<p>I'm the mother of a very bright, well rounded HS sophomore. She has a 4.0 GPA, NHS and the list goes on. I love her with all my heart and she just excels in everything she does. But oh my, she has a habit that is driving me insane. She procrastinates! She has two applications for 2 separate programs that are due mid Jan and she has not finished her essay. And no, I don't really think that it's a passive-aggressive way to NOT go to these programs, as she talks about them all the time and says she wants to go. She does not want to go just to please me either. She has talked many times of these opportunities and think them to be VERY important in helping her shape her future. But wouldn't you think she would get the essay done already?</p>
<p>When she was little, and her 3rd grade, 4th grade (and so on) teachers would assign a project, her little mind was just ablaze with excitement and I couldn't rest or go home that day until we went and purchased all the project materials and by that night, or the next, that project was done. NO pushing or prompting by me and her father. Ever since 3rd grade, she has received no help from us in her homework, because by that time, we couldn't really help her anymore. lol, but she never needed it anyway. I have NEVER had to prompt her to do anything....why now?????</p>
<p>I know, there are two types of doers...those that procrastinate and really thrive on doing things the last minute (it's exciting to them) and then there are those that LOVE to do things ahead of time, so as to make good and sure that all things are done well ahead of time in case problems arise.</p>
<p>I've tried to tell her procrastination is NOT a good thing. What if something comes up? What if you get sick, or some emergency comes up during the time you THOUGHT you were going to do something, then it does not get done? All has apparently fell on deaf ears.</p>
<p>I know, this is HER future, but by gosh, I would HATE to see her miss out on something so important to her future because she waited too long.</p>
<p>All of the college guidebooks say that students should start writing and polishing their application essays during the summer before senior year. Certainly made sense to me that you'd want to spend a lot of time on one of the most important essays of your life...</p>
<p>I started a thread here in October expressing frustration with my brilliant daughter who hadn't even started her college applications & essays yet and the early decision deadline was November 1. Her retort to me "Don't worry dad, it'll get done". A bunch of other parents here jumped in with similar frustrations with their kids. You can now check the sticky up top for all of our college acceptances (my daughter's ED acceptance is among them). Somehow these bright kids get it done, they're just seeing how many gray hairs they can give you before they do.</p>
<p>In talking to two parents (both doctors) at our son's soccer game this fall about where their son intended to apply, they said he hadn't started thinking about that yet and seemed OK with that. I would have been going ballistic. Our son is a procrastinator who is likely to start a project (or college essay) at 9:00 p.m. the night before it is due. We are so used to this behavior, we would be delighted if he actually did something a whole day in advance! We tend to nag, pace, and get frustrated, but it rarely helps. If MapQuest says it takes 23 minutes, he plans to leave 23 minutes before the arrival time. Somehow, he seems to survive. He was accepted ED to UVA. In sum, I think it is OK to push--I feel like parents have earned the right--but I do it to make myself feel better not because I expect it to yield any actual results. And in fact, he always seems relaxed, while I rarely feel that way so maybe he has it right.</p>
<p>As for college applications, I swore my daughter was waiting for the college fairy to appear at her front door with acceptance and a full ride, without her ever having to fill out an application!</p>
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If MapQuest says it takes 23 minutes, he plans to leave 23 minutes before the arrival time.
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On a related note, I have one kid who absolutely refuses to be ready for anything early. The concept of "just-in-time" manufacturing applies to every aspect of his life and it drives me crazy. I think I just work on a different schedule. He IS having a very successful experience as a college freshman, but I'm glad that I don't have to observe his methods on a daily basis. fwiw, his friends seem to operate the same way -- I don't know when that changes, but I assume it's whenever they get their real jobs, and really have to get things done on time or arrive early.</p>
<p>We parents need to know when is is time to let our progeny learn the consequences of FAILURE. And high school is about the correct time.</p>
<p>Our son was a mojor league procrastinator and he had put off completing his final project for APCompSci to the last minute. It was a relatively complicated robotic controller using neural nets and involved many 100's of lines of code. The evening before it was due he completed the viortual maze it needed to negotiate and ran into a difficult problem involvine boundary conditions. As the hours rolled on panic and frustration set in and he was binng reduced to tears literally. We pulled him away from the keyboard, went out for an ice cream and discussed the potential consequences of procrastination.</p>
<p>Problem solved! In colege he seems to begin major projects and papers asap and complete them a few days before they are due.</p>
<p>So back off and if your daughter fails to get into that summer program chalk it up as a learning experience.</p>
<p>BTW, unable to help her with her 3rd grade assignments?????? Whats up with that. Surely you exaggerate.</p>
<p>College essays seem to be a special category. At least my D procrastinated on them like nothing else, before or since.</p>
<p>SixSixty, and then the bright kids find themselves in a new league where the speed of the pitching is faster and suddenly, "Oops!" High school is gives unfair reassurance to a lot of these kids.</p>
<p>Bright kid procrastinating? Intelligence has nothing to do with procrastinating. I think kids are born with the procrastinating tendency and then lose it, like originaloog says, after connecting the bad results to their actions. A wonderful skill is to learn when procrastinating is okay and when it's not. This is a struggle I still have. We have guests coming tomorrow, our house is a mess, I have all the presents to wrap and I haven't baked one cookie!</p>
<p>Does she procrastinate? Is the Pope Catholic? Heavens, yes. Does it drive me NUTS???? Heavens, yes. Did she get her application in to Yale on time and get accepted EA? Heavens, yes. I will now be very quiet.</p>
<p>We beat the essay drum hard and early starting this summer. Did it work? No. As I type this, DS is dead asleep (it's 10:00a.m.) on Christmas break and has 7 days to post mark 2 applications. I have no finger nails left. Two more apps due mid Jan along with scholarship packages. Major, major senior thesis due end of Jan. Will he get them all done? We think so, we hope so. I agree with Originaloog, now is the perfect time to let them suffer the consequences of their actions as much as it will drive us crazy. Is procrastination Nature or Nurture? I don't know that answer. I think the school of hard knocks and experience will shape future behavior. The roller coaster ride isn't over yet. Spring cannot come too soon!</p>
<p>My bright 12-year-old procrastinates, and so do I. For him, it seems to be part of a complex of disorganization, including forgetting to do homework, doing it but forgetting to bring it to school, doing it and bringing it to school but losing it before he turns it in, remembering to do the homework but not having the right books at home, leaving materials behind in class and then not finding them again for days, coming to class without pencil, paper, books, notebooks. I have completely accepted the principle of letting him fail, and I'd much rather he failed in middle school than later on. He's finding the consequences distressing, and I'm hoping that this will eventually lead him to better habits. </p>
<p>I sound so virtuous. I have a serious problem with procrastination myself. I found a wonderful book that is the only one of the dozens I've read on the subject that I found helpful. It's The Now Habit by Neil Fiore. I've read sections of it with my son and he found it helpful as well.</p>
<p>I wrote my Johns Hopkins essay in about an hour last night. The application is due right after Christmas. I haven't started my Penn application, and I need to finish two other ones. All are due Dec. 31 or Jan 1. My mom has told me that it makes her nervous, but I've been doing this my whole life, so she knows I will get them done (and done well). My older sister always got things done early, so when she started to put off her apps two years ago, my mother sat her down and made her do them. I can write seven and ten page papers the night before they're due, and yeah, I stay up late, but I get them done in top form. (If it's over ten pages, I'll do it on the Sunday before.)</p>
<p>I get work done that I know I would not be able to finish had I put it off. But, I have never not gotten something done that I've procrastinated on that really needed to be done. I do things quickly and tend to put them off until late the night before, but I finish them and can produce fine pieces of work that way. It's the way I operate. Nothing more, nothing less.</p>
<p>If she doesn't get in because she put her applications off and never got them done, then she will earn a lesson. Let kids make their mistakes sometimes.</p>
<p>You aren't going to turn a procrastinator into someone who gets her essays done three weeks in advance (the idea!) The procrastinator thrives on performance at top speed. It won't end until failure (something outside her control) drives home a tough lesson.</p>
<p>I think the personal essay, for some kids, is a really tough assignment. They've never had to organize their frantic thoughts on life, themselves and their futures. It's a daunting task at any age. My son would do his math problem sets the day they were assigned, but an essay? He'd wait for divine inspiration, then scramble something out of old papers.</p>
<p>What you can do is negotiate some middle ground. Give her the big picture regarding things like family obligations which you expect her to attend. Help her make a schedule of draft deadlines, because essays improve with each rewrite. Push the policy of breaking jobs into small pieces so that at least a little bit gets done with each effort.</p>
<p>Don't go to extremes over this because the two of you have bigger battles looming. Do count your blessings in having such a talented daughter who does know how to get things done.</p>
<p>Procrastination has caused me a lot more pain than I care to discuss, but overall it's been a blessing because it's also taught me how to work effectively when time is short. I do agree that planning is a good thing, and I admit I'm guilty of too often forcing it on my own intelligent procrastinating child. But in life not all goes to plan, and a "well procrastinated" life is wonderful preparation for successfully negotiating those times. And as Katiep points out, one lesson of procrastination is learning when it's OK and when it's not! IMHO, it's just part of the maturation process.</p>
<p>Well, this avalanche of replies certainly confirms that bright kids can procrastinate and still suceed (while we both gnash our teeth and then smile with relieved pride in the background). By adolescence, I think the "do it in advance" or "wait and push" trait is emerging more as a result of true temperament and personality traits than anything else. Our angst is part of our bittersweet process of disengagement and beginning to see who they truly are in all their glory (and grime at times). It doesn't mean we necessarily can/should stop handing out purposeful reminders based on our adult experience--but then I think we do, as other posters have said, have to let them learn from some failures before they are truly in the big leagues of adult life. My guess it that there is probably a parallel thread out there somewhere for the parents whose kids overplan/overprocess/and obsessively prepare. We just have kids with a different kind of cerebral cortex....</p>