<p>dogandpony,
I’m sorry that you’re going through this. Your post affected me deeply. You seem like an intelligent and thoughtful young man who has persevered for years through difficult emotional times, and who has done so feeling largely alone. Although it sounds like your parents really love you, it is very difficult to deal with depression when the adults around you simply don’t understand it. As LasMa said, “…true clinical depression is a different matter. People who are clinically depressed haven’t chosen it, and can’t un-choose it. This is a medical disorder, caused by a complicated interaction of actions, thought processes, circumstances, and brain chemistry.”
Please try to imagine, now, what it might feel like to have someone who is your ally, and who will help you on a path to feeling better; because, this is just what a good therapist does. It is not unusual that the first therapist/psychiatrist consulted is not the right one; probably you could find someone more versed in your age group through your college’s counseling center. You have reached out here, and that’s a good first step. Please take the next step now (visiting the student counseling center, I would think); please don’t let yourself be alone with your pain. I wish that I could impart to you my adult-who’s-been-there perspective: that this really is the first part of a long lifetime, and that the appropriate help (talk therapy and antidepressant, perhaps?) can make for amazing changes. You are clearly intelligent, articulate and ernest; please know that a therapist would easily see your worth - as we all do here in this forum - and would love to work with you. I wish that you could imagine how good it will feel to have an adult ally in this. You’ve tried to deal with this alone for a long time. You’ve gotten to college and done well there also. It’s amazing how well you’ve done, with this depression pulling at you throughout these years. Clearly, this is not teen melancholia or emotional laziness. You have worked really hard on your own dealing with this, and you deserve to get help now and you deserve to feel better. If you do have depression, it is not something - at least in my experience - that can disappear on its own.
Also, you are not unusual in this respect. Google " depression, college", and you will see this. You can visit NAMI online, and search for “young adults”, for chapters local to your college campus. There is also a site, [Active</a> Minds - Home](<a href=“http://www.activeminds.org/:]Active”>http://www.activeminds.org/:) run by students, about mental health on college campuses.
My heartfelt support to you, dogandpony. Please remember: you deserve to feel better, and you are not alone.</p>
<p>“^^ I appreciate that you have the best of intentions, and if someone has a temporary case of the blues, it’s good advice. However, true clinical depression is a different matter. People who are clinically depressed haven’t chosen it, and can’t un-choose it. This is a medical disorder, caused by a complicated interaction of actions, thought processes, circumstances, and brain chemistry. Just as someone with diabetes can’t just snap out of it, neither can someone with depression.”</p>
<p>Very well then, carry on :)</p>
<p>LasMa - You are exactly right. I suffer from depression. Nobody WANTS to feel this way. I tried to do things that “normally” made me happy. Nothing worked. I needed further help/medications/full spectrum light.</p>
<p>Depression is very treatable- unfortunately it also can take a lot of energy- to find the right therapist- ( which is one you trust & feel comfortable with) and for many people, medication is necessary to allow the therapy to be effective- it can help you get to a place where you can see that things CAN get better.</p>
<p>You may need to find a Dr or prescribing nurse to get medication & also a counselor or MSW for therapy- your schools clinic should have both.</p>
<p>I find that cognitive therapy works the best for me. It is very results oriented & practical.</p>
<p>I have taken various kinds of anti depressants over the years- & I hate taking meds- but sometimes it really is your only option & it is not a life sentence.</p>
<p>Ironically, the sorts of people " who would never go to a therapist" are often the sorts of people who could most benefit, IMO.
Life is funny like that.</p>
<p>Please use the mental health facilities at your campus. My daughter went through something similar during her 2nd year. She was in an honors program on a four year full scholarship. She was able to salvage that last semester with assistance from a therapist and medication.</p>
<p>She came home to and enrolled in the local university. She went to see a psychiatrist at the local medical center, but was more comfortable with the therapy services offered by the local university. So much so that she was able to complete a 10 week field school out of state…and she had her meds. </p>
<p>This is the important part. Not only did she have medication for depression, but she was given tools to manage the depression. We see the change in her. We are seeing the self-esteem rise dramatically.</p>
<p>You need to drive the point home to your parents. My daughter had to do that with us. Once we understood, really understood, what she was dealing with, we mobilized and gave her all the support she needed.</p>
<p>There is a light at the end of the tunnel, but you have to move toward it. Again, use the mental health facilities at the school and make sure you get someone you can work with. You are your own advocate.</p>
<p>It’s amazing how kids with great high school experiences, friends and everything going for them can so quickly become depressed at college…but it sure does happen! I have seen this happen just in the last few weeks with my daughter. She is also an honors student, with several academic scholarships - however just cannot find her niche at this school and it is so upsetting/depressing her. When you go from such an active and popular high school experience and then feel like you have no friends…it’s really hard. Hard for the student and equally hard for the parent! I will encourage her to talk to someone (counselor, etc) at school, just as posters have encouraged the o.p. Believe me, these feelings can crop on on anyone, and I don’t want her feeling like this much longer!</p>
<p>Depression often first hits in college. The sooner you start therapy and see a doc for a prescription the faster you will start to feel better. There is no reason you should allow yourself to feel like this for any longer…please go to a doc and discuss meds and visit as many therapists as needed until you find the right one. It is very common to go through at least one before you find the right one for you. There is nothing to be ashammed about, depression is a chemical imbalance that needs to be addressed properly. You will not believe the difference in your life once you are treated for this. It is really a whole different world once you are on meds.</p>
<p>“'I’m shy to a fault and I have trouble talking to everyone” - Try bringing a printout of content from your initial post to your first appointment. That may help get things rolling, without you having to do as much talking. Good luck!</p>
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<p>Of course you would be reluctant to open up completely. The therapist must earn the right to your trust, and she/he will be aware of that. Please go to the counseling center…and give them the chance to earn your trust.</p>
<p>dogandpony, how’s it going? Have you been to the counselling center?</p>
<p>I think you’ve gotten some good advice in this thread. I’d add that I think it might be a good idea for you to look for a support group for adult adoptees, particularly those who are part of an interracial or transnational adoption. It “sounds” as if you think your issues are partly the result of your upbringing. If that’s the case, joining a group of people who share that experience may help. You may find it easier to “open up” to people who have lived the same experience. Some of the support groups have therapists who run group sessions for adult adoptees. For some people this works better than individual therapy. </p>
<p>Adoption is very common in my family. Some of the adoptees haven’t had any trouble coping with this, but others have. It’s odd but true that sometimes that’s the case within the same family and it can exacerbate the situation. One of my cousins has two adopted kids. One has never had any curiosity about birth parents, has never felt “different” because he is adopted. The other has really struggled with it. </p>
<p>You might also benefit from getting involved in one of the sponsoring groups. I’m not familiar with one specifically for African-Americans, but there is probably one out there. My D has a good friend who was adopted from Korea. There’s a wonderful organization which has 20 and 30 something adults born in Korea and adopted by Americans “mentor” younger Korean kids who have been adopted by Americans. Some of those involved have never known anyone else who grew up in the same situation. The organization helps not only the younger kids but the 20 and 30 something year olds who act as mentors. </p>
<p>If you can’t find anything dealing specifically for African-Americans adopted by Caucasian parents, a support group for adult adoptees might still help.</p>
<p>Dogandpony, please take the advice here and seek counseling/therapy. My older brother has struggled with depression since his teens. He was away at college on a full scholarship but came home to go to the local U because he was afraid he would stop going to class or doing homework if he didn’t have someone there who realized what was going on. He managed to muddle through life, never achieving what he might have because he never felt quite good enough to seek out opportunities. As life went on, his depression took over his life. Believe me, the longer you go without dealing with your depression, the harder it will be to break free. My brother tried once about 10 years ago, and he gave up because his life was too difficult to face head-on. He recently is trying again, and it is very hard … but he is working on getting healthy one step at a time, with a wonderful professional support team he just lucked into during a recent hospitalization. </p>
<p>Many of us struggle with depression from time to time, and some people struggle with depression all the time. The good news is, it is possible … with professional help … to overcome your depression. I wish you the very best.</p>
<p>Not sleeping well is a big sign of depression, and it’s one of the things that led my daughter’s psychiatrist to put her on meds. There is nothing wrong with taking meds if you need them; they can make all the difference. Please go to your school’s medical clinic right away. You don’t have to be contemplating suicide or in danger of harming yourself to be taken seriously. No one should feel the way you do!</p>
<p>There are lots of good counselors out there, so don’t stop looking for one that you can work with. You will need a psychiatrist for the medication, but you don’t have to do your counseling with him/her. My daughter just sees her psychiatrist periodically to make adjustments to the dosage and ensure that everything is working, but she sees her psychologist every week.</p>
<p>And I agree with those who said you need to be in a place where you can freely discuss your adoption without fear of guilt or negativity.</p>
<p>You won’t have to be on meds forever (and shouldn’t be: long-term use of many anti-depression meds carries very significant health risks). But they were invented for a reason, and they work. You shouldn’t have to feel this way. I wouldn’t even think about looking for an adoption support group or anything like that until you have your psychological condition stabilized. You will have plenty of time for that later, and you will make better decisions later, and get more out of it. </p>
<p>If you had a broken arm, you would have dealt with it a long time ago. Think of it the same way.</p>
<p>if at all possible, go see a black male psychologist (or psychiatrist). black males–especially young ones-- face unique issues in our society, and nobody would understand that better than another black male. if the first person you saw was black, then find a different one. good luck.</p>