<p>I'm not actually planning on using this as an essay on an application (i will not be applying for several months) but i would really appreciate it if anyone would offer me any advice. I guess just proof read, help me with my organization and conclusion and sentence structure.</p>
<p>and let me know if it's way too pretentious. lol it probably is. but read it anyways please! :) thanks</p>
<p>To you I might seem pretentious, fake; a typical Ivy League hopeful. Someone willing to jump off a cliff, or more realistically, someone willing to undertake ten extracurricular activities at one time in the midst of baseball season and exams in hopes of impressing an admissions officer. I understand where this perception comes from. I am sure you have seen my case thousands of times before. I am an above average student with above average test scores and seemingly rigorous involvement in my community. Allow me to inform you of one thing. I am not impressive. At least, not in my own eyes. Yes, I am the cream of the crop as far as my teachers, parents, and friends are concerned. But I do not, by any means, see myself as a standout. I am simply well rounded, which in my opinion might as well mean not especially good at anything. </p>
<p>In spite of this pessimistic revelation, I would like to bring to light my defense. I am motivated by my self perception of mediocrity. I am literally never satisfied. Please do not take that to say that I have a pessimistic psychological disorder. I am perfectly fine, but despite my relative success in life, I always find flaws, mistakes, and room for improvement. It is this almost self loathing that drives me. It is not that I am never proud of myself, but rather that I always know I can do better. I refuse to limit myself. I will not stop. I will push through pain in baseball, I will struggle to stay awake in the late hours of the night to study, I will find time in my busy schedule to help a community project, and I will persist until I feel I am perfect. Frankly, I do not see myself ever becoming perfect. Not even in one area of my life. So I can expect to spend the rest of my life in a relentless struggle for improvement. However; I am not bothered by this. I have no problem with eternally working to better myself. I have reached the conclusion that I am much less concerned with the outcome than I am the process. I do not judge my successes by the result, but rather by the effort I expend in getting to that point. A wise man once said the ends justify the means. I see it differently. I live for the means, not the ends.</p>
<p>I’ll be honest, colleges do not like pessimists. They’d sooner accept a manipulative Tracy Flickish character than a pessimist. </p>
<p>Btw, what schools are you applying to? If you’re applying to an ivy league school, then definitely rework your essay, unless you’re sure that you have ABSOLUTELY no chance in hell. Then, and only then, would I recommend submitting this essay and taking a shot, because as much as the admissions officers hate this kind of stuff, it is definitely eye-catching.</p>
<p>But that’s just my judgment from my experiences. I wish you the best of luck =D</p>
<p>It sounds pretty cliched and I would suggest avoiding pessimism altogether.</p>
<p>I get what you’re saying but I don’t think it’s the best idea to demean your achievements or accentuate your supposed mediocrity/only slightly-above-averageness. Esp. if this is for Ivies. Although it might be worth it as a hail mary.</p>
<p>am i the only one that catches this? you’re essay is NOT about pessimism. you’re essay is about perfectionism</p>
<p>the entire thing is really arrogant</p>
<p>“I am literally never satisfied. Please do not take that to say that I have a pessimistic psychological disorder. I am perfectly fine, but despite my relative success in life, I always find flaws, mistakes, and room for improvement. It is this almost self loathing that drives me. It is not that I am never proud of myself, but rather that I always know I can do better. I refuse to limit myself.”</p>
<p>1.) there is no such thing as a pessimistic psychological disorder…
2.) despite my relative success in life…again super arrogant
3.) im glad you find room for improvement - most people do. but that is not self-loathing. and if you hate yourself to the point where you can never feel proud of any accomplishment, that is a red flad for schools about your mental stability.</p>
<p>and um the saying is, “do the ends justify the means…”</p>
<p>ok once again, i acknowledged the arrogance of this essay already. lol
im not looking for someone to rip on me for being pretentious and arrogant, i just want some revision on my organization and ideas, and other non-seething remarks would be cool.</p>
<p>@redzerb: sorry - i prob came off meaner than i wanted. i think if you can take the idea of you’re mediocre at something (be specific) and how you just keep at it, the essay can take the tone of perseverance and tenacity which i think colleges like to read about.</p>
<p>Thank you for that insightful and helpful post hyperlite!
lol i definitely understand what you are saying in that i need to focus on one thing so as to not sound so self pitying and to convey a more concise point. I’ll work on it.</p>
<p>:) </p>
<p>again, sorry to come off way mean earlier - not my intention, promise :)</p>
<p>No it’s fine! Lol i understand the reasons for the criticism, it’s not a big deal :)</p>
<p>And @ the people who said this would be a hail mary/desperation essay, what would you consider “hail mary” circumstances? I want to apply to Princeton, Columbia, Harvard, and maybe Cornell; as well as Duke, Vanderbilt, and UChicago (these are only the “reaches” that im concerned with). I’m primarily interested in engineering programs, also econ and biochem.</p>
<p>would these stats be “hail-mary-ish”?</p>
<p>3.95 GPA (u/w)
4.2 ish weighted
best SAT: 2040 (750CR, 680M, 610W)… i hate the writing section…
super score: 2080
best ACT: 32 (31M, 33E, 34R, 28S)
2 Varsity Sports
Numerous EC’s, yada yada yada. all that typical low-end ivy hopeful filler stuff… lol</p>
<p>just… let me know what you think if you read this</p>
<p>bro,
i can relate to your so-called arrogance; though i must ask,
are you an objectivist?</p>
<p>I suppose my views match those of an objectivist, yes. lol why egomaniac?</p>