<p>I'm a wreck about this college process. My son, by contrast, is relatively unscathed. But here's my recent dilemma: we went to a talk given by an admissions person, the one who'll read his essay. Afterwards, everyone went up to this man and introduced themselves. I made my son do that too, even though DS thought it unnecessary. I even told him to ask a question....but what? I thought about what he should ask as he was standing there in line. I came up with "should he include a music CD w/ his application"? It isn't required (esp. since he's not necessarily a music major), and while it's a 'fair' question to ask, I suspect this admissions guy saw me prancing around, peppering my kid. Should I worry? Okay, as I write this, I'm already thinking I worry too much already. But do you think this will matter?</p>
<p>Write your experiences, especially those w/ a huge faux pas and then a happy ending. It'll make me feel better.</p>
<p>I doubt that the admissions officer will remember you or your son since the officer meets probably thousands of students and overeager parents. What you did was no big deal. Most kids are fairly passive at such events and their parents tend to be pushy.</p>
<p>It will not matter. Admissions officers know that children often have parents who get into a state about this process. They also know that they are not admitting the parent. They also see a zillion kids (and parents) in the process. We are rarely as memorable as we fear. Maybe think of this as a nice opportunity to work on how you will get through this process without doing anything really silly (if you read CC long enough you will get a sense of how silly (even crazed) some parents get) Just practice deep breathing. Many of us have enjoyed the metaphor of duct tape…applied to our own mouths…Hang in there…It sounds like your son is doing what needs to get done and he will be fine. So will you.</p>
<p>Admissions people travel all over the country and they meet thousands of people every year. Their job is to promote the school they work for, and unless a student has come to their attention beforehand, and are looking to meet that particular student, I very much doubt they will remember anyone they meet at those talks.</p>
<p>Chill. The admissions guy was busy answering questions in a crowd – not paying attention to what you were doing.</p>
<p>HOWEVER – take this experience as your lesson to yourself to take a huge step back on the process. If you attend a college admission presentation with your son – the best thing you could do would be to keep quiet and let your son take the lead. If you find it difficult to avoid the temptation of offering helpful suggestions to your kid, then it might be a good idea to sit apart – so you are out of earshot, and if you do feel the need to ask a question, there is no way for an observer to connect you to your kid. Better yet – drop your son off at the appointed hour – go out and have a cup of coffee - and return to pick him up later – or if your son has the means, let him go on his own. </p>
<p>It’s a good idea for a kid who attends one of these presentations to put their name on a sign up sheet so that its known later on that they are there – but it’s highly unlikely that when the admissions rep gets back that he will be able to put faces to names and remember who asked what. </p>
<p>But the process is about your kid, not you. When you hover too much, you do tend to overshadow your kid, and you make it harder for him to get engaged or feel a sense of involvement in the process.</p>
<p>I have no happy endings to report, but I can sooo relate to the OP!</p>
<p>Here I am trying to do everything I can to help my D and then I worry that I just ruined her chances. For example the time when I called the admissions officer at her dream school and asked a whole bunch of questions…was I asking too many questions? Or the time when I met the guidance counselor- was I too pushy? Or when I left that voicemail message- was it too long and pointless?</p>
<p>zweebopp, Don’t worry at all. Unless you were, perhaps, dressed up as Catwoman, I’m sure you were not memorable, just yet another mom peppering yet another senior at yet another admissions event in yet another city.</p>
<p>Right now I bet the Admissions Rep is telling all his colleagues about the crazy helicopter mom he ran into the other evening. I am sure they are having a lot of laughs about it and comparing it to other similiar behavior.</p>
<p>:)</p>
<p>Seriously, I am sure he has met all kind of pushy parents. Simply take this as an opportunity to learn so you know what not to do the next time</p>
<p>I agree that you don’t need to worry as far as the Admissions person goes, but I would also think hard about what your child thinks. This is his process, and although we as parents have huge anxieties and huge stresses about the process, the kids seem to (not always, but often) do better than we do. Being a “helicopter” mom is very difficult and will do nothing but backfire. No kid ever said, “Oh, my mom is so anxiety-ridden and practically berserk that I better listen to her and follow everything she says.” To the contrary, they say “… I better totally get out of her way and not talk to her about anything.” The best advice is to relax and bite your tongue. Hang in there!</p>
<p>I absolutely second that–Do NOT go even into the waiting area for interviews. Drop the kid off out front 20 minutes prior to start. Afterwards-- let the kid talk about how interview went, no grilling. It is also a good idea to start with a couple of interviews to schools your kid doesn’t feel that excited about, just for practice.</p>
<p>I think it is fine that you are more anxious than your student-- I certainly was! Just be sure that you don’t convey a lack of faith in your kid with your anxiety.</p>
<p>All good advice - but whatever you do, DON"T write a letter or call the ad officer to apologize for your behavior or explain that really your son is fine and that you are the only nut in the family - :)</p>
<p>With my first son, I was the “helicopter mom” that I thought admissions people would remember - calling, peppering with questions, freaking out - He got admitted to all the schools he applied to. </p>
<p>By my 3rd son, I’m the person who drops off the kid and goes to Starbucks ;)</p>
<p>Admissions seems like such a scary prospect, but in reality, if you have your ducks in a row and are realistic, it is pretty straight forward.</p>
<p>Don’t worry so much - if your child follows the doctrine of reaches, matches, and safeties (and love one of the safeties) they will be fine.</p>
<p>The admissions guy/gal you ran across won’t remember you from the other gazillion crazy parents they’ve met along the way!!</p>
<p>zweebopp, don’t worry about it. I was at an information session where one of the parents followed the admissions officer into the ladies room to ask about her son’s chances. The admissions officer didn’t seem at all surprised, either!</p>
<p>The only admissions professional that I’ve met that was well seasonsed was a Dean at a NE school, the rest were pretty freshly out of school. Just keep that in mind. They still “see” you as a parent and they still remember what parents are like. And like one poster said, the process is really pretty straightforward. But I have met some way over involved parents on tours, etc., the story about following into a bathroom is hilarious. I think of it as division of labor, if there are questions about finances, costs, medical, travel or any costs that fall squarely in the “parent” camp I deal with those, the rest of the “stuff” is on my kids’ shoulders. The intervew is the kid, they aren’t interviewing me. I’ll shake hands, make chit chat, smile and get the heck out of the way. On tours, I’m the one at the back of the pack. The most amazing thing I’ve learned is that left to their own our kids are pretty impressive when they use their own words, ask their own questions and handle their own interaction. We rarely get to observe them in this environment of what amounts to adult to adult and it’s pretty heart warming. Just watching them unslouch themselves, stand up and shake hands unprompted makes me warm and fuzzy after drilling good manners for so many years.</p>
<p>I made it a point (though it was killing me!) at the last college fair to have H and me sit away from where the representatives were fielding questions, and to let my kids (juniors) go up and ask their own questions. I figure they’ll also learn from watching the demeanor of those around them in terms of shaking hands, acting interested in other kids’ questions, and so forth. I know how nervewracking it can be though!</p>
<p>I agree with momofthreeboys (and Pizzagirl) that you often do need to drop back or stay out of sight to learn what they can really do when we are NOT hovering. I also think that they actually pay better attention to what they do need to do when they aren’t distracted by us and are observing what other teens are doing in the same situation (both positive and negative models). I was something of a nattering nabob at the outset of this process, as I think many of us have been, and my kids taught me (by instruction and example) to be quiet, trust them, and let them get into college.</p>
<p>D and I attended an info session at a college within a select university. For some unknown reason, we were the only ones there and the info session turned into a 1.5 hour interview. My d was TOTALLY unprepared for this. She literally blubbered her way through. I meanwhile was sitting on my hands trying to keep quiet. It didn’t work. The program was fantastic and I kept saying things like, “I want to go back to school” and “Here’s an idea for research” I was a complete and total ass. I hoped and prayed the woman would forget us - particularly me.
Well, D was accepted and at Accepted Students Day the adcom came right up to my D as I hid in the back of the room. She went on about how happy she was to see her and how the committee loved her application. (Btw- D never told us this was her #1 choice.)
So don’t worry - even if you’re sure your faux pas was the worst, it may still all work out.</p>
<p>Colleges really don’t expect “little adults.” I remember when S2 ran into this important in the business Dean on our east trip. He stopped to help us locate a building and we didn’t know at that moment who he was. After introductions, he asked my son what he was going to major in and my son turned bright red up to the tips of his hair and stammered “I don’t know.” This (older) Dean patted him on the shoulder and said “That’s OK, most people don’t know what they want to do at 18.” I could have hugged that man. We had just been on a tour with a bunch of uber-achievers who already had one foot in grad school, while my son is more of a college is a sea of fish, wonder where I’ll drop my hook type kid. It’s OK if the kids stammer or fumble. This is a learning process, no one expects them to be polished and perfect.</p>