<p>My daughter is an interesting mix. She had a nice group of friends in hs, had a very long term boyfriend (broke up during her first college semester). She is so very social at school, but loves coming home and hanging with us during breaks. She needs her “down” time and I think uses the breaks for this reason. I would never have imagined she would be so social in college, but she is with people she loves, doing what she loves, in a college she loves. If they are in the right place and as long as they are happy and successful, you have nothing to worry about.</p>
<p>“Although he never turned down invites, he never instigated it either.” </p>
<p>My D was like that in hs However, she thrived with like geeky friends on the engineering campus. The dorms and dining hall made for natural meeting places. The RAs also arranged social event. (The intense engineering curriculum was not a good fit for her - it was sad to see her leave the new college friends when she came back home.)</p>
<p>I’m not the OP but thank you for your words of encouragement and sharing your stories. Sometimes I feel like it’s something I did (or didn’t do) that has caused her to not seek out those of her own age group. Being an introvert is just so far from who I am. But she seems happy and well adjusted. She has always been more comfortable with adults than her peers. It’s nice to hear from introverts that they are happy and prefer their own company or the company of very few.</p>
<p>Right. Introverts aren’t necessarily shy or awkward. It’s just that they recharge by being alone. You recharge by being around others.</p>
<p>I was more of a homebody in high school than in college, and while I think college has made me more social, its not a complete transformation. At first, I felt really bad whenever I stayed in because I felt like “Oh I must have no friends/social life”. But constantly telling myself, in a gentle/helpful way, to “be social” helped so much because it made me accept that part of being an adult and living on your own is making new friends in new places, and that part of that is having regular lunches/dinners/plans with people you meet. I’m still shy or hesitant sometimes, but I think being completely responsible for my social life, and not having parents or family around if I didn’t make plans with friends made a big difference. However, now that I am more established and accomplished, and both have friends and ways to make new friends, I feel less insecure about staying in one night. So there are different ways in which moving away could affect your daughter.</p>
<p>Thank you for all the wonderful posts! It’s nice to see so many others with homebody kids. I’m not alone, something any good extrovert can appreciate.</p>
<p>The posters who mentioned their kids got involved in the more quirky clubs, like a food group, that is something I can see my daughter enjoying. A good fit school with a niche of students who share some interests with my DD is what I am hoping for.</p>
<p>In our suburban hs she has a difficult time finding other kids who share her interests. An example is when she wanted to attend a lecture by Annie Leibovitz at a nearby museum (the JFK Library) and found no one who had any interest - even the art students. This is how I end up spending so much time with her. Of course I LOVE the time with my DD but I’m 47. Surely there will be at least a few college students who would enjoy an evening lecture with an interesting speaker? She is also confident enough to go alone, but I know she would prefer to share the experience with someone else.</p>
<p>To those who pointed out that she is who she is and as long as she is happy, point taken.</p>
<p>Our D is an introvert. She was very shy in high school and rarely socialized. She would mostly stay home and study. I’m happy to tell you that she’s become more sociable in college. She’s come a long way since high school. She’s made quite a few like-minded friends at her college. She now feels comfortable striking up a conversation with someone and actually enjoys going to parties. She’s embraced college life and has become involved in a couple of clubs. I’ve noticed the change in her since she’s been in college for 1-1/2 years. However, she still feels the need to have her down time by herself. I’m an introvert myself, so I understand this completely.</p>
<p>Extroverts do not always appreciate the qualities of introverts and believe that they must become more social. That somehow wanting to spend time alone and being quiet is a personality flaw. There is a very good book called “Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking” written by Susan Cain. I would highly recommend that you read it.</p>
<p>One of my best friends is an extrovert. She prefers to spend almost all of her time around other people. She doesn’t even like to go to the store or run errands by herself. She will usually bring her husband or a friend with her. She will strike up conversations with everyone. I’m the exact opposite.</p>
<p>You mention that your D is looking at 3 small LAC’s. Personally, I would think that the one that is close to home might be a better fit for your D. She could come home to see you if she gets homesick.</p>
<p>Don’t put any pressure on your D to be more social. This will only do more harm than good as she may feel that something is “wrong” with her. You need to embrace her for who she is. If she seems happy spending time alone, there is nothing wrong with that. However, if she feels lonely and wants to have friends but doesn’t have any, then I would be concerned.</p>