I am currently in my last week of sophomore year at my college. Earlier in the year I withdrew from the school due to multiple factors including depression since I still did not have friends after over a full year of being at the school. I had never experienced something like that before so it was really tough, and I started to miss many classes. I applied to different schools to transfer and got accepted into several, but I did not get enough financial aid. Because of this, I had to chose whether or not to go to community college or back to the school I had withdrew from, which is a top liberal arts school in the country. I decided to give my school another try, and the last several months I have been here. I have been hanging out with a group of kids that I really don’t have much in common with and feel awkward around but it’s better than nothing. I still feel very out of place since the type of kids I would normally see myself being with are now much higher on the social ladder than me and the group I hang out with. I have been having a very difficult time doing my schoolwork in most classes since I have no interest whatsoever in any subject besides political science (somewhat) so my grades are really suffering. My parents want me to major in something that pays well, but I hate everything that I have tried that I can think of studying. I have been thinking of whether or not I should continue to put myself in loan debt and waste my parents money to go here for the next 2 years if I will be failing classes and hating my time here. I don’t know what I want to do with my life yet, so I am worried that not getting a degree might really hurt me and I don’t want to end up working at a grocery store or something. I was beginning to lean towards dropping out at the end of this year, but then the other day I got my financial aid letter for the next years tuition and it was shocking. My family and I would only have to pay 9 thousand dollars for a school that costs nearly 70. Because of this, I think I probably should just stick it out for the next 2 years and try my best to get better grades. I might have to be a loner, but it could be worth it in the future if I end up getting a good job.
If you are graduating from a top liberal arts school, chances are you will do well regardless of what your major is. However you should look at potential career pathways more and figure out if those align with any things you should possibly study. “I still feel very out of place since the type of kids I would normally see myself being with are now much higher on the social ladder than me and the group I hang out with.” Social ladders are stupid and I honestly think they don’t matter beyond high school (even debatable if they matter there). Just go, be friendly, and hang out with who you want. If you only make friends with one or two of them, so be it but you have people that you are friends with/have something in common with.
What do you mean by
"I still feel very out of place since the type of kids I would normally see myself being with are now much higher on the social ladder than me and the group I hang out with. "
First of all, why would one social group be higher up on a social ladder than another? What does that even mean? That is just your perception. Humans are humans. Find relationships you enjoy with good give and take. If you aren’t clicking with one group, look around for some clubs of interest and other ways to meet people. Join and get involved. Introduce yourself. Invite interesting people for coffee.
You sound depressed and possibly anxious. Can you talk to a therapist or counselor about how your feeling? That can really help. I wouldn’t make any big decisions before you do that.
The thing about my school is that it is VERY cliquey. There are the hockey kids who get treated like royalty, then the other athletes, and then it works its way down to the “nerds” and all of these groups only hang out with each other exclusively. Trying to get into parties is very difficult if the people in charge of the house don’t like you or think you are cool enough. This is another reason why this school is pretty terrible, not even my high school was this bad with cliques and social groups.
I’m sorry to hear that! Have you considered transferring to your larger state school? It sounds like you might be able to find more people that share your interests without some of the cliquishness that often happens in smaller schools. You might also find more things related to what you want to study.
Good luck in whatever path you take.
Hi, I just want to echo the advice that shawnspencer and MusakParent gave to you. Try to join clubs or do activities in areas that interest you. If it’s such a top LAC then there should be a lot of choices in clubs offered. Maybe join a philanthropic group that gets involved in charitable work - sometimes it helps to get out of the college bubble and be a part of a cause higher than yourself and the cliques. Maybe you’ll meet more authentic students that way. Or, try exercising to get the endorphins flowing - that lifts your spirits and maybe you could find a work out friend or friends.
Also, talk with your advisor about career choices and try to really figure out what interests you. Maybe your school, even though it’s a top LAC, isn’t a good fit for you career-wise. Maybe you need more choices that a larger public university can provide and, as a bonus, it can be easier to find “your people” in a larger setting. I know that’s one of the biggest reasons my D, who’s still in HS, does not want to even look at colleges that are smaller than her HS of nearly 4,000 kids. She tends to thrive in bigger schools, as her elementary and MS were big as well. She finds it easier to find friends from all different social circles.
Either way, I wish you much luck as you go through this difficult time. Being in such a cliquish environment can be really lonely and can hamper your decision making. Talk with your advisor, a trusted professor, a close friend from back home and, don’t forget, your parents.
Have you had any form of counseling? Seriously. Your post reads as if all of life is one grey fog. You don’t like any subjects at school. You don’t have anything you want to do. Your campus is a stereotype of jocks and nerds and neither are places where you fit in.
When everything in your world is grey or narrow or uncomfortable, sometimes the problem starts at home- and especially in how you are seeing the world.
My suggestion is to get a physical (if you haven’t had one in a year or more) and a screening for depression.
ps, if you are at Trinity, that changes the calculation a bit, b/c it really is a ‘fit’ school. But given how little is interesting to you in your larger life, I still vote for a screening.