<p>@guineagirl96 lol kk.</p>
<p>Pretty sure you can write three completely different essays if you haven’t made any other changes. Just read the rules very carefully, OP.</p>
<p>@tncollege , depending on how the remainder of your college admission decisions pan out, you might want to consider a gap year. I would advise finding an internship in the area of business you would like to pursue, or doing community service. Maybe you can put together a program about the positive steps you took to turn your life around. </p>
<p>Best of luck to you! </p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Being from Kazakhstan is not mundane, it’s something that sets you apart from thousands of other applicants. You should write about that, rather than your disciplinary issue; leave that for your counselor to write about.</p>
<p>Babson is No. 1 on the Money mag list of the best colleges. If you want to go into business, go for Babson and the hell with these elitist schools that rejected your applicaations! <a href=“http://time.com/money/collection/moneys-best-colleges/moneys-best-colleges-full-list/”>http://time.com/money/collection/moneys-best-colleges/moneys-best-colleges-full-list/</a></p>
<p>I think that your GPA is really good but if you could bring up your ACT score to the 30s you would have a good chance (some schools do not look favorably at expelled students either so that might be a problem) NYU is definitely a match/low reach 
Good luck! Chance back?
<a href=“Chance me for Vassar I'll chance back :) - Vassar College - College Confidential Forums”>Chance me for Vassar I'll chance back :) - Vassar College - College Confidential Forums;
<p>@CheddarcheeseMN , @GodMode, @xoxo14, @MYOS1634 , @MidwestDad3, @bomerr.</p>
<p>Guys! Your advice and recommendations have been really helpful and I am working on rewriting the main essay. I did, in the meanwhile, finish my NYU supplement. If anyone has time could you please take a look and tell me what you think.</p>
<p>NYU supp:</p>
<p>I envision a future where I make a significant impact on the world around me and NYU is the ideal place to help me become the person capable of creating such impact.</p>
<p>NYU is the ultimate environment for a perfect life with its combination of top-notch academics, diverse social life, and global opportunities. Of course, living in New York City, Shanghai or Abu-Dhabi while getting educated at a top university and meeting fantastic students coming from all over the world sounds like a perfect life to anyone, yet I am convinced that NYU is match for me due to the broad range of opportunities offered and my ability and desire to grasp those opportunities while contributing my diversity and past experience to the classrooms. <— definitely need to shorten that paragraph as most of it useless.</p>
<p>As I look back to my quite unique high school career with its interesting lows and highs I realize that I have grown to be a adaptable, courageous and diverse opportunist. Such qualities, interconnected, will undoubtedly allow me to thrive at NYU. </p>
<p>Indeed, these qualities are interconnected. It took courage to leave the comfortable nonchalant life in Kazakhstan and move to Switzerland, to take on a greater challenge and move to New York, and to accept the unexpected turn of events and finally move to New Hampshire. Urban city, small town, megapolis, and rural village – each place enclosed different customs, distinct people, curious discoveries and new opportunities, however I easily adjusted to each, quickly finding like-minded peers and my place within the community. My adaptability to various environments will be key at NYU since it offers me the unique experience of pursuing degrees in 5 continents of the world and I intend to grasp such opportunity spending semesters across the globe further broadening my knowledge and becoming a global citizen. <---- too long of an explanation?</p>
<p>My rapid ability to adjust allowed me to see and take enriching opportunities:It took courage, too, to enroll into AP Microeconomics course a month a late and catch up independently; to stand up in front of 500 students and motivate our soccer team while quoting Rocky Balboa (caused more laughter than thought) ; to crack half-ready jokes as the master of ceremony on international night; and to take responsibility and manage the two community service projects simultaneously – each invaluable experience further diversified my interests and character. <— detailed but with a dull end?</p>
<p>Finally, as a diverse student from Kazakhstan who lived in 4 different countries, at NYU I can enrich peer and classroom discussions perhaps explaining how our nomadic past has made horse the traditional food or painting the beautiful sceneries of Kazakhstan that debunk Borat. <---- I like this diversity part (followed your advice) but it seems rather short here, perhaps I can integrate it with other paragraphs or substitute for another quality?</p>
<p>To me NYU is a melting pot of high-caliber academics, various cultures and endless opportunities, and as bold and adaptable student I’ll fit right in.</p>
<hr>
<p>I am around 40 words over the limit and I’m not sure what to remove.
As I read over it seems a little dry and perhaps lacking personal detail. Please let me know what you think!</p>
<p>@proudfather I visited their campus and I really liked the atmosphere! Definitely my second choice after NYU but I’m worried with my scores…</p>
<p>@doresearch I don’t think I can afford a gap year time-wise since I’m 19 and senior in high school. I do plan to find a summer internship. Looking at discovery internships now…</p>
<p>OP, I don’t want to dissect your essay but I have two thoughts:</p>
<p>One, you should not publish your essay on a public website.</p>
<p>Two, you say, (and here I am dissecting), “It took courage to leave the comfortable nonchalant life in Kazakhstan and move to Switzerland, to take on a greater challenge and move to New York, and to accept the unexpected turn of events and finally move to New Hampshire.” You didn’t have a choice about moving, did you? So I’m not sure I’d say this. Also, let the reader decide what you did or didn’t do was courageous. Let the reader decide if you will fit in. Talk about how these moves/changes changed you. What are you going to contribute to the college?</p>
<p>@suzy100 </p>
<p>Is plagiarism and issue even though the essay is personal?</p>
<p>Well, I thought that since I only stated that I considered myself courageous I need some evidence to prove this. No, in each case I moved alone and had a choice to stay or go back home. Well, at best those changes offered me new opportunities to take and I talked about that, but I see how I am lacking the " what can you offer NYU part". Will work on that - Thanks?</p>
<p>That first sentence is really good, second paragraph I would delete entirely and the rest of your essay is kinda boring. I think you could do a better job relating the different cultures you have been and how it’ll help make NYU a more diverse place. In other words write that all in one single paragraph. For the rest of the essay you need more and better content. </p>
<p>The term opportunist often has negative connotations.</p>
<p>Do you have an English teacher who can help you with your main essay? I like the “Debunking Borat” theme and you could show ways you’ve done so. What will you contribute, not what have you screwed up. Focus on all positive and don’t give them a reason to reject you.</p>
<p>This is promising. Near the end, you say, “As a diverse student…” A group of students can be diverse, but a single student is not. </p>