First, I’m not one of the parents who insist their child goes to college close to home. DD1 went to the the East Coast from CA for school, and happily lives there as an employed graduate. Do I miss her terribly? Yes. Do I want her to move back to CA? I want her to be happy, and Boston is an excellent fit for her. That said, DD2 seems to be limiting herself to far away choices and not even considering CA schools. I realize it is all about “the fit” but does anyone have any tips about helping students not throw the baby out with the bathwater? Hello Claremont Colleges, Loyola Marymount, Santa Clara, Cal State SLO, Pepperdine… all great choices for what she is looking for!!
Just curious. Which school near Boston did your DD1 attend?
Btw. I feel the same way and feel there are plenty of good schools in New England for my son to attend. No need to go far away. I like my young ones close. CA also has plenty of wonderful schools. No need to leave the state. Unfortunately you are doing the classic battle of want vs need. My son wants very expensive private colleges but really only needs the state flagship.
Our D18 wants to go all the way to CA for college … the grass is always greener! My only suggestion is to get your DD2 into some sort of summer program at a closer college. Maybe she’ll have a good time there and not rule them out.
I think it can be really healthy to live not too close to home. It’s a good growth opportunity for college students to be somewhere where they can’t drag their laundry home. 
Plus other reasons.
Your financial resources are such that she does not have to look at in-state public schools for cost reasons and can afford the luxury of looking at expensive private or out-of-state public schools that may not necessarily have good financial aid?
Lots of students want to go out-of-state for college, but their academic credentials are not such that they can get into the most selective good-financial-aid private schools or get the big merit scholarships at less selective private and out-of-state public schools, so they are forced to consider in-state public options.
One of my parents, some of my grandparents and ALL of my great-grandparents moved far from their own homes to start their lives as adults. Some moved from other countries. It’s only recently that it seems some parents insist on their kids staying “close to home”. Since when is that a requirement for adults?
My position has always been-if you can get the cost down to in-state options or below, we will gladly send you wherever you like. My D wanted a type of college not found in the Northwest, and got the merit money to make it possible. She also wants to live there when she graduates. I want her to be happy. I would never use money as a club to force her to stay here. My older D and S both lived far away for a time and now have moved back closer to me. I see one far less often than I did when she was little and spent entire summers with her father on the other side of the country!
For us, college is about fit, finances, and what the kid is looking at long-term. But gosh-if ever there was a time for a young person to explore other parts of the country or the world, it’s when they’re young and unencumbered! If they prefer going to college far away and the money pencils out, let them go for it!
Agree with all of the above! To answer your question, MADaD68, DD1 went to Boston University, and had a great experience. In fact, her three best friends are coming to Thanksgiving at our house, two from Seattle (who married each other) and one from San Diego. I’m over the moon - love these kids!!! DD2 has only gone on one college search trip so far, and it was in your (beautiful) neck of the woods. Loved Tufts, Vassar, Yale, and Marist. We learned with DD1 that we won’t qualify for need-based aid, and that the very best merit came from the medium sized Jesuit schools. This works well, as both kids love a great discussion, have a commitment to service, and love interacting with the professors. (That said, BU doesn’t exactly meet this description… long story) In both kids’ case, we followed Sseamom’s method. This is the money you have. It is yours. If you need more, it’s your loans. If you need less, it’s yours. DD1 did an amazingly good job independently managing - she saved by overloading (brilliant), figured out that studying abroad actually can SAVE money. I have no doubt that DD2 will take her lessons from her sister, but they are different types of students. I have a pretty strong premonition that grad school is on the horizon, and/or if she chooses to do more with her fine art, she may want to do a gap year. Therefore, fiscal conservation is more important to her. In the long run (she is only a junior) I think she may indeed pick a CA school for fiscal reasons, so I am trying to nudge her toward trying to start looking closer instead of starting 3000 miles away. Droppedit, I had to laugh at your comment. We agreed to fund an immunology course at UCSD last summer, and she did indeed fall in love with the school. That is her “outlier” at the moment, just as BU was DD1’s “outlier”.
Nice. BU is a great school and right in the heart of Boston. Boston is such a great college city. Glad she enjoyed herself.
I asked my kids to apply to one low match close to home. Just in case they changed their mind. Say a family member (or the student themselves) has a health issue between now & May, and suddenly it makes more sense. Or the student just gets cold feet. Iris also easier to transfer later to a school that accepted you once – if the student doesn’t like where they end up, or daily reason come up, it is nice to have the option.
@shoot4moon as you know, our DD went to college 3000 miles away from home. We live in CT where there are plenty of good colleges within a 3 hour drive or less. She only applied to colleges far away.
Honestly, we had no difficulty with this. We felt that college was a great time to experience a different part of the country. Sure, the kid could have applied to any number of colleges closer to home…but she wanted something very different than New England.
Maybe your daughter feels,the same way. Wants to experience a different part of the country.
I’m not sure I see a problem.
That is the flip side to all of this. There is a lot to be said for taking advantage of this time in their lives (no kids, Job, Mortgage, etc) to explore the world. If only we parents could get over it. Which is where I am. A selfish parent who wishes the young one(s) to be close to home. I have to own it that my wife and I would have a hard time seeing them off. I respect parent that are fine with this. You are stronger than I.
I guess we too will be confronted with this when we retire. I am in New England and many parents say “See Ya” to the kids and move away down to Florida or Arizona. What better time to move than when you have no Kids, no Job, no Mortgage, etc.)
Decades ago, when I was a teenager living in CA. I decided I wanted to go to college in the east. I did not apply to a single school west of the Mississippi river. Ended up at Mount Holyoke, and except for a few years in Texas, I’ve lived in New England ever since.
I took weeklong trips to east coast schools with both of my children when they were in high school. After the trip, they both wanted to stay in CA. If that doesn’t open your daughter’s mind, I think it’s worth listening to her desire to move elsewhere for college.
I told my kids from the start that if they wanted to fly to a college they would have to explain why the further away school was better for them than a school in driving distance. I just feel that flying adds to both the expense and the hassle of college. We live in the Northeast with an ton of great colleges within driving distance. I stated this upfront so the kids knew the parameters before we started college hunting. In the end both stayed within driving distance (both absolutely loved their college choice) for undergrad and my S did go halfway across the country for a grad program that indeed was better than any closer option.
To the OP…It is hard since you allowed your older D to attend college in Boston, but perhaps you could insist on having your D at least looking at some options in CA before traveling out east.
If cost is a concern, wouldn’t it be best to say that cost of travel to/from the college should be added to the net price of the college when comparing colleges by cost? That could tip the decision away from a distant college if it is otherwise right on the edge of affordability, or is otherwise (without considering travel costs) similar in cost to a nearby college, but a distant low cost college would still come out favorably in comparison to a nearby high cost college.
Of course, high achieving students likely have more options among the distant colleges, since they are more likely to gain admission to the good-financial-aid schools or earn large merit scholarships.
@ucbalumnus We were full pay. Kids got merit aid at safety schools but nothing meaningful at target/reach schools where they ended up. And hassle was as much of an issue as cost. That was our decision based on our set of circumstances and I did not mean to imply it is the right choice for every family – but I hope you respect that it was right for us.
But back to the OP…As noted in my original post, I do believe that it is reasonable to expect a child to look at in-state as well as out of state options.
My older son’s first criterion for a college was that it be outside New England. He chose McGill University on Montréal. Different country, different language but only 300 miles from home.
My parents limited me geographically to Cambridge MA, New Haven CT, or Princeton NJ. They would have been OK with Middletown CT, too, had I wanted to apply to my father’s alma mater. When I expressed interest in Stanford or maybe UCSC, they said there was nothing there I couldn’t get in one of their preferred locations that they were willing to pay for. None of the four colleges to which I was allowed to apply was really close to my home, but they were all drivable in the course of a long day, and two had nearby relatives.
Two years later, my first sister went to Stanford, and a few years after that my second sister went to Arizona. In their cases, everyone agreed that those colleges had something they couldn’t get closer to home that was worth paying for: distance from my mother. My mother and the first were so close that my sister could barely breathe without checking with Mom first, and my mother and the second couldn’t be in the same house for an hour without starting a screaming fight.
Both of my parents had gone pretty far from home for college. In my father’s case, it was only a 2-3 hour drive, but it was a galaxy or two of cultural difference. He certainly felt he was a long way from home. My mother got herself a full-ride merit scholarship from an LAC in California without her mother’s knowledge, and took off. But then she came back after marriage and a couple years of army-wifehood.
One of my main criterion for schools that it was out-of-state (only applied to one school in-state), as I really desired newer, greener pastures. Also because my home state generally lacks in quality collegiate options. Though I was admitted into schools up and down the East Coast, I chose UNC Wilmington nine hours from home. Best choice I’ve made in my life.
What would their reaction have been if you had gotten shut out of the parentally-limited list of schools you could apply to?