Decision Time

Parents Forum
21

<p>I find it interesting that everyone says "If it doesn't work out, just transfer". I was in this camp as well until the last year. Then watched intently as two co-workers received the "Mom/Dad...I hate it here and want to go somewhere else. Help me fix this" calls after about 3 months of the first semester.</p>

<p>Both sets of parents are in completely differently social worlds of ours, so neither knew anything of the other. But in each case, the stories were so similar it was amazing:</p>

<p>Embraced the student's choice
Sewed the smiles on and said all the right things
Did their best to be positive as the situation was going downhill</p>

<p>In both cases, the students transferred, wound up a "lesser schools" than they were originally accepted at and essentially lost a year of work as of course it didn't transfer.</p>

<p>While I am BIG on allowing a tremendous amount of flexibility, embrace maturity and taking responsibility and accountability for one's life...at some point the idea that an 18 year old is mature enough (in most cases) to make life decisions without serious input from those with real life experience seems a little naive to me. I think of the decisions that I would have and did make at 18...and shudder!</p>

<p>Sigh...two more months of this EXCITING time!</p>

22

<p>jbh: what is interesting is that many, many college freshman feel that same way 3 months into the semester; right around Thanksgiving....it's very difficult for parents, but often if the kids go back for semester 2 (Spring), everything improves......alot on CC have asked their students to stick it out for the full year before making any changes....</p>

23

<p>Even though I am 18, I agree. I wonder all the time if I am making the right decision. Since neither of my parents went to college, I have no adult figure to look to for the information that I need for college. My career councelor tells me that I should just visit both schools and I will know - which does not help since I can not visit. In the end I chose the one that made me more comfortable. The Flagship, even though high in ratings, did not meet my needs. I want my college to be happy to answer any questions that I may have... and even though the two schools are the same size, Directional U did.
I looked deeply into internships and careers for after graduation, and only one school suited my needs.
Instead of basing my decision on sports and the number of students in my school that will be rejected, I based it on academics and what it can provide me to help me succeed.</p>

24

<p>I have never heard the term "Directional U" before - not sure I still know what it means.
Does it mean second rate? Not "prestigious"? Lower quality? Dumber kids? Dumber professors?
Whom does a "Directional U" direct?</p>

25

<p>Flagship school: University of Michigan
Directional U: Western Michigan, Eastern Michigan ("Directional" refers to the "Western" or "Eastern" part of the name)</p>

<p>I agree -- in most states the main university is "higher" academically than the others. But, I have many friends who have kids in the other schools and are very happy.</p>

<p>Oh, and on the topic... my DS will make the decision with minimal input from me so that he has ownership of the decisions and will work harder to make it work for him.</p>

26

<p>Let me start by saying, this has been great therapy for me! Thank you! I have been frustrated by this for the past couple months when it seems my "common sense kid" seems to have been replaced with "Yeah But Boy".</p>

<p>I attended a large state school and not a directional one either. I had a "good time" like most college attendees. I keep up with no one from school. And I have no problem admitting that once I moved away for work, that part of my life was effectively over. </p>

<p>Contrast that with the things I read here and have experienced in my life where...people who have attended smaller schools seem to have a "connection" to the students and alums beyond "when Big state U is winning at <strong>fill in revenue generating sport here</strong>". That network is priceless as opposed to Big State U's 8,000 graduates a year!</p>

<p>So now, back to present day...</p>

<p>Son gets accepted to 4 LAC's all of which are mentioned here on CC regularly. Of those, two have already offered approximately half scholarships for his...ACADEMICS!</p>

<p>I highlight academics because he thought he was going to be an athlete! Turns out the brain works tremendously well too! Who knew!</p>

<p>One of the LAC's contacts us pretty regularly (every other week) by either mail (personally written) or phone. </p>

<p>Contrast that with Big State U which has sent a total of two mailing (form letters of course) since he was accepted in November.</p>

<p>big State U has offered zero dollars so far, though I know of course they are working hard on those financial aid packages to get them out to the MANY students thye have admitted.</p>

<p>My opinion...the one thing that Big state U has...many of his friends are going there...</p>

<p>My, and I stress only MY experience has been that those "friends" from high school will quickly disappear. I know approximately a quarter of the friends I had from high school that went to college became alcoholics within 3 semesters and never finished anyway. Half became jerks that I didn't want to deal with at all. The other quarter essentially faded into the background.</p>

<p>So...here is my bottom line brain assessment...</p>

<p>Big State U offers...</p>

<p>Friends
Higher cost
Being one of MANY (thousands) IF you even reach graduation
Large network, but not necessarily relationship based</p>

<p>LAC (take your pick of the acceptances) offers...</p>

<p>Personal experience by people who know you
Lower cost
Long term relationship based network</p>

<p>So am I just being a jerk with my assessment? </p>

<p>Oh...and just a response to the "student owning the decision". That's a nice concept, but if the parent is paying, the student has no real ownership. The student may be deciding but the parents are owning the responsibility. I think that is my real frustration...</p>

<p>If I could justify the doubling in cost, I could justify the expense differential but since I don't see the value, I can't justify in my mind the additional 70k for an inferior product.</p>

27

<p>"I have never heard the term "Directional U" before - not sure I still know what it means.
Does it mean second rate? Not "prestigious"? Lower quality? Dumber kids? Dumber professors?"</p>

<p>Here in Illinois, U of Illinois is (obviously) the major state flagship. The directional U's would be Northern Illinois, Southern Illinois, Eastern Illinois, Western Illinois Universities. Typically they would have lower admissions requirements (e.g., some combo of not-particularly-impressive GPA and ACT/SAT) and not be known outside the state in question. They also would be appreciably cheaper than UIUC. Many elem and hs teachers in Illinois go to the directional U's because they want education majors and don't want to pay an arm and a leg for them.</p>

28

<p>I had never heard that term before either. It's interesting because the USF Honors College raises the bar pretty high for acceptance. I know that is not the case for the university, but definitely for the Honors College. Is this considered a "Directional University"?</p>

29

<p>Think the term "directional" is being used as a substitute for "first tier" which for those schools not making the category find somewhat derogatory. I would say there are probably a dozen or so "first tier" schools out there with the following leading the way (just to name a few off the top of my head):</p>

<p>University of Virgnia
UNC (Chapel Hill)
Berkely
U of Mich
GA Tech
Florida State
Rutgers (New Brunswick)
U of Wisconsin</p>

30

<p>Much is made on these boards about "fit".</p>

<p>Son #3 picked the Honors College (average SAT 1370) at the lower-ranked school with its smaller classes, priority registration, Honors advising (including overrides into full classes), Honors housing, etc., etc., plus the extra merit $$ offered by the university. There were other, "it just felt right" reasons - it felt like there was less rah-rah, and, top to bottom, a sincere focus on a great and successful freshman year. And they have been "showing him the love" since last spring, something that flagship is NOT known for. </p>

<p>A scholars day, where individual VP's of admissions and deans were discussing with my son specifics of which calculus class he should take based on his AP scores and major (that's just one example of the individual touch this huge school was able to project) helped to clinch the deal.</p>

<p>Not the choice that every student would make. But his dad and I think our son made the right one - for him.</p>

31

<p>Directional means there is a direction in their name--South, East, etc. Usually, the flagship U has thestate name with U or State, and that is it. A "directional" U has the state name along with North, Northern along with it. While they tend to be a tier lower than flagship, this is not always true. But most were considered more regional by their own home state when they were founded, therefore a "direction" was placed in their name.</p>

32

<p>I know many parents take the stand of letting their kids decide, I am not so much in that camp. I think many people, especially young people, see themselves differently than who they really are. My D1, to be very honest, is very prestigious conscious, but would not really admit to it. She also likes to have a small circle of friends, but needs to interact with many different people or else she gets bored (large university campus).</p>

<p>When we were down to two schools (one accepted and one waitlisted), she wanted to forgo the waitlisted school. I was the one that pushed her to go for the waitlisted, even though she said she wouldn't go even if she was admitted. I knew in my heart that she would regret it later if she didn't pursue it. Another thing to keep in mind, she like many students were shell shocked when she got all the rejections, she wasn't in the frame of mind to pursue a waitlisted school(her GC was fairly certain she could get D1 off if that's what she wanted, but would require work). I was one of those parents that pushed her along at the end to get to the finishing line. If I had left it to her, she would have taken an easier way out, but maybe regret it later. Some people may say it was helicopting, but D1 has thanked me for keeping her going when she thought she couldn't. </p>

<p>My D1 and I are very close, we could almost ready each other's mind, so I was pretty certain what she wanted. What my husband and I would have preferred was maybe for her to take the full merit scholarship at another school.</p>

<p>Another thing is, at 18 many kids still have a hard time doing the analysis of long term effect of their decisions (most of them have a hard time deciding what to wear or eat), having parents to guide them is not a bad thing.</p>

33

<p>Ultimately, my daughter gets to decide...but from the subset of her accepted schools that are offering a financial aid package acceptable to our family. We're not keen on her graduating with crippling amounts of debt, and we can't afford to exceed our planned budget on her college choice when she's got a sister just one year behind who deserves an equal amount of support. </p>

<p>So, her choice but within the boundaries of financial realities for the family. Aside from that I'm trying not to nudge her one direction or another! I might worry if I thought she were leaning toward a place I thought she'd be unhappy, but I can easily picture her at any of her top 3 picks.</p>

<p>Sure would be nice to have a decision made, though! This has been a long road.</p>

34

<p>Weeellllll.....</p>

<p>It was son's decision.... but I definitely shared my biases and my reasons for them with him - while paying all the deposits to keep his options open, and offering to do extra trips to my "non-favored" U to let him look again, etc. But I'm still his mom, and I have 30 years on the kid, and 18 years of watching what works and doesn't work for him. Part of my job is (still!) trying to help guide him to making good choices for himself. </p>

<p>In the end, though, the reasons I liked the school he chose resonated with HIM. Had he been all about national championships and rankings, or had a life-long ambition to go to flagship (like many in our state), we probably wouldn't have been having this discussion at all. But that's not who he is. And, since I'm his mom, I knew that...</p>

<p>I just mailed off the deposits, and canceled the housing at the other school. Whew. Now all we have to do is sign up for orientation, and we can relax (HAHAHAHAHA) for a month or so until graduation.</p>