<p>To really advise this family, you’d need to know:
How much they are comfortable paying out of current income.
How much money is saved up for this particular kid’s education.
How much in loans would he have to take in order to make the difference.</p>
<p>There are certainly many people with the philosophy that it almost never makes sense to pay $30K more per year for a college education if the cheaper option is decent. However, others think that a better fitting college can be worth the money, if you can afford it without undue sacrifice. In this case, we don’t really know the family’s philosophy, or what they can afford without undue sacrifice.</p>
<p>It’s hard to tell our kids “no”. But kids that age can’t appreciate all the monetary reasons why it’s such a hardship. They are a little wired to just want what they want…and why can’t we parents cough up that money? We saved for our kids college, and we have the funds set aside to sent them to in state public schools, roughly 20K/year. We make enough money to send them to private universities and refuse to. Why? Because they can get decent educations at an in-state school at $20K. My Dh and I did…so can they. If they want to go to that OOS school or a private university…let them get their undergrad and go to specialize if they need to. At that point, perhaps we’ll help…or like I did…work and my company paid for my grad degree. I think spending more than $100K for a 4 year education is ridiculous unless the child is highly motivated and was accepted in to a school that would open doors because of the prestige…IVY league is what I’m refering to. But for 99% of kids, I just don’t understand why they don’t just stay in state and get their undergrad. Ducking and running, now.</p>
<p>Michigan is more than just ‘decent.’ But true all that about not knowing the actual financial facts. Is the $100,000 pre- or post-tax? Are there large inheritance assets or other similar money? If the $100,000 is pre-tax and all assets have been accumulated from parental income, then it is not likely that $50k+ per year would be comfortable amount to spend.</p>
<p>The point about the son’s personality is something to consider seriously. If he was home-schooled partially because he is sensitive, retiring, shy, or anything along those lines, then need to think if he will thrive in a big school environment.</p>
<p>It is too bad when boundaries are not clearly set in advance, but it is all too common, especially for the first child, when many parents don’t know enough about how college FA works.</p>
I had no particular beef with your point of view until you used the term “ridiculous.” I think people can spend their money on whatever they value–if they value their kids’ education more than whatever it is you value more, I don’t think that’s ridiculous.</p>
<p>Here is what often happens: at the beginning of all of this, parents are willing to commit the moon. Then when the offers come in, they begin to weigh one school over the other and try to figure what is “worth” paying for. The problem is that “worth” is a relative thing, and when you have not made monetary or parameter guidelines up front, you are making it up as it happens which is not a fair thing to do for anyone. Your kid is a thinking being too that has his own ideas.</p>
<p>Again, if an issue occurs where it just isn’t affordable, that is life and a whole other story. But the change in mind frame is not so considered IMO.</p>
<p>conmama,did you mean $200,000? You know in some states you can’t attend the state flagship for $25K/yr. In Illinois, if you want to study engineering at UIUC, it’s $30,000. And that isn’t counting books and other expenses. Just the basic tuition/rm/bd for engineering. There are some lower level state colleges that come in under $25,000.</p>
<p>But you did or will tell them the price limit up front (before application deadlines), right? The problem here is that the OP apparently did not set the price limits and inform the student up front, which potentially led the student to believe that the OP would contribute more than the OP really wants to contribute. That is a recipe for conflict in April.</p>
<p>I think it probably happens fairly often that parents don’t fully count the costs before applications–not everybody is steeped in this stuff, and people are often surprised at the costs (and at how little aid may be available). So what should a parent do if you find yourself in the situation that your kid has applied to a number of schools–a list you agreed to without really discussing finances–and now you find that some of them are too expensive? It seems to me that you owe your kid honesty in this situation–you need to explain why you consider some of the choices to be too expensive. This will be most persuasive if you can point to unacceptable financial sacrifices that your family will have to make. It will be much less persuasive if you are expressing a philosophy for the first time that some of the colleges you let them apply to are “not worth it.”</p>
<p>It’s obvious that if you could easily afford to send your son to the expensive school, you would. Unfortunately, it doesn’t quite sound like this is the case.</p>
<p>So you apologize to your son and say you didn’t realize how expensive college is and that you didn’t run the NPCs. Have this talk with him and like ucb says, show him that the $52K school is too expensive. It’s okay if your son suffers some disappointment at this point. Let’s face it - everyone makes mistakes and as you said, you live and learn. Don’t compound your original mistake (not making things clear and not running the NPCs) with an even worse mistake (possibly getting over your heads in debt or drawing your savings down to a very low level) just to appease your child.</p>
<p>Still being somewhat new here I’m not sure if I’m allowed to link to another thread in the forum so may I just suggest OP that you read the thread started by @sunnyflorida titled “Four years later. For those of you who have a child NOT going to an IVY, a STATE FLAGSHIP, etc”</p>
<p>In a nutshell, my favorite part: </p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Please read the whole thing as it may put some perspective on this concept of “Dream School”. At the same time I think it’s great that your son is prepared to contribute to the more expensive option, and if he does so with full consideration for the short and long-term then maybe he’ll get more out of his college experience by having some of his own skin in the game. </p>
<p>Congrats to your son for his achievements and best wishes for a happy outcome! </p>
<p>(I’ve replied to the referenced thread so you can easily find it that way)</p>
<p>You are getting right down to the wire here. Have you been having these financial discussions the past couple of weeks? Not much time left to hash things out. Good luck, whatever you decide.</p>
<p>@Hunt. Point taken and poor use of words. However in the same way, you could say you your post is saying that what you spend on a child’s education correlates to what a parent places on a good education. My point is that most kids go to school not having any idea what they want to do. I do think its a waste of money to send the OOS to a public school or am expensive private school that is a hardship on a parent when good, decent schools that offer a well rounded education are in your state. They don’t have to be flagship either. I know of parents who will spend all that money sending their kid to an OOS just so they don’t have to send them to the non flagships. I guess I do think that is ridiculous. I think the OP needs to just sit down and say they are sorry, but they just can’t do it like they thought they could. </p>
<p>I think our students learn so much as we go through this process with them – just as we are learning. I “thought” we could afford the private LAC’s and Uni’s my S1 applied to (thankfully he also applied to some good pulbics). We thought we would get more merit aid. We said to ourselves, “everyone else pays for college, we’ll find a way.” We just didn’t add it all up. We thought the college leprechan would come with his magical unicorn wand…Affording it would have meant loans and such, and at the height of the housing and 401K bubble this seemed not so bad (we wouldn’t have borrowed from either, but like everyone else, we felt more financially solid.)</p>
<p>We went over all the numbers WITH our son, and it forced us to point out a few realities that made him really take notice:
if you go to fancy dancy college, we will not be able to pay for vacation trips or travel abroad, ever!
If you want to do an unpaid internship to pad your resume (he was government at the time) forget it – summers are for working
there will be intense pressure on you to keep any and all merit money you may get (if any) and to finish in 4 years
-not a penny left to help with graduate school</p>
<p>On the other hand, the home state school is not only cheaper, AND giving you a full academic scholarship for two years, and our 529 is prepaid tuition for 2 years – it doesn’t involve airfare, so…
we have some cushion for travel, unpaid internships, staying on campus over the summer
if you needed an extra year for a double major or if you switched paths, it could be negotiated
While of course you should do well, etc etc, in a crisis if you had an academic problem we are not financially screwed…
-there might be something left over to help with graduate school</p>
<p>WE never had to make a decision… He enthusiastically chose local state uni, the one place he SWORE he would never, ever attend (“MOM it is on the same STREET my high school is on!”)</p>
<p>Your factors may differ (will differ). If the pros and cons do NOT come out this drastically different then as a parent you may not mind the private school choice as much…</p>
<p>TL;dr: break the big sum of money difference down into what the money will buy and the concrete difference it will make in the student’s life.</p>
<p>There are some OOS flagships that are generous to OOS high stat kids - my dd attends an OOS Flagship for less than what it would have cost her to attend our in state flagship. Have to keep all options open.</p>
<p>I think a smart kid (and obviously the OP’s son is) will understand that if he and his younger sibling wanted the same school his parents would be paying out more than what they make in a year to the two tuitions - really not a possibility - and taking out loans like this for undergrad is not really a great option. </p>
<p>Hmm. sounds like the choice is a top 10 LAC. Depending on the school and the type of business, is that maybe worth the stretch for a kid interested in finance? Not my area, but some of those schools have great entry into Wall Street. There may be times when it is worth the debt for the kid. But if U Mich is the affordable option, seems like a great choice. </p>
<p>OP: what happens when kid #2 wants to go to a high priced college as well? Make sure your budget can stretch enough for that kid to got to school too.</p>
<p>If this is truly a bad move financially for the family, a mistake on the part of the parents, and things are going to change for kid 2, then I guess now is the time to come clean with it all. But if it’s just because now parents see the opportunity to save money they an afford because some ships came in that they did count on, and kids still wants what was originally an option, I side with the kid.</p>
<p>OP’s son is likely an NMF, since he made NMSF. If he applied to 23 schools, it’s a good guess at least one is a school that is guaranteed free ride or nearly so. So they would know in advance that it was possible to attend school for far less than the in-state Michigan price even, and much less than any high-ranked LAC . Not that that would have been viewed as a desirable option necessarily, if they couldn’t find a free ride that S liked even a little. But they must have known it was easily possible to spend $0 for school. It seems what they didn’t see coming was just how much that LAC would cost.</p>
<p>At least that is what we did. D didn’t like any of the free ride schools, but did take a liking to a free tuition school.</p>
<p>Hunt is always fair and balanced in his posts. He is also knowledgeable. If you get him posting on your thread, you are lucky.</p>
<p>OP, perhaps you could send a private message to a few posters, e.g. Hunt, and include the names of colleges. I can understand you not wanting to disclose this info publicly.</p>
<p>Wow! This was my first thread on CC and I’m awed at the number of thoughtful and helpful posts I received. I’ve mulled over them carefully. As we all go to bed tonight this is still not settled. We know that the national merit designation is due today so time is short. Husband thinks that the high priced liberal arts college is a waste of money, and went to bed grumpy but without a definite decision. I think it is a perfect fit and am willing to send him. Seeing my son clinging to his stuffed animal which he hadn’t touched in years “for good luck” after we came upstairs from our private discussion broke my heart. I don’t feel free to name the college or other options at this point except to say that Michigan is not one of them and none of them have specific “finance” oriented programs. One of other options is in NYC with lots of possible internships there.</p>