<p>Idad, just fyi, it’s “transgendered” or “transgender” – no hyphen!</p>
<p>Pugmadkate, I completely support you in doing whatever is necessary to make sure your son will be in a safe environment. That was obviously of prime importance for my son, and for me, when he was in your son’s position. And I know you well enough to be sure you’re considering all the other factors Idad mentions, not simply the existence of gender-neutral housing. As someone mentioned, there are some schools where there are <em>so</em> many gay and lesbian students, and they’re <em>so</em> visible, that you couldn’t come close to fitting all of them in one “LGBT-friendly” dorm, and all the dorms are LGBT-friendly anyway. I’m sure many of you have heard the saying that gay kids at Yale like to repeat – “one in four, maybe more!” Perhaps an exaggeration, but not much of one. </p>
<p>Really, talking to current students about LGBT life is probably the most important thing one can do. Before my son made his final decision, he met and talked to some L & G University of Chicago students on Facebook. They actually have a mentorship system there, pairing LGBT students with LGBT faculty advisors, which I think is a great idea even though my son hasn’t taken advantage of it. </p>
<p>I have to say I’m really surprised, and quite perturbed, about what you mentioned about kids withdrawing from the U. of Chicago because they encountered homophobia from other students in a particular major. I’ll ask my son if he’s heard of anything like that; I know it isn’t a problem in any of the fields he’s considering majoring in, like history and art history.</p>
<p>He’s told me there’s at least one trans grad student he’s encountered, but few if any undergraduates. </p>
<p>My somewhat educated guess, from talking to people and reading about the subject, would be that for every 100 “out” gay and lesbian college students, even at LGBT-friendly institutions, there’s <em>maybe</em> one out trans-identified undergraduate student. And the vast majority of such students are on the “trans-masculine” spectrum, that is, born and raised female but identifying as male to a greater or lesser extent. Society is still much more tolerant and forgiving of gender-variant or gender-fluid behavior among girls than it is among boys; it’s infinitely easier in most cases for a girl to do that than a boy, and it’s infinitely easier in most cases for a boy to come out as gay than to come out as trans. </p>
<p>I guess I never worried much about my son encountering any significant issues in college, at any of the places he applied to (U. of Chicago, Yale, Johns Hopkins, Sarah Lawrence, and Macalester – which I know was rated the #1 gay-friendly school on one list I saw). I worried more when he was in high school, where he actually started coming out to people in 8th grade, and for a few years was the only “out” gay kid in the entire school, a small suburban high school in Northern New Jersey with only about 100 kids in each class. But he had known almost everyone since third grade, and a good many as far back as kindergarten. They all grew up together, and nobody ever gave him a real problem. If they had, at least verbally, he would have more than held his own – by the time he was a sophomore or junior, he used to approach younger kids in the halls whom he heard using language like “that’s so gay,” and lambaste them to the extent that they would be embarrassed in front of their friends and slink away. (Remember, my son is a little guy, just over five feet tall, and skinny. That never stopped him.) </p>
<p>And by the time he was a senior, there were probably 5 or 10 gay kids in the school, some of whom told him that he had given them the courage to come out. I think every gay boy in the school was together with my son in the drama club, actually!</p>
<p>The main problem he had was that for years, straight boys wouldn’t be friends with him – fear of guilt by association. All his friends were girls. Which was great, but I know he felt sad about the situation sometimes. He did end up making friends with a few straight guys in the drama club, though.</p>
<p>So I knew that if he was able to thrive in that environment, which I guess you’d call gay-neutral, he’d be fine in any gay-friendly college or university. I honestly never gave any thought to the dorm situation, other than his desire and need for a single – and, yes, he was a little worried about ending up with a homophobic roommate if he didn’t get a single, as I mentioned in my post above. </p>
<p>He has made a number of straight male friends at Chicago this year. I really think that by the time they get to college, a lot of people are less worried about people making stupid assumptions if they happen to be friends with a gay kid.</p>
<p>Anyway, pug, I"m sure that your son will end up someplace that’s great for him.</p>
<p>Donna</p>