What a wonderful update on MLson!
@MaineLonghorn sincere congratulations on your son! My D has been working with Syrian refugees in Germany. Mostly teaching them German as a volunteer(as well as teaching an English class to German police and social workers)
"I’ve noticed it many times. I think some folks are afraid to disclose their real intensions.
- Maybe they are superstitious?
- Maybe they are afraid of a potential competition and don’t want to disclose “important” information?
- Maybe they are afraid that their kids would be labeled “losers” if they are not accepted to their top choice? It is easier for some people to say “we would never apply to Stanford” than to admit that they applied and were rejected."
Maybe they just don’t really want to discuss the topic with you. Do you want to know how many of my children’s high school classmates’ parents I ever discussed my kids’ grades, college applications, etc. with? A grand total of one. Because I don’t kid myself that other people are just dying to know all the details. Maybe people are less interested in interacting with you than you think.
@musicamusica, very cool! My son is planning on majoring in English and Education, since he figures he could be an English teacher anywhere in the world. I have the feeling we won’t be seeing him much in the future. We’re just thrilled he’s found his passion and a reason to study hard!
“3. Maybe they are afraid that their kids would be labeled “losers” if they are not accepted to their top choice? It is easier for some people to say “we would never apply to Stanford” than to admit that they applied and were rejected.”
The kind of person who would label a kid “loser” for putting in a credible application to Stanford and being rejected isn’t the sort of person whose opinion I would care about in the least. In fact, it helps me know who to avoid.
People will do all sorts of things in this life. Some people are just not into academics, or they haven’t found the right motivation yet. But that’s okay. Someone has to collect the garbage. Someone has to staff the manicure salons. Someone has to operate the bulldozers. Can’t outsource those things. *Il n’y a pas de sot metier/i as someone said.
Some people will get caught up in one bad track or another and end up in jail or dead - even the kids of the middle and upper class church-goers are not immune from the wiles of Satan roving to and fro (for you church-goers). Think about how many people are kept employed by the war on drugs alone!
<maybe they="" just="" don’t="" really="" want="" to="" discuss="" the="" topic="" with="" you.="" do="" you="" know="" how="" many="" of="" my="" children’s="" high="" school="" classmates’="" parents="" i="" ever="" discussed="" kids’="" grades,="" college="" applications,="" etc.="" with?="" a="" grand="" total="" one.="" because="" kid="" myself="" that="" other="" people="" are="" dying="" all="" details.="">
Sad truth. Unfortunately, people are afraid to share the information. Probably, afraid of the competition. 
It is particularly funny, when you realize that, in reality, they know very little.
Asian parents are surprisingly more open about college admission. I am lucky that most kids in my D’s school are Asian. I learned about the best place to study for ACT, about good sequence of AP classes, about tutors. Last year I helped one mother to help design a science project for her child Parents should help each other Very valuable info! Helps a lot!
"What a fascinating thread. Apparently slackers aren’t slackers, we have to give them the benefit of the doubt, they’re likely suffering from a “condition”.
You continue not to hear that there is a distinction between the hard-working C student where that’s just all she can achieve, and the slacker C student who is capable of more but is too lazy to put in the effort. Lumping them together doesn’t enhance your argument.
“Sad truth. Unfortunately, people are afraid to share the information. Probably, afraid of the competition. It is particularly funny, when you realize that, in reality, they know very little.”
No. You don’t get it. There was no “fear of competition” here. My kids’ classmates’ parents were not MY friends; they were merely just people who happened to live in the same geographical area. So there was just really little occasion for me to “discuss” these topics with them. I had a thing called a j-o-b which occupied my time, and between that and raising my family, that was enough. I didn’t pretend, like so many people on CC do, that all the neighbors are REALLY dying to hear all about your strategies for where Johnny is going to apply to school.
In my immediate block, I’d say probably 4 or 5 families would even know where my kids went to school. The rest don’t care. Why should they? I don’t particularly care about their goings-on, either, other than in the generic sense of wishing people well.
I think there is a lot of kidding-oneself as to how much the community “cares” about where your kid goes to school. Please. Maybe for the social butterflies. Not for the quieter kids.
I don’t even know what this means. Some people are not “afraid” just because they don’t really want to rehash their kid’s situation with every tom, dick, and harry they run into. Maybe they have heard so much from others about their special snowflakes that they don’t want to be that much of a bore.
I’m not sure this is an expectation necessarily (or if it’s been mentioned already), but a friend of mine in high school got paid $20 for an A, $10 for a B, nothing for a C, paid their parents $10 for a D, and paid $20 for an F. It always struck me as bizarre, as at my house A’s were expected and not rewarded much more than “good job!”, while anything lower needed to be seriously combed over/explained. Maybe I’m the high expectation family?
“he’s going to OOS public school as a full-pay kid; no sweat. Their situation came down to finances; no need to worry about merit; and not much care much about prestige about top schools.”
It’s sort of a “duh” that lots of people don’t particularly care about the prestige of top schools (or what CC denizens consider top schools) and that a perfectly fine OOS public school is fine for their purposes. It’s only the unsophisticated on CC who think that everyone is just salivating to send their kids to Harvard. Lots of people just don’t care. Oh well! I doubt Harvard’s feelings are hurt by this.
So happy for your son ML!
The reactions of many here are due to the OP’s suggestion that if a kid is getting Cs or worse, that necessary means the kids has slacker parents with low expectations. If these parents had said we don’t care about school or grades, the teachers are all out to get my kid, and only want them to to be popular, you probably would have gotten more agreement. There are many parents who have high expectations for their kids but whose kids do not respond to those expectations in the way the parent wishes. Some have LDs, some are “lazy” and some are just not motivated by grades or even by punishment. What can you do to a 15 yo that is not doing well in school? Take away TV time? Take away going out with friends? Take away their phone? What if those don’t work? Now you have an angry, sad teen who may become depresses and do even less. You can also spend a lot of money on tutors, send the kid to an educational consultant, or put them on medication, and they still might get Cs.
It is really easy for those with kids that are highly successful on the typical path to feel really good about their parenting and believe they have all the answers. Some of us have that one child that turns all of it on its head and lead us to understand that we have much less control than we think we do. Years of homework nagging, punishment, tutors, doctors, and the kid may still get Cs, drop out of college, or otherwise not follow the expected path. That doesn’t necessarily mean that the parents failed.
But I also agree that some parents are not tuned in and do not support their child in a way that allows them to succeed academically. Some of those kids far exceed their parental expectations and some do poorly. You just can’t tell by looking at the GPA which situation fits which family.
And in my kid’s HS, kids do not get Cs just for showing up.
I don’t know about anyone else, but I’ve never entered in a parenting contest so no competition to be afraid of.
Some like @californiaaa are dealing with all these insultingly low expectations, but for me/D17 it’s the opposite, which is so stressful in its own way. She has taken some AP and Honors classes and has a 3.8 GPA, all my older relatives think this means she should be applying to Ivy-tier schools – this girl who has only a couple ECs and no sports. Times have changed since the grandparents went to college! It’s hard to get them to understand that she couldn’t even be a strong applicant for UCLA/USC these days. It makes her very stressed out. We might have to ban grandparents from talking about colleges with her.
As I’ve mentioned on CC more than once-my ex went to an OOS public instead of MIT so that he could enjoy the better skiing out west. He never even considered Harvard. He’s written software that most of us use every day. These days he’s at a company that starts with “G”. Darn slacker!
I don’t know why so many people presume that kids who get C-or-worse grades in high school are destined to be a drag on society and end up living in their parents’ basements.
Many of these kids learn a trade and become very successful.
Many of these kids join the military and defend you and I every day.
Many of these kids are good, loving, decent, kind contributors to society. Some are even “church-going.”
<my kids’="" classmates’="" parents="" were="" not="" my="" friends;="" they="" merely="" just="" people="" who="" happened="" to="" live="" in="" the="" same="" geographical="" area.="" so="" there="" was="" really="" little="" occasion="" for="" me="" “discuss”="" these="" topics="" with="" them.="">
Actually, it saves a lot of time to discuss college admission with people, who happen to live in your geographical area A lot of info is very local. All info about ECs, clubs, good schools / bad schools, good teachers / bad teachers, community college classes, pre-reqs, interesting summer programs, etc. It saves me tons of time! Further, sometimes parents carpool to drive kids to ECs and volunteering.
It is very helpful to be secure, neither afraid, nor snobbish.
Since you are obviously presenting yourself as a high achieving, excellent student when you were one, can I assume you understand what a normal curve is, also known as a bell curve? Because your statements so far seem to indicate it is something totally missing from your knowledge base.
prospect1, nice!