@cobrat , I am trying to make sense of your post. So you went to Stu with a number of Russians and Ukrainians whose parents were in their late teens not too long after WWII but were missing educational opportunities back home because they did not show sufficient dedication to the Soviet Communist Party. Then they immigrated to the US and acquired US college education (for free) in the late 50s-mid 70s? When did you attend Stu and who allowed these Russians/Ukrainians to emigrate from the USSR (while getting married before leaving)?
The parents came as political refugees due to political persecution and/or religious discrimination during the '50s and '60s. I cited the mid-'70s as the end point as that’s when the local public colleges in my area CCNY/CUNY started charging tuition for city residents which meant it was no longer free as it was before.
Oh good god who CARES about the marriage patterns of immigrants in the 40s, 50s, 60s, or hell even the 90s? The OP asked about marriage pressure TODAY.
Haha, indeed. The OP asked about cultural perspectives, but not about those from prehistoric times. I am “only” 49, but suddenly I feel ancient even by parents forum standard. Fair enough, I’ll make sure to stick to my own kind
Carry on.
Just watched the video posted by OP. it seems most of the video are about daughters and her parents. I think men had pressure too. In recent years, we met at least two 30-somthing men (my coworkers) who are “left-over” and they thought the women TODAY are very “demanding” and they have been trying for the past 5-10 years but have failed.
I think DS had some self-imposed pressure to find a suitable SO after having had not much luck in college. (I think he said that if he could not find someone while still at school where there is more opportunity and he is in the “prime” age for dating, he would have even more trouble after he leaves the school and when he is older.)
I really think if he is unable to “commit” in the next 3 years, he will likely be in trouble with his current girlfriend (her parents would give her pressure to “settle down” for sure, I believe.) Not sure if he will run into the same “women being very demanding” trouble that my coworkers run into.
@mycupoftea if it felt like my comment was directed at you, I sincerely apologize. It wasn’t my intent at all.
It’s just frustrating to get a history lesson that has absolutely nothing to do with the topic in so many threads… and I say this as a historian who never gets tired of history!
The marriage rate is declining in this country. That doesn’t seem to me like a symptom of pressure to get married. Marriage is also increasingly becoming a status marker. The upper middle classes still get married, while the poor increasingly don’t. Marriage has become unyoked from having children for large numbers of people in this country.
The institution of marriage is unquestionably associated with social capital and economic prosperity. I don’t know whether that relationship is chicken or egg.
With all due respect, raclut, you said you are Indian. That’s a culture in which marriage is a huge, huge deal. It’s not surprising that you might personally perceive “more pressure to get married” versus mainstream American culture.
I think the recession will slow down my kids age group from getting married. Their goal seems to be to own a home. So they save up a down payment and get the house. Now they have to furnish the house.
Who can afford a ring? Who can afford a wedding? It will be interesting to see what happens.
Yes, immigrant marriages and immigrant parents/individuals are absolutely fine… I just don’t think the marriage patterns of random people in the 50s USSR are relevant
My mom is from Western Europe where marriage has long been falling out of favor. Her parents didn’t marry until my grandma was pregnant with their 2nd child- and that was in the early 50s! That absolutely had an influence on her marriage and mine (she didn’t marry my dad until her early 30s… though she married before in a terrible marriage). I can’t fathom a scenario where she’d ever pressure my sister or me into marriage. We don’t think my sister will ever marry and that’s fine by all of us. No one really thinks or talks about it.
Rings and huge wedding bashes don’t have to be part and parcel of getting married, right? (says the woman married for decades who never has had or wanted an engagement ring)
I would want my daughter to finish her education and settle in her career first before thinking of marriage.
She should live on her own, travel the world, and experience life. When it is meant to be it will happen.
I think kids these days have different views on marriage. They are stressed about paying off student loans and launching their careers. I have no intention on pressuring her to settle down.
On top of all that, there’s also a large number who are also wary of entering marriage because their own parents or those of their friends have experienced bad marriages/relationships or divorces or newsmedia stories of such issues.
When my mom married at 23 in 1957, she was considered old for a bride. When I married at 24 in 1989, I was considered young. There has been a major shift. Even among the “marrying classes,” I don’t think there is pressure for people to marry young; in fact, I think the opposite is true in some ways. You’re considered a fool for doing so by many.
Come to think of it, the social pressure on young men to marry has diminished very significantly in this country within the last half-century. When my parents were young adults, it was assumed that there was something “wrong” with a man who was not married by 30 at the latest. He was considered unstable in some way, or perhaps homosexual. And there is now no longer an economic imperative now for young women to marry, as they can now participate fully in the labor market.
Do you believe in the idea that if you wait too long all the good guys/girls will be taken? I hear some friends say that the best time to find someone is in college when you are surrounded by so many people of the same age group. I remember some of my classmates who went to college with the intention of finding their mate.
I understand kids use apps like tinder these days. (it was mentioned in some other thread)
It does seem it is harder to meet people once you are out of school unless you make an effort to be social and involved in different activities. Last night I went to see the movie, “My BIg Fat Greek Wedding 2.” There was definitely family pressure to get married in that storyline. As first generation to grow up here I could relate somewhat to family members being involved in the process of finding a mate.
