<p>Do you think students who end up attending their "dream" school are happier than students who never had a "dream" school but picked what they thought was the best fit out of many fine choices?</p>
<p>Isn’t the best fit out of many choices a dream school in a sense? I mean, how else would you qualify it?</p>
<p>And I think college students can be happy wherever they go - its what you make of it.</p>
<p>Actually, I think there have been some studies on this question – or close to it – and people who achieve their “dream” anything (dream job, dream school, dream car, dream mate), tend to be somewhat less “happy” than those who are doing well but not quite as well as they would like. I don’t have the time to dig up the research – nor can I offer an opinion about the strength or validity of such research – but it makes some sense.</p>
<p>I think it is a given that there is no perfect college, so there is a high likelihood that the “dream” college will fall short in some way – so the higher the expectations placed on the college, the greater the potential disappointment when reality sets in. Whereas someone with lower expectations may shrug off minor problems encountered, and be delighted whenever things work out better than expected.</p>
<p>I do think it probably depends more on individual personality types - some people just are optimistic and happy and tend to see everything in a positive light. So rather than being disappointed when they encounter an unanticipated problem at the dream college, those students might simply incorporate the new, more realistic picture into their “dream” and be just as happy as ever.</p>
<p>I would say that if that dream school is a dream for fit reasons, yes, students tend to be happier. If it is a dream school because it has a prestigious name or a good football team, I could see where a student may find themselves not as happy as they thought they would be. Our son has a “dream” school and has since he was old enough to know what that school was. We have visited and it is a perfect fit for him all around–size, rigor, EC offered, etc. I think he will be very happy if he gets in there (one of those single digit schools so who knows). He has some great back ups too though.</p>
<p>Is there only one dream school/mate out there?</p>
<p>lake42ks–dream school, yes, usually there is only one, that is why it is a dream school, however, there are usually many schools that are good fits for people. Since kids can’t possibly visit every school out there, I do believe that there is one school out of the however many that a kid applied to that is the “best” fit though.</p>
<p>I don’t think so. I know scores of students who never had a dream school, rather went where they could afford and most are very happy, doing well etc.</p>
<p>I think if a student buys into the notion that they can only be happy at one school then it is problematic. As parents, we have a responsibility to help our children understand that there isn’t one right place and we have to understand it as well. (And believe it)</p>
<p>I think these are two separate measurements. A person’s “happiness” may be contingent on many things that may or may not be related to where they happen to be attending college. I agree that most students make the best of, and enjoy their college experience wherever they land because the happiness is related to many other variables at the school, the biggest influence likely being peer relationships.</p>
<p>Must admit I read SteveMA’s post waiting to hear what the “best fit” was for the identified mate :)</p>
<p>I believe it depends on what ones definition of “dream” is. My D attended her dream school, but it was her fit school as well and she Loves it. She is finishing on time and I believe if you are happy where you go, you tend to do better. We are very happy that she/we was able to pull it all off</p>
<p>“Must admit I read SteveMA’s post waiting to hear what the “best fit” was for the identified mate”</p>
<p>jym626 – maybe we need Dating Confidential – with people identifying their potential mate in terms of reach, safety, match. :)</p>
<p>I think it depends (lame, I know)
Not all non-dream schools are created equally, and I don’t believe that any kid will settle in an be happy no matter where they go. Yes, maybe, if they end up at a fairly neutral state flagship, or a private school that has a shared set of attributes with others that they kind of liked. However, there are many schools that would be such a bad fit for any given kid that 4 years there would be practically unbearable. </p>
<p>Some will undoubtedly point out that an enterprising kid can get a satisfactory education to launch themselves from most institutions. I don’t dispute that. Culturally, and in terms of peer relationships and interaction, however, some environments might prevent a kid from “blooming where planted” academically.</p>
<p>My D will be attending her “dream school” and she did have several other backups where she would have done fine in terms of both academic and social fit (I’m sure there were many more out there left unexplored, as well). However, there are some institutions that are fine and other kids love, but would be a hell hole for her. OK, maybe that language is a bit strong, but a sufficiently poor fit to make “blooming” a challenge.</p>
<p>Back to OP’s question, “best fit” from many fine choices is probably pretty similar to “dream” in end happiness quotient.</p>
<p>It made my kids happier. My D wanted to attend Barnard for its unique qualities: a feminist institution affiliated with a larger school in NYC. There is only one school that would have fulfilled those requirements. She was admitted and loved her four years there. She is a very urban creature and NYC is the place she’s happiest. I really don’t think she would have been as happy anywhere else.</p>
<p>My S attended a top rated rural LAC. He was blissfully happy there, but I think there are about ten schools he could have enjoyed equally. He doesn’t think so because he has brand loyalty and it <em>did</em> make him happy to have his heart’s desire.</p>
<p>kids should not have dream schools…only a set up for disappointment.</p>
<p>But geeps20, it didn’t it our case, and besides which, it was unavoidable. They each fell in love with a particular school. I will say that I do think it was easier to be admitted there because it was easier to really demonstrate interest and write with conviction about the allure of the schools for them. And each was a perfect fit for his/her school which made them them sort of the poster children for those schools.</p>
<p>They were each waitlisted at a very similar school where they hadn’t demonstrated quite the same level of interest. Had they attended those I’m sure they would have been fine, but neither had the exact set of components that were most desirable for them.</p>
<p>We were very lucky, and we know that. And we know it could have gone a different way.</p>
<p>Both are going to grad school and neither got into his/her dream grad school, but everyone is still quite optimistic, so it is possible to master that disappointment.</p>
<p>Agree, mythmom, on dream and level of interest. D loved one school and showed more real interest, kept in some contact with the admissions rep (honest not forced) and wrote compelling essays because she had visited and it really clicked. She would likely have gotten in either way, but I think her really wanting them and them wanting her helped the aid package along to get it to where we needed it to be for her to attend.</p>
<p>Also, “dream” doesn’t necessarily mean HYPS or other single digit admit.</p>
<p>The original question:</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>This suggests we’re thinking of students in these groups:</p>
<ol>
<li>Students who had a “dream” school.
1a. Dreamers who attended their “dream” school.
1b. Dreamers who didn’t attend the “dream” school.</li>
<li>Students who didn’t have a “dream” school.
2a. Nondreamers who picked a best fit out of many fine choices.
2b. Nondreamers who picked from fewer or not-so-fine choices.</li>
</ol>
<p>OP asks us to compare happiness of groups 1a and 2a, but I think some of the replies are comparing groups 1a and 1b.</p>
<p>I can’t report personal experience, since I grew up and attended universities abroad, where there’s no notion of “dream school” to speak of. And my child is a high school senior, so hasn’t yet attended college. However, the kid is definitely a group 2 type of person (on the borderline between 2a and 2b I guess). So, I don’t know that it would ever be easy to compare her future happiness (about which I’m optimistic) with a dreamer who went to their dream school.</p>
<p>*I don’t think so. I know scores of students who never had a dream school, rather went where they could afford and most are very happy, doing well etc.</p>
<p>I think if a student buys into the notion that they can only be happy at one school then it is problematic. As parents, we have a responsibility to help our children understand that there isn’t one right place and we have to understand it as well. (And believe it)*</p>
<p>I agree.</p>
<p>And, it can depend on what is the basis of a particular school(s) being the dream school(s). Some kids have declared that School X is their dream school, yet they’ve never been to the school. All they know about the school is that it’s got X ranking and people are impressed by it or it has a cool location. </p>
<p>It’s one thing to visit a school, find out about your particular major, tour their facilities and then declare it a fit and a dream to go there, but to insist that a school or group (ivies) are your dream schools when you’ve never been on the campus(es), is like saying that some movie star is your dream date.</p>
<p>I know studies have shown that a lot of kids are unhappy at Harvard. One presumes Harvard was the dream school for most of them.</p>
<p>My older son didn’t get into his dream school - but it was only a dream school in a very theoretical way - the most familiar name among the tech schools he applied to. He was very happy where he ended up - a school that might have been a dream school if he had bothered to research colleges more carefully.</p>
<p>Younger son had lopsided scores and an iffy GPA and was applying to a lot of reaches. He refused to buy into the idea of a dream school at all. He’s a very adaptable kid and finds plenty both to like and hate in his current school.</p>
<p>I think there are kids who are attending (or did attend) dream schools that their families could afford and the belief is that it was all worth it because there is an assumption that because their child loved their school that their child wouldn’t have been happy/successful anywhere else. That’s probably not true.</p>
<p>I liken it a bit to how we feel about our kids. We love our kids, they bring us joy, and we can’t imagine not having them, but if we had been given different kids, we’d love those kids, too.</p>
<p>I would say that most kids can be happy and successful at many places but not all kids will be happy or successful at all places. Also, somehow people seem to conflate “dream” school with “reach” school and “more expensive” school. This is not necessarily the case.</p>