<p>Just throwing this out there, because I have no personal knowledge of how this works, but, if OP’s parents are divorced, is it common for the divorce decree to specify who must pay for college, and does this usually include a dollar limit or something like that? I’m wondering if that is where OP might have gotten the idea that the parent “has to pay.”</p>
<p>“but can I pick what college I wanna attend and they have to pay? thats what my friend told me.”</p>
<p>Your friend is, well, an idiot. Does that make any sense? Do you think 18 year olds across this country can pick out colleges and their parents HAVE to pay? </p>
<p>You’re on the cusp of adulthood. I suggest that you process remarks through a logic test…and get smarter friends.</p>
<p>Yup. I got into several OOS colleges, plus an in state dream college (vandy), and they decided they wanted me to stay home, and our forcing me to go to a local college I really don’t care for. At all. I had full rides to all the colleges except Vandy too. And even for Vandy, I would have been able to pay for the remaining costs with my job. Suck it up and stick it out. It’s what you make of it that really counts (excuse the cheesiness). Especially if your parents are paying though, you really don’t have any say in the matter. It’s their money, they can choose to invest it in any way they see fit.</p>
<p>^^^If you’re 18 and truly received a “full ride” at some of these schools, there’s nothing forcing you to go to a local college. You’re not an indentured servant.</p>
<p>@memphismnb If you got full rides to these schools or could have covered the costs on your own, how did your parents force you to go to the school of their choice? </p>
<p>@baktrax Because my mom is Japanese and kids of asian parents have no say in their life until their about 30 years old 
Asian kids are indentured servants btw @LucieTheLakie. At least in my family. My dad wanted to let me go to Vandy, but he really doesn’t have a say either. I guess I should say my mom is making me go to a local college. She doesn’t have a good reason either. </p>
<p>@LucieTheLakie of course I could go anyways, but I would literally be disowned. I’d like to avoid that if at all possible.</p>
<p>Hm, are you sure you would be disowned if you went to Vandy? Asian parents ALSO place a high premium on prestige and that’s certainly a prestigious school.
In addition, your home situation doesn’t sound too good…
Can you try to argue for Vanderbilt? See if your counselor could defend that choice with you?</p>
<p>I know. That’s what I thought. I guess their are exceptions to every rule, and unfortunately, my mom is one of them. She just doesn’t want to let me out from under her very tight grip. Home situation is not so great, she can be pretty abusive, although much less than before, but I got a job and I’m saving to be able to move out. The local college is a private LAC, it’s okay, it’s not community college at least. However, it’s so tiny it doesn’t even have a music program and I really wanted to minor in music performance. I’ve visited several times and it’s also a really bad fit. Oh, and I’m homeschooled, so I have no counselor, and my dad has no backbone, so I’m pretty much doomed. Trust me, it was heartbreaking to get in to Vandy, and then find out I wasn’t allowed to go. Don’t want to turn this into my thread, so pm for any more questions.</p>
<p>You must still be near a high school, right? You have a right to see the counselor there and talk to them. Perhaps they’ll be able to do something. There has to be an adult who can advocate for you. What kind of scholarship did you get from Vanderbilt?
– You haven’t turned down Vanderbilt yet, right? </p>
<p>In addition, the "we’ll disown you’ is often blown out of proportion. Parents rarely want to “cut off” all ties with their kids. </p>
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<p>Seems like being disowned by an abusive parent for going away to a full ride college may be a good thing.</p>
<p>Thanks, I’ll look into that. It was the Cornelius scholarship plus some financial aid and outside scholarships. And no, I haven’t turned down Vandy yet. </p>
<p>@ucabalumnus I know, but she’s still my mom. Sometimes she still acts like one. </p>
<p>What are the terms of the free ride you got? Do your parents need to fill out FAFSA?
Yours sound like a situation where it’d be especially important to go away for college.
BTW, Asian parents don’t “own” their kids. 
There are limits.
You should post your own thread, explaining the situation, still in the parents forum. I think you’d get a lot of ideas.</p>
<p>Yes, and both said they would, even though my mom said no vandy or OOS colleges (or out of city for that matter). She said she would keep the option open, that if I was absolutely perfect (bahumbug, that’s impossible with her standards) she would consider letting me go. It’s just a carrot dangling in front of my nose though. She has no intentions of letting me go. And yes, haha, I think I’ll start my own thread.</p>
<p>Holding on tightly to their kids to the point of not letting them go to a distant college is not an “Asian” thing. Parents in Japan, China, India, etc. do not seem to be the type to hold their kids back from University of Tokyo, Beida, or IIT, should they be admitted to such schools.</p>
<p>The problem is, if you continue submitting to her when you have the option to do otherwise (full ride college elsewhere), you may never get out from under her control, which can be bad for you and her.</p>