I often wonder if these kids who are pushed by parents to get their A’s or who focus on A’s as the goal (usually to please parents) ever explore academic issues or history issue or political issue that they are not being graded on and where there are no issues about grades-or are they usually just happy to turn of “school” (and thinking) and head for the mall? These are the kids who have the parents who ask “but when does he/she have fun?” to other parents whose kids are all excited about their research projects or Math League or some other exciting event, a chem Olympiad…whatever. When does he/she have fun? Almost all the time.
<she has="" taken="" some="" ap="" and="" honors="" classes="" a="" 3.8="" gpa,="" all="" my="" older="" relatives="" think="" this="" means="" she="" should="" be="" applying="" to="" ivy-tier="" schools="" --="" girl="" who="" only="" couple="" ecs="" no="" sports.="">
I would also suggest she applies to Ivys 
At least, she should try ! It is better to try and fail than to fail to try
I know that my D would not be accepted to Stanford. However, she is planning to apply. Why not? At least, she can always say, “I tried”. BTW, Columbia, famously, rejected Richard P. Feynman (he went to MIT), who became a brilliant scientist, and won Nobel Price. It is a big, big black spot for Columbia, who had a quota for Jewish applicants at that time. If Stanford would reject my D (and it, most likely will) - it will be its problem, not mine As least, we tried.
Isn’t it possible that kids can get As because they are inquisitive , interested and like to learn about something they didn’t know about before? Isn’t it possible that some kids can get As and still live a nice, balanced life? Quite a few are judging OP because of some her comments and being judgmental, but there seems to be some judgment going on about high achieving students as well on this thread.
Jewish joke.
A very pious but poor man prayed and asked God to give him money. That night he had a dream and God told him, that he will win a lottery. However, time had passed, but the man was still poor. So he asked God,
- What had I done wrong?
- You never gave me a chance, answered him God, - you never bought a lottery ticket.
<since you="" are="" obviously="" presenting="" yourself="" as="" a="" high="" achieving,="" excellent="" student="" when="" were="" one,="" can="" i="" assume="" understand="" what="" normal="" curve="" is,="" also="" known="" bell="" curve?="" because="" your="" statements="" so="" far="" seem="" to="" indicate="" it="" is="" something="" totally="" missing="" from="" knowledge="" base.="">
Not every school has a curve. Different schools have very different grading standards. Yes, I know inner city schools that give “B” to every student, who shows up and behaves.
Feynman (future Nobel Laureate, one of the principal leaders of the Manhattan project) was quickly promoted into a higher math class in high school. When he turned 15, he taught himself trigonometry, advanced algebra, infinite series, analytic geometry, and both differential and integral calculus. In high school he was developing the mathematical intuition behind his Taylor series of mathematical operators. Before entering college, he was experimenting with and deriving mathematical topics such as the half-derivative using his own notation.A member of the Arista Honor Society, in his last year in high school Feynman won the New York University Math Championship; the large difference between his score and those of his closest competitors shocked the judges.
He applied to Columbia University but was not accepted because of their quota for the number of Jews admitted.
In summary - if Ivy does not accept your child - something may be wrong with this Ivy.
I was shocked once by a friend who encouraged her daughter to search around for a scholarship rather than getting a summer job. “Why should she work for money when it’s being given away”. Oh my, maybe work experience and all that it brings???
Nothing much shocks me after homeschooling for 9 years. 
Honestly I feel like I have seen or heard almost every permutation and expectation of American education that there is.
At the end of the road with my last one, I’m not as invested in how other people do stuff as I once was. Everyone has his/her path. Sometimes things unfold in the ways we least expect.
Bell curve bolsters my point. Isn’t genetics / nature a large part of that argument? Why would two bright, college educated, upper middle class parents be content with C’s for their healthy children? Grades anyone with a pulse can get in 2016. Doesn’t the parents academic and professional success indicate the children are capable?
Answer to last question: No.
Maybe they’re just hands-off, anti-helicopter parents.
I know some radical unschoolers who would really rock your world.
@lostaccount the most popular outgoing gregarious confident students at my children’s school are all A’s, sports, clubs, volunteering, etc. it’s cool to be gunning for an elite school and a high status career.
@carolinamom2boys I think that the general message from most is that there is nothing wrong with high achievement in itself, but a parent who not only insists on it but sees no possible reason for anything BUT is missing that there might be legitimate reasons why a kid might not be a stellar student. At least, that is how I am reading these posts. The OP is “throwing shade” as my D says, at parents who might have done all they can to get their kid’s grades up-or maybe not-but having BTDT, I can tell OP and anyone else that there is no one-size fits all formula for having a successful kid, and that HS grades/scores/accomplishments or lack thereof do NOT define one’s entire future, as OP seems to think. And I won’t even get into the “church going” and requirement of music and athletics. We are not clones.
@Pizzagirl in post #131 where you quoted me: in no way am i saying my neighbors should care about names of college where their kids go. I’m saying that they have all the resources/finances for their children to attend where they want, (to us an OOS public full pay is a luxury) and they don’t have to worry nor have pushed their children in getting top scores or taking the rigorous courses for merit opportunities. I somewhat envy that approach.
with us, it’s financial. If my 2 older kids didnt want to live at home for college, they had to take those top classes and get good scores. My daughter and our neighbor - who were in the same schools and grade for 11 years – will probably both end up with degrees, no loans, and gainful employment. But how they both got there are 2 different stories. The 2 parents with the bachelors degrees pushed; the 2 doctors took a very laid back approach. I guess that has just surprised me.
Believe me @sseamom as someone with family members who have mental illnesses and learning disabilities and as an occupational therapist , I completely understand that there are many reasons for students to struggle and work as hard as they can and still get Cs or Ds. I understand that and commend them for doing the best they can and continue to work hard under difficult circumstances . What I find frustrating is the belief that if a kid is a high achiever it’s because their parents required it or they’re grade grubbers sucking the life out of a classroom. Some kids love to be challenged; it’s internal, not because it’s expected by anyone. Just as it’s unfair for the OP to make assumptions regarding students lack of motivation, it’s equally unfair to make assumptions about high achieving kids motivation. IMO.
I haven’t read the entire thread but I am often shocked at how parents overestimate their B- or C-student or their chances of admission at the state flagship. When educated parents (sometimes professors at our local college) tell me that their son/daughter plans to go to UF as pre-med or for Engineering but that they failed Algebra II in 11th grade, I never know what to do. Usually I say nothing.
Not a math person myself, I don’t think failing Algebra II as a junior is a tragedy, but it seriously hampers graduation (End-of Course exam as grad requirement) and admission to anything but community college.
Could it be, @OldFashioned1, that the described parents are like the ones I sometimes encounter? Times have changed, after all! Even 10 years ago, a C or D was not a big deal for regional universities. It did not mean community college at all.
Not all parents aspire for their kids to be popular, gregarious, outgoing, and confident. Some of those types of students were my least favorite, both growing up myself and in my kids’ HS classes.
@intparent My high achiever is none of those things , and that’s fine with me.
And not all good schools are the same just as not all successful kids are the same.
Funny that you should mention how internal it is! My D and I were just talking about that this morning. We were talking about how some people think H and I push her to do all she does and she was saying how even if we tried to hold her back, she’d be working out ways to do what SHE feels she needs to do with her life. I tell people who ask about whether we’re “tiger parents” that really all we do is “just drive”.