<p>I am currently a high school senior and my commencement ceremony is tonight. I am really torn about an important decision regarding the ceremony and I was hoping you guys might be able to help a little. In the past, I have always received wonderful advice from posting here.</p>
<p>Basically, I have not really been part of my high school for the past two years. I have been enrolled in full-time dual-enrollment and only stop by my high school 2-3 times each year to get the dual-enrollment form signed. The dual enrollment program has been wonderful; I love my classes, professors, and peers. I have kept in touch with a few of my high school friends, but for the most part, I feel as if high school unofficially ended two years ago for me. I consider myself to be much more a part of my dual-enrollment school, than the high school that I am "graduating" from tonight. </p>
<p>For many months, I have been dreading this high school graduation night. My parents and I fought a lot about it, as they are very traditional. In some respects, I can see how it would be important to them. From the excitement expressed in the posts here, graduation ceremonies seem to be highly valued because they provide parents with an opportunity to proudly reflect back on the accomplishments of the children they have raised. </p>
<p>However, I am extremely stressed out about the ceremony. I am afraid that it would be awkward to attend a graduation ceremony where everybody is reflecting back on the excellent times they had together, when I was never a part of any of it. I am also very shy and am nervous about having to participate in such a big event with a bunch of strangers. I really, really do not want to participate tonight. Also, I have school tomorrow and finals next week (the high school calendar does not directly match up with the college calendar), so the time that I would spend at the ceremonies is a precious commodity for me right now. I'll likely be up all night tonight trying to finish final projects, regardless of the decision I make.
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In conclusion, I'm really stuck here. I explained the dilemma to my parents a few weeks and they said the decision is up to me. They also admitted that they think some of my points are valid, but my Dad just told me this morning he might be disappointed if I do not walk in the ceremony. (Last night, he was okay with either decision). Last night, my temporary decision was to skip the ceremony and celebrate with the entire family at a nice dinner tonight, but now that my Dad has said he may be disappointed, I'm completely torn again. I was hoping you parents might be able to tell me if my solution seems reasonable, as a parental viewpoint would be very helpful to me right now.
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Thank you in advance for any advice you may have and I apologize for the long post!</p>
<p>APM: I can't really relate to your situation, because my D is a regular HS student. I would be very disappointed if she didn't walk at graduation, but your circumstances are very different. Your parents must have different dreams and expectations for you. They will see you graduate from college in a relatively short time. Your parents said that it's up to you, but it does sound like your dad would like you to walk. Good luck!</p>
<p>Go. There are many students who do not like their HS experience, you will not be the only one with your attitude. Please let your parents have this rite of passage, and closure. You can arrive at the last minimum time, leave right away when it's finished and get on with your life. If everyone is miiling around waiting to get their actual diploma skip that and go home. Prearrange quick get away details with your parents. And, frankly, misssing 3 or so hours from college end of the semester work will not change much if you were planning on needing to pull an all nighter. PS- try taking some notes or such you can study during the boring speeches.</p>
<p>Yes, please go. I have a S who could have easily not "gone" to his HS graduation ceremony and in fact one of his good friends who was a magna cum laude graduate was a no show, but it was important to me and I told my son that certain aspects of everything that is happening (senior events, picking colleges, blah, blah blah) are his and his alone, but some things are really for the parents too - yes, it validates everything that has occured for the past 18 years. Graduation ceremonies and honors assemblies are high on the list of parent validators. Chin up and do it for your parents.</p>
<p>It's very important to your parents, so try to make the best of it and go. I understand that it's going to be something hard for you to do, and you do have very legitimate concerns. If you can, try to look at it as a loving gesture for your mom and dad. It's a life milestone event that they will treasure.</p>
<p>I did not go to any of my graduations until I received my Ph.D. I only went then because my advisor begged me to.
She wanted to "hood" me.
It was boring. I can sympathize with you. However, if your parents are adamant I don't think there is anything you can do.</p>
<p>Do it for your parents if it is important to them. All you will need to do is walk across the stage and shake someone's hand. You can be as passive and "invisible" the rest of the time as you want to be. You probably will not feel the excitement the others will -- so what? It's not a big deal. If your parents want it, it's not a big sacrifice!</p>
<p>Our 2 older kids "walked" at graduations, but I don't think they were moved by it in any way. (I guess they didn't feel it was much of an achievement... they both feel very differently about their upcoming college graduations...) Our youngest will be graduating after junior year, and already told us that she does not want to go to the ceremony. It's fine with us.</p>
<p>I don't know how to change your parents mind- but I wouldn't go.
You aren't really part of the class and you are concerned enough about your parents wishes to be torn- but you have already moved on and it isn't your commencement.
I think you sound very mature and have clear ideas about what you need to do next which is to maximize your time available to do as well in your college finals as you can.
That is what will move you along your path- not looking back at someone elses idea of a milestone.
I emphathize with your parents, but you are or close to being an adult, and part of becoming an adult is making decisions that you have to live with.
If you regret not going, that is still your decision.
But its hard to learn from decisions that someone else makes for us.</p>
<p>Taking the opposite tack, as the mother of three kids, I'm going out on a limb to say that I think you should do what your heart tells you to do. If you choose not to go, perhaps you can still put on your cap and gown and get photos done with your parents. Or ask your Mom & Dad to "present" your diploma to you. </p>
<p>My son just graduated and "walked", but in hindsight if he had chosen not to do so, I would not have been upset -- a tiny bit disappointed, perhaps, but mostly proud of his accomplishments.</p>
<p>I can understand how uncomfortable you must be, participating with people that you don't feel part of. But if you do choose to attend, remember that you are there to celebrate YOUR accomplishments. Walk up there proudly and collect that diploma. </p>
<p>If you choose not to attend, maybe you can do something special for your parents to acknowledge the event -- a scrapbook or photo album showcasing your last four years would be a great way to celebrate your graduation, and to thank your parents for all of their support. Good luck, and remember that there is really no wrong decision here. Do what feels right to you.</p>
<p>My sister didn't want to go to her high school graduation because she didn't like her high school experience. She finally relented at the last moment. She didn't go to her college graduation (she was already working). I don't know if she went to her masters degree graduation. I'm guessing not...</p>
<p>As a parent, I love graduations. I've been to my kids' kindergarten "graduation", the middle school "graduation", one high school graduation and, with luck, a college graduation next year. </p>
<p>Give your parents something they will treasure--and go to your high school graduation with a happy not a grumpy outlook.</p>
<p>Yes it is your decision - but sometimes we have to make decicions based on how it affects those we love and it sounds like this would mean a lot to your parents. Think of it as a special experience you are sharing with your parents rather than an event you are participating in with a bunch of strangers. You will be sitting listening to a bunch of speeches not trying to make conversation with people you are not comfortable with anyway. Let your parents have a quick photo op afterwards - make sure you get a photo taken of you in your robes with your parents - then you can get on with your studies. I am from Europe originally and we do not make a big deal of finishing high school there (you just finish & go on - no ceremony or robes - or not back when I was at school anyway) - but I have to admit my 2 kids graduations (1 just over a week ago) were emotional and meant a lot to me. So yes - do it - I don't think you will regret it in the long run.</p>
<p>Do you feel that you will be harrassed by the regular high school students if you participate? Are you resented for your unusual educational arrangements?</p>
<p>If you're anticipating that some sort of bullying situation will go on at the graduation, your desire not to attend might be justified.</p>
<p>Or is there some other special reason why you do not want to go? You sound unusually upset about this.</p>
<p>Three years ago, my son did not want to attend his high school graduation because he gets sick on buses and getting to the graduation venue involves a long bus ride. I let him skip the ceremony with no hard feelings.</p>
<p>If there is something special going on that you haven't told us, maybe you really do have a valid reason to skip the ceremony.</p>
<p>If not, perhaps you should do it for your parents -- presuming that the school will allow you to attend at all. You sound as though you haven't seen the regular high school students in a long time. This strikes me as odd because at every high school I've ever heard of, there is a mandatory graduation rehearsal a day or two before the ceremony. Those who don't rehearse don't get to participate in the actual ceremony. If you had attended the rehearsal, you would have seen the regular high school students and talked with them -- something that your post suggests you have not done. Is your problem that you skipped the rehearsal and that if you show up tonight, you will be barred from the ceremony because of this?</p>
<p>my dad never went to his college or grad school grads to much money he paid his way thru college and grad school when he got into hunter his parents were like good and went on w/ there life...not sure if he went to hs grad but i doubt it</p>
<p>my mom on the other hand just graduated college MAY 19th we had a grls weekend all weekend...it was the most fun i had in years w/ my mom...</p>
<p>my sisters graduated 4 years ago we were all in boston at the lesley college graduation to see her graduate from Art institute of boston at lesley college and my other sister graduate 2 years ago from Marymount college of fordham university which is nonexsistant nemore...my sisters were smart just not appliers but they have great jobs now and r happy...if they r happy im happy i love them both my mom just spent 5 days in cali where my sister lives and they picked out a cute outfit from my favorite store in the town it wasnt cheap either supposedly and im wearing it now i love it..</p>
<p>Sometimes in life, you do things for other people. It won't hurt you, cause cancer or put your life in jeparody. It will create a lasting memmory for your parents. What have they done to you, to not deserve that memmory?</p>
<p>It's not like dad is asking for a kidney. It's a few boring hours, but beyond that it's painless.</p>
<p>My son, for lots of appropriate reasons, is not walking in his graduation Saturday. But he's just decided that he wants to attend the ceremony to hear a friend's speech. He invited H and me to go with him and we think it's a great idea. </p>
<p>Might attending the graduation together be a good compromise for you and your parents? </p>
<p>We're planning a family celebration dinner Saturday night to mark the special occasion, and hope that in four years we'll have a college graduation to figure out. If son is like his dad, though, he won't want to walk in that one, either. We shall see.</p>
<p>Sorry you're so torn about this and hope it works out okay.</p>
<p>It even sounds like your dad is sitting on the fence on this one (you don't mention your mother's point of view).</p>
<p>You've been doing something nontraditional for two years, and your parents were nontraditional enough to permit you to do so.</p>
<p>I vote for you to skip graduation. Stay home, have a nice dinner, and maybe watch a few videos of when you were small.</p>
<p>And I agree with orchid_2010 that giving your parents a heartfelt note would be a nice thing to do.</p>
<p>I really think that graduation should be more for those graduating, with the parents proud to attend as witnesses.</p>
<p>If the person graduating doesn't want to go, I can't see why the parents would want to go just to witness someone feeling miserable and out of place, especially in the midst of revelling, happy hordes.</p>
<p>If my child had essentially attended college for 2 years, and had nothing to do with their High School, I would not expect them to participate in graduation. The ceremony is very often part of a slew of celebrations all week; at our school there are breakfasts, dinners, bus-rides to secret destinations and an all-night lock-in bash immediately after graduation. I imagine that my child would not feel any kind of bond with the other students and she would be literally going through the motions for me.</p>
<p>I would just feel bad watching my child doing this for me, and not being in the spirit of things.</p>
<p>It's your evening, and your moment, and you should decide to do what makes you happy. You can always do something special with your parents.</p>
<p>Can you have one more conversation with your Dad before you decide; can he be called at work, or whatever? What does it mean when he says he "might be disappointed?" It could have been just an offhand remark he made, or a true gauge of his deepest feelings that took this long to identify. Or something in between</p>
<p>Yes, he might be disappointed and is entitled to say that this morning...but he might also be able to deal with the disappointment. </p>
<p>So I feel your conversation with them isn't yet complete, and you're struggling because you don't know how much weight to put on their latest comments. You don't have enough info from them to make a sound decision. And obviously you care about their feelings, that's clear.</p>
<p>If it were my S, I'd say, "call your Dad and ask him for a few minutes more to talk about how important this is, or isn't to him.
My H is always saying things that my kids call him on, "You're just guilting us again into going...." because he feels a lot about lots of things, and throws out a remark over his shoulder on his way out the door. So we're left wondering.</p>