<p>Hi everyone! I need some advice. My brother is graduating from high school Saturday at 10am. He told me a couple of months ago that he was not participating in the ceremony. I asked him again a month ago just to confirm before I made other plans and again was told he definitely wasn't participating. </p>
<p>In the meantime, a friend of mine is planning to stay with me tomorrow night and we're getting a large group together to go see Sex and the City followed by a Girls' Night Out which is incredibly rare for both of us after being married several years and living three hours apart. Also, my husband and I have volunteered to work a fundraiser for a civic organization that we're members of Saturday night from 5-10:30pm. My husband is also co-chairing the project so there's no way we can not be there since we have already committed.</p>
<p>That brings me to last Tuesday. My dad called to tell me that my brother has changed his mind and has decided to walk in case we are able to attend. The ceremony is a 3 and a 1/2 hour drive from where I live which means leaving at 6:30am, staying for the ceremony and possibly 15 minutes afterwards (just long enough to see my brother and congratulate him) and heading back home in time for the fundraiser. </p>
<p>I am really torn about this. I'd love to be there, but with everything else that's already been planned, since he said he definitely wasn't participating, we are going to be hard pressed for time and we would barely get to see him. Had he told me he was planning to participate when we discussed it two months ago and again last month, I would have planned to spend the weekend with him and my family and not have made other plans. </p>
<p>What would you do? Any advice would be much appreciated!</p>
<p>Pretend it's Sunday morning - which would regret missing more: Girl's night out/benefit, or your brother's graduation.
you're the one who has to live with this decision, so other people's opinions really don't matter (I, for one, don't know your brother and wouldn't have to explain your absence to him).
Good luck!</p>
<p>If it were me, I would call my brother directly (not talking through my father) and I would tell him that I would love to be there to see him graduate BUT BASED ON WHAT YOU TOLD ME, my husband and I committed to other activities that day and now it's too late to change our plans because others are depending on us.</p>
<p>I would tell him that I love him and I'm so proud of him. Then I would make some specific plans to get together with him at another time to celebrate his graduation. And depending on his post-high-school plans, I might also promise to be at his college graduation! (And learning a lesson from this, I would keep that date open -- no matter what he says beforehand!)</p>
<p>I think your brother and family will have to be understanding about this. Life happens. If you plan to go do it because you really want to be there and are willing to jump through the hoops, not because you feel obligated or will feel guilty. Unfortunately he caused this, and not to be mean, but will have to get over it if he get's bent about it.</p>
<p>About 10 years ago, I missed a friend's wedding for similar reasons. It came up suddenly, and I could have gone, but I already had other plans and it seemed like a lot of trouble.</p>
<p>Years later, I still regret not having been there. There aren't that many big life events in our society, and I'm now inclined to make the most of them even if they're inconvenient.</p>
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Had he told me he was planning to participate when we discussed it two months ago and again last month, I would have planned to spend the weekend with him and my family and not have made other plans.
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<p>I guess that I don't understand why you couldn't have done this whether or not your brother participated in the formal graduation exercises. </p>
<p>It sounds like you could perhaps still attend the graduation (alone), stay for the day, and allow your husband to cover the fundraiser.</p>
<p>At least he is expecting you to not be able to make it, if you do not go. You could promise him a day between you and him to celebrate. Go do something fun .</p>
<p>I don't see the big deal... go to the movie. Is the 5 seconds where he gets his diploma important enough to justify sitting through the rest of it and missing the movie?</p>
<p>Thanks everyone for your feedback. I've decided to go with my initial gut feeling and attend the ceremony. I would hate to look back years from now and regret not being there to support my brother.</p>
<p>I like WorriedMom's idea. Make plans to do something with him at a future date. I don't equate missing a relative's high school graduation with missing a wedding. And he's the only who changed his mind about walking in the ceremony, after all!</p>