<p>farfallena - Most seniors are stressed, it is normal to feel stressed at this point, and it is fine to acknowledge that. OP seems to think he/she is the only person who is feeling that way. In my post, I NEVER implied that how OP is feeling is normal. There is a difference. People do get stressed at some point of their life, but most people are able to cope with it. When someone is overwhelmed then he/she should look for help. So don’t get so shocked with people’s response before you fully understand what they are saying.</p>
<p>I have only a minute because I need to leave for church, but wanted to answer:</p>
<p>I am a high-performer and a perfectionist. I suffer from depression. Your post sounds like my feelings before I saw a medical doctor and received treatment for depression. </p>
<p>In your situation, I wouldn’t want to see anyone affiliated with the school, but anything you say to a medical doctor will be kept confidential.</p>
<p>If you have access to a chaplain or a pastor, I would also recommend consulting him or her, in addition to (not instead of) a medical doctor. A chaplain or pastor could help give you some much-needed perspective and would also keep everything you say confidential. </p>
<p>Please let us know what you decide to do!</p>
<p>My prev post was submitted before edits and I don’t know if the admins will post the full version. </p>
<p>But, I want to add a postscript here: nearly everyone has advised speaking with a counselor or MD- or pastor. We know how hard that first step can seem. But, adults who specialize in helping people have that training- and concern for others. No one is advising you to “go through the motions.” </p>
<p>Though delaying college may turn out to work for you, kids who have worked so long and so hard for their college options can find a decision to turn away to be even more stressful. You can make that decision later. I am not saying “push through.” Just don’t force yourself into final plans while in this delicate condition.</p>
<p>Re: DougBetsy’s hotline number: I knew people from the Samaritans- amazing, caring folks who were well trained to listen and steer callers toward help. Confidential. It is an option.</p>
<p>Splash - As you can see, there are people here who have not met you who care about you. If you cannot talk to your parents, could you show them your post? If not them, the school counselor? If not, go to your family doctor. Please, please get help.</p>
<p>I believe that what you are feeling is not just typical high school stress. You sound clinically depressed and there is help. Set aside the applications, set aside the periphery of you and focus on you. You are worth it.</p>
<p>I am not an expert, just a mom. Your letter easily could have been written by my daughter. She went to a very competitive high school, competitive athlete, had high achieving siblings, etc. She feels like she is watching her life rather than living it and is jealous of others that never seemed to think about anything. She has found an excellent counselor and the cloud is lifting. It can for you to. </p>
<p>Please let us know how you are.</p>
<p>Splash496:</p>
<p>Having a high intellect is a two-edged sword in a young mind when that intellect is used for introspection. Unfortunately, many acheive academic success and leave it at that. The next part of the ‘journey’ is wisdom. </p>
<p>Hopefully it will offer some consolation to know that many have gone through simlar, if not the same, introspection and [this</a> too shall pass](<a href=“http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/This_too_shall_pass]this”>This too shall pass - Wikipedia). You can actively accelerate the process if you’re ready and your posting appears to be an indication of this.</p>
<p>If you can, have a ‘heart-to-heart’ with your parents. If not, there are paid professionals in your school and community that can mentor you. That being said, use your high intellect to envision your current situation as a problem with a solution. For example: Don’t underestimate what you can do when you volunteer in your community for those in need, but also the [therapeutic</a> effect](<a href=“http://www.worldvolunteerweb.org/news-views/news/doc/volunteering-helps-fight-depression.html]therapeutic”>http://www.worldvolunteerweb.org/news-views/news/doc/volunteering-helps-fight-depression.html) it has on you as well; giving you a sense of purpose and a connection to your community.</p>
<p>When we look the at our human condition through the lenses of science (psychology, antrhopology, psychology, sociology, etc.) and the arts we learn that we are individuals that a part of a larger community; we’re social animals/beings. You’re now learning about yourself as an individual and hopefully you’ll soon learn of your larger role in the community.</p>
<p>Final thought: Your community needs you and what you can contribute is important and not inconsequential.</p>
<p>Splash–It sounds to me like your brain is just plain burnt out! Being a high achiever (whether you believe it or not) and putting constant pressure on yourself to perform eventually causes problems for most people. It’s not that the hamster is bored on his wheel–it’s that he fell off and just doesn’t have the will or desire to get back on. Just laying there seems so much easier!</p>
<p>As other posters have said, you are most likely depressed. From what I know it is not just going to go away. I don’t think it is possible for most people to just push their way through it by keeping busy (if you’re truly depressed, keeping busy sounds like an impossible task). It is like your brain has a “thermostat” that regulates all the important chemicals in your brain. Constant stress can cause your thermostat to get improperly reset to a level that doesn’t provide your brain with the things it needs for proper functioning. What triggers the brain to reset improperly is different for different people, that it why some of your hard charging classmates appear (and are) just fine. </p>
<p>Being depressed isn’t some personal weakness, it is just a chemical imbalance that needs attention. Think about if your kidney’s or liver or thyroid etc… were not properly doing their job, you would be bound to see or feel some physical symptoms. Once you get the proper medication things will begin to feel more normal and you will feel relief. The medication will help your thermostat get back to a normal setting. For some, therapy is very helpful–it can help you get a new “filter” on how you see things so that you don’t wear out certain parts of your brain again (and start the whole cycle again). Some people are just born with filters that can be more draining than others, and this is often the case with high performing people. Your filter helps you attain really high levels but eventually “It’s going to cost you.” A psychologist/counselor/pastor etc can help you get more balance in your life, which will help your thermostat stay where it is supposed to be.</p>
<p>Please get help. This is the one thing YOU HAVE TO DO, even though you probably don’t feel like putting forth the extra energy (it can seem like just getting through the day is already too much). Put those college apps on the back burner for now–there are plenty of schools with a Jan 1 deadline. For some people, medication and/or therapy can bring almost instant relief (or a least enough to do some extra things) and you may have the energy you need to complete them.</p>
<p>You are not alone with your feelings. There are many people experiencing the exact same thing and doctors are well aware of the symptoms. He/She will not look at you “funny” or think your feelings of being overwhelmed and hopeless are “odd”. They will be glad you came to see them and will want to help you get back on track.</p>
<p>Second the whole (putting college aps on the backburner thing). The important thing is to get well; you probably can’t do as much as you would want to do right now, and that’s okay; as long as your mental status is up to date, everything else will fall into place at your due time.</p>
<p>Thank you so much to everyone for your thoughts and perspective - I am blown away by and so appreciative of your kindness and support. I’ve read through this entire thread several times and so much of it has moved me deeply or made me think from another perspective. Thank you so much for your understanding and for seeing where I am coming from. </p>
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Gadad - your entire post is so insightful. You’re so right - I don’t literally HAVE to apply to college or do my homework or many of my other activities. I really wish that I could take a break, but the consequences of not applying to college are so great. I’ve worked so hard for my entire academic life and I feel like it would be so terrible to drop everything right before college. It’s unfortunate that the culture around me is so results-driven and view everything largely in black-and-white. I don’t want to join their black-and-white view because I don’t agree with it, but at this point, I feel like rebelling would only draw more negative attention to me. So yes, it is a choice I’m making. I just have to figure out how to, as you’ve mentioned, stop pushing back against it.</p>
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You hit the nail on the head. I spent many, many years of my middle school and high school life thinking that my worth as a person is determined by my grades, scores, and other accomplishments. It took me a long time to realize that I am valuable as a person even if I do poorly on a test. I don’t know how the “you’re not good enough” mantra came to settle itself so deeply in my mind, but I’m really, really trying to go against it and tell myself that I am worth it as a person…</p>
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Yeah. I tell myself that every single day. It was enough to motivate me at first, but now it’s gotten to the point where the sadness and hopeless is enough to take away so much of my concentration making even homework a great struggle. I’m not really sure how to describe it. But yes I am telling myself to just push through this last bit…</p>
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Indeed - not everything in life is enjoyable for its own sake but will benefit us in the long run. College applications being a prime example. I guess one of my greater frustrations at this point is the lack of something that feels “rewarding.” I go through the motions but there is nothing extra - like a spark of fun - that makes it interesting. I don’t have very much free time, but I’m open to trying something new.</p>
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This is a really good point. My life has been largely driven by competition and for a long time I was literally unable to do anything (running, yoga, art) without turning it into a competition. But now I realize the non-competitive part really is key. My psychology teacher once gave us an assignment to color in parts of the brain and I found working with the colored pencils to be more rejuvenating than anything I’ve done in a long time…</p>
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It’s unfortunate that there exists (especially in my school’s community) such a strong emphasis on results. I wish it weren’t this way, that people didn’t “measure” others based on their accomplishments or the schools they get into, but sadly, such is the case. I don’t want to follow along with their black-and-white, all-or-nothing view of others, because I don’t agree with it… but at the same time I feel like it’d be impractical to NOT try to run on the hamster wheel as intensely as everyone else.</p>
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That’s a really insightful perspective. I think my parents are unwilling to believe that I feel really sad because then it’d make them feel badly. So they’re doing all they can to resist any indication that I am feeling the things that I am feeling. </p>
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For so many years, I thought that I was a bad person for feeling sad more frequently than some of my friends seemed to. And the more I felt like I was a bad person, the more I hated myself and the worse I felt. It was only in the recent year or two that I realized that I wasn’t a bad person; I was only trying to do the best that I could…</p>
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<p>Thank you, StitchInTime, for your kind thoughts and for your optimism, and thanks again everyone for your understanding and for your good intention. I really appreciate the care of this community and I hope this gets better soon…</p>
<p>Please see a counselor. As others have pointed out, your hopelessness suggests depression, a treatable condition. Stress and/or depression make one lose perspective. Talking to a counselor will help you see that you have a lot of options. </p>
<p>You do not have to run the hamster wheel. </p>
<p>What about a gap year to decompress?</p>
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<p>It would be far far more impractical to continue in a wheel that is destroying your mental and physical well-being. </p>
<p>Please listen to those that suggest you might need professional help. I know a lot- most- of the folks have recommended it on this thread, yet I don’t sense you’ve absorbed that important piece of advice. I think it is the most critical thing you can do for yourself right now. </p>
<p>Depression of the kind you are describing, is not the kind of thing you get over by distraction, extra activities, or just pushing through. Please seek support from those that can help you as fast and effectively as possible.</p>
<h2>For a few legit reasons, I didn’t think my dau’s sadness was as bad as she did. It wasn’t about my own ego, worries that I was a bad parent or what the neighbors would think. And, it may not be for your parents, either. We often just think of our own usual adult challenges and assume our kids have it easier. That’s our mistake.</h2>
<p>For many kids, first semester of senior year is the hardest personal challenge you have been through yet. All the years of prep and expectation are coming to a head. At the same time, you are more eager to make your own active decisions (not just do what has always been demanded of you or what everyone else does- that hamster wheel.) Of course, there can be a thunderstorm. </p>
<p>Posters are saying to forget college now. Yes, you are in crisis and there are times when we all must say, stop the train. There are times when everything has to come to a halt, while we work on healing. But, forgetting college applications - make sure this isn’t also another black-and-white thing. Only you can make the best decision, perhaps with the right help. Since my girls were also at a competitive private school, my concern for you is that you not suffer more, next spring, based on choices today. I’m sorry you are suffering and know it is so hard.</p>
<p>Besides what other people are telling, I also think that it’s a good thing just to go and have a good run. Get some endorphins going for you in the meantime and see if that helps by just a tiny bit. I could sort of relate to what you’re saying but I can’t say fully. All I know is that a clean room and a some movement helps. Other than that, you should go ahead and talk to a proffesional about it. My mom threatened to take me to one a long time ago but I found that I didn’t really need it. But maybe I’m just taking this a bit too light-hearted.</p>
<p>Most college applications are due January 1, right? Seeking help now does not mean that the OP is forgoing submitting applications at the end of December. It simply means that the most important thing at this moment is his/her emotional and physical well being.</p>
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<p>OP, I am moved by your words quoted above to add something that may seem random in the context of all of the great feedback you’ve received…but I hope it resonates in some way with you.</p>
<p>Our daughter was also deeply unhappy most of her K-12 life because she rarely felt in step with her peers for just the reason you describe. She is now a freshman in college and has found her place–an environment where peers and professors share her passion for “deep thought” and “philosophiz(ing).” She has been transformed as an individual and is truly, deeply happy. </p>
<p>I offer this only to plant a seed of hope. </p>
<p>And as a PS, may I suggest you ask yourself if it’s possible your parents feel helpless and hopeless, too, simply because they don’t know how to help you? One of the greatest challenges a parent faces is the realization they can’t “fix” what’s wrong with their child. It’s easier when children are young, e.g., a parent can deal with the helplessness of being unable to take away the pain of a boo-boo. But when your child is a young adult suffering the pain of life’s journey, it’s hard, and there’s no guide or FAQ! We parents have to learn how best to convince you of our unconditional love and support as you navigate the unique twists and turns of your path. Sometimes, we say and do the right thing. Other times, we are off base in every way! Trust that more than anything else in the world, your parents only want what’s best for you. And if you can do that, then you can help them help you.</p>
<p>Splash, Hugs to you. As a parent I can tell you that the well being of a child is paramount to parents. Please do talk to your school counselor, or somebody you trust, if you cannot talk to your parents. You might be surprised to find out how many people care about you and would love to help if you would only ask. Depression is really a chemical issue and you might find that the right kind of help can turn your life around. A very dear friend went through this recently. She got help and is doing very well now. Sometimes you just need to take that first step. I would also consider talking to your family doctor. Believe me, you are not alone.
I am a high school teacher, and when I know something like this is going on with one of my students, I do everything in my power to assist them with extended deadlines etc. All of this can be done very discreetly, without the rest of the school knowing. I am sure that there are teachers and other adults in your school who do care, and who would help if you gave them a chance. Good luck!</p>
<p>The kind and thoughtful responses are really heartwarming and I have been thinking carefully about what you all have said. It really means a lot to me.</p>
<p>I emailed the school psychologist about this and we are meeting to talk about it tomorrow…</p>
<p>Wonderful news, and good luck tomorrow from all of us!</p>
<p>Ditto what compmom said. I think just having someone to talk to will help lift a bit of the cloud. Also, maybe the psychologist will be able to help in explaining to your parents what has been going on.</p>
<p>Hugs to you.</p>
<p>So glad to hear this! We will all be thinking about you.</p>