<p>Back at the beginning of the thread I wrote about my experience at a southern sorority and how rush distressed me because we picked girls based on family background and look. IMHO there are a lot of posts on this thread that see their norm as “the norm.” In fairness I believe it is hard for most of us to get beyond our own norm. I know I rarely do.</p>
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<p>It seemed to me Pizzagirl was very offended by my posts describing my rush experiences, perhaps rightly so. In the last few pages she writes:</p>
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<p>This is my opinion. Following the above rules of dress is signaling a certain type of family background. The upper-class/establishment made up these rules. Even if you buy the knock-off versions you are paying attention to rules that define class and background with clothing and appearance. Is that bad? Not necessarily. IMHO it makes sense to sometimes follow those rules. Like some others on the thread I believe all dress is costume. One of my favorite books is Alison Lurie’s The Language of Clothes</p>
<p>Some girls will not want to wear diamonds or peals, faux or real, because they see them as class signifiers. These are sometimes the girls who also don’t wash, dress sloppily and cough in your face. I have been to the very fancy dinner, hosted by a professor, where such a girl, barefoot and in ripped jeans sat cross-legged in her chair. I assume she was trying to distance herself from her background but her impeccable and unconscious table manners gave her away LOL It didn’t occur to her to pretend she was confused about which butter place was hers. She automatically buttered her roll correctly. About a year later, when I met her again at a dinner, she was wearing a cute but very inexpensive skirt from Marshalls and Dr. Scholls sandals shout out to Wildwood!</p>
<p>I have to smile with the Dr Scholl’s reference as my dad used to have a position with the company that makes them, and at one point he was in charge of their marketing, lol. </p>
<p>I will say based on college visits so far, the LACs are more granola-y in dress than the universities. But dressing granola is just as much of a style statement as dressing in pearls and a sweater set. And granola doesn’t preclude one from dressing up–just in a different style, that’s all.</p>
<p>Funny what we wore to fit in with the styles. My Dr. Scholls hurt my feet (sorry pizzagirl!) I just never could get used to them. However, I owned and wore Dr. Scholls. I finally got used to earth shoes, but they werent exactly a fashion statement. However, it was what was worn back then. Expensive ugly shoes. Come to think of it, that criteria (ie expensive ugly shoes) is still around in some fashion circles!!</p>
<p>At the young adult level, it may be more of a bohemian look. Long flowy skirts, jewelry made from beads and rope, more silver than gold, maybe some vintage. Hair more loose and flowy. None of which was precluded in the Pi Phi rules, btw.</p>
<p>Even though I believe in “Live and Let Live” but I still advice DD to dress properly. If dressing properly is not so important than why not we make every place clothing optional. It is where you draw the line. I don’t think it is right to ask people to change their lifestyle but it is not wrong to exclude people who don’t want to live with you life style. Freedom of choice give you the right to dress the way you feel but also give the right to sororities to say exclude you.
Many good restaurants hold the right to refuse service if you are not properly dressed than why you complain about rights of sororities to refuse girls who don’t dress properly.</p>
<p>I think joining sorority was a good idea for DD as it will provide her a channel to use her wardrobe other wise she would stay all 4 and half months in jeans and T-shirt only.
The sorority mixer will provide a place to try semi-formals, formals and other dresses when ever she choose to visit the house. It also provide her opportunity to try some jewelry.
Even though she is not a cloth shopping enthusiastic, she have shopped for clothes with sorority sisters. So I think it till now has a very positive affect on DD personality. She was outgoing, social, well mannered to begin with but now she knows how to dress for the occasion, one thing her mom has always complained about.</p>
<p>I think there is nothing wrong in the process of rush/selection by sororities as they look for certain qualities or traits in girls that may coincides with existing members of the sorority.</p>
<p>Clothing optional, POIH? If your dd happens to be at one of those sororities, that should really help to keep her monthy budget/allowance in line ;)</p>
<p>So Pizzagirl – will the mom of a granola-styling-daughter be remiss if she doesn’t send a pair of nice black pants with her child to college? Does she need to have the <em>uniform</em> you were suggesting? :)</p>
<p>Dressing bohemian doesn’t come inexpensively either. We were at Anthropologie this past weekend- I consider that store to be a bit more hippie, granola, bohemian, whatever you want to call it- talk about astronomical prices. </p>
<p>In the two weeks D has been a new member, pledge, whatever, she’s been to two nice dinner parties given by her new sisters; been out to parties with a nice group of girls who don’t drink to excess; been to several meetings with the pledge class; is going to a retreat this coming weekend; asked a boy to a date function (a first for her)- he said yes; and just has really bloomed. Sure, there are sororities that are about who your family is and how much money you have, but there are sororities that encourage young women to break out of from their comfort zone and really enjoy life. </p>
<p>I know she was uncertain about pledging but I know she’s not any longer. There’s no harm in trying. If your D decides Greek life really isn’t for her, that’s fine. There are other things out there.</p>
<p>Anthropologie is for Bobos not Bohos
Bobbos are the bourgeois bohemians. Bohos shop at thrift stores. Vivre la difference.
There is a VERY funny book on the subject—“Bobos in Paradise” by David Brooks.</p>
<p>DD and I love Anthropologie. When DH kept seeing it on the CC statement, he asked if she was taking a course at our CC in…yes, Anthropology. Ha ha.</p>
<p>POIH,
I think every fraternity member would be in support of the “clothing optional” idea. Might cause a huge increase in applications for frat membership!</p>
<p>No, not at all! It’s not so much about the concept of a “uniform” – it’s about the concept of having some clothing in your closet that isn’t just jeans/t-shirt/everyday casual. So you’re not caught unawares if there are occasions that call for something more. </p>
<p>This whole thing is in response to “but what if a girl gets to campus and doesn’t have the clothing appropriate for these kinds of occasions”? To which my response is, forget rush / the Greek system, why wouldn’t young men and young women have one or two outfits that are appropriate for more dressy occasions? Don’t most people have occasions in their lives that require a little bit of dressing up beyond everyday-gear, and wouldn’t it be sad and dreary to anticipate a life where no such occasions occurred? Apparently that’s intimidating and / or “uppity” or superficial to some.</p>
<p>I dated a guy in hs and college whose parents let him down like this big time. They sent him off to college with no shoes other than sneakers, no nice pants other than everyday corduroys. His winter coat was his high school varsity letter jacket. This wasn’t a question of money; they had the money. But no one bothered to teach him how to look nice and give him the basics to take a girlfriend downtown on a nice date, go to a reception at a professor’s house, etc. He was acutely aware that he didn’t have those things, and he felt terrible. My parents didn’t even like the guy, LOL, and they went out and bought him khakis and a few shirts and casual non-sneaker shoes because they felt that no young man should have been sent off to college like that; it wasn’t very nice on his parents’ part. They might have even bought him a blazer, I don’t remember. But they were absolutely right. Life calls for occasions where people dress up, and it’s part of transitioning your children from kids to young adults to prepare them how to do it and ensure that they have the basics to be able to handle situations that are one step above everyday.</p>
<p>The thread where the young woman is asking for what to wear to a nice restaurant is sad, IMO – not her, but that her poor boyfriend, a young man, doesn’t even have one pair of shoes that aren’t sneakers, and that his parents have apparently not bothered to teach him that you need to have one decent pair of dressier shoes for nice occasions and interviews. They have failed him. I don’t see what’s so controversial about that.</p>
<p>The clothes that I purchased–on sale and/or at discount stores for my oldest d when she went through rush/recruitment…she now wears for work. So Rush clothing 2K6 became work clothing 2K10.</p>
<p>There seems to be a “Clothing optional” floor at MIT in a dorm and it doesn’t seem to be a very sought after while sororities and fraternities are.</p>
