Did I set up my Daughter for a huge disappointment?

<p>As of today, my daughter has been deferred at 3 colleges. Yes, they are all reach...but, damn, it is so discouraging! I'm now second guessing why we even applied EA to these reach schools. Her other safety/match schools do not notify her until Jan, Feb and April. I would have really loved to go into the holidays with at least one acceptance letter.</p>

<p>I didn't realize I would take this so hard. My daughter appears to be handling it much better...despite the fact that other of her friends have been accepted to their schools. It's just that she works so hard and truly believed that despite her low SAT scores all her other stats would make up for it.</p>

<p>Okay...I know I'm whining and should ride out these months like everybody else. I'm just so bummed. Can someone please fast forward time already
??</p>

<p>AUGH....Any parent want to join me for a drink?????</p>

<p>OK, she was deferred, not rejected, at 3 schools that are all reach for her. This actually sounds like good news. She will be considered again in the RD round. If she has applied to a selection of reach, fit and safety schools (that are all places she can see attending) she should have some great choices in April. You just have to deal with the waiting.</p>

<p>My son is waiting for an EA decision from a safety school this month, and should hear from another in January. He (and I) will be much more concerned if he doesn't get an admissions offer from his safeties.</p>

<p>I'm not a parent, but I'll try to answer anyway...</p>

<p>You yourself said that these colleges were reaches for her. She probably didn't expect to get into these schools anyway. Also, bear in mind that a deferral is not the same as a rejection (at least at some schools. ;)) And no, I don't want a drink, unless you have cola... my mom would kill me! :D</p>

<p>As long as she correctly identified match/safeties she'll be fine. Some of her friends are in but some (most?) are not. My D has a few match/safeties she'll be ok with, so I also encouraged her to "go long" and apply to a number of reach schools (having a rolling admit to UVM in hand helped). I'll probably have to prepare her mentally for a bunch of thin envelopes come spring (but I think I will wait until essays are done).</p>

<p>A drink sounds good.</p>

<p>Thanks for putting things into perspective. I was really not thinking clearly and am avoiding the subject with my daughter because I don't want her to feel my anxiety. But I'm beginning to feel the fog clear...thanks to your kind words. </p>

<p>TRVSDRLNG: Thanks for the laugh :) (actually laugh/cry!!) I REALLY NEEDED IT!!</p>

<p>Happy Holidays!!</p>

<p>newdawn6 - Just breathe :) , </p>

<p>and in the meantime come on in to Sinner's Alley anytime for the virtual drink of your choice ;) , first round is on me.</p>

<p>newdawn, did you have a chance to see any scattergrams before she decided on her app choices?</p>

<p>Scattergrams usually tell you if a school will accept lower SATs every once in while. Many many top schools do NOT make exceptions for lower SATs or lower GPAs. Some do--but most do NOT. You would have been able to see that in a scattergram.</p>

<p>Anyway, chalk it up to your first go--and welcome to CC--the land of accurate (on the parent board) and reality-based advice! I second the invitiation to join the crew in Sinner's Alley where a bunch of really smart teetotalling CC parents indulge in a myriad of cyber libations. See you there!</p>

<p>Thirding the invite to Sinner's Alley. Sounds like you need a little laughter. Don't be daunted by the length, just dive in somewhere and read. Or, search for sluggbugg:). Hey, if any of us do this process perfectly it is only by sheer good and probably dumb luck. Your daughter will wind up using this story as a way to help her kids survive disappointments. Take advantage of this next round to let the dust on the essays settle and possibly rewrite. All will be well.</p>

<p>The wait between SCEA rejection(not deferral) and acceptance was excruciating. This, too, shall pass. If you don't take the shots at reaches, you might always wonder "what if." I will always have a soft spot for Wellesley because of the "likely" letter that arrived several weeks in advance of D's actual regular decisions.</p>

<p>Unfortunately, "works hard" isn't a dime-a-dozen quality in reachy applications, it's more like a dime-a-thousand.</p>

<p>My D got deferred and now she is applying to 10 schools and we(notice, I said we) have 2 weeks to write all of those essays. Last Sun night, after a very hard working weekend, we were all enjoying a family movie together. I happened to go on a school web site she is applying to, and it said "we strongly suggest for you to send in your application by Dec 15." I went a little bit crazy and said, "Did you really miss that!" repeatedly. She remained very calm and said, "Mom, just breath, take a deep breath. It's a strong suggestion, not the deadline." And she was right. So, yes, I am a bit more anxious than her.</p>

<p>
[quote]
My D has a few match/safeties she'll be ok with, so I also encouraged her to "go long" and apply to a number of reach schools (having a rolling admit to UVM in hand helped).

[/quote]
</p>

<p>The only way to ensure that a student has an acceptance in hand in December is NOT to go long, but rather to apply ED to a match. Of course, this only works if the student happens to like the match school to the exclusion of all others or is so risk-averse that he/she doesn't mind giving up any hope of getting into a reach school. My daughter did this and has her acceptance in hand. Most kids, however, are not temperamentally suited to this sort of thing. And I will always wonder whether I erred in not encouraging her to "go long."</p>

<p>well there are also rolling admit schools that you can apply to as soon as you want practically even before you start on your ED essay
Its nice to have an acceptance going into the break, even if you aren't applying ED/EA
<a href="http://www.myfootpath.com/CollegePrep/ed.php%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://www.myfootpath.com/CollegePrep/ed.php&lt;/a>

[quote]
Applying early to schools with Rolling Admissions programs definitely gives you an advantage. Rolling Admissions is a process whereby schools review applications as they arrive, admitting or denying students as they see fit. Students who apply to Rolling Admissions institutions usually hear back within 4-6 weeks, sometimes even sooner. As the process goes on, the number of students admitted increases, thus, the number of available spaces decreases. As the number of spaces available in the new freshmen class becomes fewer, the admissions standards become more rigorous. Most Rolling Admissions schools will set a review date at which time they will check to see how many students have been admitted, how many spaces are left, and what the new requirements for automatic admissions will be. In these cases, common sense tells us that the earlier you apply, the better chance you have for admission.</p>

<p>Most of the large state schools operate on a Rolling Admission basis. Some schools will have priority filing dates for their in-state students; others will limit when out-of-state students can apply. The University of Illinois, for example, has an Illinois student priority deadline of November 15, meaning that they will look at students from Illinois only prior to this date. That's a good reason for Illinois students to get their application in early. On the other hand, the University of California system will only accept applications from out-of-state students during the month of November.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>what we need to remember is that ED and EA is probably a small percentage of the total people applyin to college and that most everyone will find a college home come April...my D got into to EA schools and her friend was just rejected from one of the same schools...and my D is torn between the two schools..she feels terrible...she knows she didn't take her friends spot, but is going to be real low key if she decides school B instead...at least untiil her friends gets those acceptences which we know are coming</p>

<p>I am not sure why friend didn't get in, but I could feel her pain when she called. Friend was here when D found out about acceptances...and was so gracious...but friend was alone when she found out she didnt get picked...it is rough...my D isn't talking about colleges much and wants to give it a break until mid january...her other aps are in,,, and with her friends still waiting until April, she knows they don't want to hear anything....the wating is so frustrating...</p>

<p>Your D will be fine, andi its tough for us moms to step back, but just keep them busy, show that even the best are rejected or deferred (or Class Prez, 4.0plus, 2300, rejected from Stanford- he had a lot more)</p>

<p>Just rememer this EA thing is weird....just focus on new schools and it WILL work out</p>

<p>Sorry to hear your news newsawn6. </p>

<p>Here's what I think - now is a good time to take a hard look at the rest of her list. Make sure she has true safeties on there that she's happy with. That's the most important thing you can do now.</p>

<p>Good luck! This too shall pass.</p>

<p>My daughter also has everything going for her in a strong way, with the exception of low sats. For some reason, she never can finish them on time, but has no problem with finishing tests in classes. Anyway, I had her apply early to her safeties rather than her reaches, as we knew she would get in and have that relief prior to CHristmas. More importantly though, we knew she would be a stronger competitior in the RD applicant pool than competing against all those high scorers who apply early.
So take heart. Your D will have a much stronger chance when competing in the regular decision pool of applicants.</p>

<p>hmm... I don't think so. Statistically, your D will have a much stornger change competing in the Early Decision pool. But, good luck and make sure your D has some truly safe schools in the mix. :)</p>

<p>newdawn, I think some parents take rejection (of their kids) or even deferrel a lot harder than the kids do. I know I do! For the kids and the parents too, I say you have one day to feel sorry for yourself, because it can feel just like a kick in the gut, but after that one day you suck it up and move on. Of course with deadlines some kids don't even have 24 hours to waste. </p>

<p>But I think - and others can chime in here - ED and EA are funamentally different this way. ED in most cases improves a kid's chances because he is making a big concession to the college, ie exlusivity and guaranteed enrollment. EA on the other hand, is really stacked in the kid's favor. He can get an early acceptance, but what does the college really get out of the deal? For this reason, some colleges are actually harder on their EA pool, admitting only the best and deferring many. Some people think they improve their chances by applying "early" but I think in most cases this is true if ED, but not necessarily true with EA. Maybe someone has stats.</p>

<p>I agree with NJres. When applying early action, you are competing against kids with stellar scores. If your daughter does not have stellar scores, she should be competing in the regular decision applicant pool where she has a better shot.</p>

<p>"The only way to ensure that a student has an acceptance in hand in December is NOT to go long, but rather to apply ED to a match. "</p>

<p>Not a good idea unless one's kid really wants to go to that match. A better option is to apply as early as possible to a rolling admission school that your kid likes and knows s/he will be accepted to. One's student can have an acceptance as early as October and still can keep their options open because they won't have to commit to a college until May 1.</p>

<p>I agree with NSM. Nothing wrong with applying to reaches EA. THe OP's daughter has a rolling admissions safety in hand, so it work out well. When my oldest applied EA, he selected a reach, a match/reach, a match and a safety. When he got the results, it truly narrowed the range of schools for him. Unless he found a school he really liked that transcended the category ratings, he could just forgo his safety category. Applying ED to a school that is not a top choice kind of belies this process. I have heard that kids are doing this more as they just want an end to the admissions ordeal, but I really think that at age 18, you can take more of a chance and go for more choices.</p>