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<p>You’re making a big deal out of nothing. If he doesn’t want to go, that’s it. I didn’t go to my HS, college, or grad school graduations. I mean, why should anyone have to go? I won’t make my kids go to theirs if they don’t want to.</p>
<p>Got my MA when DS was 7. I was indecisive about attending commencement until DH encouraged me to walk because it would send a positive message to DS about the importance of education. He–both of them, really–had sacrificed a bit so I could attend my classes, etc. so it seemed appropriate to bring it to some closure by walking across the stage. </p>
<p>I totally understand OP’s feelings as DS is approaching this milestone and I’d be disappointed if the diploma simply came in the mail without the pomp and ceremony.
Good luck!</p>
<p>My sister was considering offering her daughter $$ NOT to walk! It’s a huge state university and there were some logistical issues. They wound up going (last night) and my sister texted me that before it niece was complaining about it. My sister (facing a 3 hour drive home in the middle of the night) was NOT pleased.
For some reason WildChild is all about this weekend’s graduation. He did every single senior week activity (many of them involved alcohol, of course) and is really excited about the whole thing. I’m a little surprised. I wouldn’t miss it, due to the long roller coaster ride we had getting to this point. It’s supposed to be quite a spectacular event. Sunday night AND Monday morning ceremonies (the first is for the College of Arts and Sciences and then the whole university deal the next morning).</p>
<p>MOWC: Enjoy S’s special day! Congratulations1</p>
<p>I hope the OP’s son changes his mind. My DS is graduating from Wash U next week and I’ve been looking forward to attending the festivities for a long time. He’s worked hard to earn his degree (with honors!!) and his dad and I have worked hard to pay his tuition and to get him to this point. I’m not sure how I would recact if he didn’t want to attend. I think I’d try to impress upon him that it wasn’t all about him and that we all had made scraifices to get him to this point and that the least he could do to show his appreciation would be to don a cap and gown and sit out in the sun (hopefully there will be sun) and listen to a few boring speeches.</p>
<p>If the OP’s son doesn’t want to attend the all university commencement, maybe he will at least agree to attend the ceremony for his college. My son will be attending the engineering recognition ceremony the day before the all university ceremony. It is my understanding that they call the names of undergrads at the smaller individual college ceremonies. I don’t think they do that at the all university ceremony. </p>
<p>Wash U also has a weeklong senior week between finals and graduation. Events include a Cardinals game, winery tour, float trip, Chancellor’s dinner and a “senior gala” which I think is some kind of a dance. Who wouldn’t want to hang around campus in order to attend fun activties with friends?</p>
<p>Finally, you might to look at hotels and little farther from campus. I checked into reserving a room at the hotel where we usually stay in Clayton. The rate during graduation week was more than 3 times the rate we’ve paid in the past. We’ll be staying somewhere a little further from campus and will use our savings to treat our son and his GF to a special dinner after graduation.</p>
<p>Hey, after paying 200k+ i want to walk down the aisle. It’s not just for the graduate. A lot of resource and support from the family made it happen. If the student was mature and considerate, he would see that and do it just to honor his parents. </p>
<p>D1 is responsible for her senior class events. We have rented a house on the lake around the campus for the week. Our family and maybe some friends will come up to stay at the house. I am sure D1 will have few barbecues there for her friends too. We are really looking forward to it next year. I would be very upset if she didn’t want to go to her graduation. </p>
<p>MOWC - congratulations.</p>
<p>I graduate in December and am debating graduation myself. I’d rather not go because I don’t feel like sitting through the 2 or 3 hour ceremony. I am sure my parents will want to go as they just went to my sister’s boyfriend’s graduation last weekend. At the same time, we already know that they will have to take off work in order to go. That will put a strain on the coaching staff, but the head coach would expect them to miss the game. I just want to get out of college and move on. It has not been an experience that I have enjoyed that much. For that reason, it would be good to go and then be able to put it behind. I’m not sure yet. It may depend on what my classmates decide to do. There will be 5 of us graduating from my program…</p>
<p>hops_scout, whether or not you enjoyed college, or what your friends plan to do, really isn’t the question. As a parent, I urge you to do it regardless of your own desires. It’s really not asking much – a couple hours of boredom – especially if you think about everything they’ve done for you over the years. Do it for them, as a gesture of gratitude. :)</p>
<p>And, like I said above, YOU DON’T GET THE CHANCE FOR A DO-OVER! If you miss it, that’s it, and no amount of regret will let you attend as a participant again.</p>
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Can I borrow this line for my D next year??</p>
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<p>There’s your clue. These things are rites of passages, IMO, that are part of the adult world. There are reasons for ceremonies, whether they be christenings, First Communions, bar mitzvahs, confirmations, graduations, weddings or funerals. They symbolize times we gather to commemorate and mark passages.</p>
<p>I vote for making the hotel reservation and not bringing it up again. Cross that bridge next Spring. Enjoy the summer.</p>
<p>I was going to skip the whole graduation weekend when I got my MA. The school wasn’t going to give out diplomas to masters students. We would have had to pay $71 for our whole set. Hooding was only for the doctoral students. BAH! Why would I want to walk my graduation? So I told my mother that we could skip all that… but she kept her hotel room just in case I changed my mind. After all, I was going to be the first in my family to graduate with a masters (although we do have a MD and 2 MBAs…).</p>
<p>Then I heard who was the commencement speaker- OBAMA. I said that we’ve got to stay and do the whole graduation weekend. I did not attend my grad school ceremony as planned but went to the undergraduate commencement where Obama was speaking with my mom. Quite worth it.</p>
<p>Otherwise I would’ve been happy to skip the whole weekend for other reasons- largely to do with being disappointed with my PhD admissions results and the fact that I would be facing a tough job market with a MA and little work experience! But I turned it around a little and used my “celebrations” to thank my grad school friends for being there for me.</p>
<p>So… I would just book anyway and see how your son feels over the year.</p>
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<p>That’s probably why they thought they could get away with all of that other stuff. When you’ve got the President of the United States as your commencement speaker, you can probably get away with requiring a blood sacrifice per guest!</p>
<p>Chiming in with using a little guilt tripping later in the year…I wouldn’t discuss it now, as it’s still a year away and not as real. Graduation doesn’t really become “real” until a couple of months before it happens, and as your son’s classmates start to excitedly discuss it, he may change his mind. If he hasn’t changed his mind by mid-March, though, I might start a little gentle guilt-tripping. I went to my college graduation and it was a big deal - I went to a small liberal arts college (~500 graduates) and they did call everyone’s names, and it was a beautiful ceremony with a nice moment of recognition for parents (they asked all the parents to stand and receive the applause of the graduating class). It was as much for my mother as it was for me.</p>
<p>Make the reservations and forget about it for 9 months. :)</p>
<p>People change their minds and he may change his.</p>
<p>We went to PSU’s graduation this weekend and it was very nice. They break the graduation into colleges so you only attend your students major’s graduation. The Engineering college had 900 graduates and each name was read and each student walked across the stage. It did not take that long. I was impressed/amazed with the accomplishments of some of the students that were highlighted. The ceremoney was very traditional.</p>
<p>Son was very happy to be there with his friends. They took lots of pictures with one another, shook hands and promised to keep in touch. It was a perfect conclusion to 4 yrs of hard work and gave him a definite endpoint to his undergrad years.</p>
<p>Perhaps this is what’s bothering him:</p>
<p><a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/929648-pro-con-yelling-out-graduation-your-student.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/929648-pro-con-yelling-out-graduation-your-student.html</a></p>
<p>I would make the reservations and wait and see. But if he won’t go, he won’t go.</p>
<p>Graduation day is about his achievements. You may have supplied emotional support and some of the cash, but ultimately it was his papers, tests, and studying that earned the degree. A day to “reward” parents? Hmmm. The kids who flunked out of college don’t walk across that stage, even though many of them had parents just as supportive, just as loving, shelling out huge gobs of cash for tuition, etc. </p>
<p>How about buying him a nice graduation cake and inviting a couple of his friends over to share it? Toss confetti. Embarrass him with your own sappy speech instead of listening to someone else’s. :)</p>
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<p>Love it!</p>
<p>My husband did not attend his graduation for his BS. He has no regrets and it’s been 22 years. He went to a very large college and just was not interested. Instead, his parents took the family out for a nice dinner and they had cake at home. They all have nice memories of it.</p>
<p>He did want to walk for his MS but his orders came early and we had to be to his next duty station a month prior to the graduation. We could not afford to fly all three of us back for the weekend and he did want to attend alone. </p>
<p>He’s bound and determined to walk for his PhD but I’ve not carved the date in stone…life has a way of upturning the best laid plans!</p>
<p>Go ahead and make the hotel reservation. Agree- many college towns have hotels that book up way, WAY in advance. There is plenty of time to decide about graduation, and gee-- kids are notorious for changing their minds…</p>
<p>And congrats MOWC!!</p>