Depression

Parents Forum
1

<p>hey, i'm in college and am currently depressed. it's a lame scenario i guess, and there is no clear reason why. i am seeing people about it, but ultimately i think the problem needs to be solved on my own. i have read pretty much every decent book out there on happiness. my favorite was by bertrand russell, called "the conquest of happiness," which pretty much said the way to combat depression was to look outward rather than introspect. i'm having a hard time doing it.</p>

<p>i'm a person of extremes. that means i either study hard, party hard, drug up hard, exercise nonstop. i'm trying to become balanced. but whenever i get off track (for example, wake up at 12 pm rather than 8 am as i had planned), i become depressed. also, my interaction with other ppl isn't really that great. there aren't any tangible qualities that make me annoying or anything, and i still get invited to parties a lot. but i don't have any good friends, and i want to try to make them. i th ink i want to be emotionally connected to someone before i get to know them as well as i should. i don't like engaging in "unemotional" activities as you would call it, like simply hanging out or playing sports, etc.</p>

<p>i'm also having major problems dealing with mistakes that i make. i can't help view them as failures. i know i shouldn't, but part of my brain keeps saying that i can only learn if i dwell on correcting mistakes and remain pessimistic (remember coach k from duke who put a newspaper clipping of his worse defeat on his desk for a whole semester?).</p>

<p>i need practical advice, books, anything that you guys could recommend.</p>

<p>thanks!</p>

2

<p>IMO, the problem won't be solved by reading about it. Sounds to me like you might be bipolar, since you say "I'm a person of extremes." And the only way to solve that nut is through medication.</p>

<p>You must, must, must see a doctor and describe your symptoms. </p>

<p>Also, there's another thread called "Depression" -- here it is:</p>

<p><a href="http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=310556&highlight=depression+bbecker%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=310556&highlight=depression+bbecker&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>

<p>A lot of us parents got very invovled with the OP and I think we were able to help her a lot. She had issues you might not have -- eg, a baaaaaad home life -- but I'm hoping you can read through the posts and take away what you can.</p>

<p>It would be helpful if you told us more about yourself. What year are you at school? When do you go home (or do you?) for the summer? What are your summer plans?</p>

3

<p>You need to bring your concerns to your therapist and also to a medical doctor, who can assess you to find out if medical problems are causing your symptoms. Random strangers on CC can't help you more than professionals who know you in person.</p>

<p>"party hard, drug up hard,"</p>

<p>Such behavior is adding to your problems. For your best chances of beating the depression, you need to stop using drugs and alcohol. Alcohol, incidentally, is a depressant.</p>

4

<p>hey, i'm a junior in college...i'm going home for summer, will probably do economic research at a nearby university. not much really to say about me...i used to care a lot about grades, but i've stopped caring recently though i'm still doing ok. i am somewhat passionate about what i'm studying, but i often feel guilty that i'm not doing enough, that i'm not stretching enough. i say that i'm a person of extremes because i always feel like dedicating ALL my time to become socially better, or to become academically better, etc. i keep imagining myself being the best at something, and whenever i study or go out, i picture myself being fantastic at whatever i do. maybe i'm trying to create the ideal me? i don't know. my family life is average, most of them don't really understand what i am going through, and some of them would certainly make the situation work. there are some ppl i can talk to at home, but not many here (except a psychologist, who is frankly a bit useless). anyways, thanks for the link, i hope this extra info helps!</p>

5

<p>also, weird question, but everyone does alcohol and this doesn't affect them as much as it affects me...is this just making the situation worse? psychologists and therapists aren't helping me here, and i'm afraid psychotherapy might make this worse.</p>

6

<p>"Not much really to say about me . . . "</p>

<p>Well, that's really depressive thinking. </p>

<p>If the psychologist at school is useless, find somebody else. It's very important to find the right person. Given that you're probably going home in a week or two, find somebody at home. </p>

<p>Also, when you're home, go see your medical doctor, as Northstarmom suggested. </p>

<p>I spent much of my twenties being depressed and it was horrible. Do NOT waste time; this will NOT go away by itself.</p>

<p>You are too smart to let this get the upper hand. Read through the other thread and see what you can glean. While "random strangers on CC can't help you more than professionals who know you in person," as Northstarmom said, we do care and want to help.</p>

<p>Alcohol to excess can make you depressed, especially if you're prone to depression. It doesn't help, that's for sure.</p>

7

<p>In addition to medicine, maybe look into a new therapist. I have no first hand experience here, but a lot of psychologists stress finding a a therapist you really "click" with in terms of personality/theory.</p>

<p>ETA: Very Happy beat me to it.</p>

8

<p>Info on alcohol and depression:
"Why might alcohol problems and depression occur together? </p>

<p>Alcohol can briefly produce a pleasant and relaxed state of the mind. However, alcohol problems and depression commonly occur together. There are several reasons for this: </p>

<p>both alcohol problems and depression are extremely common. They may occur together completely independently.</p>

<p>people with depression sometimes use alcohol as a form of self-medication, for example either in an attempt to cheer themselves up, or sometimes to help them sleep. Although in small quantities alcohol can briefly lift mood, if used to try to cope with a depressive illness, problems arise. Tolerance to the effects of alcohol can lead to individuals needing it in larger quantities to have an effect.</p>

<p>alcohol in large quantities, whether taken to treat a depression or not, produces a depressant effect on people's mood.</p>

<p>Why is an alcohol problem together with depression a particular worry? </p>

<p>Alcohol compromises judgement and makes people impulsive and likely to take risks. Alcohol also causes a loss of inhibition and increases aggressive behaviour and violent acts. Because increased alcohol consumption often occurs together with a depressed mood, this is a particular concern.</p>

<p>Depression can lead to thoughts of suicide.</p>

<p>The lack of self-control, compromised judgement and impulsivity from the alcohol can increase the chances of a person attempting suicide. </p>

<p>Generally, a much higher incidence of suicide, both completed and attempted, is associated with alcohol. </p>

<p>The common problems of depression and alcohol are frequently complicated by social problems. Alcohol can often lead to problems at work in the form of absenteeism, sickness and under performance. ..."
<a href="http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/diseases/depression/alcoholanddepression_000486.htm%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/diseases/depression/alcoholanddepression_000486.htm&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>

<p>As was the case with VeryHappy, I suffered from depression for years, including during my college years. It wasn't until I found an effective therapist and started taking medication (Often the best treatment for depression is therapy plus medication) that I was able to live a normal life.</p>

<p>Saying that you don't want to enter psychotherapy for depression because you fear it would become worse is like saying you don't want to visit a doctor for a medical problem for fear it would become worse.</p>

<p>If you are seeing someone and you don't feel s/he is helpful, talk to the person about your concerns, and if you still aren't satisfied, get another therapist. You don't have to live with the kind of problems you're experiencing.</p>

9

<p>well thanks for all the response! i AM very grateful to all of you. i don't have much of an option in psychotherapists here, and not really at home since we live in a very small town. the people who have understood me the best are many ppl here, psychology and philosophy majors. but i don't really feel close to them.</p>

<p>to tell the truth, i don't really feel close to anyone or anything. i keep trying to imagine shocking scenarios, like my sibling's marriage or a death in a family, anything that (typically) conjures up emotion. but now, no emotions come. everything seems really emotionless. but at other times, i instinctively feel like crying, though often without reason.</p>

<p>i will look for psychologists, but there aren't many options. i'm on lexapro right now, it doesn't help, just makes me really sleepy.</p>

<p>thanks for info about alcohol...i quit smoking a while ago, and i'm gradually decreasing alcohol.</p>

10

<p>Paco de Lucia: You see how we all jump all over you? This topic hits us hard; we remember what hell it was, and I for one am sooooo sorry I didn't do anything sooner. I agree with Northstarmom; meds are good, therapy is good; meds and therapy together are the best. </p>

<p>When do you get home?</p>

11

<p>And how long have you been on Lexipro? Meds can take some time to kick in, and not every med works for every person. If you've been on it for three or four weeks and you don't think it's helping, go back to the doctor who prescribed it and tell him/her that. He/she should prescribe something different. There are many choices available now.</p>

12

<p>i get home in very early june...i'm a bit pessimistic, most of my friends have really prestigious jobs and i wasted my parents time and money because i didn't really get a good job. they aren't saying this, but i do always feel guilty. and hopelessness. i just want so badly to do well, but i keep failing and now i'm lost, i don't have goals--i have some written down, but i can't really get myself to care about anything, everything is mechanical.</p>

<p>BUT anyways, back on topic, i'm getting home in around three weeks, and again thanks for the responses. i am glad other ppl have made it through this period.</p>

13

<p>Surely your college counseling center has therapists -- therapists who are very used to helping college students with the kinds of difficulties you are experienced. I have worked at a college counseling center, so I speak from experience.</p>

<p>If you are concerned about privacy, please know that no one cares who uses the counseling center. Probably some of the most accomplished and well balanced students on campus have been in psychotherapy. It tends to be something that people from more affluent, professional homes do to cope with problems. Why do they use psychotherapy? Because it's effective and because they tend to have the health insurance that will cover the costs.</p>

<p>I don't know how you got diagnosed lexapro, but the best way to get medication for a psychological problem is to see a psychiatrist, not a regular medical doctor. Regular doctors usually do not know that much about prescribing medication for psychological problems. They can be grossly wrong in what they do. There's a reason that psychiatrists have to have additional training than do regular medical doctors, and also have to pass a licensing exam.</p>

<p>It's also important to be in therapy. Many psychiatrists prescribe medication only, so you may need to see a therapist like a social worker or clinical psychologist in conjunction with obtaining your medication. </p>

<p>The type of symptoms that you are describing are symptoms that I had when I was chronically depressed. I can not tell you more how different my life became after I connected with the right therapist and also got medication. </p>

<p>If one is on the right medication for depression, it's not a happy pill. It allows one to have ups and downs related to events that are happy or sad. What medication did for me was help me get out of the blahs in which I constantly had thoughts of suicide, and felt like I was only going through the motions of life. It is wonderful to be able to live my life in a different way.</p>

14

<p>wow, i'm glad that life is much better for you nsm. i am seeing a psychiatrist, and she doesn't talk to me much about personal problems. i'm also seeing a counselor, but i don't like or trust her. it's hard to switch counselors at this point, because there are only one or two in the clinic, and i don't want to insult or offend this one (she hasn't done anything overtly wrong, i just don't trust her too much or find her helpful).</p>

<p>anything in terms of practical advice as well? i am trying to run and go for walks these days, and doing extreme things like fasting so that i can feel something. but do you have any advice you would give your kids if they were down?</p>

15

<p>Here, here, Northstarmom. I couldn't agree more.</p>

16

<p>Whoa kiddo...don't be so hard on yourself. You're not feeling that great--why add to it by giving yourself fifty lashes every other minute?</p>

<p>Chill.</p>

<p>You need to be evaluated by a psychiatrist as soon as possible. Some of what you describe--the extreme energies, the depressions, the grandiose thoughts, the inability to connect with people--all fit in with manic depression. Play hard, party hard is a form of self-medication--did you know that?</p>

<p>There might be better forms of medication for you.</p>

<p>Also, the inability to connect to peers is a key element--you're way ahead of the game for recognizing that something isn't clicking for you. It is not unusual for bi-polar patients to have difficulty reading social cues--which makes it very very difficult to make peer connections.</p>

<p>The good news is that you CAN overcome this difficulty by working closely with a cognitive therapist who teaches you real-life coping skills. If you cannot meet someone this summer , (although there should be someone at the univeristy med school?), the make sure you take advantage of the school health services next year and see if you can't find a great cognitive therapist.</p>

<p>This is not an issue you are going to read your way through. You need expert help and possibly some different medications.</p>

<p>Can you talk to your parents about this?</p>

17

<p>What I would give my kids if they were down is permission to find another therapist!</p>

<p>Don't worry about insulting or offending your counselor. This is part of the business. They are trained to understand that not everyone is a fit for their personality or type of treatment.</p>

18

<p>I also had a very hard time making friends when I was depressed. In fact, I was lonely most of the time. After I got on medication and continued my therapy with an excellent therapist that I connected with, I learned that I am a naturally gregarious person. I now have a very wide circle of friends.</p>

<p>Before, I had a hard time connecting with people because most of the time I was too depressed to connect. If I met someone whom I liked, I wouldn't follow up because I'd be too sad or blah to follow up. I also tended to be irritable, which also drove people away.</p>

<p>What you need to do if you're having difficulty connecting with your counselor is first talk to your counselor about how you feel. It may be that you've misinterpreted something or it may be that if your counselor knows your concerns, your counselor will change their way of working with you. Part of having an effective counseling experience is working out these kind of things. I know it's hard, but what you go through with your counselor also mirrors experiences outside of the counseling one.</p>

<p>If after you talk to your counselor, you can't work things out, then switch counselors. Counselors want their patients to heal, so what's most important to counselors is that the patient has the best chance of resolving their problems even if that means going to a counselor who's a better fit. My S had some issues related to perfectionism. His first therapist wasn't a good fit for him because he connects better to people who are more obviously warm. After talking to the therapist, he switched to another therapist and had a much more helpful experience. Different people connect with different types of therapists.</p>

19

<p>Paco de Lucia, first off, anybody with that screen name has a lot on the ball. </p>

<p>Try not to be a perfectionist. Nobody is perfect. Everybody goes to the bathroom. </p>

<p>Life is not a race. You don't have to know your future at 20. You're going to live until 100. </p>

<p>I would join a club that I might be interested in. Then I would join an activity that helps others. Maybe work with special ed kids doing sports, or the elderly, or whatever. People need you.</p>

<p>I'm reading Lin Yutang's "The Importance of Living" right now. It's written from a Chinese man's point of view from the 30's. It's about living a life. A lot of it holds up and even when it doesn't, it's interesting. Get a used copy from Amazon. </p>

<p>Go for walks. Walks clear the mind. Cut out the alcohol and illegal drugs. Realize there are times when you are going to be bored, feel bad, feel you aren't doing anything productive. That's ok. That's human.</p>

<p>Call a friend. Play tennis or golf, or go to a movie, a dinner, a concert, a museum with a friend.</p>

<p>Loaf. Loafing is good. That's human too. </p>

<p>Maybe do something this summer that is fun. Do something just for the enjoyment of it.</p>

<p>Get another therapist. You are going to be ok. You are ok.</p>

<p>Listen to a Paco de Lucia CD. Different kind of music but have you ever heard Joe Pass? You can see clips of him on Youtube.</p>

20

<p>wow, exactly what i'm going through...i'm perfectly cool one minute, and the next i'm irritable or insensitive. and i'm def. trying to chill out right now, but at the same time, yeah i feel like the guy from a scarlet letter, just lashing myself and crying and not really fixing the situation. anyways, will see a psychologist when i get back, i can talk to my parents about some of this, they are actually helpful (i read the other thread on depression, and i feel blessed to have such great parents, it must be so much more difficult going through this with parents who aren't supportive!). </p>

<p>again, thank you. i feel so indebted and i really feel that i need to stretch my talents and go all out, really contribute to the world or at least those closest to me.</p>