Depressed First-Year Student Seeking Advice

Colleges and Universities A-Z Duke University
1

<p>I'm a first-year student who's had a awfully bad time here socially so far. I haven't made any friends and, because of Duke's wonderful new housing policy, I'm not guaranteed housing on West campus next year. Since I have to apply as a single, I will likely be given last priority and be stuck on Central; I'd imagine that would be much worse socially. </p>

<p>I think that most people would transfer, or drop out altogether, in my shoes and and I am (strongly) considering doing just that. The only thing is, I still believe I made the right choice when I came here. I just feel like I'm on the outside looking in, like I love Duke but Duke doesn't love me back. What makes it even worse is that it seems everyone else in my year has found their niche and is having a wonderful time. That's really what appealed to me in the first place; I visited campus and everyone appeared to be having so much fun. It was so easy to imagine myself as one of those people. The only way I can rationalize this ostracism is with the fact that I'm not bookish enough for the people here primarily to study (academics aren't really my first priority in college) and I'm not good-looking or charismatic enough for those who go out and party all the time. I feel like a failure.</p>

<p>I decided to come to Duke because I wanted to have a fun 4 years of college while still being academically challenged, but I haven't actually had fun here since O-Week. I've tried to ignore how unhappy I am, successfully for a time, but it's gotten pretty unbearable (to the point of insomnia and other signs of clinical depression.) I'm existing rather than living.</p>

<p>I'm posting this on an internet site because (a) I don't know anybody here and (b) I'm wondering if anybody had similar problems, transferred out, and had a better time of it all (or knows someone who did). Where did you/they transfer to? Also, did anybody actually have a better experience socially their sophomore year? In all honesty, if I thought I could make a friend next year it would be worth staying. (Note: to me a friend is someone that one hangs out with pretty much on a daily basis.) But, if I have another year like this one I don't think I'd be able to bear it.</p>

2

<p>Hi MW2isawesome. Iā€™m not exactly in the same situation as you, but as a high school senior who has struggled with depression and is in an unhappy situation currently, I empathize. I know what itā€™s like to envision a situation working out perfectly, and then to have reality be something else entirely. I also know what itā€™s like to be lonely and socially ostracized, and to have that impede on education and your entire outlook on life. </p>

<p>College isnā€™t for anyone, but I think dropping out entirely is something youā€™d probably come to regret. College is supposed to be one of the most rewarding and memorable experiences of your life, and if it doesnā€™t feel right, maybe it isnā€™t the right place for you. Or maybe things will eventually get better. I kept telling myself this the past four years in regards to high school, and in all honesty, things have improved minimally, and I see graduation as the only bright spot on the horizon.</p>

<p>My advice would be to seek out a counselor on your campus and explain what youā€™re going through. Iā€™m sure they deal with this kind of thing a lot. Also, I donā€™t know if youā€™re far from home, but donā€™t push your family away; this is something Iā€™ve been inclined to do in my situation, and it doesnā€™t help. </p>

<p>I would say stick it out, try joining some clubs, meeting new people, giving Duke a chance for the remainder of the year. Above all, make sure your grades stay up; if it does come to the point that you want to transfer next year, you owe it to yourself to transfer to a school that is worth your time. </p>

<p>Anyway, like I said, Iā€™m not in the same situation, but I really empathize, and I just thought you might want to know that there are others in similar situations dealing with the same confusion. I truly hope things start looking up for you. Try staying positive and donā€™t lose sight of why you chose Duke in the first place. Some things just arenā€™t meant to be, and itā€™s best to figure that out early in the game, rather than spending the next few years of your life being miserable. I hope you figure things out. Best of luck! :)</p>

3

<p>MW2, I had a rough first year as well. It wasnā€™t until I moved to West as a sophomore that I really found my niche and started to enjoy college more. Some suggestions:</p>

<p>(1) Visit CAPS. Too many students view going to CAPS as embarrassing or a last resort. Thatā€™s a very silly attitude to have. The people there are really helpful and have worked with many, many students in your shoes.</p>

<p>(2) Join some activities. Duke has clubs that cover everything from dance to beekeeping to gaming to quidditch. There are surely people at Duke with interests related to yours. </p>

<p>(3) Find a way to clear your head. Take a stroll through the Gardens. Take a jog through the forest near WaDuke. Take the bus to Franklin Street and get out of Durham for a bit.</p>

<p>(4) Consider rushing. There are some very mellow frats and sororities at Duke with great people. If youā€™re turned off by Greek life, consider joining a SLG.</p>

<p>Youā€™re definitely not the only person who feels this way at Duke or anywhere else. It can take a while to find your niche in college. Transferring can be a viable option in the right circumstances, but since you still feel Duke is the right choice for you, I think steps can be taken to improve your experience there.</p>

4

<p>@CollegeChica12
Thanks for the empathy, the situation youā€™re in with your high school is the very thing Iā€™m trying to avoid. If I do transfer, I donā€™t really care about the prestige or how ā€˜worthwhileā€™ it would be for my career. I mainly just want to enjoy life again. Iā€™m a very driven person and I think I would be able to succeed academically wherever I go. On that note, do you (or anybody else) know of colleges that are maybe a little bit more inclusive socially (less segregated)? I had a pretty narrow focus in my college search because I considered prestige to be more important than it has ended up being.</p>

<p>@warblersrule
Do you know how expensive CAPS is (canā€™t find the info)? Like could I do it without my parents finding out? I also wonder what they could do to help, they canā€™t exactly make people want to hang out with me. I joined some activities early in the year (maybe it was just my selection) but most sort of fizzled out, like hardly anyone would show up or it was just very unorganized. Now Iā€™m only doing activities that donā€™t involve my peers (i.e. volunteering). I agree that rushing would have been good, itā€™s hard to go to those things by yourself but I really should have tried. The thing is that I am so out of the loop socially that I didnā€™t even know rush was going on until it had already ended. Wouldnā€™t I have to wait until next Spring to even be able to do that? Also, how exactly was your sophomore year better (like what changed?) Since Iā€™ll be on Central I would think that it would be much, much worse. Thanks.</p>

5

<p>I think CAPS is free but I could be wrong. Otherwise you can check your insurance plan, Dukeā€™s student plan probably covers it and I know that my parentsā€™ one that I was on covered it. </p>

<p>As for your parents finding out, I believe HIPAA actually prohibits that unless you give your permission for your health records to be made available to them in that instance. In any case, I think you can assume a certain degree of confidentiality but you can always ask to be sure. </p>

<p>You could also try other more organized activities. If you are religious or even curious, then on campus groups such as InterVarsity or Cambridge Fellowship are quite large and organized so you donā€™t have to worry about it fizzling. You can try intramural or club sports if you have interests in any of them, many do not require much previous experience. If you are part of a special community (Asian students, Latino students, students from Hong Kong, etc) there are often groups dedicated to those that are quite active and many of them welcome affiliated members who are not part of the community (I often went to many HK student association events because one of my good friends was a member). Common rooms are often great places to meet people. My freshmen dorm had large study groups every thursday evening in the common room because the engineers usually had lab reports due on Friday for EGR53. There are probably other stuff Iā€™m missing.</p>

6

<p>@MW2 - as a mom, I would want to really help you work through this and look at all the options out there to make sure you were happy and healthy. I know sometimes parents can be a PITA, but ultimately we all care about our childrens wellbeing. I hope your parents are nearby enough that you can go home at spring break and talk. </p>

<p>I do think that a lot of your options for transferring no longer exist as applications were due long enough ago, although there are certainly some schools still availableā€¦ possibly UNC ?</p>

<p>I definitely think finding some groups to get involved with, will help tremendously. Interestingly enough, one group that I personally found to truly help me when I felt similar to you was Al Anon (not AA). It was a very supportive and safe place to be. But certainly too, you need to be physically active and have fun and get away from the mental stress.</p>

<p>Best of luck and keep us posted if any of us can help.</p>

7

<p>You are a bright articulate person. Go to CAPS. Discuss issues like confidentiality in your intake appointment. More than likely the first person you speak with will contemplate your needs, personality etc and assign you to a very experienced and empathic counselor who will only want to help you feel your way through this tunnel emotionally. You are so much more than how you are feeling today. I am a therapist plus have been ā€œinā€ therapy twice and talking is a key part of moving through and forward. Freshman fallout is intense for hundreds of unique reasons, go use your safety net. Love and respect yourself and your potential not only for friendship but your ability to befriend others. I wish I had gone to counseling at my college but I was too stubborn and too stuck in being an overachiever at the time. The evidence re therapy indicates that short term counselingā€¦4-6-8 meetings can be very effectiveā€¦you donā€™t have to lay on a couch and go back in time or anything. You and your counselor will spend about two sessions identifying your issues and reframing them until they are crystal clearā€¦and they can be worked through. Life is full of difficult dark times and you are blessed with a great mind and resourceful place to live now. Give yourself a breakā€¦from a lifetime of good work. Take some time in a private way to talk this out and to integrate a little. My Duke son went Greek to my utter astonishment but playing in the Symphony was equally important to him emotionallyā€¦I thought he was an introvert but I was wrong. My Vandy son is independent at a school where Greeks are very dominant in some respects and he has had spells of loneliness but instead he writes for the paper and is a huge joiner. He meets people by attending tons of cultural events. Loneliness is part of adulthood but you quite reasonably are feeling an acute eposide. Donā€™t leave Duke before full consideration of your emotional needs and time in lifeā€¦wishing you heartfelt support and semesters ahead where your social needs are fulfilled. Everyone needs friendship and you are NORMAL to want it now. Start with the intake appointment and confidentiality discussion. Then decide to return a couple of times. In my experience, the beginning of therapy has relief in it but also some confusion but dissonance is part of lifeā€¦a big part of lifeā€¦and it usually leads to a period of integration and peace ā€¦followed by dissonance. Of course weathering all of lifes ups and downs requires friendship to help you stay afloat. It is too soon to declare yourself a failure. I will admit that I have never seen so many overconfident people in one place and it can be intimidating at Duke but a lot of this is perspective. highly functioning introverts are all over campus as well and introverts make fantastic friends, my dear. </p>

<p>good luckā€¦believe in your potential. Duke does.</p>

8

<p>" What makes it even worse is that it seems everyone else in my year has found their niche and is having a wonderful time. Thatā€™s really what appealed to me in the first place; I visited campus and everyone appeared to be having so much fun. It was so easy to imagine myself as one of those people. The only way I can rationalize this ostracism is with the fact that Iā€™m not bookish enough for the people here primarily to study (academics arenā€™t really my first priority in college) and Iā€™m not good-looking or charismatic enough for those who go out and party all the time"ā€¦</p>

<p>Did you see ā€œMe Too Monologuesā€? </p>

<p><a href=ā€œhttp://www.hercampus.com/school/duke/me-too-monologues-2012[/url]ā€>http://www.hercampus.com/school/duke/me-too-monologues-2012&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p>My D had a rough go at first, and thought about transferring, but worked it out*) and is graduating this year.</p>

<p>A lot of kids struggle.</p>

<p>(* she finally talked to me, and I told her GO TO CAPS, and she didā€¦)</p>

9

<p>Thanks to everyone who took the time to reply. I think Iā€™m going to try to go to CAPS as soon as I get a chance as well as look to see if any extracurriculars are taking new members. If I can make a friend, or at least have a couple people here know me on a first name basis by the end of this year then Iā€™ll give my sophomore year a shot. If not, Iā€™m going to look more seriously into options for transfer because, the thing is, I have quite a few friends in my hometown and at other schools and itā€™s not worth feeling lonely and miserable all the time just to go to a prestigious college.</p>

10

<p>I was a military brat and learned the hard way how to initiate and how to take it when I dealt with feeling left out and invisible when I was the new girl in town. The most important thing I had to do was to be a friend to others and to take a great interest int getting to know people who were not really prepared to notice me or who were simply too self involved to be interested in my story or where I had been. It is also wise to take the long view and to overlook freshman follies with a longer view of how your classmates will evolve from age 19-23. The behavior and focus of freshman takes a big shift after a year or so and people whose behavior might have been less than what you are looking for can turn into really open and interesting 20 year olds. </p>

<p>These are skills that my own sons raised in one town didnā€™t develop as parents often want the opposite of their trials and tribulations for their own kids, and so my giving our kids stability did deprive them of how to manage in what presents at first as a quite lonely situation.<br>
And I am aware that Duke is a rather tough playground for beginning a life. There are a lot of people with world experiences and confidence at Duke from day one. And there are also a lot of really brave people like yourself who probably came to Duke from far away and took the risk of showing up cold in a very strange new world. </p>

<p>Some kids seem to be able to weather the freshman preoccupation with Greek life and others are simply mystified by that scene, a scene my Vanderbilt son simply passed on for better and for worse. Vandy is particularly hard for girls as half the class joins sororities and that is a lot of your peer group!<br>
As a junior who has been abroad now and had some summers in good jobs, Vandy son is on his feet and lives on campus with other independents who prefer to define themselves on more solo terms than Greek life offers, although as I said before our Duke son pledged and I wonā€™t pretend that he didnā€™t focus on his frat quite a bit for a place to call home. </p>

<p>Another place Duke son found refuge and family like experiences on campus was in FOCUSā€¦he maintained with the people in his class all four years which included many independents. He also took up a new foreign language and went abroad for it. Being abroad in a Duke sponsored program is a very leveling experience where you share daily classes and intimacy with people away from Durham and on even new ground.</p>

<p>Dukeā€™s foreign language departments are sort of cozy and can be a home base if you are contemplating taking a language on during your four years. Going abroad your junior year is also an excellent plan for finding a new group on new terms if dorm life at Duke is not nirvanna for you. The key is weathering the first year and finding a beginning place at Duke.<br>
I have always advised my Vandy son to stay open to all students at Vandy including those who are very keen on their frats and he has done so but most of his close friends are independent and there have been times he wished he had gone to a college that was frat free like Rice where students all live in the same residential college all four years. But he has extracted the best out of Vanderbilt and is still in the process of making his way with his own friends.<br>
wishing you the best as you work your way out of this phase and into the next chapter of your life, which I hope will be at Duke. Duke has a great alum network and Duke grad son is finding out how great this is for him in the city he works in now. Regardless, treat yourself the same advise you would give your daughter or son feeling the way you do now. Because you are 19, talking this out with your parents or hall mates is likely not going to be as helpful as talking to someone neutral in complete confidentiality. This is a time in life where peer friendships matter a lot, so donā€™t think I donā€™t sympathize if you are feeling lonelyā€¦I believe you completely. Everyone facing their 20s is sorting out the big questions of how to build a new family of peers that will in many ways replace parents for them. You are right where you are supposed to be looking ahead at your 20s and wanting this for yourself. Life is full of change and you are going through a big shift right now where scholarly work doesnā€™t mean much anymore if you donā€™t have friends to sustain you daily. Give yourself time and time to talk and think. You will push through thisā€¦but jump start the conversation off your hall and with someone who has experience and who wants the best for you, whatever that turns out to be. only best wishes coming your way</p>

11

<p>Also, if you are interested in marine sciences, environmental policy, biology, or just being close to the beach and taking classes, you should consider spending a semester of your sophomore year at the Duke Marine Lab. The atmosphere here is quite different than main campus; it feels like a true community here and Iā€™ve developed some very close friendships here with individuals of very different backgrounds. Personally, I think the Duke Marine Lab is Dukeā€™s best kept secret. Taking advantage of Dukeā€™s off campus programs, such as the Duke Marine Lab or study abroad, is a great way to meet new people and develop deep friendships with peers at Duke and other universities. </p>

<p>Regarding transferring, it is tough. While I am glad that I did it, there will inevitably be times where you look back and wonder if it was the right decision. I transferred from Rice because I wanted more environmental educational opportunities (Riceā€™s environmental program does not offer as many opportunities as Duke does), but Rice is a relatively easy place to develop friendships and meet new people because of the lack of a Greek system. All the students that I know who transferred into Rice seemed to find it a relatively easy place to transition to because of the communities created by the residential colleges. So that might be a place you can apply to if you ultimately decide to transfer (donā€™t take this decision lightly though). Whatever you decide, you will work it out :slight_smile: Good luck!</p>

12

<p>

TITCR. I made some of my best friends at Duke while studying abroad!!</p>

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<p>I actually was planning on studying at the Marine Lab because I visited and it was pretty awesome. Is it notably better to study there during the academic year? I was planning to take Physics there in the summer of my sophomore yearā€“if I get that farā€“but Iā€™m not sure if I could find 4 classes that would fit my schedule (probably wouldnā€™t want to take 4 science classes at a time). </p>

<p>Study Abroad was something I wanted to do this year but I apparently missed the deadline. Itā€™s definitely something Iā€™d want to do wherever I end up going.</p>

<p>Anyways, thanks again everybody. Iā€™m trying to stay optimistic here, called CAPS and can hopefully start that soon.</p>

14

<p>sliknik, I remember when you got into Rice, a community we admire very muchā€¦enough to fly to Houston from VA. But Vandy son did not win any merit money thereā€¦just admission.<br>
Vandy son is decidedly not a Greek type, and felt he would be at home much more in a college that had a strong sense of social inclusiveness. Vandy son might have been a social fit where he was admitted at Haverford and Swarthmore but alas the recession and our EFC at those fine liberal arts colleges were chillers and he won merit money to Vanderbilt, which was a former home base for his parents. He was so sure he would hate Vanderbilt and indeed he did end up with some lonely challenges there but when he finally visited (after being admitted)ā€¦he realized that Vanderbiltā€™s breadth was really what he needed. We have a philosophy re him that being in a more stressful social environment where the student body is divided into many subgroups of liberals, conservatives, Greeks, non Greeks, etc is much more like the real world and the workplace he will face, and he has been forced to learn to navigate much more complexity and to also learn to stand on his own solo at times.
But he has been ā€œthe Swarthmoreā€ type kid at Vanderbilt and has found his peer group at Vandy via showing up for every lecture and cultural event offered and by joining groups that debate, write, discuss, pursue the arts and so on. He is also very keen on Vandyā€™s good relationship with Nashville and is in Nashville a lot doing things that are relevant to his life.<br>
Your experience living and studying in Dukeā€™s Marine program sounds like one of the many havens at Duke for a different social scene. The Symphony was definitely one of Duke sonā€™s home basesā€¦no one had to practice all the time, but rehearsals were tough and substantive. Because Duke has no conservatory, the Symphony has a great conductor but there is inclusiveness there and anyone competent can win a chair as opposed to the Symphonies of Rice, Hopkins etc where only the gifted and dedicated can play.
MW2, perhaps this story will amuse you. When Duke son (who didnā€™t expect to get into Duke and therefore had cool feelings about it) visited for a Blue Devil Day, he signed up for an overnight. No one came to pick him up (we were in the admissions office on a gloomy rainy April Day) and the rest of the prospies were picked up by friendly upperclassmen. There he sat. The staff started getting a bit frantic and calls were made in hushed tones as darkness fell. Finally, an incredibly unfriendly and ticked off freshman showed up, didnā€™t make eye contact and allowed my son to follow him to the bus stop to get back to East campus. There he was ignored, told that this freshman was ā€œforced to get him as a frat prankā€ and told that he would be out till 3 or 4 am. Then he left my son in the dorm on East with no key.<br>
My son noticed some other dorm guys in tuxes leaving the building and he followed them and fell in with one guy who talked to him about the Symphony. It was the night of their final concert, and sitting in the audience my son realized that the Symphony might be enough for him as a starting point socially. The seniors wrote dedications to the Conductor and much affection was on display as they played their last show. He basically got a rude awakening to the down side of Duke life but he just made a decision that this guy was not Duke.<br>
Although I wonā€™t argue that Duke is less user friendly than Riceā€¦I will argue that whatever you are dealing with now re pushing your way through to a beginning point in having a campus family of your own of friends you can count on for the ups and downs of college years (and I do think Duke can be tough)ā€¦I think Duke is much more like life after graduation where making your way takes a great deal of chutzpah and a thick skin and the ability to tolerate being alone for spells. The workplace is really tough out there. Duke sonā€™s first job was rescinded in the recession and he had many rejections in job seeking to deal with while living on his own in a huge city after graduation. It took him two years to land a really fine job where he is thriving now and where he attends most Duke Alum events in town.<br>
I honestly think both of my sons benefited from the larger more challenging communities that are Duke and Vandy re growing the skills to navigate the workplace. Whether or not you engineer a transfer as a sophomore or rising junior or you stay, please know that dissonance is part of what brings change and growth. You are a champion academically and so academics are not really where your next growth spurt is headingā€¦you are heading into the world of starting to try out different lifestyles and friendship networks until you find out where you are most happy and your best version of yourself. Being at sea in life is something we all go through. Be patient with the CAPs intake interview. It can be annoying to answer twenty questions but they have to do itā€¦and you will not get to the peace and privacy of talking on your first appointment but hang in there. You are a very articulate person, a good writer and a good thinker and those all indicate that verbalizing how you are feeling and what you are seeking is something you will be good at. best wishes</p>

15

<p>Hey man,</p>

<p>I feel you. Private message me, or check your private messages. I am involved in a couple of extracurriculars and can help you get involved as well; that is one of the best ways to find a ā€œnicheā€ on campus. </p>

<p>Best,</p>

<p>Helicio</p>

16

<p>MW2- I am so glad that you decided to share your thoughts and feelings. I have greatly enjoyed reading through the postings and seeing how many people care about a strangerā€™s happiness. It has also been interesting reading studentā€™s views of different campuses through parents eyes. My D extensively looked at many colleges while she was considering her options to play D3 lacrosse. Along her journey of discovery we ruled out many colleges that were either too small (Haverford and Swarthmore) or too Greek (Wash. & Lee) as we believe that she would have a difficult time finding her niche in those settings. The one really great fit that we did find was Pomona in CA, only it is a little too far from home and offers no merit $. They have amazing academics, D3 sports, small school feel but because of the 5 school consortium it can be a bigger school if you want it to be. We really liked that about 98% lived on campus and no Greek. The great weather doesnā€™t hurt either! She is pretty much set on UNC CH being the instate option (although would consider Duke is she gets the Robertson) and most of her life long friends have been accepted or already go there so she will have a built in social network if she needs it yet it is big enough to forge a new path if she wants. </p>

<p>I went to a huge school, U of Maryland that was 42,000 students at the time. The thing that I like most about a big school is that there is a place for everyone to find their niche and belong. Duke definitely has a completely different culture and feel than a state school like UNC and attracts a different type of student. I agree that finding your place in life (new city, job, community etc) isnā€™t much different than what you are experiencing at school so the steps you are taking are great life skills. I have found that it takes about a year to really feel like you belong in a new place and know people that you can honestly call friends. It sounds like you are doing the right things to proactively change your situation. Definitely do look into CAPS (I think most everyone can really use that at some time in their life) and keep putting yourself out there for the rest of the semester, developing your social skills and meeting new people. I think that you will find success as long as you are working at it. If at the end of the first year you still feel like socially Duke isnā€™t the right place for you then I would suggest transferring to a state school where the student population is a better representation of the real world as they may be more accepting. You can still find difficult classes and bright students. I would also at least look into the Greek system or academic fraternities. All fraternities are not the same and I honestly believe that it is possible for anyone that wants to, to find a place to belong in one (several hold informal Rush in off semesters so just ask around). I just had this conversation with my D the other day and explained that while you might not like everyone or be best friends with more than a handful of your brothers/sisters in a fraternity, it gives you a place/group to belong not just while you are in college but for a lifetime. Even social fraternities offer a LOT more than just parties, making the larger school smaller and more intimate experience.</p>

<p>I wish you luck on your journey. Simply by posting here I think that you have already started the process of making things better. Do let us know how things turn out. We are all cheering for you. And do think about sharing with your parents. I know they would want to help you in any way they can!</p>

17

<p>Sorry to revive this thread, I just want to give an update because so many people seemed concerned. </p>

<p>I have gone to CAPS several times, and it seems relatively helpful, but it hasnā€™t translated to any tangible results. I still feel an acute sense of loneliness and depression that permeates and infects every part of my existence such that I am unable to function as a normal person should. I am, as of yet, undecided as to whether or not I will be returning next yearā€“I have to have a candid conversation with my parents and will need to make a decision in the next couple of weeks. </p>

<p>It might be worth trying to endure for three more years, since it can only really get better at this point, butā€“at the same timeā€“perhaps what I need is a change, whether thatā€™s a fresh start at a new school or entering the workforce. Also, I donā€™t know if I can be a moral person and allow my parents to pay Dukeā€™s obscene tuition given how I spend my time here. I am in a state of extreme ambivalence but I think I might be leaning towards not coming back; the prospect of returning to this despondence after what will likely be a very fun summer back home is, quite frankly, terrifying. </p>

<p>Any further insight would be appreciated, but Iā€™m mainly posting this so that people know how this turned out. Itā€™s not always as simple as going to CAPS.</p>

18

<p>MW2 - have you seen one of the psychiatrists at CAPS or just one of the therapists? Has anyone discussed the possibility that medication might be helpful? You need not answer those questions here, but your posts sound like your situation has gone beyond the usual unhappiness of a bad fit with college your freshman year. I would be concerned that you are having an actual clinical depression (general despondence, problem sleeping , excessive guilt, etc.). If so, starting medication in addition to talk therapy and making changes in you circumstances might help you feel a lot better and be in a better position to make these important choices.</p>

<p>Have you been able to have an honest talk with your parents about this? Whatever you do, donā€™t give up on yourself or your situation. This is very likely something that will not be fixed in a few weeksā€™ time. Have you spoken to anyone in the Deanā€™s office, such as Dean Sue? I would be confident that the school will give you whatever flexibility you need to have the time to sort things out and work out what is best for you.</p>

19

<p>MW2isawesome:

  1. I applaud your courage in bringing up this subject, and in going to CAPS
    2.Depression is common in young peopleā€¦did you have such a history in high school? It is typical for ā€œaffective disordersā€, as they are called, to surface in adolescence/young adulthood. Is there a family history of depression in your case?
  2. Your symptoms border on what is called ā€œMajor Depressionā€ā€¦the so-called neurovegetative symptomsā€¦loss of sleep, appetite, loss of interest in formerly enjoyable activities, some sense of hopelessness/worthlessness. Believe me, these symptoms do occur in a not trivial % of young adults.
  3. Take these symptoms very seriously, and believe that help IS available, and this CAN be treated. You MUST get a consultation with a Psychiatrist, not merely a counselor, because you will need medication. As you may have guessed, I am a physician, but I am not a psychiatrist.
  4. Please consider having a talk with your parents. I do not know how close you are to them, but in all likelihood, they are your most ardent well wishers. Please talk to them. Do not bear this alone. Chances are they will pick up on ā€œsomethingā€ being wrong, and go through anguish trying to figure it out. You need the comfort of sharing this.
  5. A psychiatrist may recommend some time awayā€¦and that would be arranged by Duke. He/she will certainly start a treatment program to include medication and weekly or more or less frequent therapy sessions to start with. You have GOT to see a doctor. It is a central part of this illness for the patient to feel that no psychiatrist would understand the problem or be able to help. That is WRONG. There have been huge advances in the treatment of depressive illnesses. Please donā€™t deny yourself this treatment.
  6. You are welcome to PM me if you feel that might help.
  7. I wish you well, and am very concerned about you. Please assure us that you will insist on seeing a psychiatrist and pursuing sustained treatment. You obviously are a splendid young person. You just happen to have an illness. It is your right to get treated. Just like any other illness.
  8. Try to banish the demons of this illness which lead you to think negatively about the effectiveness of proper treatment. Once you are better, you will be amazed how negative your thoughts were before treatment.
  9. Some forms of depression are recurrent, and require long term management. Many prominent people get life long treatment for this. It is not that uncommon. The point is that you do NOT have to suffer. Please promise yourself that you will seek and CONTINUE with a treatment plan.</p>
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<p>oliver007 - Youā€™re comments are right on the mark. These were my feelings exactly (and I am a psychiatrist). I am glad you were able to state your points so eloquently.</p>

<p>MW2 - I think you might be heading into exam week? Donā€™t let anything get in your way. Get back to CAPS as soon as you can in the morning and arrange to see a psychiatrist as soon as possible. The natural course of depression is that it improves with time, but proper treatment will help this happen more quickly. Looking back over the posts, it seems you have been suffering for several months. Iā€™m sorry this has gone on so long. Iā€™m sure there are a host of people - your parents, residence hall staff, CAPS, deans office who are ready to help. Donā€™t feel any hesitation about reaching out face to face.</p>