<p>I think I may suffer from depression. I have not went to a psychologist so it is not verified. I think that I had depression since 10th grade (possibly even before) but I managed to keep my grades high. Right now though, I am just too stressed and too tired to maintain high grades. My straight A grades are mostly Bs right now and I think it will just keep dropping if I don't change something. I cannot bring myself to do anything. I have spent hours just staring at nothing and then go to bed knowing that I have not done half the things that I was supposed to do that day. I want to try hard and I want to do well but my body is telling me to stop. There are good reasons for me to do things but just because we have good reasons doesn't mean it's preferable to go with the plan. College application deadlines are coming closer and I have not even started. Everyone else has high expectations of me too. I have done well in the past, why wouldn't I do well now? It's harder than anything I have ever done before. I have just had it with school and I can't even stand looking at my homework. I looked for emotional support and I did receive some, but how good is any of that really? I don't feel any different. I just hate how I might just ruin it all by this one semester. Maybe I will get my motivation back in second semester, by then it would be too late. I go through my personality to try to find some redeeming characteristic of me besides academics and I can't find any. Even in academics, I am not the best. I am just among the top but that's not enough these days. Some might tell me to lower my standards and just give up. I would not be able to live with myself if I completely gave up. I know that but I want to give up anyways. Something tells me that it's not worth it. I just wish that I had invested on some other skills. A few more nights living like this and I might just die. Some people might say that I am just overreacting to all of this. But how could I say that I am overreacting when I have stopped enjoying everything I do? How could I live with the fact that I am essentially useless? I hate my dependence on society. I hate everything and in turn the world feigns interest and moves on.</p>
<p>I hope this is just a passing emotion. First of all, you need to stop pitying yourself and telling yourself negative phrases. Stop hating on everything, and appreciate your friends, your family, your high school success (and STOP comparing yourself to others…getting into HYPSM is not a failure). Enjoy the rest of senior year! And stop complaining/worrying. It’s not going to get you anywhere. Treat yourself to something nice…like a fun day out with your friend, and realize all the beauty you have in your life! The world is reflected by the eyes which you see through, and it is your choice to use positive or negative lenses. I know depression is a chemical imbalance, and as a happy, and blessed person, I can’t ever truly understand it. Still, I have friends who struggle with it, and they told me it made a huge difference by telling these negative thoughts you have in your head to just SHUT THE HELL UP and replace those thoughts with positive ones like: life is meaningful. I may not succeed, but I am still amazing because I have accomplished so much, and will accomplish so much more. I am the best me there can ever be, and no one can replace me. I am special. Remember that.</p>
<p>Enmity - What you describe is depression. I am sorry you are hurting so much. Please know that what you are feeling will not last forever. It hurts. It is overwhelming, but it is TEMPORARY. You are a worthwhile person, regardless of your grades, your achievements, or the college you do/do not go to. You are living a story that is worth telling. Please do not cut it short! There is help out there for you. Please reach out to a friend or adult or counselor. Depression is not just a lack of willpower, motivation, or positive thinking (like petrawinklevoss would have you believe). With some help, you can get out of the dark place you are in. Please don’t be afraid to reach out. You are young and probably don’t have the tools/resources to help yourself out of this. I don’t know you, but I know you deserve to be happier. Your life is important. You have so much to offer. You have so much to live for. These bad feelings are intense, but that doesn’t make them “right.” You are not seeing yourself very accurately right now. Take it one day at a time; maybe even one hour at a time. Be kind and patient with yourself. You are worth loving. Please get help. There is hope.</p>
<p>Depression is a murky lens. Looking through it at your immediate situation makes your immediate situation seem worse than it really is; looking through it at your long term future makes your long term future seem indistinguishable from your immediate situation.</p>
<p>You wouldn’t drive under the impairment of alcohol. Would you judge your own character or plan for your future under an impairment that prevents you from making value judgments consistent with your worldview and your personality?</p>
<p>You’re feeling hopeless and there’s no waving that away. You can’t will yourself happy any more than a drunk person can will himself sober. But you can remind yourself that feeling hopeless is a symptom of a treatable condition you have, not a rational assessment of factors beyond your control. At the moment, every minute you spend thinking about what kind of person you are or what future you have in store is a minute of misplaced thinking that should be spent on seeking help from an expert on depression and on making your environment more accommodating to someone with depression.</p>
<p>I apologize for not understanding you Enmity. I hope you can get help for your depression, and heaven knows that I, right now, can’t get close to understanding your situation. I hope you get help and support from your family and friends, and that things will get better for you!</p>
<p>Go see a psychologist first. From there, you may be evaluated and possibly referred to a psychiatrist who may then diagnose. I know it can be rough.I have gone through something similar. It gets better though. Stop letting other’s opinions get to you. Try not to over-think things such as reliance on society because in reality we all are, and there is nothing wrong with that. Why Finally, stop stressing yourself out over school. Is getting into a great school worth your mental health? It definitely is not. Just relax.</p>
<p>Enmity, please talk to your parents or someone at school you trust. There IS help available for you. Both of my sons, aged 18 and 21, suffer from mental illness. With the help of meds and therapy, they are doing much better. Depression is unbelievably common. Since my sons’ diagnoses, I have talked to many, many people who are ill or have family members that are. I will be thinking of you. Please let us know how you’re doing.</p>
<p>Depression is a treatable disease. Have your parents make an appt. with your pediatrician for a referral for treatment. Meds and therapy will do wonders for your outlook on life. Hang in there! Thoughts going out to you.</p>
<p>Consider that you are taking your mind in a direction that it was never intended to go. By sheer will power, you’ve made it this far but clearly the mind is rebelling. There must be something besides school that makes you happy. If not, your real journey will be finding out what it is. A good first step will be talking to a therapist. GL</p>
<p>talk to a doctor and be as honest as possible. maybe you need meds, maybe not. i agree that therapy is almost always a good option.</p>
<p>and get informed about your mental illness (assuming you even have one), once you have a diagnosis. or maybe search around the internet for credible websites (not forums, like forums for mental illness, because they will make you feel awful), and try to learn a little before seeing a therapist. either way, it’s important to know your illness if you want to live with it or overcome it. some people assume people who are mentally ill are too delicate or are unable to understand their illness, but that’s almost never the case. understanding yourself is so important, especially with schoolwork in the mix.</p>
<p>and i agree that if it’s only depression (not that depression isn’t a big deal), then you can usually overcome it, but you would need to seek professional help.</p>
<p>I have not seen a psychologist yet because my parents are opposed to the idea. I raised the issue two years ago and they said to stop being dramatic and blame myself for not pushing harder.</p>
<p>Do you exercise any, because I know exercise helps with depression. I know when I’ve been unable to run or workout (injuries) it killed me, and I hated the world/couldn’t deal with the stress from school/home (had some bad thoughts then), but now that I’m physically active again I’m fine</p>
<p>Also, your probably pushing yourself TOO MUCH, rather than not enough</p>