Does anyone know if there is a policy for deferred admission to a particular school. For example, if a student is accepted at School A and School B, can that student matriculate at School A and reserve a spot for the next year at School B? This might be a solution to a problem we are having in our family.
I seriously doubt it. I have never heard of this.
You can call Exeter and ask but I’m not sure how receptive they’d be to the message you’d be sending.
Most schools (including School A - spelled E-x-e-t-e-r) have a waitlist a mile long, there is no reason for them to give you a year to try another school. There are no gap years at age 13…
Go to the revisits. Don’t panic yet. The reality is: you will decide by April 10. If you are already planning to give up after a year at any school, then it is not the best choice. If you plan to leave after a year, will you even try to acclimate in that year?
I would think the opposite, go to Exeter for one year, which should be the easiest year. If it is not what you thought it was, go to another school.
It’s not called “deferred admission,” it’s called “transferring.”
That would be a no.
@payn4ward - yes. That would be the strategy. OK - School A starts with an “E” and ends with an “xeter.” I was thinking that we enroll in Exeter and keep a spot open for a “bail out” in case things don’t work out. School B would be a better option than LPS. Planning for a transfer would not be realistic because we would need to go through the whole process again after the first trimester, which is really not enough time.
Just trying to think of ways to reduce DS anxiety about going to “School A.”
The best way to reduce the anxiety is to let him decide. If HE picks Exeter, then he will not be anxious as he chose it.
Besides, what message does this send your kid? In life, you have to make difficult choices – ALL the time. There are often no “do-overs”. That is life. Even if you were allowed to do what you want re: keeping both spots, is that the message that you want to give him? That if you don’t want to choose, you can have both?
Here is the answer you don’t want: you HAVE TO CHOOSE one. And only one. And then commit to it. If it doesn’t work out down the road, then you figure out what to do then. Not now.
You and the family really need to go in with the attitude that everything will work out with school A. Planning for safety nets 3 days after M10 runs counter to that strategy and would, at least subconsciously, impact your son’s ability to maximize the Exeter experience (well, if this does not work out, I always have a back-up plan).
Heartburner, I don’t mean to offend, but it seems to me that it is you, not your kid, who is really grappling with this choice. He seems to be leaning toward Peddie. You are certainly fortunate to have these options. He has done the work, he has been admitted… he has earned the right to choose. Often, our kids know themselves better than we give them credit for.
Even if the above scenario re deferred admission were a possibility, to be successful at a school, you really need to go all in. If you have another choice hanging over your head, that’s not likely. I hope you will be able to attend both revisits and let your son make his choice, and then support it wholeheartedly.
These decisions aren’t easy, I know. Best wishes to your son!
A ) Not happening.
B ) That this has even crossed your mind should tell you something.
C ) Let him decide.
I agree it’s not happening (and would be a bad idea). I know you said it would be hard to get to both to revisit, but I would really push to do so-- and then let HIM decide. Just one anecdote: my son had narrowed down the list to 2 schools (A and B) and was slightly leaning toward one (call it A), which was not the one we would have picked, but we said he could decide. He went to both revisit days, and thought the actual classes were SO much better at school B that, even though he still liked A, he picked B. He hasn’t regretted it for a day. So, if you think your kid is going to love and thrive with Harkness and Exeter kids, he very well may choose it once he experiences it. But he also may find it doesn’t fit him, in which case he probably won’t ever really love it.
Deferred admission not an option - got it. I don’t think that having a plan to transfer out of Exeter if it turns out to be a terrible experience is somehow eroding from his experience. Safety nets and back-up plans can sometimes allow for a more adventurous experience - like mountain climbing with a safety harness. He might be less likely to take risks if the back up plan is to come home.
Re: decisions - Let’s see what happens after revisit days.
@heartburner first off a wonderful congratulations to you and your son! Bravo on the acceptances. I thought about you a ton last night as I think what you have described of wanting the best for him is really fantastic and you seem like a really really great dad. I can only imagine your confusion that your son might hesitate so close to the gate, but I think this is a pretty common feeling so you needn’t give it much concern. When your son was at the schools before he was visiting ‘their’ school (sooo intimidating) , now he will go and visit ‘his’ school. It’s entirely likely that when he spends the day at Peddie or Exeter, he will just get a feeling. When that happens…never look back. They both will be amazing high school experiences, it’s a sure thing!
@heartburner My DD went through a really stressful decision-process last year, and ended up still undecided on the day of the deadline. It reduced my daughter to tears many times, and her anxiety was really gut-wrenching. In retrospect, here’s what I wish we had done differently - NOT TALKED ABOUT IT AT ALL until AFTER the last revisit was done. Try this. Give your son a chance to be proud of his hard-earned acceptances, and just bask in that glory for a bit. Go to both revisit days, and again let him just enjoy those days, when two amazing schools will be courting him! Then, see how you all feel when the time comes to make a decision. That time is not now.
PS - I agree that he may be having some adolescent anxiety about Exeter, which could possibly be misplaced or unfounded or whatever, but his feelings are real. IMHO you, as the parent, need to address this anxiety by trying to reduce it, not by taking over the decision-making from your son. I say this from the point of view of someone who has walked down this road before, and who wishes that she had taken a different path.
@jdewey @GMC2918 – I am in full agreement. We have plans to go skiing this weekend and will focus on discussions about music, sports, and enjoying our time together. We are planning the summer before the actual send off and, much to his younger sisters chagrin, he gets to choose vacation venues and weekend adventures because he will be away in the fall.
We are very thankful to have this “problem” and won’t spend too much time in anguish over it. There are so many conflicting feelings about his choices right now. We need to step back from it and chill for a few weeks.