<p>D1 is going to LAC 20 minutes away- roommate lives 8 hours away- D1 and roommate have been texting and conversing about room stuff but I decided to call the mother and introduce myself - tell her I am very close by if there's ever anything her daughter needs and invite them to meet for dinner the night before move in-I told my daughter to get her name but she never did so I called anyway. she just called me and then texted me that it was weird and unnecessary that she is a grownup etc...-I was just being polite I thought- what do ya'll think?</p>
<p>A bit over the line, but not egregiously so. Back off a bit. Let your D take the lead.</p>
<p>My daughter would have been furious if I’d done that. Her college life is her life and she likes her independence. I’d have waited and said something casually during move-in, and kept that to one sentence.</p>
<p>Let your daughter do the inviting. If they get along as roommates it will be natural for the other girl to perhaps come home with your D on a long weekend. But it’s also possible they will decide they have seen enough of each other during school and want a break.</p>
<p>I would stay out of this.</p>
<p>My S has 3 roommates this upcoming year. I would never dream of contacting them or their parents. It’s all I can do to get him to contact the roommates.</p>
<p>well i think it was a very nice gesture…you are local, they are 8 hours away… i would have been glad to know there was some one close if it was my daughter…and especially nice of you to invite them to dinner. My son is a peer mentor at his u… and his “mentee” asked if it would be ok for her father to meet him at move in…son thought that was fine and was glad to do it as he knew she was from quite far away, a freshman and was glad to make the parent feel comfortable with leaving his kid.</p>
<p>hmmm just remembered… arent you in the south hless? might be a southern thing. 
we tend to do that</p>
<p>i wouldnt have asked about anything related to the dorm, ie what to bring, who got what bed etc though</p>
<p>I could understand why OP did that, especially if your kid went to a small high school where parents were all pretty friendly. What makes college interesting is not all feel the same.</p>
<p>D1 had a single, so we didn’t any roommate issue. D1 became very good friends with someone who lived close to us. In the first year, we did have the parents over for drinks, and they invited us to their house for a holiday get together. But it was nothing like the kind of relationship we had with other parents from K-12. D1 best friend lived in Seattle. When her father came out to the East coast to help her move, we did have him over to the house. </p>
<p>You did it out of kindness. If I were the roommate’s mother, I would have just thanked you instead of telling you it was weird. But knowing that, I would leave it alone and not get involved with the situation. To me, it is more weird that the mother would text you to tell you it is weird.</p>
<p>I get why the OP did it: they are very close by and the RM is not, so it may have felt like she was being hospitable. As a parent driving from 14 hours away, I think I would have liked the overture, but you never know. I can’t imagine that the RM’s parents would be offended! Any way, I think it came from a good place.</p>
<p>The problem is that OP’s daughter didn’t know about the communication, so it felt like it was, perhaps, undermining her independence. That, IMO, is the problem here.</p>
<p>3 posts to the same effect in 1 minute!</p>
<p>My daughter texted me that it was weird and unnecessary-not the roommate’s mother— her roommate told her that I called her mother…</p>
<p>I knew of a mother who wanted to contact her son’s RM mother to discuss color(s) for the room. She wanted to make sure their bedspreads and rugs didn’t clash. We told her it was over the top.</p>
<p>oh i thought it was the mom</p>
<p>Calling without getting your DDs permission was over the line if you ask me. I met my sons freshmen year roommates at orientation and we lived cross country with them nearby. We agreed to exchange phone numbers and they were great about telling me they would be happy to drive to campus at any time if our S needed anything but it was all spontaneous. We did ask that his roommate record our cel phone number and our son tools his roommates prents in case of emergency. fast forward five years, we never used the numbers but I was happy to have them.</p>
<p>freshman year, our D had a roommate whose family lived 20 minutes away. (We lived 2000 miles away). At move in, roommate’s mom gave me her card, with two contact numbers, “just in case”. I saw roommate roll her eyes, but I didn’t care–I was leaving my baby, and this nice gesture made leaving her a bit easier. I never had to use the card, but it was a bit comforting knowing another “Mom” was close by.</p>
<p>By next week, your D will forget all about this…</p>
<p>agree with gosmom.</p>
<p>I have never talked to any of the roommate parents. I did get a very nice handwritten note from my #2’s freshman roommate mom (who lived close) letting me know they lived within a couple hours away should we ever need help for #2 (we’re almost 2,000 miles away) and I thought that was very nice and sent her back a note telling her thanks. A phone call would have made me wonder how she got our phone number and I might have been alittle bemused.</p>
<p>A phone call would have made me wonder how she got our phone number and I might have been alittle bemused.</p>
<p>they mailed us the roommates name and phone number- it was a pot luck roommate deal. </p>
<p>And I mentioned to my daughter that i was planning to call- told her to find out her name/number-if she really didn’t want me to call her all she had to do was say Don’t call her - she just never got me her name so i called tonite since it was the week before we move in. I understand now that I over stepped my boundary and plan to let her do everything now-I guess when she asks for more money or needs something I’ll say remember you are a grown up now since you are in college! THis is my 1st one so I guess i don’t know what I am doing. All I was trying to do was be polite and I guess I should have waited until we met them at move in. Thanks for your input.</p>
<p>hlsess–it WAS a nice gesture, so don’t feel bad.</p>
<p>I agree, it was a nice gesture. S1 wouldn’t have been happy if I did it. Then again, he broke out the independence strings more than was necessary…</p>
<p>However, as the mother of the roommate and you were close and they were far, I’d have thought it was a wonderful gesture and felt reassured by it. In my experience, kids are a lot less touchy about these types of things after freshman yaer.</p>
<p>It was a nice gesture…maybe your D should have been told first.</p>
<p>I do think it may be a southern thing…in the south, it’s customary to invite visitors to dinner. It’s also customary to have OOS students come to your home for Thanksgiving or other short-term holidays when it’s too far for them to travel home for the short holiday. By doing the parent intros, the OOS parent doesn’t feel like their child is going to a total stranger’s home.</p>
<p>That said…clear everything with the adult student first.</p>
<p>Deed done, but back off now. Let the students lead their lives without parental interference. I’m lucky I even knew who son’s roommates were. Let them be adults and in charge of their lives. You are not in the equation. Your D can offer aid to her roommate, including your services if she checks with you first.</p>