<p>Was there a group mourning thread for the loss of our children when the freshmen went off to school that I missed because I was so busy being terrified of what had happened to my son after Katrina hit Tulane?</p>
<p>I find that I am just now tearing up when I walk past the clean (!) bedroom because he is just now fully settled (for this semester only at Cornell) and so I have the leisure to mourn his absence. I still expect him to come home at night when we're about ready to go to bed. And it's not just me. We have to spell "brother" and his name around the dog or she tilts her head and goes running to look out the dog window we had installed in the family room.</p>
<p>When will this ease? I hate not having my geek at home!! The sound of little hard drive partitions crashing was so normal for us! Okay, so I made that up, but really, this is hard!</p>
<p>Awwwwwwww, sweetie, I can relate SO much!!!! Yes, there were some threads that addressed this, but it certainly is not something that's dealt with and then disappears.....I think many of us are still hit hard by the absence of our children, no matter how content and happy they are at school. Dealing with the "triggers" can be so very difficult. I know I'll come across something, maybe something that seems so inconsequential and minor, and then I'm thrust into a tailspin for the entire day. And your poor doggie!!! I'm sure she doesn't understand. How sweet that she misses him so much too! Hang in there, and here are some {{{{{{{big hugs}}}}}}} for you and your puppy dog.</p>
<p>You did miss some threads, ctymom~. But you're right, they didn't fit us Katrina families. We were in limbo at the time. I still feel as though we are on training wheels in the empty nest department. He's gone, but he's not "settled." Don't know if the families whose kids are at the "real" school feel their Ss and Ds are settled or not. We go up to visit him and take out to dinner tomorrow (only 45 minutes to Bates); we've got the reservations for the Grand Return to Tulane on January 13. I'm expecting we'll really feel he's gone when we return in January.</p>
<p>Jmmom, I do envy you your proximity to yours! Next time you see him, give him a second hug as a vicarious thrill for me. Mine is just now adjusting to the idea that if he doesn't call me every so often, I'll annoy the stuffing out of him via cell phone and e-mail. Really, he's very understanding when he thinks about it, and I can't expect someone having the first flight experience to spend that much time thinking about it. He's just SUCH a neat person that I hate not having him around--and not just so he can fix my computer!</p>
<p>ctymom:
You have my sympathy. I miss my son terribly and it doesn't seem to get much easier. Even the dogs have quit going in his room looking for him. </p>
<p>I'm already really looking forward to Thanksgiving, even though we just got back from parent weekend!</p>
<p>That's so sad about your dogs. They think he's gone forever, I'm sure. My son was always going to send home dirty t-shirts for ours, but things have been so upside down that he's forgotten. </p>
<p>We won't get Thanksgiving--nothing until Christmas. It was just too expensive doing two move-ins. Don't mean to whine, but it's been harder than it was even supposed to be, and I'm bad enough under normal circumstances.</p>
<p>It does help to hear from others who know the feelings. Funny--it's the dogs I feel sorriest for--you can't explain it to them.</p>
<p>My two girls swear that the dog loves to hear my D's voice over the cell phone. My D's dog was sad and seemed to just be sitting waiting at the top of the driveway for her to come home. My younger D called her sister and told her the dog was sad and held the phone to the ear of the dog and the dog stood up and the tail started wagging. And he was happier ever since. According to a 11 yr old.</p>
<p>First term when S1 went off to Pasadena I thought I was going to die. He couldn't come home for Thanksgiving either. Our cats spent the first 2 weeks sleeping on his bed. It was horrible.</p>
<p>But you'll really enjoy the winter break, because he'll be glad to be home too. :)</p>
<p>It's different. I talk over the computer...just got off. It's better. My son has the chance to change and grow. He is working jobs for the first time in his life, feeling more confident, making friends; he even has a a one-on-one music composition class with a Duke PHd. "I'm lucky mom." And I'm thinking about yesterday's thread of being thankful.I went to two baby showers today and I said that the mothers had the best years of their lives ahead. But I have the best as well. Mine is grown. I am now an observer. I don't have to chase or cajole. I get to encourage. That's nice.</p>
<p>I have the same problem with my golden. Everytime I take her for a walk she looks for my son, because he would often walk with us. I have to say "no he is not home". Poor baby! And when I walk by his room I am always amazed how neat it stays. Who will mess it up? I even miss the pile of workout clothes he always left on the floor. I always told him that the laundry fairy magically scoops them up and deposits them clean in his drawer. We offered him tickets to come home for fall break, but he decided to stay. He loves school! So that's great. I will see him next weekend for parent weekend. I can't wait! CJ</p>
<p>Ctymom, you are SO not alone! I'm the type that cried at every birthday for my kids because they'd never be that age again. I miss my son terribly -- the cat seems lost. But we are lucky that he's only 2 hours away. He did come home last weekend, but since we picked him up late Friday, and he had to go back mid day on Sunday, it was probably not the best use of his time. I cooked his special meals and did his laundry, but the hard part is the recognition that from now on he'll really just be visiting. On the other hand, I'm thrilled at how well he's settled in, especially socially. (He's always been the quiet one) But when we delivered him to his dorm on Sunday, there were 3 girls hanging around in the hallway before we even got everything unloaded from the car. This is definitely a novelty for a kid who's spent the last 4 years in an all-boy school. We'll just have to look forward to grandchildren -- but not yet!</p>
<p>Don't worry the dogs will get used to the cyclical appearances of your kids. My dogs are always happy to see me when I fly back home and they know that when they see my giant suitcase it means I'm not staying.</p>
<p>And about the phone thing - the dogs LOVE that! My mom makes me talk to them on the phone. They get all excited and run around looking for the tennis ball so I can throw it.</p>
<p>Wow--It's great to hear about how everyone else handles this. But I couldn't stand it, so we just bought a ticket for him to come home for Thanksgiving after all. It's only money, right? I need a hug from my kid.</p>
<p>The first two weeks were the toughest...I teared up if I heard a song I know he likes, when I did laundry and found the socks he left behind, when I saw teenage boys playing tennis. But after a while and a few wonderful phone calls, you start to realize you haven't lost them. Then there's Parents' Weekend at the end of the month, then Thanksgiving. I don't want to wish the time away, because I know he's having a fabulous experience and I want that to last (it went way too fast for my daughter). But, I too, need that hug.</p>
<p>Don't tell me dogs don't understand. I remember when I was a college student in the Middle Ages, that my dog would ignore me when I came home, and after a couple days would be fine and play and snuggle. As soon as he saw me take out my suitcase to pack to leave again, he ignored me again. Obviously miffed at me for leaving. I miss my D too, but revel in the fact that she enjoys her school, if not her roommate. We are hoping she changes rooms at semester. An odd duck, to say the least. I decided to bite the bullet and spend the money and go up for Parents' Weekend. Have been told cannot come unless I bring "real" Mexican food and barbeque. Needless to say ... off to the ice cream shop for dry ice.</p>
<p>Well, part of our problem has been that we didn't GET Parents Weekend. That weekend, we went camping instead to try to keep our minds off of his being in a strange place he never intended to be. Tulane says we'll have one in the Spring. But that's one of the reasons it's all been so difficult to deal with. Our plans to deal with the loss were all turned inside out.</p>
<p>Hey, citymomteacher...you can still do parents' weekend at Cornell if you want...it's not til 10/28...my S is there, too (and LOVES it!)...I'm going to miss parents' weekend because S is coming home for his HS homecoming that weekend...we agreed we'd "trade" weekends; I get to go up later...time still to be determined...instead.</p>
<p>The "letting go" and "moving on" is incredibly hard, isn't it? Lots of pride & joy (and in your case, relief...the Tulane/Katrina mess was wrenching even for those of us who watched and helped rather than lived thru it ourselves...I can just imagine how hard it is for you-all!), but also lots of feelings of being adrift in my own life. Still waiting for "what comes next" now that my day-to-day parenting job is done.</p>
<p>My biggest melt-down came with the first load of laundrey I did that did not have anything of S's in it. I just sort of slithered to the floor, clutching one of my t-shirts that he also has a version of, sobbing because I didn't have to check to see whether it was his or mine...thankfully, no one (but our golden, who is still moping around looking for S) was here to see me!</p>
<p>Right now I feel like I'm living in stacatto time...firmly lecturing myself to do this or that adult thing (and doing those things, and enjoying them...but not yet to the point where I'm feeling anchored by my choices); cheering myself up by remembering how soon I'm going to see S again...I asked a friend just last week "when will his absence seem normal and right?" Right now, when I'm home and he's not, it feels like things will be fine when he returns...I know I need to move to the spot when it feels like a wonderful difference when he's here, instead of an absence that I have to survive when he's gone...</p>
<p>Ach...transitions...they are SO hard! But somehow or other we will muddle through...I'm so very glad to hear that Tulane is reopening in January, altho I know S will miss his Tulane buddies at Cornell...two of his hang-time mates are Tulane evacuees...just bought some of jmmom's Tulane bracelets...I'll wear one for you and your son!</p>
<p>OM, your son and his fellows (and fellow-ettes [Don't hurt me! I used to have a colleague at the uni where I taught who called all her female colleagues her "colleaguettes"! She was a feminist.]) are the greatest! I can't tell you how wonderful they've been to the Tulane kids. Please tell your son how grateful we are for their kindness. I wish we could go up there for PW, but as I said above, we've just sprung for a plane ticket for Thaksgiving, and after that and two move-ins we're done for.</p>
<p>Boy, did you get me with the laundry story! I've really noticed how LITTLE laundry I'm doing! I never thought I'd miss that smell! (I hope he never reads these boards! jmmom, don't dare tell either of them!)</p>