<p>hi im a senior i got into 6 colleges so far 3 of which are out of state and are my top schools my parents want me to stay instate only and said I HAVE TO attend the ones they pick is that legal or allowed? i know they are paying all if not a good part of the college tuition but can I pick what college I wanna attend and they have to pay? thats what my friend told me.</p>
<p>There is no rule or law on this. It’s their money–they can share it or withhold it as they wish. I do feel for you, though, if they gave you the impression that any of the places you applied would be viable for them financially and that they would support you being farther away.</p>
<p>If you disagree with their preferences make a case for why you would do better at one of the schools you like more. Try not to get emotional, but provide facts in support of your choice.</p>
<p>Unless you are paying your own way, your parents have the power of the purse. I agree with Sally, make your case for the schools you prefer. A spreadsheet might help. Be sure to put the minuses of the out of state colleges on the spreadsheet, not just the cost of tuition and room and board, but also the cost of transportation to and from. It’s unfortunate, but parents often don’t do the math on the real cost of colleges until after the acceptances come in.</p>
<p>“Is that legal or allowed” ? Legally, if you are 18, you can do whatever you want. The glitch is that you also have to be able to pay for it. So, if your parents are paying for college, they have a say in the decision. There is no rule that says you get to go and they have to pay for it. Legally, they don’t have to pay for anything, however, thankfully your parents are helping you pay for college because they choose to.
I agree with Sally that it is difficult if they gave you the impression that you could attend any place you apply to, but they may not have been able to predict the whole picture until now. For instance, some parents can overestimate how much financial aid the child will get, or their ability to pay for it. Some parents may face economic changes at home or work during senior year that students are not aware of. Some will look at the value for the money, and if the state college is a good program, then it would be hard to justify the extra cost of out of state. They may also be figuring in travel expenses. One the college acceptances are in, and the cost is in front of them, parents may make economic decisions with the information at hand.
Until you are financially independent, your financial arrangement with your parents is a mutual agreement. You can, as Sally says, make a case for another college, but in the end, if they pay, they will have a say. Regardless, it is a gift and a privilege to have your parents pay for your education, and a student can do very well at a state college. You will be happier if you make the most of it, without resentment.</p>
<p>Why did your parents allow you to apply to those schools out of state if they didn’t want you to do? Did you have a discussion with them? Did they say, “Go ahead and apply, if the cost is the same as in-state or if you get a large merit aid then you could go” or “We’ll pay for any school you want to go to.”</p>
<p>I had to laugh at this:
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<p>No…you can’t pick a college, and they HAVE to pay. Your friend is WRONG.</p>
<p>Did your parents give you any limits on applications? Did they discuss costs? It is very possible that these OOS schools are just not affordable.</p>
<p>And…if YOU applied to some instate schools, they SHOULD have been schools you will be willing to attend if accepted.</p>
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<p>No. To answer that question directly, no. They are not required to pay tuition to any college. Your friend is mistaken.</p>
<p>You can pick any college, but they don’t have to pay. Better to work with them to pick a school that they are willing to pay for.</p>
<p>I agree with oldfort - why did your parents let you apply to colleges out of state? Is staying in state a “new” requirement since you submitted your applications? Regardless, if your parents are paying then clearly they have the last say in where you attend unless you plan on “going it alone.” Get to the heart of the reason why your parents are asking you stay in-state - if it’s purely financial you might have to wait until all the financial aid letters are in to have any more discussion. Hopefully you applied to colleges in-state that you like!</p>
<p>The one who pays gets to pick. </p>
<p>They can’t legally dictate your school but they don’t have to send their money just anywhere. College is expensive. In-state publics tends to be the cheaper option depending on your ability to get merit aid out-of-state (which is a reason parents would allow out-of-state applications… if acceptance came in with no or low merit, they might be getting nervous about those schools.) Out-of-state adds another layer of expense and if this was a student-driven college search, they may be a little shocked with the sticker price. Parents are allowed to freak out during this process too. It’s nothing like when we were applying to college. It’s not like we have any more relevant experience and frankly, it’s freakin’ scary to commit to 200,000 dollars. Don’t stress it now. Apply for financial aid and see what comes in. When you have them all, you’ll be in a better place to discuss college choices. Don’t waste your time on “anger” now. A couple months, more options and clear financial expectations will allow for more open conversation. Don’t be petulant. Show your best, most mature, more responsible self and perhaps they’ll come around to an out-of-state choice. </p>
<p>We told our daughter upfront that an out-of-state or private school had to be comparable to our higher level in-state publics. She applied to several out of state. Of the ones she’s heard from, a couple offered enough merit aid right off the bat to counteract the “over in state” cost but not all of them. 2 others offered some merit but financial aid would need to come up with quite a bit to make up the difference. Not sure that is going to happen.</p>
<p>Have a talk with your parents (calmly) and decide together which schools you can all agree on. We gave our children a dollar amount that we would be willing to spend per year. Then they had to figure out how to pay for any expenses above that amount. Also, be aware that you will have to have your parents’ cooperation to apply for financial aid from any college (you need their tax and financial statements). Good luck!</p>
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Wow… Are you going to hold your breath and throw your toys until you get your way?</p>
<p>I’m going through a similar discussion with my DD…</p>
<p>She applied to several schools, in-state and OOS. The point was to have options. We wanted to know which schools would accept her, and what financial packages where offered. Then take into account cost, the quality of the program/major offered at that school and “fit” (however she may define it) and make a joint decision. However, it’s very possible that we may disagree! </p>
<p>In that case, we’ll need to work through it as a family (which means lots of yelling!). </p>
<p>This is not an un-common situation, you will make it through it and I’m sure be happy where ever you land.</p>
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<p>While most of the rights and duties of legal adulthood in the US occur when one turns 18, college financial aid is different in that it one only becomes independent of one’s parents when one turns 24, gets married, is a military servicemember or veteran, or a few less common situations. That puts someone from age 18 to 23 (and not married or in the military, etc.) in a position where the parents can veto any undergraduate college choice (other than with a full ride merit scholarship) by withholding money or cooperation on financial aid forms.</p>
<p>Hard to believe that almost everyone is responding to the OP seriously and with words of encouragement. With the unbelievably immature air of entitlement and the 8th-grade writing skills that the OP shows, I doubt she has gotten into 6 colleges of any quality at this point in the game. Five gets you ten that it’s a ■■■■■.</p>
<p>I’ve talked with other (bright) high school juniors/seniors with the same mindset. Somehow they get the message that “cost” isn’t an issue, and that you should go to any school you love. </p>
<p>I can’t be the only parent that’s heard the “I’m 18 now!” battle cry from their usually sane child. ~X( </p>
<p>(on the off chance the OP isn’t a ■■■■■, I’ll answer seriously) I insisted my daughter apply to some schools she is not crazy about because they appear to offer good merit aid. But I also told her when all the acceptances and packages come in, we will sit down and discuss her best options, and come to an agreement. Am I going to ‘make’ her go to a school she doesn’t want to? No, but neither can I commit to pay for a school that will cause a hardship. We are on a very limited budget, so if we can’t agree on a school, she will have the option to take a gap year or two, save up her own money and figure out how to pay for the school she wants. Parents are required to pay for zero college costs, mine didn’t pay for anything. </p>
<p>I’ve seen this battle occur in real life many times. I was spared it so far in my own home, but this is an issue that arises. Parents often shift gears from beginning to end of the app process and when it finally comes down to make the choices they may feel very strongly that they do not want to pay $X with lots of zeroes behind it for some schools, whereas they’ll take the plunge and do so for others. Also when the reality of that X factor arrives, paying for it may not be doable without putting family finances in jeopardy. So, yes, parental agreement is needed if their funds are needed. They do NOT have to pay. If an 18 year old can get a full ride or otherwise come up with the funds for college, s/he can go whereever. Adulthood in such cases trumps parental approval. But the almighty golden rule is there if parental funds are needed.</p>
<p>Sit down with your parents and ask why exactly they want those colleges. if its just cost, then that can be expressed as a dollar amount and you should be able to choose any college where you can stay under that amount. </p>
<p>While the other posters are correct, you need your parents, the river runs both ways. Parents want their children to succeed and want to assist you in that journey. Convince them you have a plan to do that and you might gain some room to negotiate. </p>