deferred.. will anyone accept me?

Applying to College
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<p>Saturnine05- Based on your response about the religious aspects of your application, I can't say I know why you were deferred from Wheaton. I guess the only way to know would be to see your entire application, recommendations, essays, and all from the point of view of the admissions officers. But I would also say don't give up hope. It seems like you have really good stats and are a strong candidate for regular decision.</p>

<p>Ohio_mom- I wish you would say more about why Wheaton seems to rub you the wrong way.</p>

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<p>saturnine i too was also raped and i wanted to talk about it, but i also didn't want to talk about it, because i don't want people to know about it, this is why i am very picky about confidentiality</p>

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<p>also they might judge your essay in a very drastically different way</p>

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<p>"Why do no schools want me? Is writing an essay about traumatic circumstances really that bad?? "</p>

<p>I am sorry that you were rejected at Williams.
I agree SBmom that how you wrote about the terrible rape may be what hurt you. I think that it is possible to write about things like this and to get into college, but on e has to be careful to emphasize one's strength. It's possible that you accidentally left the college with the impression that the trauma is so fresh that you are not ready to go away to college. It's also possible that you highlighted the event so much that colleges did not learn enough about your personality, interests and character. </p>

<p>When I taught college, I used to help students with their essays for graduate school and similar things, and I also have been on selection committees for high school students' scholarships. I have seen lots of essays. If you would like to send me yours through PM, I will look at it and send you comments back. I usually only comment on things that are posted, but due to the personal nature of yours, I would look at it PM.</p>

<p>One thing that I am also wondering about are your ECs. Do you have any? If so, what are they and how are you highlighting them on your essay?</p>

<p>Am I remembering correctly that you posted some questions on the old forum about how to handle the rape in your application? I seem to remember this subject coming up and your getting some supportive answers. Was the advice useful or did you follow the advice and it didn't work out?</p>

<p>With your stats, and with some fine tuning of your applications, you should be able to get into a college that you love. I think that the nice people here can help figure out how you can do this.</p>

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<p>To get a better idea of who you are, I just looked at your old posts on the new CC.</p>

<p>In light of your application deferrals, what stood out was the lack of mention of any ECs and the lack of your submitting a peer evaluation to Williams. What are your ECs? </p>

<p>Your comment on this thread about your GC indicates that the GC has not been that supportive. For that reason, the peer recommendation may have been a good opportunity to give colleges a more accurate glimpse into your character. Since it's also possible that your essay caused the college to wonder whether you were emotionally ready for college, the college may have even viewed the lack of a peer evaluation as meaning that you are so emotionally raw now as to be withdrawn and without close friends.</p>

<p>The other thing that I noted was that you said your were ambivalent about Williams in part because going there means you would have to carry $50 k in debt. That's good reason to be ambivalent because carrying that much debt after college will really restrict your options.</p>

<p>What's the reason for your believing you'll have to carry that much debt? Is it that your parents aren't that supportive (I also noticed your concerns about letting them know about your deferrals). Have you looked for more affordable options? </p>

<p>Being raped by one's therapist is a terrible thing to happen, even more difficult to recover from than being raped by someone who was not in a position of trust. How have you healed? Are you in therapy now? Also, if the rape happened just over a year ago, it may be that even if you are in therapy or wrote about how you've recovered, the colleges still may have some concerns about whether you've healed enough to be able to leave home and handle the stress that always comes with being away from home and in college.</p>

<p>If you aren't comfortable with PMing me with your essay, if you can even give a vague outline of what you discussed and how you discussed it, we could get a better idea of how the colleges may have reacted. I seem to remember that when you posted earlier about writing about this subject, you originally were going to describe it in such a vague way that some of us feared the colleges would get a wrong idea about your character because they may have thought you overreacted to a relatively trivial event.</p>

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<p>nstar mom this is my fear too about this topic, and i am not even gonna discuss it on my application after this incident, second off I don't know about saturn, but I definately wouldn't share such an experience openly on the internet, if at all. I wouldn't be so open with discussing it, that's howI got better, talk to your family, not to the dark</p>

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<p>Saturn,
I took a look at all of your back posts on the old CC. As I mentioned before, being raped is a very traumatic event, even more traumatic when the rapist is an adult who is supposed to be helping you. </p>

<p>It seems that the rape happened about a year ago, and that you were suffering depression when the therapist took such advantage of you. In earlier posts, you also mentioned some symptoms that seemed suggestive of post traumatic stress disorder, something that is not that unusual among survivors of rape and other traumas.</p>

<p>With these things in mind, I am going to make a completely different suggestion than I think others, including me, have made here before.</p>

<p>I believe that you need to make sure that you give yourself the opportunity to heal, and I think that one good way to do that would be to either go to a college that allows you to see your current therapist or go to a college where you are assured of seeing a skilled practitioner who has worked with women with the kind of concerns that you have.</p>

<p>Your now living in Maryland gives you access to excellent therapists: Literally some of the country's best therapists practice in the Baltimore-Washington area. If you leave and go to a college in the middle of nowhere, you will not be assured of getting a therapist as skilled as you can currently access. You also would not have a therapist who has known you for a long time and consequently could see the signs of impending depression or other difficulties. In addition, you would not have had time to build trust with a new therapist.</p>

<p>I do hope that now you are seeing a licensed social worker or psychologist because the licensing laws are strict in your state, and those are the professions who are best trained to do therapy. Psychiatrists now mainly give medication, and don't usually have the time to do in depth therapy. The recent research indicates that for depression, a combination of meds and therapy is often what works best.</p>

<p>Anyway, my suggestion is to talk in depth with your therapist about what college options are best for you. If you have stopped seeing her, it would be a good idea to start meeting with her again so that you can get her support and guidance during the application process and the transition to college.</p>

<p>Include in this conversation whether it would be better for you to start off at a less competitive college, which might buffer you somewhat from the stress of freshman year.</p>

<p>I am not making this suggestion because I think you lack the brains for a top college. Your scores, grades show that you have the intelligence to succeed at the kind of places that you've been considering. I am, though, concerned that not much time has passed since the rape, and going away to college can be a difficult transition, even for students who haven't had the kind of trauma that you had. </p>

<p>I also know that if you attend a less competitive college for a couple of years and get the kind of grades that you got in h.s., you would probably have no problems transferring to a much more competitive college.</p>

<p>Anyway, if after talking with your therapist, you decide to look closer to home, take a look at Goucher. My guess is that due to your wonderful stats, even if it's past their deadline, if your counselor intervenes for you, they may be willing to take your application and even may give you merit aid. Another college to look at would be American. I am sure that others here could give suggestions about other colleges to consider that are in Maryland and DC. If you have a car, attending such a college would help you keep seeing your current therapist.</p>

<p>Since it seems that your parents may not be that good at supporting you through difficult times, having your therapist accessible during your freshman year could be very helpful to you.</p>

<p>If you still decide to a more distant college, consider going to college in a place like Philadelphia, NY or Boston, all of which also have a lot of excellent therapists. There also are small colleges in those areas that would welcome applicants like you, even after their deadlines have passed.</p>

<p>My graduate work was in psychology (though I don't practice now), and I have worked in a college counseling center. I am giving you the same advice that I would give a good friend or one of my children who was in a similar situation. Right now, what's important is that you go to a college where you are assured that your mental health needs will be taken care of. Having the support in college to live an emotionally healthy life takes precedence over attending the most competitive college possible.</p>

<p>At the very least, call the counseling centers at the colleges you are considering and find out what kind of help they are able to offer students who have depression and who have been raped. You can call anonymously. Ask whether there are licensed clinicians (not students) at the counseling center who are able to work with such students.</p>

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<h2>Ohio_mom: I am curious to hear what you don't like about Wheaton. Even after being deferred, I still believe that it is a great school, and would love to go there. </h2>

<h2>jml87: I won't give up hope, and I really do hope that RD works out for me. Unfortunately, Wheaton accepts less than 10% of deferred people, and Williams accepts an even smaller amount. </h2>

<h2>zetsui: For me, at least, talking about the situation in an anonymous online forum is much easier than discussing it with close friends (most of whom, by the way, I have never told). Each person has his own way of dealing with trauma. For me, I still have trouble opening up about it to people close to me, but the faceless nature of the internet allows me to discuss it more freely. </h2>

<p>Northstarmom: You bring up many valid points. I will definitely try to accent my personality, interests and character more effectively in future essays. </p>

<p>I do have EC's, although none are too noteworthy. As you may have seen on an earlier post on this thread, I have a lot of involvement with my church (with documented leadership), and volunteer often. I also have many sports related EC's, such as soccer, ice hockey, powderpuff football (captain), and varsity track. Unfortunately, I'm not good enough to be recruited, so none of these EC activities really help my application. My academic EC's are rather weak; I've been a member of a few school clubs (German club, outward bound, etc), did some German-language student teaching at a local elementary school, but haven't formed or headed any clubs of my own. </p>

<p>You are correct that I posted about this topic on the old forum. I got a myriad of opinions, all of which were very valid. But since the views were so varied, it would have been impossible to base my decision solely on the advice recieved there. As you can see, I followed both my impulse at the time and part of the advice given to me..... and things didn't exactly turn out too well. Hopefully things will work out better at the rest of the colleges to which I am applying.</p>

<p>You bring up very good points about the possible perception of a lack of a peer recommendation for Williams. Sadly, in actuality, the absense of a peer rec was only because of my sudden decision to ED to Williams. I decided to apply ED less than a week before the deadline, and didn't want to impose on any of my friends. </p>

<p>Regarding debt, I fear that I will end up paying for most of college. My parents have yet to begin saving for it, and I doubt that they will suddenly be willing to invest 20K/year (the projection of parental contribution). Besides, I have 3 younger siblings, and I do not want to be a financial burden on my parents and limit the opportunities for my siblings' futures. I have looked for more affordable options, but with no avail. I've found it very difficult to find high-quality small schools with low price-tags. </p>

<p>Regarding the rape, I have healed a lot, and truly believe that I am a stronger, more perserverant person because of it. However, of course, I did not survive completely unscathed. I have developed major trust issues, but that isn't much of a surprise. After the rape, I didn't go to therapy for a few months (during those months, no one knew about the rape). When my parents finally found out, they made me go back to therapy. I went to therapy for a few months, but it was a complete waste of time and money. I, of course, had developed a distrust of therapists, and refused to open up to this new one. So, after about 4 months, I stopped going. But through my relationships with God and my closest friends, I was able to recover and deal with my issues. </p>

<p>If I get the chance to figure out how PMing works, I'll certainly show you my essay.</p>

<p>Re Therapy: I have not recovered enough to wish to resume therapy, as ironic as that may sound. For me, the simple act of going into a therapist's office brings back horrible memories. I guess it's a catch-22: I have a phobia of therapists, but I can't fix the phobia w/o seeing a therapist. Also, I don't want to spend the tons of money to see a therapist until I'm emotionally ready to actually make therapy effective.</p>

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<p>Would it help to see a female therapist?</p>

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<p>You said you were deffered not denied..so this is your opportunity to fix somethings and to add some more. Look for another source of a very positive letter of rec. (employer, coach)</p>

<p>Suggestion: Unless they asked you for an additional essay, put your effort into a letter (perhaps two pages) explaining why this school remains your first choice, identifying what you hope to bring to this school. Enclose a photo. (hostage situation -let them know you as a person.) You may have made a poor choice of an initial essay, but this letter will let them know that you can write, that you have interest and something about you as a positive person. good luck.</p>

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<p>Saturnine,</p>

<p>I will answer your question about Wheaton - I've been PM'd about it a couple of time, and will like get flamed, but here goes!</p>

<p>One of the purposes of a liberal arts education, IMO, is to learn about the world, and to understand about other viewpoints.</p>

<p>From the Wheaton College website:
"Statement of Faith
The doctrinal statement of Wheaton College, reaffirmed annually by its Board of Trustees, faculty, and staff, provides a summary of biblical doctrine that is consonant with evangelical Christianity. The statement accordingly reaffirms salient features of the historic Christian creeds, thereby identifying the College not only with the Scriptures but also with the reformers and the evangelical movement of recent years. The statement also defines the biblical perspective which informs a Wheaton education. These doctrines of the church cast light on the study of nature and man, as well as on man's culture."</p>

<p>If you attend Wheaton, you will never have a Jewish, Islamic, Agnostic, Hindu, Baihai, Sikh or Catholic professor. Most protestants would likely be off the list as well. </p>

<p>Who will be your fellow students? Not my son. He would never sign such a statement, but he has helped care for aged and crippled grandparents since elementary school. Sadly, by Wheaton standards, he's doomed to perdition. Your chances of meeting most of your CC compatriots are likewise slim. Most of them would not be welcome, either. </p>

<p>If your faith cannot tolerate discourse with other opinions, then surrounding yourself exclusively with like-minded individuals is the way to go. However, I do not believe that your faith or intellect or spirit are in any way weak. You have had the courage to post openly on this forum; that that is going to help someone somewhere with a similar situation to feel less isolated and alone. </p>

<p>Wheaton has a good track record for graduate school admissions and other indicators of academic success. But, as is frequently mentioned on this forum, numbers aren't everything. I am sure that the majority of students at Wheaton are good and sincere people. But the world is a very wide and wonderful place. Jesus said, "in my Father's house are many mansions". Why bar the door to all the others?</p>

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<p>Good Points Northstarmom, MR B, searchingavalon & Ohio_mom</p>

<p>RE: Therapy & recovery</p>

<p>A group therapy situation could be helpful because you would not be one on one with a therapist in the same sort of enviornment. I suspect there are groups for rape survivors that are moderated by therapists; sometimes knowing others who have survived the same sort of thing can be really healing. Maybe you would trust the experiences and support of peers more than a therapist at this point? A rape crisis center could give you resources like this.</p>

<p>RE: Wheaton</p>

<p>I have to second ohio_mom, based on my observations of a similar school (not Wheaton.) </p>

<p>The heart of a Liberal Arts education is the "marketplace of ideas," where you examine all ideas, debate them, and subject your own ideas to challenges. Yes, part of college is learning a body of knowledge, but part is learning about one's own biases and modes of thought. Religious faith, nationality, ethnicity, wealth or political belief can all frame one's thinking; this becomes apparent when people with different worldviews and traditions mix together and have at it-- and it is really part of the fun of going to college. </p>

<p>Imagine a discussion of a philosophical question if the group was very diverse versus homogeneous-- which might yield the more exciting, probing, challenging discussion? (For example, Christian missionary work in a distant land might be viewed really differently by a native Zulu or Maori or other indigenous person who had never converted... who won't be at Wheaton, as ohio_mom points out.) Everyone might leave with their original opinions intact, but they would have been asked to examine and defend these opinions, and to hear the opposing views. </p>

<p>However, every school is different. Some religious schools welcome diverse traditions. We know a rabbi who is employed by Loyola Marymount, a Catholic Univ. in LA; he teaches Law & Ethics there. Thus at Loyola you will get non-Catholic points of view. I am told St Olaf (Lutheran) in Minnesota is religiously tolerant & ideologically liberal as well. </p>

<p>The point is, know the school and make sure it is a match. Wheaton is surely a place for many students to thrive but the other schools on your list are very different. You should really think about what sort of environment feels right to you, and go for that.</p>

<p>Oh-- at the school I know of there is also very little racial or ethnic diversity either. There is however reasonably good geographical diversity and economic diversity (lots of missionaries' kids.) So if this is a factor you may want to think about that too.</p>

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<p>To PM:
Click on my name, which is in blue to the left of this box. After you click, my profile will come up. Look on the right side and click on send a private message to Northstarmom. Your message will come to me under your name here, NOT under your personal e-mail. It is a nice, safe way to communicate with people whom you meet on this message board.</p>

<p>When I e-mail you back, as long as you have set your preferences to allow PMs, you will get a message on your screen saying you have a PM from me.</p>

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<p>"These doctrines of the church cast light on the study of nature and man, as well as on man's culture." I tend to prefer schools which are careful to explicitly include women as people who have contributed to human culture.</p>

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<p>Feel Free to PM me too if you want a second opinion. :)</p>

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<p>Searchingavalon: The therapist that I had for a few months is female. For some reason, I still wasn't able to trust her or open up. </p>

<hr>

<p>MrB: Thank you for your suggestions. I've already sent 1st quarter grades, and now I'll also be sure to send extra letters. </p>

<hr>

<p>Ohio_mom: Your opinions about Wheaton are very interesting, and somewhat mirror my own concerns about attending a Christian college. Although I think that I might like to be surrounded by peers with similar interests (ie: no pressure to drink, have sex, etc), I fear that I will not be exposed to enough diversity of culture or opinion. </p>

<hr>

<p>SBmom:
Re Therapy: Group therapy does sound like a great idea, although I'm not sure how I would go about finding such places. </p>

<p>Re Wheaton: You also bring up many good points. My ambivalence toward attending a Christian college is the reason why I applied to a mix of both Christian and secular schools. Ideally, I would be able to decide between the two environments in April. </p>

<p>Re my essay: Thank you for offering your help. I'll PM you with it when I finish. </p>

<hr>

<p>Northstarmom: Thank you for the instructions. Hopefully I'll be able to put them to use soon, when I finish this new essay.</p>

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<p>Oh, and just to keep everyone updated, I got accepted to Concordia. Concordia is a safety, but it's really nice to know that I'll be going somewhere next year.</p>

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<p>Congratulations! Glad to hear the good news!
How does the college fit into your budget?</p>

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<p>Concordia fits into my budget very well. With the merit aid that I'll get there, I'm only left paying $7,500 / yr. There is also another (10K/yr) scholarship there at which I think I have a good shot.</p>

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<p>Saturnine:
Congratulations on your admission to Concordia! Now go relax, and forget about college admissions for the next 24 hours - you've earned it.</p>