<p>How is he earning enough to pay for rent, utilities and food? That sounds suspicious to me.</p>
<p>You say the trust is controlled by a grandma? Perhaps it’s time to bring her into the picture. If she controls it, perhaps SHE will be less than thrilled to disburse money to the college for housing that is NOT being used…and will reduce the amount given to him. I know that sounds hard, but the money from the trust would at least not be used for this purpose.</p>
<p>Re: leases…this is dependent on where…our Boston kid needed to have our NOTARIZED signatures on his lease with a guarantee that we would pay the bills. Our CA kid lived off campus for two years and we never saw the lease…parent signatures were not required…just the deposit money!</p>
<p>OP, the further details you provided are not “excuses,” they are important facts. This is a kid that has had a lot to contend with in the past year, and is most likely suffering from a significant but subtle medical problem. It is a lot easier to identify and treat a broken leg than a brain injury!</p>
<p>To me, the fact that he has had a job all summer at which he worked hard for long hours speaks volumes. This is not a sneaky, spoiled brat who is planning to take advantage of the generosity of relatives. The way that he dealt with the alcohol violation–and the BAC–also says a lot.</p>
<p>I think that the important thing is to open communication with him, as Kat and Olymom and others suggested. He needs to feel that he can come to you for assistance with a problem such as foolishly double-booking his housing without first making certain that he could get out of the housing contract–pretty clearly a mistake of naive youth and inexperience, IMHO-- without setting off a huge over-reaction, complete with questioning his character and threatening to make him withdraw from school. It sounds as if you are well on the way.</p>
<p>I actually think that his ongoing attempt to deal with the housing mess himself shows character. I can completely understand how a kid his age could have found himself in such a mess, and why he wanted to fix it before presenting you with his new living situation. (Actually, I am very surprised that a kid that age could sign a lease!)</p>
<p>I do think that coming home obviously stoned was over the line, and that you were absolutely correct to confront him about it. Youthful experimentation in the safe environment of a college campus is one thing, gross indiscretion is another.</p>
<p>Please be assured that he has seen numerous doctors. Has had multiple tests-physical and cognitive. His injury was taken very seriously and he has received appropriate care. The consensus was that time and care to avoid further injury would allow it to resolve. The “local neurologist” his regular doctor consulted is a specialist in brain injuries at a well-respected Neuroscience center. His psychologist is part of a group that specializes in achievement based counseling and also treats neurological and PTSD disorders. </p>
<p>As far as trust, my son had my trust… he lost the trust of his own accord. The decision to drug test him was made in counseling with input and his consent. It’s was one of the tools to build a substance free lifestyle and re-establish a trustworthy relationship. It was also a factor in granting permission to him to attend school away from home. I don’t have his email password, but his email is readily accessible from his laptop which he leaves open and ON in communal space. He also left a list of “things I need for school” on the counter and it included furnishings. This was not a shot in the dark and I have no regrets. Let me be crystal clear - he would not be attending school this fall (or last year) if we had an overall absence of trust. We are at the trust yet verify stage with obvious good reasons including this impetuous decision. Becoming an adult is a process – not an age or a college acceptance. He is still progressing and I hope he will have transitioned completely before he graduates!</p>
<p>He has always been impetuous - since the day he was born. I’d like to think it stems from his optimistic personality, rather than a risk taking point of view. He’s a little na</p>
<p>I have read some of this thread but not all. Just had two questions and really not trying to make any suggestions.</p>
<ol>
<li><p>Why your son was physically assulted? Has it anything to do with drugs? Have you investigate it on your own instead of an “Official” version?</p></li>
<li><p>How could he afford an apartment and the living expenditure come with it? Have you thought of drug dealing?</p></li>
</ol>
<p>1)He was sucker punched by a drunk townie on his first weekend at school. It had nothing to do with drugs. There were witnesses and a police reports and he received an extensive work-up in the ER including a tox screen.
2) he has worked 50-60 hours a week this summer doing landscaping at $10/h plus overtime and he intends to get a job while at school. He has held this job for 3 seasons</p>
<p>Thanks you. I think your son just made a mistak which a young person will easily make. There is nothing but just money, I hope he will learn from this painful mistake and grew up. Good luck on subletting.</p>
<p>I still wonder if the son and family sought any accommodations through the college disability office for the injury and its aftereffects, which still sound significant. There is plenty of documentation from doctors, psychologist and testing, apparently. Accommodations and understanding could have made the last semester easier, and perhaps would also help this fall.</p>