<p>I did not care what my kids majored in and they had free rein to pick whatever interested them. I also don’t believe that a college major necessarily dictates the only thing you can do in terms of employment. But I strongly believe in following one’s own interest and this is an adult decision and my kids are adults. I supported whatever they wished to major in. My kids also know that when they are out of school, they must financially support themselves. </p>
<p>D1 is still a grad student. She is in the field of architecture/sustainability/building science. </p>
<p>D2 has been out of college for over two years, graduated at age 20 and was expected to support herself following graduation day and she has done so. She is in musical theater and lives in NYC and while she doesn’t earn a lot of money, she supports herself working and performing in many capacities in the fields of music and theater. Also, in her case, we knew her intended major as a little kid. It is her lifeblood and I can’t imagine her NOT pursuing her lifelong passion. It’s who she is as a person.</p>
<p>If my DD were to decide that she wants to major in art history or philosophy or gender studies or anthropology because she is consumed with a passion for the subject, and is willing to accept the fact that she may wind up living a life of limited financial means as a result, she would have my full support - because it is her life, not mine. I consider my role to be to help her launch the life she wants to live, not the life I would have her live.</p>
<p>Are you asking about my engineering major child who probably won’t be an engineer? She chose to major in engineering and further chose the type of engineering. She also chose to have a second major…biology. At the end of the day…she isn’t so sure that she wants a career in engineering. I think it very unlikely that she will pursue that as a career.</p>
<p>But to answer your question…engineering is what interested her as a college major. It doesn’t seem to be what interests her as a career.</p>
<p>You may not be explicitly saying “thou shalt not study this one field/area”, but the effect is essentially the same. Your effort to also avoid/de-emphasize the fields you don’t seem to care for also strikes me as quite limiting, rigid, and no offense, anti-intellectual. </p>
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<p>It isn’t as simple as you stated above. One problem with embarking on a overly specialized and/or pre-professional major is that if one finds one hates the field or its associated career(s), it may actually be much harder to transition into a newer career without taking a huge hit…if the transition is even feasible. </p>
<p>A woman I dated who majored in Pharmacy along with several engineering, CS, and pre-med/MD major friends are now feeling stuck in careers they hate/long-term unemployment* because of this very issue 5-15 years out from college. </p>
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<li>Some engineering and CS fields turned out to not be the perpetual employment gravy train their parents/they assumed when they started college.</li>
</ul>
<p>Nobody forced me to go to medical school, but I imagine there was plenty of subliminal reinforcement. As a child, I was expected to be a writer by my siblings, and as a young adult, I aspired to be a pre school teacher, and later in horticulture, and later a chef. Today I am glad I can afford to treat those things as an avocation.</p>
<p>Not to mention the poor souls who graduate with degrees in the fields that four years earlier were hot four but now are not. Ask the 2003 computer science grad or the 2011 civil engineering grad about that.</p>
<p>Are they still “poor souls” if they CHOSE those majors based on interest or passion? I really don’t knw, so I am asking; is a BFA in dance for example considered overly specialized?</p>
<p>Ugh, dad of 3, I think that is wrong to emphasize math and science but never take them to any famous battlefields/talk about history. Sounds like you just wanted mini me’s.</p>
<p>Annasdad, completely agree with your post 62. It’s their lives. Their interests. I find these attempts to “control” or coerce a major appalling and I’m embarrassed on behalf of parents who are that insecure that they feel such a need.</p>
<p>“For DD2 is far more difficult - her (Asian, naturally) mom insists on medicine but DD2 seems to have no ‘naturals’ that would make her a great doctor. She’s a 4.0 student thru middle school (and largely without studying much) but her interest is more law, with an eye towards a judicial or other federal type job. We both know she’s not the engineer type, but since she excels in math and science anyway… A lot more difficult choice.”</p>
<p>What on earth is “difficult” about this choice? The girl doesn’t want to be a doctor or engineer. She’s interested in law. Does your wife understand that this isn’t Asia and we don’t force kids over here to live out the dreams of their parents?</p>
<p>I don’t approve of force or coercion either, but I don’t see how it’s a reflection of insecurity. For my inlaws, I think they have struggled mightly to get here, and to get their kids here. I think they want their grandkids to have the things they see as advantages.</p>
<p>I think this will be one of “those threads”. I’m glad it’s nice out.</p>
<p>It’s rooted in the insecurity of believing that only a few fields guarantee a living wage. So the dance major winds up teaching dance at a studio and doesn’t make six figures like the engineer. So what? If she is happy, who cares?</p>
<p>My father paid for my education and he certainly had a say.</p>
<p>I completed a dual major I got to major in what I wanted and satisfy my father by having a major that was marketable.</p>
<p>In matter of compromise, I will not force 1 specific major, but rather provide a list of “Mom approaved” majors. If kid doesn’t like any then said kid will need to lay out some pretty impresive plans as to how to make a living and pay back loans on the kid’s choice major.</p>
<p>See, I can totally relate to that. When I was younger, I only thought about if I was happy. I didn’t think about what I’d want for my kids or grandkids. My mother in law had to leave her kids behind to come to the US and work doing who knows what so she could bring her kids to join her. I can’t imagine making those choices in my twenties.I just don’t see her as insecure.</p>
<p>Reminds me of a summarized quote in my 70s classmate’s satirical page, “how to criticize computer scientists”
[How</a> To Criticizing Computer Scientists](<a href=“http://www.cs.purdue.edu/homes/dec/essay.criticize.html]How”>How To Criticize Computer Scientists)
"How To Avoid Having An Insult Backfire On You
Never attempt to attack theoretical work as unrelated to real computer systems, or as requiring too much sophisticated mathematics. (The intended victim is likely to smile and thank you for the flattery.) "
If indeed I’ve succeeded directing my kids’ interests to areas that I care about, and de-emphasized areas that mean little to me, I feel good about it. </p>
<p>And PG, I may have lied about my kids, me, and History; I believe I’ve talked to them about one of my favorite figures, Gen. Leslie Groves, in the context of my icons of America that made me want to immigrate to the US.</p>
<p>Seriously, Cobrat, anything can be supported by anecdotal evidence. DW readily says she went to med school by virtue of her parents’ edict, and thinks it’s the best thing that happened to her. As a hobby, she has performed in theatre (in our local language) in several states, but there’s no money in it, but thankfully for her, it’s irrelevant; so even a very vocational occupation in no way limits one to a life of slavery to that field, and much of engineering and technology is far less vocational especially 5-10 years into one’s career. So yes, I agree you shouldn’t go to a field that you actively dislike, but one which you feel lukewarm about is not necessarily bad. </p>
<p>And you’re right that fields such as CS are very fluid and if you live frozen in yesterday’s world, the fresh grad from today is more valuable than you. The key is to start high, which still appears to be the case, keep current, and focus on the people skills that ultimately decides how you do in mid- and latter-careers for most of us.</p>
<p>If indeed I’ve succeeded directing my kids’ interests to areas that I care about, and de-emphasized areas that mean little to me, I feel good about it. "</p>
<p>Do you also have pre-approved spouses picked out for them? Cities they are allowed to live in? At what point are they allowed to choose the direction of their own lives?</p>
<p>College is the time to let go. If a child is going to screw up their life, that’s their choice to make. You can’t keep waking them up in the morning, driving them to school, picking them up after practice, and reminding them to do their homework every evening when <em>they’re adults and in college</em>. Your job was to instill enough sense in them before that point so that they can make smart decisions on their own. If you’ve done that, you should have enough confidence in your son or daughter’s choice of major to let them pursue what they want to pursue. Putting conditions on your money is the same as telling your child what to do; the federal government has been using this exact same strategy to control the individual states for over a hundred years. You might think you’re helping your child succeed, but very few people will succeed in a field they dislike.</p>
<p>"Putting conditions on your money is the same as telling your child what to do; the federal government has been using this exact same strategy to control the individual states for over a hundred years.'</p>
<p>That’s an interesting analogy. Can you expand on that?</p>
<p>OK, so I agree that college is a time to GROW, but let go?? Not on my dime. If all college was about was to let go, I would buy my son a ticket to Club Med, much cheaper. And probably more fun. College is a time to grow, explore, and at least get a foundation for a vocation. If I am putting out 20 thousand a year, heck, even 10 thousand a year, and especially 58 thousand a year, it needs to be for a valid reason. If all a kid wants to do is let go, then they can finance that all by themselves. My job is to make sure that my child can make it in the world, and support himself. Both by learning independence and learning a vocation. I view college, and going away to a college as a way for him to achieve all of those things.</p>
<p>One caveat- if your kid announces a new found interest in one of those “easy majors”- e.g. Psychology, Sociology, Gender Studies, you may want to find out if it is truly a passion or just the path of least resistance and the easiest way to graduate.</p>
<p>Not Kudryavka, but an example of the feds controlling the purse to control the actions of individual states would be when they wanted the drinking age lowered. States could set their own age limit, but if they wanted federal money for highway repairs, they had to go with 21.</p>
<p>My husband and I had some influence on our daughters’ choices. With the oldest, she knew she wanted to teach, and was leaning toward elementary ed. We encouraged her to consider high school math, since she is gifted in math but a terrible speller - I had visions of her second graders correcting her mistakes. She enjoys teaching math, but I often wish that I’d kept my mouth shut and left her to go to her real love. </p>
<p>Our younger daughter seriously considered switching her major from Physician Assistant to premed. She and I spent a lot of time discussing the pros and cons of each choice before she made her irrevocable decision to stay in the PA program. Ultimately she decided that the PA track fit better with her values about childrearing (should the opportunity arise) and debt.</p>
I got to major in what I wanted and satisfy my father by having a major that was marketable.</p>