<p>After being at college for a semester and having my own freedom to do whatever I want, I find that I'm pretty unhappy at home during break so far. I'm not as busy as I was at college and basically have nothing to do anymore except sit in front of the computer and try to be helpful at home. Also, it's somewhat annoying that my mom yells at me for everything, Go do so and so now, which somehow is breaking of my habits that I had developed at college. As a result I think that there is some friction between myself and my parents. We didn't get along very well before college because they had different expectations for me and now that I've experienced living on my own, I think I'm nowhere close to what they want me to be. I'm pretty confident that I can live on my own and thrive academically but coming home and facing different standards after my first semester is really irritating me.</p>
<p>Does anybody have similar experiences or are feeling a rift between you and your parents after a semester at college?</p>
<p>I know what you’re talking about but I kind of like the ‘nothing to do’ feeling and being back in the old life at home for a while is fun for a couple weeks.</p>
<p>totally associate with you… Honestly me and my parents have had out problems since middleschool and I pretty much rebelled against them. Long story and not one I really want to tell.</p>
<p>Anyways, coming back just made me realize that I seriously need to get as far away from my parents as I can. Their lifestyle is completely different, they put me in an environment where I cannot do anything productive and they slow my life down so much, I’m doing things I would never do if it weren’t for my parents (like finishing Assassin’s Creed in 3 days where in college I didn’t even touch my PS3). Whilst they are lazy and pretty much anything but ambitious I find myself being influenced and also not being lawy and unambitious. I love my mom but honestly being around her makes me want to get away so I don’t have to constantly have arguments with her. I’m just happy that we understand eachother and that she knows that I am doing my best in college and that she continues to finance me for college. Honestly I couldn’t care if my father died tomorrow… I don’t hate him, but I do think he is a horrible person and also mentally ill, and he has done me much more harm than good… OK fine I hate him and can’t live with him, but I guess I’ll tolerate him while I stay with my parents during winter…</p>
<p>Not me… then again I wasn’t happy at my school. </p>
<p>Then again even if I was I’d probably like it. I really love my family, and my girlfriend and my friends who are in town. </p>
<p>It’s good y’all have realized the need to be independent from your parents though; if home isn’t a fun environment for you then it makes sense to not wanna be there.</p>
<p>I love coming home now since I always try to every weekend since my social life at school sucked for the first two months and I gave up. I used to HATE coming back home when I was at Purdue since I had a hell of a time everyday. Basically just partied, drank, hang out with friends, played sports, and just did crazy stuff everyday. Coming back home just killed the fun and made me miss my friends and brothers.</p>
<p>I live at home, so my perspective is a little different.</p>
<p>I never had any real conflicts to speak of with my parents, so I am quite comfortable at home. Beyond the lack of friends due to my commuting to school, I honestly like living at home as part of my college experience. My mother wakes me up on time for school every day, does most of my laundry, and even makes lunch for me if I happen to have an evening class that day. </p>
<p>To me, being at home after a semester of college doesn’t feel weird at all. Of course, this is because I commute to school.</p>
<p>I think of Emory as home after one semester, so I definitely feel weird. I’m from a small village, and the surrounding area is like, 50/50 white/black whereas Emory and Atlanta is very diverse. Just different, and I like Emory better.</p>
<p>I don’t like being home all that much, especially during winter break, because there’s not a lot to do during the days except play video games and watch TV. Summer isn’t as bad, because you can go outside and play basketball, swim, etc…and not to mention it’s warm out.</p>
<p>And I really get along with both of my parents. </p>
<p>I probably won’t be going home this summer either though. Probably staying in my college town.</p>
<p>Being so far away, it seems good to take these long breaks at home just to be with the family, pets, etc. But I think it would be much better if I was able to just go home and visit once every month or so for 2-3 days, rather than for 3-4 week periods (and the long summer break time). The one week breaks are always nice though at home. But winter/summer break are just too long of breaks to not see my friends at school, and to not be living independently.</p>
<p>I’ve been pretty bored at home. I do miss being at college and seeing all my friends but then again, it’s a good break. I do wish I had something better to do than just park my butt on the couch and stare at the computer everyday. My mom is always working and my dad just sleeps all day so I start doing the same thing. Since all my textbooks have come, I just started reading them out of boredom. But being around the family is nice during the holidays, even if it’s dull every now and then.</p>
<p>It’s pretty strange when you go from having complete freedom and only needing to worry about yourself to needing to accommodate others’ needs. I’ve felt rather strange since coming home, but it’s still nice to be back. It’s a good thing when you can maintain old relationships and get back in touch with your family. It’s also nice when your family lets you drink more than you normally do in college;)</p>
<p>It is nice to go back home and catch up with friends who happen to be back as well, but when everyone’s off at different schools, it’s almost impossible for schedules to meet up. By the time some people need to leave, others arrive, and so forth. Some don’t even come back at all for one reason or another.</p>
<p>I tried to get out of the house as much as I could whenever I was home. Spending all my time on the computer was boring. I’d usually either drive to the mall or go eat somewhere, and at least try to meet up with a friend or two whenever I’d head out. Just tried to make the most of my time back, really.</p>
<p>For me, home is really bittersweet. I enjoy spending time with old friends, but at the same time I feel like everything’s just so different. People change with college and the overall atmosphere of “home” is just different than what it was back during high school when everyone was there. There was a very “smalltown” feeling to it all that I miss – everyone knew you. At Penn, it was too easy to slip into anonymity. Things only felt normal again once I got back to the east coast and resumed an active “life” again.</p>
<p>Its very normal. In fact, thousands of families report stress and anxiety…on both sides of the fence. Students need to respect family values and family rules and curfews. For one, you are living under their roof. For two, they are likely paying your tuition and room and board. Three, you may think you are an independent adult but you are barely a fuzzy baby bird flying around the nest and are fodder for the real world that awaits you. Parents need to give a bit more freedom, particularly in “thought” and perhaps on curfew. It doesnt mean to throw a party and buy booze for these kids. Or allow sleepovers from significant others. </p>
<p>Its never easy. After three years of this in our home, its still a bit tense at times, though we are learning to be respectful of each other. </p>
<p>Relax. Its normal. Good to vent with your friends and compare war stories from high school friends. (Some of the whoppers we hear are just incredulous…even as Juniors in college they still keep rolling in…just another one the other day about unbelievable facebook and twitter garbage. Kids are SOOOO stupid sometimes.)</p>
<p>And as students, remember that a bit of book knowledge does NOT make you an expert. Don’t become a Psychology 101 “The Doctor is in the house” kind of boor. </p>
<p>Finally, the real test is in two to three weeks when you go BACK to school. Second semester is more difficult. I promise. And its cold and gray and you are SICK of dorm drama and messy roommates with stinky laundry laying around and awful cafeteria food and more papers and exams…and THAT is when transferitis sets in…it will run through your dorms like a wildfire. “Everyone” is transfering will be the shout! Baloney. By march things will calm down, people will get focused and learn to navigate the waters. And pick better roommates for next year. Focus on your GPA. Stop the parties if you can. </p>
<p>My mother treats me like I’m 5 - then tells me to grow up and act like an adult only when she wants me to. GAHDDD</p>
<p>My mom asks me the same thing 5 times as well and it really annoys me because I hate repeating myself (do you want this bread x 5 did you wash up x 5 did you did you did you GAJFJSKDFJ:SK) and I don’t like telling people what I’ve done/what I’m going to do. She interrogates me or something - where are you going who are you going with when are you coming back (I have a curfew at 10! I’m 21! I usually GO OUT at 10… and my brother can stay out til morning, btw). I don’t like college at this point but I hate being at home so much more. I don’t think I’m going to come back for long periods of time in the future, probably a week at most?</p>
<p>I wish I could at least hang out with old friends but my parents moved around alot so I’m stuck in Florida with no car… I wish I could at least go shopping by myself, go to a bookstore, or a library but I have no car so I’m gonna be stuck at home.</p>
<p>And they always use that tuition thing at me except my school pays for my entire tuition and my boarding is paid by my loans… I try not to spend their money at school and it usually stays right in the bank account because I live on my workstudy money.</p>
<p>I don’t know, i don’t feel like I belong anywhere and I really want to go back to my hometown except my parents will be disappointed if I goto my friends house instead for the holidays (it’s not like we do anything so I don’t know WHY) my mother is a helicoptor mom who wants to be around me all the time (while I want to half a continent away). College hasn’t been so great lately either so I’m just miserable all the time probably because I make myself miserable.</p>
<p>To the OP—Home is pretty darn boring. No more car insurance, since I don’t have a car on campus. I’m not close friends with my HS peeps, so I don’t hang with any of them. My parents are also extremely anal about me going out…(I guess this will never change). I’ve been stuck at home since I started break 2 weeks ago…I actually prefer living/(being stuck) on campus. hahha</p>
<p>Wow you have a curfew at 10? I’m 19 with no curfew. I’ve been to two parties since being home, and will go to another one next week. Lol I guess our parents are pretty different.</p>
<p>I had a HUGE rift when I had to commute my first two years, so I think we are pretty much good now that I am home for break having finally left. I have a 1am curfew if I am using their car (I don’t own one), if I am not driving I can be out as late as I want but after about 3am I should probably just stay out til morning. That’s mostly it besides basic courtesy around the house. The curfew and having to beg for permission to borrow the car were areas of serious contention my first two years, now that I only have to deal with it periodically I have just given up arguing about it. </p>
<p>My parents drink vodka every night now, dont change out of pajama pants unless they have to go “farther than the mailbox,” and don’t get up until 2pm. That’s WEIRD AS HELL. It’s not even like they’re empty nesters, either, they still have my 16 year old sister. Lot of stuff has changed since I left. lol</p>
<p>What I think is funniest is my mom has been berating me for years for sleeping the day away-- like literally, borderline verbally abusive about it. And now that I’ve been going to bed at midnight and waking up at 10am, she still hates me for making noise in the kitchen when she’s still sleeping. Irony at its best. XD</p>
<p>It does feel like there’s an awful lot of nothing-to-doness without having to go to class every hour or so, but I do enjoy the freedom of being able to do whatever I want. Even if that means nothing, haha. At least what you want to do is no longer dictated by whatever your professor thinks is worthwhile-that has to count for something right?</p>
<p>I completely agree with the sense of having nothing to do. I feel so lazy! There’s been so little to do that I’m starting to worry that my mom will think I’m this sedentary at college.</p>
<p>My first visit home at Thanksgiving was the weirdest. Coming home for the weekend felt hostile… I hadn’t really adjusted to life on my own yet, but the people at home had moved on, and I felt really out of place. There was a lot of tension between my mom and I. She lived at home until she was married and then the two of us lived alone together while I was in high school, so my first time living alone was also her first time living alone. Ironically, I think that BOTH of us had gotten so used to not having to answer to anyone that it was hard for us to live together. :P</p>
<p>By Christmas break those tensions seemed to have died out, but still, it’s weird. I miss being able to do what I want without being judged. (And I think that she does too.)</p>
I’ve been home for 2 hours and it already is bad. I love my mom but my dad expects me to love him because of his money. Fuck that. But I am completely helpless without it. Should I just suck it up for the next 4 weeks or argue with him?
Have you tried to get a seasonal job? That will get you out of the house!
I am a parent, and i understand there are the general annoying parents :-0 but then there are the dysfunctional/personality disordered.
I would also caution you not to fall back into old roles, but then expect your parents to treat you differently.
For example, in the past, your mom may have made dinner for you and made your doctor appts and cleaned the house maybe even done your laundry. So if you are expecting to be treated like that but still some how as an adult too, it won’t work well.
Be proactive. Tell them when you have plans for going out with your friends, but also ask if they would like to do something as a family on a weekend day. Make dinner one night. Keep your room cleanish. If you make/see a mess…clean it up without being asked. You are an adult, so ask like one. Tell them when you will be home. Ask if there is anything you are doing during the week so you can plan around it.
@wisconsinbdgr I would suck it up for the next 4 weeks. Let him pay for your college. Then strike out on your own.