Depressed First-Year Student Seeking Advice

<p>@ourmutualfriend
I’m not entirely sure, but I think the person I’ve been seeing is a therapist. This person did not seem to think that I needed medication. I don’t know who Dean Sue or anyone in the Dean’s office is. I think I mentioned this earlier in the thread but I am completely dissociated with everything going on here; I don’t really feel like part of the student body in any real capacity. I didn’t even know what LDOC was, for example. I haven’t discussed any of this with my parents as I have been avoiding the subject. I’d really prefer to be able to sort this out without having to take time off from Duke–I’m already distanced enough from my class without having to miss a lot of school.</p>

<p>@oliver007
I did not have a history of depression in high school. This condition seems entirely associated with being at Duke or, more specifically with not having friends with whom I can hold conversation regularly and go to events. When I went home for Winter and Spring break I felt perfectly fine, clear-headed even, for the most part. I’m obviously fairly ignorant of these matters, but I can’t help but feel that medication would avoid the problem, which is me, by giving a sort of artificial solution. Is there any reason why the person I have been seeing wouldn’t have recommended medication or referred me to someone who could give it to me? I told this person pretty much the same things I have been discussing on this thread. If medication is really the logical solution, how would I convey this to the therapist I’ve been seeing?</p>

<p>Thanks for the kind responses. The main reason I’m so strongly considering leaving Duke is simply because I haven’t had trouble in this way before coming here. There seems to be a sort of social elitism here that perpetuates my condition. I went to a public high school on the other side of the country and had never been to the east coast or the south before coming here. I don’t know how to interact with the people here. I can’t help but feel that getting to a school that’s more down-to-earth and inclusive would do more to help than trying to fit in at a school where I clearly do not. People here that I meet don’t seem to be interested in getting to know me, and probably with good reason.</p>

<p>MW2 - The fact that you felt better when you were home is a good sign, but I think it would still be best if you were assessed by a psychiatrist for depression. CAPS is a great program, but their therapists are from a range of disciplines and expertise and include psychologists, social workers, and interns as well as physician psychiatrists. It is reassuring that you have been seeing a therapist and have been open with him/her. Nonetheless, two physicians on this thread thought you were essentially describing enough symptoms to warrant a diagnosis of depression. This doesn’t mean that is the case, but it does suggest you should be checked out for it. </p>

<p>Without actually having met you , I can say that a good number of the things you are saying about yourself strike me as much more harsh than I would expect for someone in your circumstances. This again suggests to me that you might be suffering from a medical form of depression, which also suggests that there are clear ways to help you feel better. Putting it another way, the illness of depression makes those who suffer from it see everything in the worse possible light, sort of as if your mental “thermostat” were set at the wrong position. Medication isn’t an artificial solution, but it can help re-set your “thermostat” to a setting where you view things realistically and can take full advantage of your own abilities. I don’t know, in fact, if a recommendation for medication makes sense for your or not, but I do know that your comments clearly indicate that you should be assessed for it.</p>

<p>As I mentioned earlier, I believe you are probably heading into exams. As long as you feel you have enough support I would advise you to get through your work and get home. Then you can have a good talk with your parents. You could certainly see a psychiatrist or family doctor once you get home, and then begin to deal with all these things over the summer.</p>

<p>Sue Wasiolek is a Dean in the Residential Life office. Her office is in in Flowers Lounge, just to the left of Page Auditorium. She is a very experienced, smart, and supportive person who has been working with Duke students for over 30 years. Generally, you can drop in or call and arrange an appointment to see her. Is there a faculty member living in your dorm? I am sure there are any number of a faculty and staff, in addition to your family, who would be interested in giving you support as you figure out what to do. </p>

<p>Keep hopeful. You’ve elicited a lot of genuine concern and wishes to support you from people on this forum. There’s is no doubt that there are people in your life who would wish you the same. Don’t give up.</p>

<p>MW2: I believe that ANY psychiatrist, if given the narrative you have related, would consider Major Depression as a possibility, and that almost always entails a combination of counselling therapy and medication. Do you have private insurance, or just the student health plan? If you are covered under another plan, I would simply get a referral to a psychiatrist off campus and begin assessment and treatment. I am somewhat encouraged by the fact that you do seem to have better function in different environments, away from college/Duke. However, I would never downplay the story you told, I would strongly advise that a psychiatrist evaluate you.
One other thing. College is important. But it is a distant second to your well being and happiness. NEVER compromise your very well being and happiness in the pursuit of some goal that might not be your own. I do hope you will find a way to stay at Duke, because it is an excellent school, but attend to your own mental/emotional well being FIRST. As I said last time, you may PM me if that would help. We wish you the best!</p>

<p>MW2: I would reiterate everything Ourmutualfriend has stated. Please take that seriously. I also see clear signs that you are in the process of diminishing your self image (another sign of Depression), and even harbouring feelings of guilt. These matters are quite serious. On one hand, it is a tribute to your sense of responsibility that you are conscious of the expense of Duke while you may not be getting good value of it because of your mental/emotional state. On the other hand, you do NOT NEED to have this guilt. What you need is treatment, compassion, understanding, and if needed, a restructuring of your environment. That may be temporary, or if indicated after careful deliberation and discussion with your parent, perhaps a permanent change, such as a different school. There is NO rush to get back into a milieu that you seem strongly to feel has caused your current unhappiness. Many students need a “break” from some environments while they regroup and re-evaluate. Here is what I can state even from this brief acquaintance via correspondence: You are bright, very bright. You have an admirable sense of ethics and accountability. You are a person of integrity. You should be able to look forward to a worthy, happy, and highly valued life, no matter what career you choose. I would be greatly dismayed if you neglect to treat (by seeing a psychiatrist) your current condition, and I assure you that you will find greater contentment either at Duke with proper care, or elsewhere if necessary. You are young…so extremely young. Your future should be brilliant and without limits. There would be nothing more important to the people who love you than your well being. Please attend to it. I suggest again that if you are covered by another health plan (such as your parents insurance), you are at liberty to ask the staff at Duke to find you an off campus psychiatrist. (In the event that you are not referred to a psychiatrist at Duke with whom you can establish sincere rapport). Also, please give very serious thought to bringing your parents into the loop. Being unaware of what burdens a child may be grappling with, parents can make serious missteps because of frustration and misconceptions. This can lead to damaged relationships, and a worsened emotional state all around. Don’t take that chance. It would be nice if you occasionally update us as to how you are doing.</p>

<p>^Great post, OP definitely keep us updated. PM me if you need a friend :)</p>

<p>Sorry for taking so long to respond. Thanks to everyone for the heartening comments. </p>

<p>I have decided, independently, that I will try to finish my last three years at Duke. I think that 20 years from now I would regret avoiding the problem, in the way that transferring would, more than I would regret being very unhappy for 4 years. </p>

<p>I tried bringing this up with my parents, but I just can’t. I’ve never talked about my personal problems with anyone, ever, and I don’t think that I’m capable of doing so. If there was some way of seeing a psychiatrist without my parents finding out, I would do it, but I don’t think that I could manage it. My main fear regarding medication stems from the fact that a couple people I knew ended up killing themselves shortly after beginning depression medication. I would like to have as much control as I can over my emotions and mental functions, especially in this low point of my life. That said, if I could somehow get access to medication without my parents finding out, I would at least try it.</p>

<p>I chose to go to Duke, so I’m stuck with it, and it’s my own fault. It seems like the quicker I get it over with, the less time I will have to spend in this state. I’m going to try to make the best of a very bad situation by trying to stay optimistic. Maybe there will be someone in the class of 2016 willing to be my friend.</p>

<p>Hey, I can PM you my number if you want to talk. I’m a veritable chatter box, maybe conversing with me will help you get some stuff off of your mind. :)</p>

<p>MW2 - Give happyman2 a call. This would be a start. Give yourself a break and allow yourself some real contact with someone reaching out to help you.</p>

<p>If you are still on campus, do your best to get an appointment with a CAPS psychiatrist. Your parents will not know. I don’t know CAPS’ policies about working with students who have left campus during a break, but give them a call and ask to speak with someone. I don’t think they’ll turn you away.</p>

<p>I’m a psychiatrist at a university medical school, but I’m physically far away from Duke. I am very familiar with all the issues chatted about in the press about antidepressant medications leading to suicide. The truth is that depression leads to suicide and the risk for suicide increases as one begins to come out of depression. This isn’t an argument against the drugs. It simply means that you need a competent assessment by someone who knows what s/he is doing and you need proper follow up care, especially as you begin therapy.</p>

<p>Even without meeting you, I can tell that much of what you are thinking and feeling is the depression talking, not the frustrations of a college student. You have to believe that.</p>

<p>Please find some people around you in whom you can confide. Also feel free to PM me if you’d like to talk. Since I don’t know where you are, I don’t know how much I can help you, but I am very concerned about you. I suspect I am not alone. I will do what I can to help.</p>

<p>@happyman2
Thanks for the kind offer, but I really don’t feel comfortable talking to a fellow student in this context. I would like to be seen as–and treated as–a normal person and don’t want to further ostracize myself from my classmates. </p>

<p>@ourmutualfriend
I am not still on campus, I am home (live on the West Coast). As such, I don’t think I would be able to find and meet with a psychiatrist without my parents’ knowledge. I don’t believe that it is the depression talking, I think that I have several very rational reasons to be as upset as I currently am.</p>

<p>I took a look at your old posts and really noticed a change from the enthusiastic young man who applied to Duke ED a year and a half ago.</p>

<p>I’m on the west coast too, but not close enough for you to come in and see me. I’d be happy to talk with you on the phone, confidentially. You don’t even have to tell me your last name. Send me a PM letting me know how to reach you. I can call you on your cell. No one needs to know.</p>

<p>MW2: I am extremely surprised by your insistence that you avoid discussing this with your parents, or even avoid seeing a psychiatrist/taking medication unless you can avoid “discovery” by your parents. I can understand your state of mind dictating this to you, but you are an extremely intelligent person, and you MUST realize that you are doing yourself a great disservice by denying yourself the benefit of a caring, understanding and therapeutic relationship with a competent psychiatrist. You are making a mistake by “going it alone” because it is quite poissible that you would lose a healthy perspective, and come to faulty decisions in the isolation of your mind. What can I say to convince a person as smart as you that foregoing treatment for this condition is the same as avoiding treatment for a broken leg or a heart attack? It is EXACTLY the same. There is a medical condition for which good treatment is available, and you are avoiding it.
There is NO possibility that your parents would be informed by any doctor without your express, WRITTEN consent. Please PM 'ourmutualfriend", and take up his kind offer to even speak to you by phone. You can do so anonymously. I commend him for his exemplary concern. That is why we become doctors! You may also PM me. Please…understand that your state of mind is influencing you to disregard this problem, when you could make it much easier for yourself by seeking treatment. I sincerely hope that you will do so. It is a disservice to your obviously superior intellect to let your emotional difficulties cloud your judgment in this matter.</p>

<p>Very nice, Helicio.</p>

<p>Hey MM2, how did it go?</p>

<p>Hey Duke2016,</p>

<p>I’m still at Duke, but–despite the optimism that I had coming into this year–I am likely going to transfer soon. I’m going to try to rush frats/SLGs in the spring and if I can actually get into one then I think I will likely be able to have a fun, fulfilling time here, but–unfortunately–it is apparently extremely difficult to get into these living groups, especially as a sophomore, so I doubt that will happen. If I can’t get into anything by the end of January then I will withdraw and transfer.</p>

<p>I had really high hopes for Duke, but I’ve just had a really dismal experience here thus far. The sad thing is that the main reason I’m likely transferring is my living situation, which was bad last year, and is somehow much much worse this year. I actually really like the academics, but because I don’t have friends here I don’t get to experience the things that actually make Duke fun (i.e. basketball games, Shooters, parties, beach week, places in Durham/Chapel Hill, etc.) Also, I could just be trying the wrong sorts of extracurriculars, but all the things I’ve done just haven’t been especially social. I didn’t make any friends, and I’d be surprised if many others did either. It really seems like most people are friends with those that they live with and actually interact with on a daily basis rather than those people they randomly meet in extracurriculars.</p>

<p>I still feel like I have a lot to contribute, both to a potential groups of friends and to the Duke community as a whole, but am unfortunately not getting opportunities to do so. I feel really victimized by Duke’s new housing model and am sad that the acceptance rates for SLGs are so ridiculously low.</p>

1 Like

<p>Hey MW2,</p>

<pre><code> I was in your situation a while back during my junior year. I regret not transferring actually even though I did end up graduating with latin honors. Life’s too short to be depressed and miserable, just cut your loses and move on. Btw, CAPS isn’t going to do anything from you. Greek life or SLG (I was in a fraternity) might help, but it’s also not a guarantee/instant group of friends.
</code></pre>

<p>also feel free to send me a pm. It makes me sad to see anyone else go through the same thing.</p>

<p>Hey guys,
MW2, I’m really sorry things turned out so badly for you at Duke. I’m a freshman, and I’ve been thinking about transferring a lot this past month. My situation isn’t as extreme as yours, but your description of sophomore year is what I’m worried about facing next year…the difficulty of meeting new people with everyone already in groups and the challenges of changing my current social situation. I see my college experience going on the way it is right now for another three years, and I’m not satisfied with it. </p>

<p>I truly wanted college to be the best four years of my life and to create amazing memories and fun stories to remember for the rest of my life. I’ve waited for college for so long. I’m pretty sure that’s not going to happen if I stay at Duke, but part of me always wonders if I should just give it more time. I guess my question is, when do you guys think it’s time to stop trying? To move on and find a happier life elsewhere?</p>

<p>drizzzzzy, I think you should keep trying to find your niche at Duke. Sometimes it does take a while. </p>

<p>You should also fill out a few transfer applications, though. Application deadlines are usually in March and April, and you wouldn’t have to make a decision until late spring, so you’d be able to make a more informed decision by then. Duke is a very good university, but it’s not for everyone.</p>

<p>I’m going to leave this thread alone for now, but I will have to close it if it keeps being resuscitated. It’s best to start your own thread.</p>

<p>"@happyman2
Thanks for the kind offer, but I really don’t feel comfortable talking to a fellow student in this context. I would like to be seen as–and treated as–a normal person and don’t want to further ostracize myself from my classmates." this comment coupled with the fact that you hesitate telling your parents reveal a lot. I’m not judging you or anything but perhaps the problems you are encountering are because of you yourself. You seem to reject help in some instances when it could be very beneficial.</p>

<p>From what I’ve heard, professors at Duke often schedule outings and invite students to participate in them. I feel like you could really meet some awesome (like minded) people at one of these get togethers. You have to put yourself out there so that people can become aware of how incredible you are :)</p>