Decided to go to Columbia... but my parents aren't okay with it

A month or so ago you swore you were all about Vandy. It was the bomb, it didn’t matter where else you got accepted, everything else sucked, you wanted Vandy! But you’ve dropped it like a hot potato now to go to Columbia? Who is being fickle and prestige hungry now? Whatever happened to your parents getting divorced and needing to take a gap year? Thank your lucky stars you were accepted at Princeton, it gets you out of your house away from your parents and if I recall that was one of your main objectives. If you can’t find something great about attending Princeton, you are not going to be happy anywhere amyway! /:slight_smile:

@labegg Let me just say the divorce thing has been in limbo, but certainly the family dynamic is still not healthy (parents don’t sleep with each other, don’t spend time together). However, both my parents want me going to Princeton.

Well Columbia was the most similar thing I could have to Chicago, and I never expected I was Ivy quality

If your parents won’t file the necessary financial paperwork for Columbia, you won’t be able to attend. If you enroll this fall because the paperwork has already been completed and they refuse to file next year, you won’t be able to attend Columbia and Princeton will be off the table too.

I think you need to develop a long term plan. You want to get out of the house and not be dependent on your parents, right? Going to Princeton is your best option. They seem eager for you to attend and you’ll be away for 10 months/year. If you can get involved in research projects, you could spend summers there too. Turning your nose up at preppy culture when you’re coming from a verbally and physically abusive home isn’t in your best interest. It sounds like a power struggle. Your parents want Princeton so that’s the last place you’ll ever want. You need your Independence and a safe space to start your adult life. Princeton can provide that. If I were you, that’s what I’d focus on.

Wow, so your choice of college is worth being disowned over? And you’re threatening to kill yourself over the choice to not go to Princeton??

Sorry, I cannot understand either side of an argument that places family over something as trivial as the choice of a school.

This isn’t about schools. It’s about family relationships and mental health.

I think some therapy-- with or without your parents-- is called for.

But Vanderbilt is the closest to Princeton in the Ivy League so if you loved Vanderbilt you’ll find ways to love Princeton. Think of it as winning anyway… You get to go to the Vanderbilt of the ivy league.
Look up the core at Columbia and build a set of first year courses that match these requirements.
Don’t join Eating clubs. Join Habitat for Humanity.
In addition, spend your Junior year abroad + exchange semester in the US Sophomore year, so you can experience other environments.
Frankly, of all your problems, attending Princeton is the least of your problems.
You’re right, Columbia is great, and we could try to help you argue in its favor but based on everything you’ve told us about your parents that’s not a fight you’re going to win.
So, make that college yours. Make Princeton exactly what you want it to be. Most importantly, it’ll be your escape hatch away from their clutches. Don’t tell them, ever, but once you’re on the Princeton campus, you’re free.

@bjkmom not literally…

Which part “not literally”?? Suicide? Being disowned? Being willing to be disowned?

“…but you will not change their view of the world.”

Do you see how, if they’re insisting and stomping their feet, threatening disownment and “My mom threatened that she’ll commit suicide due to shame if I go to Columbia…”

you’re doing the same? You’re insisting it has to be Columbia or bust, “I’d rather kill myself than go to Princeton.”

Ironic?

A wise friend liked to say, "When all else fails, the one thing You **can ** change is your attitude.

If what you really want is independence of them, maybe you either go to Princeton or leave after hs grad, get a job, pay your own way for rent, etc, and not look back.

Or is this just as much about you want as what they do? You’re stomping your foot. You’re threatening dire actions, too. See it?

You ready to break ties? Or will going to P make it easier in the long run? Can you break the cycle of drama?

Think.

If you REALLY want independence, move out, get a job, and go to community college as you pay your own way.

Or is that a bit too much independence?

Suicide isn’t literal

In real life, one never knows. Try telling your doc you’re thinking suicide and see if you get a laugh or alarm. Most of us responding here are adults. We’ve heard and seen a lot.

You have choices to make and each has consequences. Maybe tell us what your rational ideas are.

My 18 year old daughter has been to 3 wakes in the past year that were all suicides… and, no, none of the 3 knew either of the other two.

Threatening suicide is not a good way to make the point that you’re serious.

I’ll probably suck it up and go to Princeton, but I’ll likely be extremely unhappy there. I’m happiness correlates with success. My parents seem to believe even a 2.0 at Pton is better than flying colors at Columbia. They say my mind is “too stupid” for the core and I need flexibility like Pton to succeed (wonder what would they would have said if I wanted Brown). They just keep making up excuses, as if they are acting for my good

I’m already super depressed at the thought I’ll go to Princeton, however. My parents argue Princeton is a more powerful name and since I will study 24/7, there will be no difference vs Columbia. They don’t consider happiness a factor, being Korean

But I know too well.

You can be happy at Princeton if you allow yourself to be. It’s a big school with many types of people and many activities. They all cannot be pigeon-holed into one stereotype.

Mind I didn’t even want to APPLY to Princeton. I just BSed the app and miraculously got in

Lol, you’re just as stubborn as they are. But you’re the 18 year old, yet to branch out, leave home, go on your own, sink or swim. Try to recognize the drama- yours, as well as theirs. Columbia may need to be a grad school goal.

You can be mature about this or whiny. You can go sink to a college gpa that risks being dismissed or you can mature and build a solid future wherever you land.

If you don’t like your parents’ abuse, control, demands, don’t mirror it with your own threats. Be maturem

True, but I’ll be very lonely and stressed.

I want to talk to my parents and convince them, but they refuse to even compromise

True, but Columbia was my 2nd choice after Chicago (they are gaslighting me with my rejection and claim I should have SCEA to Princeton bas they advised). Princeton acceptance is a curse

It would be great if they at least didn’t belittle me and tried to convince me