<p>I think our kids were definitely influenced, if only by the fact that it was always assumed they would go to college. None of them can remember a time that they didn't think that college was just the next step after high school. And since we are both in education, school has always been top priority for the most part. However, we felt strongly that our kids should attend public school and made sure we settled in a place with good public education. We have always required them to do their best but never demanded perfect grades. We also worked at encouraging and supplementing their interests, whatever they were. And the college they attend has been left entirely up to them. We have made suggestions, gone on visits, provided information, etc, but they have each come up with a list and made the final decision with our blessings.</p>
<p>My own parents took a rather hands-off approach to my education after they realized that I had enough motivation to account for the three of us. I think that ambition has to do greatly with the child's own internal independence and drive (and perhaps birth order plays a small role). My parents have always supported me in everything; they believe that there simply are no limitations, partially due to their own ignorance (Ivy League is not as easy as they seem to think) and partially due to the fact that their philosophy has worked so well so far.</p>
<p>Moral of the story, parents: Don't push until (or unless) you really need to. My aunt researched my cousin's colleges, brought him on tours, dressed him up for interviews, and heavily edited his essays. My parents would never dream of infringing upon my life like that--your children should have some control over their own decisions in life, otherwise this entire process will be lost from them forever.</p>
<p>TheDad said: "And this year, off at college, D thanked me for <em>everything</em> [emphasis hers] I had done to help get her there. Wrote it in a card, no less. I'm saving it. Wherever I put it."</p>
<p>Written cards....that would be one of the benefits of a long-distance college student, I guess. No card here, but I've gotten several very public (and therefore surprising) embraces accompanied by "THANK YOU MOM" in my ear as she scampered off into the night with her friends, during our college visits. Hope you're enjoying the Northeast, TheDad.</p>
<p>TheDad, it's so funny that you mentioned that. One of my close friends is half-Asian, half-Jewish. Imagine the dinner conversations!</p>
<p>Driver, since your post here demonstrates that you know how to use the internet ... don't count on any written cards. My daughter is halfway around the globe on a foreign exchange, and I have yet to see a post card or a letter. It's all text messages -- I think she averages about 14 a day to me. They come in like little blips of headline news about my daughter's life and observations. If she had regular access to the internet, it would be IM -- my son went to college on the opposite coast, and I he used to IM me to ask how for my help finishing crossword puzzles ("What's a 5 letter word for ....?") </p>
<p>He did once send me a Mother's Day card, which was quite a shock... but later confessed that his roommate had insisted upon it. </p>
<p>So -- if you want to get sentimental, then you'll need to develop a fondness for smilies ;) -- its a paperless world.</p>
<p>I definitely think parental influence affects the academic ambition of children.
What in my opinion it comes down to is how good a student child is nowadays. A parent can influence this by preparing the child for academics and providing helpful resources.
I have seen this put into practice with my own children. If you want child to get into strings in 3rd grade in a competitive school district where not every child is selected and being in the strings program is coveted, then expose the child to Suzuki method strings in kindergarden.If you want your child selected for and have the advantages of the gifted program, read to him and encourage reading and provide mathematical concepts early.
What one does not take into account is the child's competitiveness, ambition and drive to work hard. My parents did not expose me to any resources.Their attitude was that drive or ambition is inside the child and they will be what they were meant to be. I was competitive and bright and this was what helped me to succeed.However, in todays super competitive world I don't think I would have done as well without preparation and exposure to different resources.</p>
<p>Calmom - Nice roommate! I don't get mail from my D either. I made sure that my D had plenty of stamps when she went off to college. Tried to borrow one back on Family Weekend but she had already lost them all. (Sigh) She hasn't lost the cellphone at least.</p>
<p>Answer is a big postive yes. My parents told me that education is a key from the clutches of poverty and key to success for a better life as I have few other skills. My kids understand it that nothing is guranteed in life. So work hard and play hard. I am happy with my kids choices and will cheer for them no matter whatever they decide to do. I am not here to judge my kids but to love them and in the process we learn from eachother everday of our life.</p>
<p>It is certainly a mystery to me: two kids, both bright, close in age, sent to very similar, but not the same, schools; a conscious effort to treat them the same, offer them the same opportunities, while responding to their differing needs and aspirations. One turns out to be a high-need academic achiever, a budding scientist, a high school athletic hero. The other thinks academics is mostly bull, couldn't care less about grades or board scores, ridicules organized team sports, a budding artist. Somehow, doesn't even feel odd to me.</p>
<p>I'm not sure. We were very hands off parents with our S. We had only one "rule". He had to set aside 2 hours each school nite for homework that was free from interuption-phone, TV, video games, etc. We also did not object with some course decisions he made-nonhonors English, two years of foreign language. In fact I recommended frosh year that he begin with Spanish 1 instead of Spanish 2 which he was qualified to take as a result of his 8th grade final exam score. He qualifed by a small amount and I thought that a retake of Spanish 1 would give him a better foundation for subsequent courses. He did not desire to study or take a prep course for the SAT 1, decided to forego the SAT 2's, and took the SAT 1 only once early senior year. We were okay with that too.</p>
<p>I don't know why, but he became very self-motivated as a student and this seems to be continuing while he is on his own in college. He is taking a challenging dual major in compsci and psychology while searching for free electives which he thinks will be both interesting but not very difficult or time consuming-taking an intro geology science elective Spring semester. He seems to be taking his school work seriously-keeping up with homework, reading, projects and forming a calc 2 study group. And he is totally excited about the Wampus World robot his team is building for their final Minds and Machines project. But he does not seem to be the least bit concerned about the mediocre score of his Gateway exam which, if it isn't improved, will cap his calc 2 grade at a C although his class work is in the B=/A- range now.</p>
<p>So he is a mixed bag. Taking seriously things which are important to him and giving the back seat to things he considers less important.</p>
<p>RaspberrySmoothie: "...imagine the dinner conversations." You mean, like "work harder" with two different accents? LOL.</p>
<p>We had one rule that I can think of: no TV until the homework is done. Between ballet and homework, there was no TV for weeks at a time when D was home except for occasional DVD movies. Can't say that any of us suffered for it.</p>
<p>We had no television in the house until the kids were adolescents. We had VCR's, and we always hooked up the cable for the Summer Olympics, but then I had it unhooked. I just found that having television, in addition to the questionable content of much of the programming, tended to change the family dynamic and detract from the kids pursuit of independent and creative activities, so I nixed it. They will probably never forgive me.</p>
<p>Then computers came along, and I realized I had lost the battle, so I let them have tv. Not that anyone watches it. They're all too busy IM'ing on their computers...</p>
<p>Dizzymom</p>
<p>My friends don't have any pressure. Believe it or not they come from very wealthy backgrounds and already have everything they would want. They drive $60K cars for their first cars. Live in 3 or 4 multimillion dollar homes. Wear clothes from prada, gucci, etc.. Kids like that often loose their ambition to work hard because they have everything all set. They have what their peers dream for so they feel they don't need to work.</p>
<p>What often happens in that situation is the kids who don't have much work very very hard to get to the level that their wealthy peers are at. However, the people who are already wealthy don't work as hard because they are already at that level where their peers want to be and by working a little bit harder they will move up even higher on the economic scale. I know a lot of wealthy people who's parents just don't push them because they know that whatever their kids are doing is the best they can do and they already have everything set up for them.</p>