So I’ve had depression since sophomore year in high school. Always been the quiet observer. Handling all my problems on my own because I don’t like bothering people. Broke up with my boyfriend my second year of college because of verbal abuse and physical. No one knows about it. I’ve had depression because I’m socially awkward and never seem to fit in. I don’t have any friends or associates and I’m really introverted. I don’t really trust anyone but my family but even then I don’t talk to them about personal things. One day I broke down in front of my mom unintentionally and was horrified by it. I have about a summer and a semester left before I transfer and I’ve been here a little too long. I’m going for a teaching degree but it’s been hard. Attending college is socially and physically draining and I find myself so tired. I love to learn. That’s not the problem. I’ve been learning new languages on my own. Learning how to write books. Learning how to draw and paint, etc. Education is amazing. I just can’t do it with so many people around me. My social anxiety has gotten so so much worse. I take one online class and it’s amazing. It makes me feel so much more free and comfortable. I don’t want people to misunderstand and think I want to sit on my butt all day and do nothing because it’s been a dream of mine to travel the world. I don’t want to be a teacher but I feel like I have to be because I can’t think of anything else. Trust me. I’ve looked and looked. I feel like such a failure because I’m having the hardest time with simple classes. I’ve used my hobbies to keep me busy so I won’t go into a mental breakdown and these hobbies make me the happiest I’ve ever been but my hobbies aren’t “real” jobs. I don’t want my family to see me as a failure but I don’t know how long I’ll be able to drag myself through this. I’m not happy with my life. I haven’t been for years. I don’t know where I belong and I don’t know what choices I should make. I’m barely average in school and I don’t know what to do. I don’t care for a high paying job. I don’t want to end up living on the streets either. I’m so confused.
Believe it or not but a lot of people are in the situation of not knowing what to do with their lives. It is a scary thing as I myself have no idea what I’m doing. I’m just studying but the road is unclear. I want a career that will feed me, provide a shelter, and make me happy. I personally know how it feels to gobble up emotions and feelings without sharing with others. I too have an extremely difficult time trusting people (personal life events both witnessed and experienced) but I managed to gain back the trust in people I have lost. As much as I love my family I too went through a time in my life where I did not share my feelings with them as well. I am glad you have hobbies that make you happy but they are all distractions. what I learned is that you need to talk about your thoughts and feelings. Talking them out is the only method to make you feel like the pressure is off your shoulders. The sudden bursts of emotions will go away, I have experienced them in the past so I know exactly what you are talking about. You do not have to talk to a person if it makes you uncomfortable. This may sound silly but I started off by talking to a bear I’ve had since childhood. Then I got a pet and believe me when I say this, a pet is a best friend when it comes to listening. Now when it comes to being introverted and the trust issues: talk to people. You do not have to trust people at all from the beginning. Just have simple conversations and talk about things you don’t mind the other person knowing about you. There will always be people that come and go but there will a moment when you will find friends for life. Trust will slowly build up but the speed varies. If you want to travel you will need social skills especially to get around the country you’re visiting and the same goes with whichever career you’ll end up in. Smile often, people are drawn to friendly faces. Everything takes time so don’t feel burdened about the future. You already took the first step by posting on this forum so you are already searching for help and advise.
Take vitamins before you start taking drugs; I had panic attacks leading up to the SAT’s and it turned out I had a vitamin B deficiency. Also too much coffee may have had something to do with it…
It also helped a lot after I started exercising. Panic attacks aren’t the same as depression but they’re still in your head and they’re still really, really terrible.
And obviously vitamins and exercise are going to help you out regardless of whether or not they cure your depression.