were never divorced to do the same. You cant say that all undivorced parents usually pay for their children’s education and divorced parents usually don’t. This law is just so unfair. IMO NO parent should be forced to do this, unless maybe agreed to in some sort of divorce agreement. Thankfully, it only looks like a handful of states(NJ, ILL, IN, WA, HA, MO…and a few others) still allow this. I read an article where a few years back South Carolina was one of those and it was ruled unconstitutional.
It’s not a slam dunk.
"In those states that allow child support awards for college costs, courts look at a number of factors to determine whether non-custodial parents should have to contribute to their child’s college funds. These factors include:
Whether the parents would have contributed toward the college costs if they still lived together
The level of post-high school education of both parents
Whether the parents would have expected the child to go to college if they still lived together
The financial resources of the child and parents
The child’s particular interests, academic achievements and goals
The child’s ability to earn income while in school
The availability of financial aid in the form of scholarships, grants and loans
The relationship between the child and the non-custodial parent, including the child’s responsiveness to advice and guidance."
It can also be in addition to child support. And I think the practical judgment can limit the college costs.
Yes, it’s tough to be a parent.
OP- all due respect- save the energy you are expending worrying about someone else’s constitutional rights being violated and focus on maintaining the relationship you have (and will have) going forward with your D.
I don’t know you- and I’m sure you are a stand-up guy. But I have lots of friends of both genders who are divorced and whenever they go off on one of their “the courts are so unfair to divorced mom’s” or “judges always try to screw the dad” rants (which seem to be very frequently) I’m always tempted to ask, “Why can’t you channel all this energy and actually be a parent to your teenage kid?”
So forgive me if I’m totally off-base. But worrying about the law in South Carolina doesn’t help your D put a plan together for graduating from HS and being a self-sufficient, self-supporting, self-confident adult. Worrying about Illinois doesn’t get your daughter launched. Getting irate over the 14th amendment doesn’t help your D craft a workable, affordable plan to completing her education with the ability and skill to be an independent grown-up.
Now that everyone agrees that you paying for this art school program is a bad idea… take the energy you show here and focus on coming up with a better path forward for your D. From what you’ve written, she doesn’t have Grade A /Blue chip role models when it comes to financial planning and management-- she could really use some strong and positive parenting right now I would imagine.
Except when she and her mom are hearing none of it. How many times do I have to say this…THEY ARE NOT LISTENING TO WHAT I HAVE TO SAY.
Sorry for going off topic. I guess I was thinking about what if I lived in one of those states and was forced to pay for something I didn’t agree with, like this college for example.
There is no “they”.
There is your ex-wife. If you guys were on the same page, able to communicate, able to jointly tackle problems in a cooperative manner, she wouldn’t be your ex-wife, she’d be your wife.
Then there is your D. She is the innocent bystander to your divorce; is the innocent bystander to life with Mom and new husband; innocent bystander to whatever anger and irritation exists between her bio parents.
If you uncouple your D from your ex-wife you will probably find a lot of common ground. She wants to launch into adulthood- and that’s what you want for her. Start there.
blossom…what? You make this all sound really easy. Thanks for the fluffy inspirational speech on how things should be between me and my daughter. But you don’t know. If I call her right now she is not going to entertain any other thought than going to this college. When the person on the other line( and the parental unit that should be giving her better advice) are literally a brick wall at the moment things are a little tougher than you think they are.
@maintainin, what did your daughter say to you when you asked her to tell you all about her artwork? Were you able to see any of her work yet?
“forced to pay for something I didn’t agree with”
I’m not sure what you do agree with. This is your child, like it or not. I’m still waiting to hear you love this kid, are trying to build a relationship, despite the fusses over SAA or the emotional and physical distance. The thread is laden with your feelings of resentment toward the ex. We get it, ok? And when someone points it out, you get irate. In one way or another, we know things get tough. Sure. We’ve been around.
We get that you don’t like your ex and wish she would stay out of your life. But you have a daughter together. Now, what are you going to do about that? When a kid pulls a brick wall on a parent, most of us don’t want to see the parent give up. She is the child.
Otherwise, you’re just using this thread to vent.
SMH… Thanks for everybody’s help. I really appreciate it.
@maintainin Don’t worry. You’re trying to do the right thing.
Correction…you are doing the right thing.
Have they agreed to pay/borrow for the first year, and then granny’s $15k will go towards the second?
The others are right that you shouldn’t expend energy on what other states are doing. Yes, it may not seem fair. However, there are all kinds of things that are “ordered” for divorced parents that aren’t ordered for intact parents.
@maintainin, Please keep us updated. Mom2collegekids is right; you’re doing the right thing. Good luck.
Our former babysitter briefly wanted to go to an art school, until her father told her “I will save you the $45K, and just buy you the pole now, so you can become a stripper! Cut out the middle man!” I can’t imagine a parent telling a child something like that. But DH found the whole story hilarious.
She ended up going to a CC, transferring to a state U, and she is now a nurse.
There are many other art schools she could go to that would cost less. A 4-year degree in art at my university only costs about 40-50 grand in tuition, and that includes 2 more years and a bachelor’s degree. Also, art majors only make 30 to 40 grand a year if that. Your daughter would be in debt forever with a low paying job. I was going to be an artist when I was longer and then switched to architecture because of the pay difference. I am not saying for your daughter to give up her dreams but just pick a different school and maybe funnel that artistic and creativity somewhere else.
@3puppies, that dad was probably thinking of a couple girls he knew in his “past” LOL. Heck, you don’t need to be an art student to strip. I recall a couple of acquaintances from college who did the same thing and their major was in the social sciences. They thought the money was good, esp. for a college student. Another girl in my dorm turned out to be moonlighting as a prostitute. All of these young ladies were attending an expensive private LAC.
@jritch - exactly. U of Cin. is only $11,000 per year in-state and their DAAP is quite well known. She would be attending the same program as many famous designers, graduate with a bachelors in graphic design and spend about the same amount in tuition total as SAA charges for the associate degree (all DAAP design programs are five years in length and include five semesters of co-op). She would REALLY get a comprehensive education! Not sure why the daughter and her mom aren’t thinking of this option. DAAP is right in their state.
Edit/update: just found the admissions profile for entering freshmen: http://daap.uc.edu/academics/design/bs_graphic_communication/admission_requirements.html