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Aren’t you doing the same thing in reverse…You want the kid to sacrific their happiness, but you don’t want to sacrifice yours</p>
<p>“Aren’t you doing the same thing in reverse…You want the kid to sacrific their happiness, but you don’t want to sacrifice yours”</p>
<p>Unless you are one of the unfortunate people who had uncaring, abusive, neglectful parents, it’s likely that your parents have sacrificed their happiness much more for you than you have for them.</p>
<p>This includes their taking you to ECs when they were tired or sick; paying for you to have things and experience things (including college) instead of using that money for themselves; sitting through your concerts and sports events even though such things were boring or there were more adult-centered activities your parents could have been enjoying; changing your diapers, cleaning up after your toileting accidents and nausea even though there were many more pleasant things your parents could have chosen to do.</p>
<p>Yes, this is why I think it’s asking very little for parents who have been reasonably good parents to expect their kids to spend a few hours attending their own graduation so the parents can enjoy the experience. </p>
<p>Saying this as someone who didn’t want to go to my own college graduation, but am very glad that I gave my mom and other older relatives the joy of seeing me graduate.</p>
<p>One of the nicest things that any of my former students did was to hold a graduation party for herself in which she invited professors and family who had supported her, and made the party a tribute to the help she had gotten from others. It wasn’t a bid for gifts. It was a “thank-you” for helping her flourish in college. </p>
<p>No one attains success without the help of many people, and it’s nice when people are thoughtful enough to acknowledge this instead of making successes all about themselves and their wants and needs.</p>
<p>Even if you are one of the unfortunates whose parents were abusive, neglectful and even discouraged you from attending college, you made it to and through college due to the help of some people, and it would be a kindness to invite such people to your graduation.</p>
<p>And it’s not just about the few hours of possible drudgery for the student. It’s about the memories that are made for the parents who are attending, and the lasting pride they will feel watching their child graduate.</p>
<p>I wanted and went to my graduation for bachelor degree and did not really like it. I thought the speeches were too long and I was bored and I had to spend time with my parents who were not social with anyone else, while my friends and their parents hanged out together.</p>
<p>I skipped my graduation ceremony for masters degree because to me it was not really a milestone - a degree in case I don’t get my PhD.</p>
<p>I was thinking of skipping my graduation ceremony for PhD, but my husband really wanted me to do it, so for all the sacrifice that he had to make I decided to go. In any case, I did not regret it. Both sets of parents were there along with my husband and my son, everyone told me they were proud of me. Oh, and by the way, whoever gave the speech at the ceremony evidently thought the same way I did: brevity is the sister of wit :).</p>
<p>Looking back, I would not change anything.</p>
<p>Any kids who think that the height of boredom is spending a few hours listening to boring speeches at their own graduation should think hard about the many hours their parents probably spent at BORING kids’ events : movies that only little kids enjoy; sports games watching kids stumble around who have no clue what they’re doing; concerts with kids singing out of tune, and getting up early to get one’s kid off to school or to an EC, etc. </p>
<p>Think about the times that your parents stayed up with you when you were sick or listened patiently to you complain about things that in the great scheme of life were trivial. </p>
<p>Lots of times parents do tedious, boring things to support our kids, and parents do these things with a smile and without complaining. Maybe that’s why some kids are so unappreciative.</p>
<p>I think that many things depend on the college/university involved. None of the undergrads skipped graduation at my alma mater! It was a long weekend of festivities that we looked forward to for four years, and that many of us had helped with at least once before. More than one classmate graduated without any family members present because it was too expensive for them to come. </p>
<p>As for reservations, in order for my parents to stay in the very small, very elegant on campus lodging I had to put in my request on the first day of second semester in my Junior Year - almost a full 16 months in advance!</p>
<p>Well, that’s why I said I would not change anything :). Both degrees were milestones in my and my family’s life, so I am glad I went, even thought one of the events was unpleasant for me (for variety of reasons, not just the one I mentioned).</p>
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<p>I guess one could ask whether parents have ever sacrificed anything, or done anything out of love, for their children during the past 18 or 22 years. </p>
<p>Then one could ask, in view of whatever sacrifices and loving gestures might have been made, whether it is too much to ask their child to make this one sacrifice of perhaps two hours, out of love and gratitude, for something that these parents, as well as parents generally, find very important.</p>
<p>On the other hand, some might justifiably feel that their parents have not been helpful over the years, indeed perhaps have been abusive or uninterested or neglectful or hateful. In that situation, when mutual love and respect is not present, or has been greatly attenuated, perhaps one has not learned, from repeated experience over the years, that small sacrifices and expressions of gratitude, made out of love for one another, add meaning and purpose and self-respect to one’s life.</p>
<p>I didn’t attend either my high school or college graduations. If I had the choice to make again now, I still woudn’t go. Whether or not my kids attend their college graduations is up to them.</p>
<p>Rocket4louise,
Looking at your back posts, it seems you will be sending yourself through college. If it ends up that there are people at your college --professors, friends – who are supportive, they may very much appreciate being invited to watch you graduate. It really brings a lot of happiness to people who have helped others to watch those people attain the goal they’ve been struggling to reach.</p>
<p>It also is nice to graduate publicaly with people in the audience who are cheering you on even if those people aren’t blood relatives, but are your family of the heart.</p>
<p>My husband, a college prof, goes out of his way each year to attend graduation because it makes him happy to see his students reach their goals.</p>
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<p>The O.P.'s son is at WashU, so yeah, St. Louis will have the hotel rooms. But that’s not really my point. When a boy comes home from college, the last thing he wants to think about is college or hear about his mom’s agenda (involving him) for the following year.</p>
<p>I attended my college graduation, but if my children don’t want to attend theirs, that will be fine with me. </p>
<p>I let my mom convince me to have the type of wedding she wanted, and I have regretted it for over 20 years! I see similar “it’s for the parents” argument above; I disagree. There are other ways to acknowledge support of loved ones.</p>
<p>Our son is attending commencement next week, but probably would not be there if we weren’t coming to watch. For some students this is an important rite of passage, but for others it is just no big deal.</p>
<p>I have mixed feelings. I think that I will just love watching our son walk across that stage - on the other hand, I never attended any of my own commencements (HS, undergrad, grad), so why would I have higher expectations of him than I did for myself?</p>
<p>I also dislike the idea of bringing money into this discussion. We scrimped and saved and paid an obscene amount of money for our son’s degree, and it will take us several more years to dig out from under the debt we accumulated as well. Nevertheless, I would hate to be in a position of guilt-tripping our son into attending commencement because we paid for it.</p>
<p>I didn’t go to mine, which was a big mistake. I was the only one in my department to receive honors. It was to be a surprise, and my advisor was heartbroken and never forgave me.</p>
<p>Years later she did get to hood me for my PhD. That made her happy.</p>
<p>Thanks for all the feedback. I didn’t ask my son why he didn’t want to go, but I know he doesn’t like ceremonies of any type and would find it very boring–which in all honesty they are. My husband (a university professor) never mentioned to my son that he didn’t go to his college graduation, so no influence there. For the sake of his parents, however, my husband did go to his Ph.D. ceremony–which in all honesty was too long and in the blazing sun–but moving nonetheless.</p>
<p>I’ve decided to rent a hotel room anyway, and cancel if need be.</p>
<p>This is the son’s graduation, and I think it should be about him and what he wants. He put in the hard work and is getting the degree - that is what I would be proud about.</p>
<p>I think it is wrong to try to guilt him into going through something that is meaningless and unpleasant for him as a reward for his achievement.</p>
<p>I guess I’m biased - I’m not much into sitting for hours in those circumstances. Certainly there could be a graduation party or family dinner to celebrate with him in a manner that would be agreeable to him?</p>
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<p>No kidding. It’s hardly any skin off someone’s back to sit through a several hour graduation (aside from health issues or prohibitive travel expenses). That’s part of being an adult, r6louise. You do things for other people even if they aren’t the most-exciting-way-you’d-spend-your-time.</p>
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<p>If someone wants to stay in one of the nicer hotels that are close to WashU, they may indeed fill up a year in advance. I don’t know why you wouldn’t reserve a hotel room a year in advance once you know the date, frankly. Seems just normal organizational skills to me.</p>
<p>My brother didn’t go to his because his school is really huge and he was only there for a small portion of his college career. My family was disappointed, and I guess I can see his point, but I would think it would be more about being proud of the degree than the college. But oh well, it was his choice, and knowing who he is I can understand why he wouldn’t want to go.</p>
<p>I didn’t go to any of my college graduations. After sitting through a high school graduation with 1100 seniors, I swore it was my last time. In both cases, I graduated “off cycle” (not in the spring) and would have had to return long after I got my diploma. I don’t think my parents cared at all.</p>
<p>We are going to DD’s graduation next month…and went to both son’s BM and MM graduations. BUT if he had said he wasn’t going it would have been fine…ditto daughter.</p>