Did any of your kids have second thoughts?

Parents Forum
1

<p>Wondering if I'm out of the ordinary.</p>

<p>I have applied to 3 schools. One is in my hometown, but really I only applied there as a safety and don't really want to go there (almost everyone from my HS gets in there).</p>

<p>The other 2 are 7-8 hours away, to the point where I would HAVE to live on campus.</p>

<p>I was gung ho in the beginning...but now that I've been accepted to one and applied for housing and everything...I am SCARED witless. Is this normal?</p>

<p>I'm so afraid that I'm going to go out into the real world and fail miserably. My parents tell me that I have all these skills, that I'll do fine...but they have to say that, they're my parents. </p>

<p>Also...my mom and dad and even my brother are SO successful...I feel like I have VERY high standards to live up to, as if I'm just set up for failure. How can I possibly fill their shoes?</p>

<p>Is it normal to have worries about this? Any words of advice?</p>

2

<p>As a matter of fact, you are completely normal!!! Everything you are feeling is normal. Heck, I'm almost 50 & I still get scared sometimes when I have to face things in the real world.</p>

<p>As for filling the shoes of others in your family, please don't even try. You are unique. Don't compare yourself to anyone else, no matter how much you admire them. Be yourself, doing the best you can to apply yourself while balancing activities that you enjoy. </p>

<p>Life is a series of new beginnings. When we are faced with the unknown, it can be very scary ... but we can't grow if we don't move forward. Trust your parents. You are ready for this. It might not be all wonderful when you first strike out on your own, but it will work itself out in time. Life is an adventure!</p>

3

<p>... and if your name means what I think it does, you won't really be "alone."</p>

4

<p>XD it does. ^_^</p>

<p>I'm not necessarily worried about being "alone"...I think I'm more worried about not being able to live up to my personal standards that I set in high school.</p>

<p>I think it was my APUSH class that really did this, because I didn't excel in it, and I think that led me to believe, "If this is what college is like, I am screwed."</p>

5

<p>when you get to college, you won't be perfect, you will not get perfect grades, etc, and that is as it should be!!!!</p>

<p>it should be hard, and SR classes should be hard!!</p>

<p>give yourself a break, and if you don't excel in all you do, that just means you don't excel in all you do, nothing more</p>

6

<ol>
<li><p>Chinese proverb: All Beginnings Are Hard</p></li>
<li><p>You ask about your mom, dad, and brother: how can I fill their shoes?
You don't have to; they're doing that. You have your own shoes to fill
and they probably love you just as you are. When you look at your parents,
you are looking at people at least 20 years older than you, so they've had
a head-start. Even your brother is probably older. Families aren't set up
to compete with each other, but to love and support each other. </p></li>
<li><p>Since you began posting I've been impressed with your maturity and curiosity about others. You know how to reach out and use resources to learn more. You reflect and evaluate. You have a core belief system and yet you
have affirmed others on this site who believe differently than yourself.</p></li>
</ol>

<p>I can't IMAGINE a more successful person than the one I just described...and you've only just begun.</p>

<p>Go to the place that accepted you far away. If they say you can do it, they probably know you're capable and that's why they want you. </p>

<p>Taking one day at a time, you will reach your goals and those that need to be adjusted, you have the power to adjust as you go along. You'll be fine, really.</p>

7

<p>^Wow...that seriously just made me cry. I think that is quite possibly the nicest thing anyone has ever told me. Thank you so much for your kind words and your insight. <333 You have provided more encouragement than you could possibly know.</p>

8

<p>HGFM, judging by the maturity of your posts on this forum, I'd say you will be fine wherever you choose to go.</p>

<p>Just another independent adult opinion :)</p>

9

<p>Go for it. You can always return to the familiar, but you can never be a college freshman living in the dorms again. That is a great experience, one you will never regret. Parents do NOT have to say you have the skills, trust their judgement in this. Remember you will always be a "work in progress" and can/should change your personal expectations as you discover new things about yourself- all of us are unfinished projects until we die. Do not think in terms of failure, consider setbacks as learning opportunities. In other words, be positive. You will succeed, and probably in ways you never even thought of. Relax now and enjoy your senior year.</p>

10

<p>Thank you all so much for your amazing advice. I'm still scared, but I realize now that my parents will support me no matter what and that, as suggested, I can always transfer closer to home if I'm unhappy.</p>

11

<p>HGFM, my D is more than 12 hours away. She was not exactly what I would call "self sufficient" when she left for school. I knew she was in for a real eye-opening time on her own. Aside from a bit of homesickness (quite normal), she has been able to handle herself incredibly well. Her room is neat, her laundry is done, and the best thing of all ... she no longer procrastinates!! :) That is a huge thing in itself. You CAN do this (and you CAN come home if necessary). It's definitely worth a try.</p>

<p>Remember that very, very few people excel at everything. You will find that you are strong in certain areas in college & others are strong in the areas that are weak for you. Working with/studying with other students is a terrific way to help each other out. If you are not "the best" at anything, join the club! While it is important to be near the top of the class in high school, when you get to college you will be one among many who were at the top of their classes. The most any of us can do is our best. If you are studying things that interest you, you will learn. That is the whole point of education. You can excel in life even with a less-than-stellar gpa! Focusing on being your personal best at what interests you is more productive than living up to some intangible idea of what you "should" do. Believe in yourself.</p>

12

<p>Two words: cell phones.</p>

<p>You have one. Your parents and brother each have one. Right?</p>

<p>When unexpected events happen at college, and you need advice from a more experienced person, you call one of them. It does not matter that you're eight hours away, and there's nothing wrong with asking for help when you need it. In fact, it's often the most sensible thing to do.</p>

<p>My daughter is a freshman at a college seven hours away from home. Yesterday, for the first time, she had to go to the campus health center about a medical problem. This was the very first time she had ever gone to see a doctor alone. She called me before going to the appointment and we worked together to make a list of information for her to give the doctor and questions for her to ask. There's nothing wrong with that. It wasn't inappropriate or babyish. She felt unprepared for the situation, so she did something to help her get prepared. I think it was a good idea.</p>

<p>You can do the same sort of thing.</p>

<p>You will also discover that there are a LOT of resources on campus to help freshmen with all kinds of problems -- academic, social, health, whatever. College really isn't "the real world." It's a place that is set up for people your age, with an understanding that most of the students are handling things more-or-less on their own for the first time in their lives. You will have an RA (a Resident Advisor -- the person who is in charge of a section of a dorm). You will have an academic advisor. Every one of your professors will have office hours (pre-set times when the professor is available to meet with students who want to ask questions), and if the professor's office hours conflict with one of your other classes, you can set up a different time to meet with the professor just by sending an e-mail. And there are other resources on your campus -- the information about them is on the college's Web site, and you will get even more information during the summer and during Orientation.</p>

<p>So when you find an assignment confusing, you go to the professor's office hours and ask questions about it. When you realize that you're going to have to miss part of a class in order to get to your bus home for Fall Break on time, you send an e-mail to the instructor. When you want to drop a class, you go to the academic advising office and find out how to do it. When you plug in your iron and blow the fuses in your room, you call the RA-on-duty to find out how to get the power turned back on. (All of these things happened to my daughter within the first few weeks of school.) </p>

<p>The only thing you really have to remember is that at college, YOU must take the initiative to seek help. It won't come to you. But once you seek it out, you will almost always find that plenty of help is available, no matter what kind of problem you're dealing with.</p>

13

<p>My D was someone who I wondered if she would have some trouble to being "out on her own". Truth is, you build a "family-like" structure at your school. Your "family" at school will help guide you and support you just like your family at home. You sound like someone who makes good, sound judgements most of the time. You will surround yourself with like people - a variety, but you will share many likenesses. That coupled with the "cell phone" connection mentioned above will carry you.</p>

14

<p>I am SCARED witless. Is this normal?</p>

<p>yes </p>

<p>not only is it normal it's a good thing...you will begin to learn that you can be SCARED and over come what ever scares you...</p>

<p>it's normal...your normal....good luck....</p>

15

<p>I wouldn't let one class (AP USH) give you serious self-doubt, but-- it might help to make sure you took at least one class your first semester that you know you'll like, and hopefully do well in-- a favorite subject,fun freshman seminar, etc. That way you'll have at least one to fall back on as a confidence-booster if some of your others are tough. I bet you'll do fine though.</p>

<p>And 6-7 hours isn't terribly far. If you really felt the need to come home for a weekend (or long weekend), you could. It doesn't sound like you'd be happy staying too close to home, and you might well regret it if you didn't give yourself this chance. Have fun!</p>

16

<p>You have the idea that successful people are flawless, which is a common misconception when you are young. The truth is that most successful people have been challenged many times, and learned from their failures as well as their successes. </p>

<p>A few years ago, my family attended day of taping for the program, "Jeopardy." I thought it was a great learning experience for my kids. On TV, the host, Alex Trebek, always give the appearance of being flawlessly all-knowing. The fact is that when he makes a mistake, he gets a "do-over!" Yep, at the end of the round, he goes back and retapes the sentences that he flubbed. And he is great at hearing tiny mistakes that no one hears - he knows how to deliver the illusion that he's perfect. </p>

<p>But life has no do-overs (although we could certainly use them.) Every adult you know has a ruined load of laundry, a disastrous project, a misconstrued public comment, some humiliation in his or her past. Naturally, the flubs aren't mentioned much - that's part of the illusion. Don't be afraid of those experiences - they will make you more of a person, not less.</p>

17

<p>You will be great sweetie!</p>

<p>If you were not a little apprehensive, I think you would be setting yourself up for a big fall. </p>

<p>College is for finding what you excel at doing, and what you can imagine doing for the rest of your life. Some of us find a passion that we are happy pursuing no matter what the financial reward. Some of us find a skill that we are naturally talented with. Some of us find that we are good in an area that we don't feel overly passionate about, but that can make us a good living and free us to pursue outside passions and interests.</p>

<p>Inherent in all of this is the notion that we FAIL at something on the road. Few people do equally well in all courses, or at all skills, you won't blow away all college courses. But eventually you will learn what you are meant to do. Leaving time for prayer and quiet time to ponder where you are going and what speaks to your heart will help a lot in the sorting out process.</p>

<p>Blessings to you - you will be great!</p>

18

<p>Again, thanks for all the awesome advice!! It has really helped me to read all of these.</p>

<p>I also have a really good friend who just started college this far, and it's helping me to see that she's doing so well because she's pretty much my twin.</p>

<p>It's really nice because I was looking at my #1's "course schedule" for a BA in Psychology and they actually make you take a majority of your GE's sophomore year, so you actually get to take Psych freshman year, which I think would be really fun. ^_^</p>

19

<p>My D is taking Psych in her first freshman semester, and she really enjoys it. She is learning so much, and the prof is nationally known & very highly regarded. Here is a case in point, though, of the reality of college: the Psych intro course is a weed-out course (as intro courses are at many colleges). D's academic advisor warned her that this prof is widely considered incapable of bringing himself to give an A in this course. Upperclass students have told D they got C's, even though they worked hard. D took the course, anyway, because she really wanted to take it from this prof. She has worked very hard, reading ahead & studying every day. She currently has one of the highest grades in the class (yes, it's a B). </p>

<p>She has met with the prof, and he told her he is extremely pleased with her performance. She is still working toward an A, but she will be fine with a B --- she knows she has done her very best. What is more important, though, is that she has learned so much. The class has been terrific! As an added bonus, she has discovered that as much as she likes the subject matter, she isn't interested in the career path. That has led to consideration of alternatives (such as another major, adding a business core, etc.). The trick is to realize that every experience is important in the scheme of things. The grade might not end up an A, but that's okay. Much was learned. THAT is the point of an education!</p>

20

<p>I've found that psychology is one of the few classes whose information still comes in handy-- even 25 years later! I think it tends to be a favorite of many students for good reason. I attended an informal parenting group a few years back, and was surprised to see how much that "old" information was retained. It's still fascinating to me.</p>