Does my essay need to be more of a "story"?

<p>I've heard that one of the most important things one must achieve in their essay is to tell a story, to show and not tell.</p>

<p>Well, my essay is in a different format than most people's (those who read it will see why)...and I'm not sure if it tells enough of a story or if it tells more than it shows. Can anyone take a look and let me know if I should change it around to be more of a traditional, story-type essay or if it seems fine the way it is?</p>

<p>No 2014er's please. :) Thanks, guys. </p>

<p>(P.S. This is the CommonApp essay, not the NU supplement.)</p>